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Some people think that too much money has been spent looking after and repairing old buildings, so we should knock down old buildings and build modern ones instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that too much money has been spent looking after and repairing old buildings, so we should knock down old buildings and build modern ones instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is argued that we should allocate more money to construct modern buildings rather than maintaining and reconstructing old ones. I believe the decision depends on the special circumstances of each one.

On the one hand, some old architecture is not worth keeping since it doesn’t hold any historical and architectural value. Some of the sites have undergone an extended period of time, so they might be damp, obsolete, or even dangerous for tourists to pay a visit. Therefore, these buildings appear to be of no interest and the alternation with another modern building could be a better choice. Additionally, the demolition of old buildings to make room for more innovative ones could lower the accommodation cost in densely populated areas. As these buildings often lie in prime locations, they hinder the development of other purpose-built accommodation, consequently leading the house price to rise significantly. The shift from those obsolete buildings to more modern counterparts could ease the burden on an ordinary person who wants to own a house.

On the other hand, for those which are valuable, both historically and architecturally, putting efforts to maintain the value inside it is worthwhile since they could be a potential hotspot of development. A good example of this in Vietnam is the Royal Palace at Hue, which no one would dream of destroying as well as being of great importance, it is also a magnet for tourists. Another important building is Ho Chi Minh’s house, located in the center of Hanoi. This, although it is maybe important for its architecture, is of great value as a historic artifact for the locals. Thus, these structures should be preserved and maintained for their cultural value, regardless of the financial value of the land they lie on.

In conclusion, although there are many buildings that must be kept for their cultural or historic value, others should be replaced by housing or other developments.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "It is argued that" -> "There is a contention that"
    Explanation: Replacing "It is argued that" with "There is a contention that" adds a level of formality and avoids the use of the first-person perspective, aligning better with academic writing standards.

  2. "maintaining and reconstructing" -> "preserving and restoring"
    Explanation: Substituting "maintaining and reconstructing" with "preserving and restoring" introduces more precise and formal terms, elevating the overall tone of the sentence.

  3. "the alternation with another modern building" -> "replacement with a contemporary structure"
    Explanation: Changing "the alternation with another modern building" to "replacement with a contemporary structure" provides a more precise and formal description, enhancing clarity and academic style.

  4. "Some of the sites have undergone an extended period of time" -> "Certain sites have endured over an extended period"
    Explanation: Replacing "Some of the sites have undergone an extended period of time" with "Certain sites have endured over an extended period" conveys the same idea with a more formal and refined expression.

  5. "they might be damp, obsolete, or even dangerous for tourists to pay a visit" -> "they may exhibit dampness, obsolescence, or pose hazards to visiting tourists"
    Explanation: Substituting "they might be damp, obsolete, or even dangerous for tourists to pay a visit" with "they may exhibit dampness, obsolescence, or pose hazards to visiting tourists" maintains clarity while employing more formal language.

  6. "the demolition of old buildings" -> "the removal of antiquated structures"
    Explanation: Changing "the demolition of old buildings" to "the removal of antiquated structures" introduces a more sophisticated term, aligning with formal language expectations.

  7. "make room for more innovative ones" -> "create space for more avant-garde structures"
    Explanation: Substituting "make room for more innovative ones" with "create space for more avant-garde structures" adds a touch of sophistication, fitting better within an academic context.

  8. "could lower the accommodation cost" -> "might reduce housing expenses"
    Explanation: Replacing "could lower the accommodation cost" with "might reduce housing expenses" maintains formality and introduces a more precise expression.

  9. "hotspot of development" -> "hub of cultural development"
    Explanation: Changing "hotspot of development" to "hub of cultural development" enhances the academic tone by using a more specific and formal term.

  10. "This, although it is maybe important for its architecture" -> "This, despite its significance in terms of architecture"
    Explanation: Substituting "This, although it is maybe important for its architecture" with "This, despite its significance in terms of architecture" offers a more formal and precise expression.

Remember, these changes are meant to align with a more formal and academic style while maintaining clarity in the text.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: "It is argued that we should allocate more money to construct modern buildings rather than maintaining and reconstructing old ones. I believe the decision depends on the special circumstances of each one."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction sets the stage but lacks a clear and concise statement of your position on the issue. To improve, explicitly state whether you agree or disagree with the idea of allocating more money to construct modern buildings. This will provide a roadmap for your essay and enhance the clarity of your stance.
    • Improved example: "The allocation of funds for constructing modern buildings at the expense of maintaining old ones is a debatable topic. In my opinion, the decision should be contingent on the unique circumstances surrounding each structure."
  2. Quoted text: "Some of the sites have undergone an extended period of time, so they might be damp, obsolete, or even dangerous for tourists to pay a visit. Therefore, these buildings appear to be of no interest, and the alternation with another modern building could be a better choice."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: Your argument about the deteriorating condition of old buildings is valid. However, it would be more convincing if you provided specific examples or details to support your claim. Describe instances where old buildings pose a danger to tourists or have become obsolete, reinforcing your point with vivid examples.
    • Improved example: "For instance, historical structures subjected to prolonged neglect may suffer from dampness, rendering them unsafe for tourists. An illustrative case is the crumbling walls of XYZ Castle, which, due to its dilapidated state, poses potential risks to visitors."
  3. Quoted text: "The shift from those obsolete buildings to more modern counterparts could ease the burden on an ordinary person who wants to own a house."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: While the idea is clear, it lacks depth in explaining how the shift to modern buildings can alleviate the burden on individuals seeking homeownership. Elaborate further on the connection between demolishing old buildings and reducing accommodation costs. Provide specific reasons or examples to strengthen this argument.
    • Improved example: "By demolishing outdated structures, valuable land is freed up for modern housing projects, contributing to an increased supply. This surge in available housing options can potentially drive down prices, making it more affordable for the average person to own a house."
  4. Quoted text: "Thus, these structures should be preserved and maintained for their cultural value, regardless of the financial value of the land they lie on."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: Your point about preserving structures for cultural value is well taken. However, it would be beneficial to delve deeper into why cultural value should take precedence over financial considerations. Provide concrete examples or anecdotes illustrating the cultural significance of certain buildings.
    • Improved example: "Preserving these structures is not merely a matter of cultural pride; it is a testament to our heritage. For instance, the centuries-old library in XYZ town holds not just monetary value but serves as a living archive of our cultural evolution, enriching the community’s understanding of its own history."

