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Some people think that the main benefit of international cooperation is in the protection of the environment, while others believe that businesses mainly benefit. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

Some people think that the main benefit of international cooperation is in the protection of the environment, while others believe that businesses mainly benefit.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

The international cooperation has always been believed that to be the effective way to solve the environmental issue. However, some people concern that this is primarily for economic advantage. This essay will shed light on both views and also express personal perspective of the writer.
Primarily, environmental issue is significant as all nations share the same globe, which requires the involvement of all countries around the world. Without the aggrement of each state, the goal could not be made. This showcase the importance of piority of evironment over other matters as it hold a vast impact on other aspect of life. There are various nations put out a variety of international campaigns with the purpose of enhancing citizen's awareness about environmment. For instance, many foreign biologists and environment activists was sent to Vietnam to launch research about widlife and vegetation. This will assist them to discover the beneath truth about the variety of wildlife and put out sufficiently protective methodology for environmental protection.
Nevertheless, there is also a belief that international collaboration mainly for the economic advantages. Economy is the greatest factor governing other aspects which consists of environment, education, culture, social issue. Hence, Economic international collaboration is vital for the societal stability and high-living standard. This is reason why bussiness advantage should be pioritized over other aspects. In addtion. Bussiness is the form that indirectly contribute to enrironmental protection , especially many private foreign interprises contribute to solve the ecological problems though tax and additional invoices.
From my personal view, International cooperation should be pioritized for economic benefit and contribute to other aspects including ecological protection as the finance is highly needed to put out suitable solutions and protect the variety of the wildlife


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "has always been believed that" -> "is widely believed to be"
    Explanation: The phrase "has always been believed that" is awkward and verbose. "Is widely believed to be" simplifies and clarifies the statement, enhancing readability and formality.

  2. "effective way to solve" -> "effective means of addressing"
    Explanation: "Means of addressing" is a more precise and formal term than "way to solve," which is somewhat colloquial and vague.

  3. "some people concern" -> "some individuals are concerned"
    Explanation: "Some people concern" is grammatically incorrect. "Some individuals are concerned" corrects the grammar and maintains a formal tone.

  4. "Primarily" -> "Initially"
    Explanation: "Primarily" is often used to indicate the main point, but in this context, "Initially" is more appropriate to indicate the beginning of the discussion.

  5. "the aggrement" -> "the agreement"
    Explanation: "Aggrement" is a typographical error; "agreement" is the correct spelling.

  6. "piority" -> "priority"
    Explanation: "Piority" is a typographical error; "priority" is the correct spelling.

  7. "evironment" -> "environment"
    Explanation: "Evironment" is a typographical error; "environment" is the correct spelling.

  8. "put out a variety of international campaigns" -> "launch a variety of international campaigns"
    Explanation: "Put out" is an informal expression; "launch" is more precise and formal in this context.

  9. "foreign biologists and environment activists" -> "foreign biologists and environmental activists"
    Explanation: "Environment" should be "environmental" to correctly modify "activists."

  10. "was sent" -> "were sent"
    Explanation: "Was" is singular and incorrect in this context; "were" is the plural form needed to match the plural subject "biologists and environment activists."

  11. "beneath truth" -> "true nature"
    Explanation: "Beneath truth" is awkward and unclear. "True nature" is a more natural and precise phrase.

  12. "put out sufficiently protective methodology" -> "develop effective protective methodologies"
    Explanation: "Put out" is informal and unclear; "develop" is more appropriate and formal. Also, "methodology" should be plural to encompass multiple methods.

  13. "mainly for the economic advantages" -> "primarily for economic benefits"
    Explanation: "Advantages" is somewhat informal and vague; "benefits" is more specific and formal.

  14. "Economy is the greatest factor governing other aspects" -> "Economy is the dominant factor influencing other aspects"
    Explanation: "Governing" is too strong and slightly archaic; "influencing" is more precise and commonly used in academic writing.

  15. "high-living standard" -> "high standard of living"
    Explanation: "High-living standard" is incorrect; "high standard of living" is the correct phrase.

  16. "Bussiness" -> "business"
    Explanation: "Bussiness" is a typographical error; "business" is the correct spelling.

  17. "pioritized" -> "prioritized"
    Explanation: "Pioritized" is a typographical error; "prioritized" is the correct spelling.

