Some people think that there should be strict laws to control the amount of noise a person makes because of the disturbance it causes to people. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages

Some people think that there should be strict laws to control the amount of noise a person makes because of the disturbance it causes to people.

Discuss the advantages and disadvantages

The question of whether laws should be imposed to punish people making noise is a subject of ongoing debate. This essay will discuss both advantages and disadvantages of controvertible issue.
To begin with, there are a number of advantages of imposing stricter laws to control the amount of noise made that people should take into consideration. Firstly, it is the best way to bolster people's health. To be more specific, if people hear too much noise per day, they tend to have more serious headaches or reduce hearing's ability. When introducing stricter rules to control the amount of noise, people will not suffer from these diseases. As a result, their health can be improved significantly. For example, citizens in Vietnam have confirmed that serious headaches are no longer a concern for them, thanks to laws that control the amount of noise. Besides, stricter rules can promote productivity. The reason is that without noise, people can concentrate on their job and enable to fulfill all difficult tasks. For instance, students can focus totally on their lessons and acquire a comprehensive understanding of them. Therefore, they can achieve better goals and pursue their aspirations.
On the other hand, despite some advantages, stricter laws to control the amount of noise has a wide range of drawbacks. The principal one is that life will lack of vibrancy and dull. Many festivals such as New Year or Christmas need to be made some noise to attract as well as have vivid memories for people. In addition, this problem can affect the process of work. For architects, they need to use some equipment to construct or build something. If they are banned because of making noise, they cannot complete their tasks. Consequently, the process of construction will put pack, even it can be abandoned
In conclusion, imposing strict laws to control the amount of noise a person makes could bring, but its negative consequences should not be overlooked.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "controversible issue" -> "controversial issue"
   Explanation: The word "controversible" is not a standard term in English. The correct term is "controversial," which refers to a topic of ongoing debate or disagreement.

2. "people should take into consideration" -> "individuals should consider"
   Explanation: "People" is somewhat informal and vague in this context. "Individuals" is more precise and formal, and "consider" is more direct than "take into consideration," which can sound overly formal and less direct.

3. "bolster people’s health" -> "enhance public health"
   Explanation: "Bolster" is somewhat informal and less precise in this context. "Enhance" is more commonly used in academic writing to describe improving health outcomes, and "public health" is a more specific term than "people’s health."

4. "reduce hearing’s ability" -> "impair auditory function"
   Explanation: "Reduce hearing’s ability" is awkward and unclear. "Impair auditory function" is a more precise and medically appropriate term that clearly communicates the impact on hearing abilities.

5. "serious headaches or reduce hearing’s ability" -> "serious headaches or impairments to hearing"
   Explanation: The phrase "reduce hearing’s ability" is grammatically incorrect. "Impairments to hearing" is grammatically correct and more formal, fitting the academic style better.

6. "serious headaches are no longer a concern for them" -> "serious headaches are significantly alleviated"
   Explanation: "Are no longer a concern for them" is informal and vague. "Are significantly alleviated" is more precise and formal, indicating a reduction in severity.

7. "enable to fulfill all difficult tasks" -> "enable them to complete all challenging tasks"
   Explanation: "Enable to fulfill" is grammatically incorrect. "Enable them to complete" is grammatically correct and more formal. "Challenging" is also preferred over "difficult" for a more formal tone.

8. "lack of vibrancy and dull" -> "lack of vibrancy and become dull"
   Explanation: "Lack of vibrancy and dull" is grammatically incorrect. "Become dull" is the correct phrase to describe something losing its vibrancy.

9. "put pack" -> "put back"
   Explanation: "Put pack" is a typographical error. "Put back" is the correct phrase, indicating the reversal of a process.

10. "imposing strict laws to control the amount of noise a person makes" -> "the imposition of strict laws to regulate noise levels"
    Explanation: "Imposing strict laws to control the amount of noise a person makes" is verbose and awkward. "The imposition of strict laws to regulate noise levels" is more concise and formal, focusing on the action and its effect.

