Some people think that the main purpose of school is to turn children into good citizens and workers, rather to benefit them as individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Education has many roles and purposes, a topic often debated. Some argue that schools primarily aim to shape children into good citizens and workers. I believe the true purpose of education is more complex. While social cohesion and workforce preparation are crucial, focusing solely on them ignores other vital aspects.

Schools play a key role in fostering social cohesion. They teach children societal norms, ethics, and values, essential for maintaining order. In Vietnam, schools celebrate national holidays and teach history to instil a sense of identity and national pride. This shared knowledge creates unity, helping children understand their role within a larger community.

Another significant purpose is workforce preparation. Schools equip students with skills needed for future jobs, contributing to economic growth. By learning mathematics, communication, and technology, students become well-prepared for Vietnam's growing economy, aiding national stability. This practical knowledge is vital for financial independence and societal contribution.

However, education shouldn't just focus on society and jobs. It should also nurture individual development. Schools should encourage students to pursue their interests and think critically. This exploration helps students discover their unique potential. By allowing flexibility in subjects, Vietnamese schools can inspire innovation and personal satisfaction, leading to a more fulfilling life.

Furthermore, a holistic education is essential. Schools should teach more than academic skills. Creativity, emotional intelligence, and personal growth enrich students' lives. Instilling a love for arts and sports, for example, can promote well-rounded individuals in Vietnam who find joy beyond their professional successes.