  18. "In addtion" -> "In addition"
    Explanation: "In addtion" is a typographical error; "In addition" is the correct spelling.

  19. "enrironmental" -> "environmental"
    Explanation: "Enrironmental" is a typographical error; "environmental" is the correct spelling.

  20. "private foreign interprises" -> "private foreign enterprises"
    Explanation: "Interprises" is a typographical error; "enterprises" is the correct spelling.

  21. "contribute to solve" -> "contribute to solving"
    Explanation: "Contribute to solve" is grammatically incorrect; "contribute to solving" is grammatically correct and more formal.

  22. "finance is highly needed" -> "funding is essential"
    Explanation: "Finance is highly needed" is vague and informal; "funding is essential" is more precise and formal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding international cooperation, discussing the environmental perspective in the first paragraph and the economic perspective in the second. However, the discussion lacks depth in exploring the nuances of each argument. For instance, while it mentions international campaigns for environmental awareness, it does not sufficiently elaborate on specific examples or the effectiveness of such campaigns. Similarly, the economic argument is presented but lacks concrete examples of how businesses benefit from international cooperation.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should provide more detailed examples and explanations for both viewpoints. Incorporating statistics or case studies could strengthen the arguments. Additionally, ensuring that each viewpoint is given equal weight and depth will help in fully addressing the prompt.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay states a personal opinion in the conclusion, favoring economic benefits over environmental protection. However, this position is somewhat muddled in the body paragraphs, where the environmental perspective is presented with more emphasis. The phrase "should be prioritized for economic benefit" is clear, but the earlier sections could confuse readers about the writer’s stance.
    • How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should consistently reinforce their viewpoint throughout the essay. This could be achieved by explicitly stating their opinion in the introduction and reiterating it in the body paragraphs. Clear transitional phrases can also help in guiding the reader through the argument.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to both environmental and economic benefits of international cooperation. However, the development of these ideas is limited. For example, the discussion on environmental campaigns lacks depth and fails to connect back to the main argument effectively. The economic argument is also underdeveloped, with vague references to businesses contributing to environmental protection without specific examples.
    • How to improve: To improve this aspect, the writer should aim to elaborate on each idea presented. This could involve providing specific examples, data, or anecdotes that illustrate the points being made. Additionally, linking back to the main argument after presenting each idea will help in extending and supporting the discussion more effectively.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt about international cooperation and its benefits. However, there are moments where the focus shifts, particularly in the discussion of economic benefits, which could lead to confusion. For instance, the mention of businesses contributing to environmental protection is relevant but could be more clearly tied back to the main argument about the benefits of international cooperation.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the prompt. Using topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can help clarify the main idea being discussed. Additionally, avoiding tangential information that does not directly support the main argument will help keep the essay on track.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion that states the writer’s opinion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing environmental issues to economic advantages is somewhat abrupt. The ideas within paragraphs are generally coherent, but the connections between paragraphs could be more explicit. For example, the transition from the first paragraph about environmental cooperation to the second paragraph discussing economic benefits lacks a linking sentence that ties the two ideas together.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transition phrases that explicitly connect ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing environmental cooperation, a sentence like, "While environmental protection is crucial, some argue that the economic benefits of international cooperation cannot be overlooked," would provide a smoother transition to the next point.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the discussion, which aids in clarity. However, some paragraphs could be further developed. For instance, the first body paragraph could benefit from a clearer topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea of environmental cooperation. Additionally, the second body paragraph could be split into two distinct paragraphs: one focusing on the economic benefits and the other on how businesses contribute to environmental protection.
    • How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines its main idea. Additionally, consider breaking longer paragraphs into smaller ones to enhance readability and focus on specific points. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "however," "for instance," and "nevertheless," which help connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances of awkward phrasing that disrupt the flow. For example, phrases like "this showcase the importance of piority of evironment" lack clarity and coherence. Additionally, there are errors in word choice and spelling (e.g., "bussiness," "piority," "enrironmental") that detract from the overall cohesion.
    • How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in contrast," "consequently," and "on the other hand." Additionally, proofreading for spelling and grammatical errors will enhance the clarity and professionalism of the essay. Consider using tools or resources to check for common mistakes and ensure that cohesive devices are used correctly.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will enhance the overall clarity and effectiveness of the writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "international cooperation," "environmental issue," and "economic advantages." However, there are instances where the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive or lacks sophistication. For example, phrases like "the effective way to solve the environmental issue" could be enhanced with more varied language, such as "a viable solution for addressing environmental challenges."
    • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more complex phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "environmental issue," alternatives like "ecological challenges" or "environmental concerns" could be employed. Additionally, using more advanced vocabulary related to economics and environmental science would elevate the essay’s lexical resource.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: There are several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, "the involvement of all countries around the world" could be more precisely stated as "the collective participation of nations globally." Additionally, the phrase "the goal could not be made" is vague and could be clarified to "the goal cannot be achieved." Furthermore, the term "bussiness" is misspelled and should be "business."
    • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus onselecting words that accurately convey their intended meaning. They should also ensure that they understand the nuances of the vocabulary they choose. For example, instead of "put out," which is informal, using "implement" or "establish" would be more appropriate in an academic context. Regularly consulting a thesaurus and practicing paraphrasing can help develop this skill.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "aggrement" (agreement), "piority" (priority), "environmment" (environment), "bussiness" (business), and "enrironmental" (environmental). These errors detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy. This could involve reading the essay aloud to catch errors or using spell-check tools before submission. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can be beneficial. Engaging in regular writing practice and seeking feedback from peers or instructors can also help identify and correct spelling mistakes.