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of imposing strict noise control laws, which is a key requirement of the prompt. The advantages discussed include health benefits and increased productivity, while the disadvantages focus on the potential loss of vibrancy in life and the impact on construction work. However, the discussion of disadvantages is less developed than the advantages, which may lead to an imbalance in the analysis.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could provide more detailed examples and explanations for the disadvantages. For instance, elaborating on how noise contributes to cultural events or providing specific examples of how construction projects might be hindered would create a more balanced discussion. Additionally, ensuring that each point is equally explored would strengthen the overall response.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that acknowledges both sides of the argument. However, the conclusion is somewhat vague, stating that "imposing strict laws to control the amount of noise a person makes could bring, but its negative consequences should not be overlooked." This statement lacks a definitive stance and could confuse the reader regarding the author’s ultimate viewpoint.
  • How to improve: To improve clarity of position, the essay should explicitly state the author’s opinion in the conclusion, summarizing the key points discussed and indicating whether they lean more towards supporting or opposing strict noise regulations. A clear thesis statement in the introduction could also help guide the reader’s understanding of the author’s perspective.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the advantages of noise control laws, such as health benefits and productivity. These ideas are somewhat supported with examples, like the reference to citizens in Vietnam. However, the support for the disadvantages is weaker, with less elaboration and fewer concrete examples provided.
  • How to improve: To strengthen the presentation and support of ideas, the author should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations for each point made. For instance, discussing specific studies or statistics related to noise pollution and its effects on health or productivity could bolster the argument. Additionally, using more varied examples for the disadvantages would create a more compelling argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the advantages and disadvantages of noise control laws. However, some sentences could be clearer. For example, the phrase "life will lack of vibrancy and dull" could be more precisely articulated to convey the idea that excessive noise control may inhibit cultural expressions and celebrations.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus and clarity, the author should ensure that each point directly relates to the prompt and is articulated clearly. Avoiding vague phrases and ensuring that each argument is relevant to the discussion of noise control laws will help keep the essay on topic. Additionally, clear transitions between points can enhance coherence and help the reader follow the argument more easily.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the task and presents relevant points, addressing the areas for improvement outlined above could elevate the response to a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, although it could be more precise in stating the topic. The advantages are presented first, followed by the disadvantages, which is a logical approach. However, the transition between the advantages and disadvantages could be smoother, as the shift feels abrupt. For instance, the phrase "On the other hand" is used, but the connection between the two sections could be more explicitly stated to enhance the logical flow.
  • How to improve: To improve logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that link the ideas more clearly. For example, after discussing the advantages, you could summarize the points before introducing the disadvantages, stating something like, "While these benefits are significant, there are also notable drawbacks to consider." This would help create a more cohesive flow between the sections.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with separate sections for advantages and disadvantages. Each paragraph contains a clear main idea, supported by examples. However, the paragraphs could be more balanced in length and depth. The advantages paragraph is longer and more developed than the disadvantages paragraph, which may lead to an imbalance in the discussion. Additionally, the conclusion is somewhat brief and does not effectively summarize the key points made in the body.
  • How to improve: To enhance paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph is of similar length and depth. You could expand the disadvantages section by providing more examples or elaborating on the points made. Additionally, the conclusion could be strengthened by briefly restating the main advantages and disadvantages discussed, reinforcing the overall argument.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "For example," and "On the other hand." These devices help guide the reader through the argument. However, there is a tendency to rely on a limited range of cohesive devices, which can make the writing feel somewhat repetitive. For instance, the phrase "to control the amount of noise" is used multiple times, which could be varied to enhance the essay’s fluidity.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating synonyms or alternative phrases to avoid repetition. For example, instead of repeatedly saying "to control the amount of noise," you could use "to regulate noise levels" or "to manage sound disturbances." Additionally, employing a wider variety of cohesive devices, such as "Furthermore," "In contrast," or "Consequently," can help improve the overall cohesion of the essay.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially improving the overall band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but it lacks variety and sophistication in word choice. For instance, phrases like "imposing stricter laws" and "control the amount of noise" are repeated without variation. Additionally, terms such as "serious headaches" and "vivid memories" are somewhat basic and could be enhanced with more advanced synonyms or expressions.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeating "control the amount of noise," alternatives like "regulate noise levels" or "mitigate noise pollution" could be used. Expanding the vocabulary related to the topic, such as using terms like "disturbance," "cacophony," or "auditory pollution," would also enrich the essay.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: While the essay attempts to convey its message, some vocabulary choices are imprecise or awkward. For example, the phrase "reduce hearing’s ability" is not a standard expression; it would be more precise to say "diminished hearing ability" or "hearing impairment." Additionally, the phrase "life will lack of vibrancy and dull" is grammatically incorrect and unclear; it should be rephrased to something like "life will lack vibrancy and become dull."
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using established phrases and idiomatic expressions. Reading more academic texts or essays can help familiarize the writer with appropriate vocabulary usage. Furthermore, practicing paraphrasing sentences can enhance the ability to express ideas more clearly and accurately.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is generally accurate, with no glaring errors. However, there are minor issues, such as "put pack," which seems to be a typographical error and should be "put back." This indicates a need for careful proofreading to catch such mistakes.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should adopt a systematic proofreading approach after completing the essay. Reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward phrases and spelling errors. Additionally, using spell-check tools or apps can assist in catching mistakes before submission.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary, there is significant room for improvement in range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By incorporating more varied and sophisticated vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and implementing careful proofreading strategies, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences such as "To be more specific, if people hear too much noise per day, they tend to have more serious headaches or reduce hearing’s ability" show an attempt to convey detailed information effectively. However, the essay also contains several simple and compound sentences that could be further diversified. For example, the sentence "The principal one is that life will lack of vibrancy and dull" could be restructured for clarity and complexity.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses and varied conjunctions. For instance, instead of "Many festivals such as New Year or Christmas need to be made some noise," you could say, "Many festivals, such as New Year and Christmas, require a certain level of noise to create a lively atmosphere and evoke vivid memories." Additionally, using passive voice where appropriate can also add variety, such as "The construction process may be hindered if noise regulations are too strict."