In summary, schools have many purposes. While social cohesion and workforce skills are vital, focusing solely on them limits students' potentials. By nurturing individual abilities and providing a holistic education, schools can better equip students for all aspects of life.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"a topic often debated" -> "a topic frequently discussed"
Explanation: "Frequently discussed" is more precise and formal than "often debated," which can imply a more emotional or confrontational tone that is less suitable for academic writing.
"shape children into good citizens and workers" -> "mold children into responsible citizens and professionals"
Explanation: "Mold" is a more formal synonym for "shape," and "responsible citizens and professionals" is a more precise and formal way to describe the expected outcomes of education.
"I believe the true purpose of education is more complex" -> "I contend that the true purpose of education is multifaceted"
Explanation: "Contend" is a more academic term than "believe," and "multifaceted" is a more precise and formal adjective than "complex" in this context.
"fostering social cohesion" -> "promoting social cohesion"
Explanation: "Promoting" is a more formal verb than "fostering" in this context, aligning better with academic language.
"teach children societal norms, ethics, and values" -> "instruct children in societal norms, ethics, and values"
Explanation: "Instruct" is a more formal verb than "teach," and the prepositional phrase "in" is more appropriate than "teach" in this context.
"instil a sense of identity and national pride" -> "instill a sense of identity and national pride"
Explanation: "Instill" is the correct spelling in this context, and the use of "a sense of" is more formal than "a."
"This shared knowledge creates unity" -> "This shared knowledge fosters unity"
Explanation: "Fosters" is a more precise and formal verb than "creates" in this context, suggesting a more gradual and supportive development of unity.
"Another significant purpose is workforce preparation" -> "Another crucial purpose is workforce preparation"
Explanation: "Crucial" is a more precise and formal adjective than "significant" in this context, emphasizing the importance of workforce preparation.
"equipped students with skills needed for future jobs" -> "equipped students with the skills necessary for future employment"
Explanation: "The skills necessary for future employment" is more formal and precise than "the skills needed for future jobs."
"By learning mathematics, communication, and technology" -> "Through the study of mathematics, communication, and technology"
Explanation: "Through the study of" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "By learning."
"a more fulfilling life" -> "a more fulfilling existence"
Explanation: "Existence" is a more formal and encompassing term than "life," fitting better in an academic context.
"should teach more than academic skills" -> "should encompass more than academic skills"
Explanation: "Encompass" is a more formal and precise verb than "teach" in this context, suggesting a broader scope of education.
"Creativity, emotional intelligence, and personal growth" -> "Creativity, emotional intelligence, and personal development"
Explanation: "Development" is a more formal and academically accepted term than "growth" in this context, referring to the process of becoming more mature or advanced.
"Instilling a love for arts and sports" -> "Fostering an appreciation for the arts and sports"
Explanation: "Fostering an appreciation" is a more formal and precise phrase than "instilling a love," which can be seen as overly emotional for academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the prompt, acknowledging the importance of schools in shaping good citizens and workers while also emphasizing the necessity of individual development. The introduction clearly outlines the complexity of the purpose of education, and the body paragraphs provide relevant examples from Vietnam to illustrate these points. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit statement of the author’s position regarding the extent of agreement or disagreement with the prompt.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the author should clearly state their position in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. This could involve specifying whether they agree more with one side than the other or if they see both aspects as equally important.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a generally clear position that education should balance societal roles with individual development. However, the nuances of this position could be more explicitly articulated. For instance, while the author mentions that both social cohesion and individual development are important, the essay could clarify whether the author believes one should take precedence over the other.
- How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, the author could use transitional phrases to signal shifts in focus and reinforce their stance. For example, explicitly stating "I believe that while social cohesion is important, individual development should take priority" would strengthen the clarity of the position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports ideas well, using specific examples from Vietnam to illustrate points about social cohesion and workforce preparation. The discussion of individual development is also well-articulated, with a focus on critical thinking and personal interests. However, some points could be further developed; for instance, the section on creativity and emotional intelligence could benefit from more concrete examples or evidence.
- How to improve: To improve the extension and support of ideas, the author should consider adding more detailed examples or statistics that reinforce their arguments. For instance, citing studies or expert opinions on the benefits of a holistic education could add depth to the discussion.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, addressing the roles of education in society and individual development. There are no significant deviations from the prompt, and each paragraph contributes to the overall argument. However, the conclusion could be more tightly linked to the prompt by summarizing the main points in relation to the extent of agreement or disagreement.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that each paragraph directly ties back to the prompt. In the conclusion, reiterating the main arguments in the context of the extent of agreement or disagreement would reinforce the essay’s relevance to the question.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and effectively communicates the complexities of the purpose of education. By refining the clarity of the position, extending ideas with more examples, and ensuring a tighter connection to the prompt in the conclusion, the author could further enhance their score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a strong logical organization, with a clear progression of ideas. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, outlining the complexity of education’s purpose. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, such as social cohesion, workforce preparation, and individual development, which contributes to a coherent structure. For instance, the transition from discussing social cohesion to workforce preparation is smooth, as both points relate to the societal role of education.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using more explicit transitional phrases between paragraphs. For example, at the end of the paragraph on social cohesion, a sentence like "In addition to fostering social cohesion, schools also play a critical role in preparing students for the workforce" could strengthen the connection between the ideas.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively utilizes paragraphs to separate distinct ideas, each with a clear topic sentence. This structure aids readability and comprehension. The first paragraph introduces the topic, while subsequent paragraphs delve into specific purposes of education. However, the concluding paragraph could be more clearly defined as a separate entity, as it currently blends into the previous content.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that the conclusion stands out more distinctly. Consider starting the conclusion with a clear signal phrase, such as "In conclusion," or "To summarize," to indicate a shift from the body of the essay to the final thoughts. This will help reinforce the structure and guide the reader through the argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as "however," "while," and "furthermore," which effectively link ideas and maintain flow. The use of examples, particularly from Vietnam, adds depth and clarity to the arguments presented. However, there is some repetition of cohesive devices, particularly "schools" at the beginning of several sentences, which can detract from the overall variety and sophistication of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider using synonyms or alternative phrases to refer to "schools." For example, terms like "educational institutions" or "learning environments" can be interchanged to reduce redundancy. Additionally, incorporating more complex cohesive devices, such as "not only… but also" or "on the one hand… on the other hand," can enhance the sophistication of the writing and improve the overall coherence.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve an even higher level of coherence and cohesion, further enhancing its effectiveness in conveying the argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary appropriate for the topic. Words like "social cohesion," "workforce preparation," and "holistic education" show an understanding of the subject matter. However, there are moments where the vocabulary could be more varied. For instance, phrases like "vital aspects" and "key role" are somewhat repetitive and could benefit from synonyms or alternative expressions.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider incorporating synonyms or more specific terms. For example, instead of repeating "vital," you could use "crucial," "essential," or "paramount." Additionally, using phrases like "fostering community engagement" instead of "social cohesion" could add variety.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are instances where word choice could be more precise. For example, the phrase "aid national stability" could be more clearly expressed as "contribute to national stability," which conveys a stronger sense of causation. Additionally, "instil a sense of identity" is a good phrase, but "cultivate a sense of identity" might be more fitting in this context.
- How to improve: To improve precision, review word choices for clarity and appropriateness. Consider the context in which words are used and whether they convey the intended meaning effectively. Practicing with context-specific vocabulary exercises can also help refine this skill.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors. Words such as "education," "individual," and "creativity" are spelled correctly, contributing to the overall clarity of the writing.
- How to improve: To maintain and further improve spelling accuracy, continue to read widely and practice writing. Keeping a personal dictionary of challenging words and their correct spellings can also be beneficial. Regularly reviewing and proofreading your work can help catch any potential errors before submission.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and presents a clear argument, but enhancing vocabulary range and precision will further elevate the quality of writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences such as "While social cohesion and workforce preparation are crucial, focusing solely on them ignores other vital aspects" effectively convey nuanced ideas. Additionally, the use of conditional structures, as seen in "If schools focus solely on societal roles, they neglect individual development," adds depth to the argument. However, there are instances of simpler structures that could be enhanced for greater sophistication, such as the repetitive use of "Schools should" at the beginning of sentences.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, consider incorporating more compound-complex sentences and varying the placement of clauses. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "Schools should," you could rephrase to integrate these ideas into more complex structures, such as "By encouraging students to pursue their interests, schools not only foster individual development but also promote critical thinking."
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors. For instance, the phrase "rather to benefit them as individuals" should be "rather than to benefit them as individuals," which is a subtle but important grammatical oversight. Punctuation is generally used correctly, with commas effectively separating clauses and enhancing readability. However, there are a few areas where additional commas could improve clarity, such as in the sentence "This shared knowledge creates unity helping children understand their role within a larger community," where a comma before "helping" would clarify the relationship between the clauses.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread for minor errors and ensure that conjunctions are used correctly. Additionally, practicing the use of commas in complex sentences can further improve clarity. For example, revising sentences to include necessary commas will help readers navigate through the ideas more smoothly.