By addressing these areas—expanding vocabulary range, improving precision in word choice, and enhancing spelling accuracy—the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of "Without the agreement of each state, the goal could not be made" is a complex structure that effectively conveys a conditional idea. However, the overall range is limited, with many sentences following a similar structure, leading to a monotonous reading experience. Additionally, phrases like "This showcase the importance of piority of evironment" contain errors that detract from the intended meaning.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences and varied clauses. For example, using relative clauses (e.g., "which requires the involvement of all countries") or participial phrases (e.g., "Having recognized the significance of international cooperation, many nations…") can add depth. Practicing sentence combining exercises and reading diverse texts can help in understanding how to construct varied and effective sentences.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For example, "The international cooperation has always been believed that to be the effective way" is awkwardly phrased and lacks clarity. The use of "bussiness" instead of "business" and "piority" instead of "priority" are spelling errors that undermine the essay’s professionalism. Additionally, there are issues with subject-verb agreement, as seen in "many foreign biologists and environment activists was sent," which should be "were sent." Punctuation errors, such as missing commas, also affect the flow of the essay.
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and proper verb forms. Regular practice with grammar exercises, especially focusing on common errors, can be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading the essay for spelling and punctuation errors before submission can significantly enhance clarity and professionalism. Utilizing grammar-checking tools can also help identify and correct mistakes.

Overall, while the essay presents relevant ideas, the grammatical range and accuracy need significant improvement to achieve a higher band score. Regular practice and attention to detail in both sentence structure and grammar will be essential for progress.

Bài sửa mẫu

The concept of international cooperation is widely believed to be an effective means of addressing environmental issues. However, some individuals are concerned that this collaboration primarily serves economic interests. This essay will discuss both perspectives and also express the writer’s personal opinion.

Initially, the environmental issue is significant as all nations share the same globe, which necessitates the involvement of countries worldwide. Without the agreement of each state, achieving environmental goals becomes challenging. This highlights the importance of prioritizing the environment over other matters, as it has a vast impact on various aspects of life. Numerous nations have launched a variety of international campaigns aimed at enhancing citizens’ awareness about environmental concerns. For instance, many foreign biologists and environmental activists were sent to Vietnam to conduct research on wildlife and vegetation. This will assist them in uncovering the true nature of the diverse wildlife and developing effective protective methodologies for environmental preservation.

Nevertheless, there is also a belief that international collaboration is primarily for economic benefits. The economy is the dominant factor influencing other aspects, including the environment, education, culture, and social issues. Hence, economic international collaboration is vital for societal stability and a high standard of living. This is the reason why business advantages should be prioritized over other aspects. In addition, business can indirectly contribute to environmental protection, particularly as many private foreign enterprises help to solve ecological problems through taxes and additional funding.

From my personal perspective, international cooperation should be prioritized for economic benefits while also contributing to other areas, including ecological protection. Funding is essential to develop suitable solutions and safeguard the diversity of wildlife.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

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