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a fair level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from clarity. For example, the phrase "reduce hearing’s ability" should be corrected to "reduce hearing ability" or "reduce the ability to hear." Additionally, the sentence "life will lack of vibrancy and dull" is grammatically incorrect; it should be "life will lack vibrancy and be dull." Punctuation is generally well-handled, but there are instances where commas could improve readability, such as before conjunctions in compound sentences.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. For example, "stricter laws to control the amount of noise has a wide range of drawbacks" should be corrected to "stricter laws to control the amount of noise have a wide range of drawbacks." Additionally, revising sentences for clarity and correctness will enhance overall coherence. Practicing sentence restructuring and seeking feedback on grammatical accuracy can also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a commendable effort in utilizing a range of grammatical structures and maintaining overall accuracy, there are specific areas for improvement. By diversifying sentence structures and focusing on grammatical precision, the essay can achieve a higher level of clarity and sophistication.

Bài sửa mẫu

The question of whether laws should be imposed to penalize individuals for making excessive noise is a controversial issue that continues to spark debate. This essay will discuss both the advantages and disadvantages of implementing stricter noise control laws.

To begin with, there are several advantages to imposing stricter laws to regulate the amount of noise that individuals make, which people should consider. Firstly, such laws can significantly enhance public health. Specifically, excessive noise exposure can lead to serious health issues, such as chronic headaches and diminished hearing ability. By introducing stricter regulations on noise levels, individuals are less likely to suffer from these health problems, leading to an overall improvement in their well-being. For example, citizens in Vietnam have reported that chronic headaches have become less of a concern for them, thanks to laws that effectively control noise levels. Additionally, stricter noise regulations can promote productivity. In quieter environments, individuals can concentrate better on their tasks, enabling them to complete challenging assignments more efficiently. For instance, students can fully engage with their lessons and gain a deeper understanding of the material, thereby achieving better academic results and pursuing their aspirations more effectively.

On the other hand, despite the advantages, stricter laws to control noise levels also present a range of disadvantages. The primary concern is that such regulations could lead to a lack of vibrancy in life, making it dull and monotonous. Many celebrations, such as New Year and Christmas, rely on noise to create a lively atmosphere and foster memorable experiences for people. Furthermore, these laws could hinder certain professions. For example, architects and construction workers often need to use loud equipment to complete their projects. If they are restricted from making noise, it could delay construction processes or even lead to project abandonment.

In conclusion, while imposing strict laws to control the amount of noise individuals make could yield significant benefits, it is essential to consider the potential negative consequences that may arise.