Overall, the essay effectively meets the criteria for a Band 8 in Grammatical Range and Accuracy, with strengths in varied sentence structures and grammatical accuracy, while also presenting opportunities for further refinement in complexity and punctuation.

Bài sửa mẫu

Education has many roles and purposes, a topic frequently discussed. Some argue that schools primarily aim to mold children into responsible citizens and professionals. I contend that the true purpose of education is multifaceted. While promoting social cohesion and workforce preparation are crucial, focusing solely on these aspects overlooks other vital elements.

Schools play a key role in fostering social cohesion. They instruct children in societal norms, ethics, and values, which are essential for maintaining order. In Vietnam, schools celebrate national holidays and teach history to instill a sense of identity and national pride. This shared knowledge fosters unity, helping children understand their role within a larger community.

Another crucial purpose is workforce preparation. Schools equip students with the skills necessary for future employment, contributing to economic growth. Through the study of mathematics, communication, and technology, students become well-prepared for Vietnam’s growing economy, aiding national stability. This practical knowledge is vital for financial independence and societal contribution.

However, education shouldn’t just focus on society and jobs. It should also nurture individual development. Schools should encourage students to pursue their interests and think critically. This exploration helps students discover their unique potential. By allowing flexibility in subjects, Vietnamese schools can inspire innovation and personal satisfaction, leading to a more fulfilling existence.

Furthermore, a holistic education is essential. Schools should encompass more than academic skills. Creativity, emotional intelligence, and personal development enrich students’ lives. Fostering an appreciation for the arts and sports, for example, can promote well-rounded individuals in Vietnam who find joy beyond their professional successes.

In summary, schools have many purposes. While social cohesion and workforce skills are vital, focusing solely on them limits students’ potential. By nurturing individual abilities and providing a holistic education, schools can better equip students for all aspects of life.