Some people think that the use of mobile (cell) phones should be banned in public places such as in libraries, shops and on public transport. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In these days, some asserts that the utilize of mobile or cell phones need to be banned in several public sites such as labraries, shops or on public transport. From my perspective, i partly agree with this issue and in this essay i will explore both sides in greater detail.
Admittedly, phone can be intrusive and impermissible use in public areas. For instance, in library, where people are trying to keep silent and concentrate on their books, a notification sound comes out from a phone can making discomfort to people around, moreover, limiting phone utilize also create a comfortable spaces for people surround, thereby optimizing ability to absord when reading books. In addition, without phones people can enhance their communication skill by communicating face to face.
However, bringing phones can have some great benefits due to several reasons. First one, mobile phones are an essential means of communication for individual still need to texting, especially in case of emergency. For example, recieving a notification about a relative’s accident on time will help they proactive and timely response to prevent the issue. Furthermore, phones can provide entertainment when travelling on tedious journey, particular in public transport.
To sum up, while using phones can really cause disturbance for the public. I believed that it provide a plenty of benificial if used properly.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In these days" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "In these days" is somewhat informal and vague. "Currently" is more precise and formal, suitable for academic writing.
"some asserts" -> "some argue"
Explanation: "Asserts" is incorrect as it is not the correct form of the verb "assert." "Argue" is the correct term for expressing opinions or beliefs.
"the utilize of mobile or cell phones" -> "the use of mobile phones"
Explanation: "Utilize" is not the correct term in this context; "use" is more appropriate and commonly used in formal writing.
"need to be banned" -> "should be prohibited"
Explanation: "Need to be banned" is somewhat informal and imprecise. "Should be prohibited" is more formal and academically appropriate.
"in several public sites" -> "in various public locations"
Explanation: "Sites" is too vague and informal for this context. "Locations" is more precise and formal.
"labraries" -> "libraries"
Explanation: This is a spelling error. "Labraries" should be corrected to "libraries."
"i partly agree" -> "I partly agree"
Explanation: Capitalization is necessary for proper nouns and formal writing; "I" should be capitalized.
"in this essay i will explore" -> "in this essay, I will explore"
Explanation: Commas are necessary for proper punctuation in formal writing, and "I" should be capitalized.
"phone can be intrusive and impermissible use" -> "the use of phones can be intrusive and impermissible"
Explanation: The phrase "phone can be intrusive and impermissible use" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revised version clarifies the subject and improves grammatical structure.
"a notification sound comes out from a phone can making discomfort" -> "a notification sound from a phone can cause discomfort"
Explanation: "comes out from a phone can making" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Cause" is the correct verb to use in this context.
"limiting phone utilize also create" -> "limiting phone use also creates"
Explanation: "Utilize" is not the correct term here; "use" is more appropriate. Also, "create" should agree in number with "limiting."
"a comfortable spaces for people surround" -> "a comfortable environment for those around"
Explanation: "Spaces" is incorrect; "environment" is the correct term. "People surround" is awkward and incorrect; "those around" is more natural and correct.
"optimize ability to absord" -> "optimize the ability to absorb"
Explanation: "Absord" is a spelling error; "absorb" is the correct word. Also, "the" is necessary for grammatical correctness.
"people can enhance their communication skill" -> "people can enhance their communication skills"
Explanation: "Skill" should be plural to match the context of multiple skills being referred to.
"First one, mobile phones are an essential means of communication" -> "Firstly, mobile phones are an essential means of communication"