Overall, your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view. Strengthening your position statements and providing more specific examples will enhance the overall persuasiveness and depth of your argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a reasonably clear and logical progression of ideas. Each paragraph presents a central topic, offering arguments for and against the idea of demolishing old buildings. The writer effectively presents a balanced perspective, discussing the value of both modernization and preservation. There is coherence in the overall structure, where the essay starts with an introduction, discusses both viewpoints in separate paragraphs, and ends with a concise conclusion summarizing the stance.

The essay uses cohesive devices adequately, connecting ideas within and between sentences, although there are minor instances where smoother transitions could enhance coherence. The use of cohesive devices like ‘on the one hand,’ ‘on the other hand,’ ‘therefore,’ and ‘in conclusion’ aids in presenting a structured argument.

Paragraphing is mostly logical, with distinct ideas presented in separate paragraphs. However, there’s some room for improvement in the transition between paragraphs, particularly in enhancing the flow for a more seamless progression of thought.

How to Improve:

  • Strengthen transitions between paragraphs for a smoother flow of ideas.
  • Ensure consistent use of cohesive devices for improved coherence and connection between sentences and paragraphs.
  • Enhance logical progression by refining the interconnection between opposing viewpoints, providing clearer linkages for a more cohesive argument.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a good understanding of coherence and cohesion, but refinement in transitions and cohesive device usage can further elevate its effectiveness.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, allowing some flexibility and precision. It effectively uses less common lexical items with awareness of style and collocation. There are occasional errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation, but they do not significantly impede communication. The writer employs a mix of common and less common vocabulary, contributing to a reasonably varied lexical resource. Examples like "alternation" and "obsolete" showcase a willingness to use less common words. However, minor errors in spelling ("ordinaray" instead of "ordinary") and word formation ("alternation" instead of "alteration") are present. Despite these errors, the writer successfully conveys their message with clarity and coherence.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource, the writer can further focus on accuracy in word choice, spelling, and word formation. Attention to detail, such as proofreading for minor errors, will elevate the overall quality of the vocabulary used. Additionally, incorporating a wider range of vocabulary, especially in supporting points, can contribute to a more sophisticated and nuanced expression of ideas.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammatical range and accuracy, falling within the Band 7 descriptor. The candidate successfully employs a variety of complex structures throughout the essay. There is an evident attempt to use a range of sentence forms, and most sentences are error-free. The control of grammar and punctuation is generally good, with only a few errors that do not significantly impede communication. The essay effectively conveys the writer’s ideas through a mix of simple and complex sentences.

How to improve:
To further enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer could focus on refining a few areas where errors occurred. Attention to detail in punctuation and grammar, particularly in complex sentence structures, would contribute to a more polished and error-free essay. Additionally, proofreading for minor slips, such as missing articles or prepositions, can help achieve greater fluency in expression. Overall, continued practice and attention to detail in sentence construction will contribute to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The issue of whether we should invest more in constructing modern buildings rather than preserving old ones is a subject of debate. I believe the decision should be based on the unique circumstances of each building.

On one hand, some old structures lack historical and architectural significance. Over time, they may become damp, outdated, or even pose risks to visitors. In such cases, these buildings might not be of interest, and replacing them with modern structures could be a more practical choice. Moreover, demolishing old buildings in prime locations could reduce housing costs in densely populated areas. The presence of these outdated structures often hinders the development of purpose-built accommodations, leading to a significant rise in housing prices. Replacing these buildings with modern counterparts could alleviate the housing burden on ordinary individuals.

On the other hand, for historically and architecturally valuable buildings, preservation efforts are justified. Take the Royal Palace in Hue, Vietnam, as an example. It holds immense historical importance and attracts tourists. Similarly, Ho Chi Minh’s house in Hanoi, though architecturally significant, also serves as a crucial historic artifact for the locals. Therefore, these structures should be conserved for their cultural value, irrespective of the financial value of the land they occupy.

In conclusion, while some buildings should be preserved for their cultural or historic importance, others may be replaced with housing or other developments. The key is to carefully assess the individual merits of each building before deciding whether to allocate resources for preservation or opt for modernization.

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