Some people think that the main benefit of international cooperation is in the protection of the environment, while others believe that the main interest is in the world of business. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people think that the main benefit of international cooperation is in the protection of the environment, while others believe that the main interest is in the world of business.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

It is true that the main benefit of global cooperation is in the preservation of the environment, although other think that authorities only focus on economy. I believe that global cooperation brings benefits in both fields.
On the one hand, protecting environment has some benefits when governments work together. Firstly, international collaboration allows alarm disaster earlier. For example, Canada began forest fire and spread very fast in two months ago, the government announced to America immediately. Therefore, they control this disaster quickly and limited it in small area. Secondly, the environmental problems often effect on many countries, if one country solve it, they will face challenges. As a result, working together in the protection of the environment help countries save resources.
On the other hand, collaboration also have the benefit of economy. First of benefit is that reduce the environmental issues allow governments to spend more money on other areas such as education, transport and technology. For instance, Thailand control and have less disasters and they can invest budget in building highway roads and developing technology which help them boost economy faster than other Asian countries. Another benefit is that working together allows countries to understand and close. This lead to collaborate other areas to encourage each country develop their strong point. Therefore, working together develop economic countries.
In conclusion, international cooperation not only protect the environment but it also develops the world of business due to the government spend more money on other fields and collaborate other areas to develop their advantages.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"It is true that" -> "It is indeed the case that"
Explanation: "It is indeed the case that" introduces a more formal and assertive tone suitable for academic writing, enhancing the credibility of the statement.
"other think" -> "others believe"
Explanation: "Others believe" corrects the grammatical error and uses a more formal verb form, improving the sentence structure and tone.
"protecting environment" -> "protecting the environment"
Explanation: Adding "the" before "environment" corrects the grammatical error and enhances the formality of the phrase.
"alarm disaster earlier" -> "detect disasters earlier"
Explanation: "Detect disasters" is a more precise and academically appropriate term than "alarm disaster," which is vague and informal.
"began forest fire" -> "initiated a forest fire"
Explanation: "Initiated a forest fire" is more precise and formal, replacing the casual "began" with a more specific verb that better fits the context of official actions.
"spread very fast" -> "spread rapidly"
Explanation: "Spread rapidly" is a more formal and precise term than "spread very fast," which is colloquial.
"announced to America" -> "alerted the United States"
Explanation: "Alerted the United States" is more specific and formal than "announced to America," which is vague and informal.
"control this disaster quickly" -> "mitigate this disaster quickly"
Explanation: "Mitigate" is a more precise term in the context of disaster management than "control," which is somewhat vague and informal.
"limited it in small area" -> "contained it within a limited area"
Explanation: "Contained it within a limited area" is more formal and precise, improving the clarity and specificity of the statement.
"the environmental problems often effect on many countries" -> "environmental issues frequently affect multiple countries"
Explanation: "Environmental issues frequently affect multiple countries" corrects the grammatical error and uses more formal vocabulary.
"if one country solve it" -> "if one country solves it"
Explanation: Corrects the verb tense to match the context, ensuring grammatical accuracy.
"working together in the protection of the environment help countries save resources" -> "collaboration in environmental protection helps countries conserve resources"
Explanation: "Collaboration in environmental protection helps countries conserve resources" is more formal and precise, replacing the awkward and informal original phrase.
"First of benefit is that" -> "One benefit is that"
Explanation: "One benefit is that" corrects the grammatical structure and eliminates the redundancy of "First of benefit," making the sentence more concise and formal.
"control and have less disasters" -> "experience fewer disasters"
Explanation: "Experience fewer disasters" is a more precise and formal way to express the idea, replacing the awkward and informal "control and have less disasters."
"they can invest budget" -> "they can allocate their budget"
Explanation: "Allocate their budget" is a more precise and formal term than "invest budget," which is grammatically incorrect and vague.
"developing technology which help them" -> "developing technology that helps them"
Explanation: "That helps them" corrects the grammatical error and improves the formality of the sentence.
"collaborate other areas" -> "collaborate in other areas"
Explanation: "Collaborate in other areas" corrects the preposition error, enhancing the grammatical accuracy and formality of the sentence.
"develop economic countries" -> "develop their economies"
Explanation: "Develop their economies" corrects the awkward and incorrect phrase "develop economic countries," which is grammatically and contextually inappropriate.