Explanation: "First one" is informal and incorrect; "Firstly" is the correct adverbial form for formal writing.
"recieving a notification about a relative’s accident on time" -> "receiving a notification about a relative’s accident on time"
Explanation: "Recieving" is a spelling error; "receiving" is the correct form.
"will help they proactive" -> "will help them be proactive"
Explanation: "They" is incorrect as it is a pronoun that should be used with a verb; "them" is the correct object pronoun. "Be proactive" is the correct phrase.
"proactive and timely response" -> "proactive and timely responses"
Explanation: "Response" should be plural to match the context of multiple responses being referred to.
"phones can provide entertainment when travelling on tedious journey" -> "phones can provide entertainment during tedious journeys"
Explanation: "When travelling on" is awkward and informal; "during" is more appropriate. "Journey" should be plural to match the context.
"particular in public transport" -> "especially in public transport"
Explanation: "Particular" is not the correct adverb here; "especially" is more appropriate and formal.
"I believed that it provide a plenty of benificial" -> "I believe that it provides a plethora of benefits"
Explanation: "Believed" should be "believe" for consistency in tense. "Provide" should be "provides" for subject-verb agreement. "A plenty of benificial" is incorrect; "a plethora of benefits" is the correct phrase.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by presenting both sides of the argument regarding the use of mobile phones in public places. However, it lacks a thorough exploration of the extent to which the author agrees or disagrees with the statement. The phrase "I partly agree" is mentioned, but the essay does not clearly delineate the conditions under which the ban should be applied or the specific contexts that warrant a ban versus those that do not. This ambiguity weakens the overall response to the prompt.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should explicitly state their position on the issue and provide a clear rationale for their agreement or disagreement. They could structure the essay to include a definitive stance in the introduction and reinforce it throughout the body paragraphs, ensuring that each point made directly relates to this stance.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The position taken in the essay is somewhat unclear. While the author states they "partly agree," the lack of a strong, consistent argument throughout the essay leads to confusion about their true stance. The essay oscillates between acknowledging the disturbances caused by mobile phones and highlighting their benefits without a clear prioritization of these points.
- How to improve: The writer should adopt a more definitive position and ensure that each paragraph supports this stance. For example, if they believe that mobile phones should be banned in certain contexts, they should consistently emphasize this point and provide supporting arguments throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas, such as the intrusive nature of phone notifications in libraries and the benefits of communication during emergencies. However, these ideas are not sufficiently developed or supported with concrete examples. For instance, while the author mentions that phones can enhance communication skills, they do not elaborate on how this occurs or provide specific scenarios.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the writer should aim to develop each idea more fully. This could involve providing additional examples, statistics, or anecdotes that illustrate the points being made. Furthermore, ensuring that each idea is clearly linked back to the central argument will enhance coherence and persuasiveness.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the use of mobile phones in public spaces. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, such as when the author discusses enhancing communication skills without directly linking it back to the main argument about public phone use. This can distract from the overall message.
- How to improve: The writer should strive to maintain a tighter focus on the topic by ensuring that every point made directly relates to the prompt. They can achieve this by revisiting the prompt throughout the writing process and asking themselves how each point contributes to their overall argument regarding the use of mobile phones in public places.

In summary, to improve the essay and potentially raise the band score, the writer should clarify their position, develop their ideas with more depth and support, and maintain a consistent focus on the topic throughout the essay. Additionally, ensuring that the essay meets the word count requirement is essential for achieving a higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both sides of the issue, and a conclusion. However, the organization could be improved. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the drawbacks of mobile phone use in public places, while the second body paragraph shifts to the advantages. This structure is logical, but the transition between the two sides could be smoother. The essay lacks clear topic sentences for each paragraph, which would help guide the reader through the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to outline the main idea. Additionally, using transitional phrases such as "On the other hand" or "Conversely" can help signal shifts in argument and improve coherence between paragraphs.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. However, the paragraphs could be more clearly defined. The first paragraph could be split into two: one focusing on the negative aspects of mobile phone use and the other on the positive aspects. This would allow for a more focused discussion within each paragraph.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph contains a single main idea supported by relevant examples. Consider starting a new paragraph when introducing a new point or aspect of the argument. This will help maintain clarity and allow the reader to follow the argument more easily.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as "for instance" and "in addition," which help connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some sentences lack clear connections. For example, the phrase "thereby optimizing ability to absorb when reading books" could be better linked to the previous sentence to clarify the relationship between ideas.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "however," "consequently," and "in contrast." Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to clarify the relationship between ideas, helping the reader understand how each point relates to the overall argument.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view, improvements in logical organization, paragraphing, and the use of cohesive devices could enhance coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some attempts to use varied expressions. Phrases like "intrusive and impermissible use" and "essential means of communication" show an effort to use more sophisticated language. However, there are also instances of repetition and limited vocabulary choices, such as "phones can have some great benefits" and "provide entertainment." The use of "utilize" and "utilize of mobile or cell phones" is awkward and not standard English.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeating "phones," they could use "devices" or "smartphones." Additionally, replacing phrases like "great benefits" with "significant advantages" or "valuable contributions" would elevate the language. Expanding vocabulary through reading and practice can help in this regard.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, "the utilize of mobile or cell phones" is grammatically incorrect; the correct phrase would be "the use of mobile or cell phones." The phrase "making discomfort to people around" should be "causing discomfort to people around." Additionally, "optimize ability to absord" is unclear and should be rephrased for clarity.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. They can practice by writing sentences and then checking them for grammatical correctness and clarity. Using a thesaurus can help find more suitable words, but they should ensure that the chosen words fit the context appropriately.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "labraries" (libraries), "i" (I), "recieving" (receiving), "benificial" (beneficial), and "absord" (absorb). These errors detract from the overall quality of the writing and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular practice, such as writing exercises and using spelling apps. Additionally, proofreading the essay before submission can help catch and correct spelling mistakes. Reading more can also improve spelling through exposure to correctly spelled words.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates some strengths in vocabulary usage, it also exhibits weaknesses that need to be addressed to achieve a higher band score. Focusing on expanding vocabulary, improving precision, and enhancing spelling will contribute to a more polished and effective essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. For instance, the use of simple sentences predominates, such as "In these days, some asserts that the utilize of mobile or cell phones need to be banned in several public sites." This sentence structure is straightforward but lacks complexity. Additionally, there are few compound or complex sentences that could enhance the depth of the argument. For example, the phrase "a notification sound comes out from a phone can making discomfort to people around" could be restructured for clarity and complexity.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For instance, instead of saying, "In addition, without phones people can enhance their communication skill by communicating face to face," the writer could say, "In addition, by limiting phone use, individuals may enhance their communication skills, as they will be encouraged to engage in face-to-face interactions." This not only adds variety but also strengthens the argument.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For example, "some asserts" should be "some assert," and "the utilize of mobile" should be "the use of mobile." Additionally, the phrase "can making discomfort" is incorrect; it should be "can make discomfort." Punctuation errors include the lack of commas in compound sentences and the incorrect use of "i" instead of "I." These errors disrupt the flow and readability of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct form of verbs. Regular practice with grammar exercises can help, as well as proofreading for common mistakes. For punctuation, the writer should review rules regarding the use of commas, especially in complex sentences. Reading more academic texts can also help in understanding proper punctuation and sentence structure.

Overall, while the essay presents a relevant argument, enhancing grammatical range and accuracy through varied sentence structures and careful proofreading will significantly improve the quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In these days, some assert that the use of mobile or cell phones should be banned in several public places such as libraries, shops, or on public transport. From my perspective, I partly agree with this issue, and in this essay, I will explore both sides in greater detail.

Admittedly, phones can be intrusive and impermissible in public areas. For instance, in a library, where people are trying to keep silent and concentrate on their books, a notification sound from a phone can cause discomfort to those around. Moreover, limiting phone use also creates a comfortable environment for those nearby, thereby optimizing the ability to absorb information when reading. In addition, without phones, people can enhance their communication skills by interacting face to face.

However, bringing phones can have some great benefits for several reasons. Firstly, mobile phones are an essential means of communication for individuals who still need to text, especially in cases of emergency. For example, receiving a notification about a relative’s accident on time will help them be proactive and respond promptly to prevent further issues. Furthermore, phones can provide entertainment during tedious journeys, especially on public transport.

To sum up, while using phones can indeed cause disturbances for the public, I believe that they provide a plethora of benefits if used properly.