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both sides of the argument regarding the benefits of international cooperation, discussing environmental protection and economic interests. The writer acknowledges the importance of both aspects, which is a strong point. However, the treatment of the economic perspective is somewhat less developed compared to the environmental viewpoint. For instance, while the environmental section includes specific examples, the economic section lacks depth and clarity in its arguments.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that both perspectives are equally explored. This could involve providing more detailed examples and explanations for the economic benefits of international cooperation, similar to what was done for environmental benefits. Additionally, explicitly linking these benefits back to the main argument would strengthen the overall coherence.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that international cooperation benefits both the environment and the economy. However, the phrasing in the introduction could be clearer. The phrase "although other think that authorities only focus on economy" is somewhat vague and could lead to confusion about the writer’s stance. The conclusion reiterates the dual benefits, but the initial clarity could be improved.
- How to improve: The writer should refine the introduction to clearly state their position in a more straightforward manner. Using phrases like "I believe that both perspectives are valid and important" would enhance clarity. Throughout the essay, maintaining consistent terminology and clear transitions between points will help reinforce the position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to both environmental and economic benefits. The environmental section includes a specific example of Canada and the U.S. collaborating on forest fires, which is effective. However, the economic section lacks similar depth; the example provided about Thailand is not fully developed and lacks clarity in how it connects to the main argument.
- How to improve: To improve this aspect, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples in the economic section, explaining how international cooperation leads to specific economic outcomes. Additionally, extending ideas with further explanation or analysis will strengthen the argument. For instance, discussing how international trade agreements can boost economies would provide a more comprehensive view.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing both the environmental and economic benefits of international cooperation. However, there are instances where the language is unclear, which could distract from the main points. For example, phrases like "working together develop economic countries" are vague and could lead to misinterpretation of the intended message.
- How to improve: The writer should focus on using precise language and clear sentence structures to maintain focus. Avoiding vague phrases and ensuring that each sentence directly supports the main argument will help keep the essay on topic. Additionally, reviewing the essay for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing will enhance clarity and coherence.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view, improvements in clarity, depth of examples, and structure will help elevate the response to a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with distinct sections addressing both views on international cooperation. The introduction effectively sets the stage by stating the two perspectives and the author’s opinion. However, the logical flow within paragraphs could be improved. For example, the transition from discussing environmental protection to economic benefits is somewhat abrupt, which can confuse the reader about the relationship between the two ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that explicitly state the main idea. Additionally, ensure that each point builds on the previous one, using transitional phrases such as "In addition," or "Conversely," to guide the reader through the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph addresses a distinct aspect of the topic. However, some paragraphs could be more focused. For instance, the second paragraph contains multiple ideas about environmental protection that could be better delineated into separate sentences or even sub-points.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph contains a clear main idea supported by specific examples. Aim for a more uniform length and complexity in paragraphs. For example, the second paragraph could be split into two: one focusing solely on the benefits of early disaster response and another discussing the resource-saving aspect of international cooperation.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "For example," which help in linking ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some transitions are not used correctly, leading to awkward phrasing. For instance, "this lead to collaborate other areas" is unclear and lacks proper grammatical structure.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a variety of linking words and phrases such as "Moreover," "Furthermore," "On the contrary," and "In conclusion." Additionally, focus on grammatical accuracy to ensure that all phrases are correctly structured. For example, revise "this lead to collaborate" to "this leads to collaboration," ensuring clarity and correctness.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view, enhancing the logical flow, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will contribute to a stronger coherence and cohesion score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "global cooperation," "preservation of the environment," and "international collaboration." However, there are instances of repetitive phrasing, such as "working together" and "benefit," which detracts from the overall lexical variety. Additionally, some vocabulary choices are somewhat basic and do not fully capture the complexity of the ideas being discussed.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and more sophisticated expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "working together," alternatives like "collaborating," "cooperating," or "joining forces" could be employed. Furthermore, expanding vocabulary related to environmental and economic topics, such as "sustainable development," "resource management," or "economic growth," would enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some imprecise vocabulary usage that can lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "alarm disaster earlier" is unclear and should be rephrased for clarity. Additionally, "the environmental problems often effect on many countries" contains a misuse of "effect," which should be "affect." Such inaccuracies can undermine the clarity of the argument.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys the intended meaning. For instance, rephrasing "alarm disaster earlier" to "raise early warnings about disasters" would clarify the message. Additionally, ensuring proper word forms and collocations is essential; using "affect" instead of "effect" in the context of environmental issues would enhance the essay’s precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "economy" (used as "economy" instead of "economic"), "effect" (instead of "affect"), and "control" (instead of "controls"). These errors can distract the reader and detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular spelling practice, particularly focusing on commonly confused words. Utilizing tools such as spell checkers and proofreading can help catch errors before submission. Additionally, reading extensively can improve familiarity with correct spelling and usage in context.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary related to the topic, there are significant areas for improvement in terms of variety, precision, and spelling accuracy. By expanding vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and focusing on correct spelling, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and overall essay quality.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences follow a simple or compound structure, which can make the writing feel repetitive. For instance, phrases like "Firstly, international collaboration allows alarm disaster earlier" and "On the other hand, collaboration also have the benefit of economy" showcase basic sentence forms. The use of conjunctions is present, but the complexity of the sentences is lacking, which restricts the overall fluency and sophistication of the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying "First of benefit is that reduce the environmental issues allow governments to spend more money," the writer could say, "One significant benefit is that by reducing environmental issues, governments are able to allocate more funds to essential services such as education and infrastructure." Practicing the use of relative clauses and conditional sentences can also contribute to a more diverse grammatical range.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and issues with punctuation that detract from clarity. For example, "although other think that authorities only focus on economy" should be "although others think that authorities only focus on the economy." Additionally, phrases like "the government announced to America immediately" should be revised to "the government immediately notified the United States." There are also issues with subject-verb agreement, as seen in "collaboration also have the benefit of economy," which should be "collaboration also has the benefit of the economy." Punctuation errors, such as missing commas, also appear throughout the essay, leading to run-on sentences and confusion.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and ensure that plural nouns are matched with plural verbs. Regular practice with grammar exercises can help reinforce these rules. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, particularly for commas and periods, will enhance clarity. Reading more academic texts can also help the writer internalize correct grammatical structures and punctuation usage. Lastly, proofreading the essay before submission can help catch and correct these errors.

By addressing these areas of improvement, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criteria.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is true that the main benefit of global cooperation is in the preservation of the environment, although others think that authorities only focus on the economy. I believe that global cooperation brings benefits in both fields.

On the one hand, protecting the environment has some benefits when governments work together. Firstly, international collaboration allows them to detect disasters earlier. For example, Canada initiated a forest fire that spread very rapidly two months ago, and the government alerted the United States immediately. Therefore, they were able to mitigate this disaster quickly and contain it within a limited area. Secondly, environmental issues frequently affect multiple countries; if one country solves it, they will still face challenges. As a result, working together in the protection of the environment helps countries conserve resources.

On the other hand, collaboration also has the benefit of the economy. One benefit is that reducing environmental issues allows governments to allocate their budget to other areas such as education, transport, and technology. For instance, Thailand has controlled and experienced fewer disasters, allowing them to invest their budget in building highways and developing technology that helps them boost their economy faster than other Asian countries. Another benefit is that working together allows countries to understand each other better. This leads to collaboration in other areas to encourage each country to develop their strengths. Therefore, working together helps develop the economies of countries.

In conclusion, international cooperation not only protects the environment but also develops the world of business, as governments spend more money on other fields and collaborate in various areas to enhance their advantages.