Some people think that watching sports on TV is a waste of time. Do you agree or disagree with the statement?

There is a prevailing notion that watching sports on television is a waste of time. From my perspective, I completely agree with this view on account of the reasoning presented below.
On the one hand, watching sports indiscriminately disrupts family life and relationships. Nowadays technology is increasingly developing, leading to people tending to watch sports on TV instead of playing live like before. If you watch for a long time, it will affect the child's psychology. In other words, children often talk less, thereby creating distance from their loved ones. For example, a survey of Foreign Trade University in 2023 showed that over 60% of students at Hung Vuong High School, Hanoi had autism syndrome and developmental delays because they had watched programs since childhood on television such as football and games with high frequency.
On the other hand, doing sport improves our health, while slouching in front of the TV has the opposite effect. In fact, it can be easily seen that lying face down in front of the TV will have negative effects on health such as eye pain and obesity. For instance, a survey of Quy Nhon University during a recent health check-up showed that over 70% of the school's students suffered from health problems such as nearsightedness and obesity due to sitting and watching TV too much. Moreover, many people who always watch sports on TV to follow sports events will stay up late, which will make their health increasingly weaker.
In conclusion, I firmly believe that spending a free day watching sports is a waste of time.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"From my perspective" -> "In my opinion"
Explanation: "From my perspective" is a bit informal for academic writing. "In my opinion" is a more suitable phrase that maintains the author’s viewpoint while adhering to formal language standards.
"tending to watch sports on TV" -> "inclined to watch sports on television"
Explanation: "Tending to" is somewhat colloquial. "Inclined to" is a more formal alternative. Additionally, "television" is the formal term for TV.
"If you watch for a long time" -> "Extended viewing"
Explanation: "If you watch for a long time" is somewhat informal. "Extended viewing" is a more precise and formal term.
"In other words" -> "Moreover"
Explanation: "In other words" is more commonly used to rephrase or clarify a statement, while "Moreover" is used to introduce additional supporting information, which fits better in this context.
"talk less" -> "communicate less"
Explanation: "Talk less" is more casual compared to "communicate less," which is more appropriate for academic writing.
"For example" -> "For instance"
Explanation: "For example" is slightly informal, while "For instance" is a more formal alternative that is commonly used in academic writing.
"autism syndrome" -> "autism spectrum disorder"
Explanation: "Autism syndrome" is not the preferred term in academic writing. "Autism spectrum disorder" is the more accurate and formal term.
"lying face down in front of the TV" -> "prolonged sedentary behavior in front of the television"
Explanation: "Lying face down" is somewhat informal. "Prolonged sedentary behavior in front of the television" is a more precise and formal description of the activity.
"For instance" -> "For example"
Explanation: "For instance" and "For example" are often used interchangeably, but "For example" is slightly more formal, which suits academic writing better.
"Moreover" -> "Furthermore"
Explanation: "Moreover" is appropriate for adding information, but "Furthermore" is a more formal synonym that enhances the academic tone of the essay.
"staying up late" -> "maintaining late hours"
Explanation: "Staying up late" is a colloquial expression. "Maintaining late hours" is a more formal alternative that aligns better with academic writing standards.
"In conclusion" -> "To conclude"
Explanation: "In conclusion" is commonly used in speeches but might be seen as overly formal in some academic contexts. "To conclude" is a slightly more natural transition for wrapping up an essay.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all parts of the question by presenting a clear stance on the issue ("I completely agree with this view") and supporting it with reasons throughout the essay. It discusses both sides of the argument and provides examples to support the agreement with the statement.
- How to improve: While the essay does cover both perspectives, providing a more balanced discussion by acknowledging potential benefits of watching sports on TV could strengthen the argument. Additionally, integrating more specific examples or statistics related to the negative effects of watching sports on TV could enhance the depth of analysis.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent position throughout, firmly agreeing with the statement that watching sports on TV is a waste of time. Each paragraph reinforces this stance, with the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion all aligning in support of this position.
- How to improve: To further enhance clarity, ensuring that every paragraph directly supports the main argument and avoiding any ambiguity in language or examples could strengthen the essay’s coherence.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports its ideas adequately, with each paragraph containing a clear topic sentence and relevant examples to illustrate the points made. For instance, it discusses the negative impacts on family relationships and health, supported by specific examples and data.
- How to improve: To extend and deepen the analysis, considering alternative perspectives or counterarguments and addressing them to strengthen the overall argument would add complexity and depth to the essay.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic, discussing the issue of whether watching sports on TV is a waste of time and providing arguments to support the agreed-upon stance. However, there are some minor instances where the essay veers slightly off-topic, such as briefly discussing the benefits of doing sports.
- How to improve: To maintain a tighter focus on the topic, ensuring that all examples and arguments directly relate to the central question and avoiding tangential discussions would help keep the essay more focused and cohesive. Additionally, refining the transitions between ideas to ensure seamless flow and relevance could further enhance coherence.

Overall, while the essay effectively presents a clear position and supports it with relevant examples and arguments, there are opportunities for improvement in terms of providing a more balanced discussion, enhancing clarity and coherence, deepening analysis, and maintaining strict adherence to the topic. By addressing these areas, the essay could further strengthen its argumentation and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear organizational structure with distinct introduction, body, and conclusion sections. The introduction presents the writer’s stance, followed by two body paragraphs, each discussing a separate aspect of the argument. The first body paragraph discusses the negative impact of watching sports on TV on family life and relationships, while the second body paragraph addresses the adverse effects on health. The conclusion effectively restates the writer’s opinion. However, there is a minor issue with coherence within paragraphs, particularly in the first body paragraph, where the argument could be more logically developed.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure that each paragraph follows a clear topic sentence and that supporting points are logically connected. In the first body paragraph, provide more coherent reasoning to support the claim about the negative impact on family life and relationships. Develop the argument with additional examples or explanation to strengthen the coherence within the paragraph.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is divided into three paragraphs: introduction, body, and conclusion. Each paragraph serves its purpose effectively, with the introduction presenting the writer’s viewpoint, the body paragraphs elaborating on supporting arguments, and the conclusion summarizing the main points and restating the opinion. However, the body paragraphs could be further improved in terms of coherence and unity.
- How to improve: Ensure that each body paragraph focuses on a single main idea supported by relevant examples or evidence. In the essay, the first body paragraph discusses the negative impact on family life, while the second addresses health consequences. Strengthen paragraph coherence by providing smoother transitions between sentences and ideas within each body paragraph. Additionally, consider revising the introduction to provide a clearer preview of the essay’s structure.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas and enhance coherence. Transition words and phrases such as "On the one hand," "On the other hand," "Moreover," and "In conclusion" help guide the reader through the argumentative structure. However, there is room for improvement in the diversity and sophistication of cohesive devices used.
- How to improve: Expand the range of cohesive devices used to include a wider variety of linking words and phrases. Incorporate cohesive devices that indicate cause and effect, contrast, and concession to strengthen the logical flow of ideas. Additionally, pay attention to the placement of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transitions between sentences and paragraphs, enhancing overall coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. There is evidence of attempted variety with words like "prevailing notion," "indiscriminately," "disturbs," "developmental delays," and "nearsightedness." However, the vocabulary lacks depth and sophistication, often relying on basic expressions and repetitive phrases like "watching sports on TV" and "a waste of time" without exploring more nuanced alternatives.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, try incorporating synonyms, idiomatic expressions, and specialized terminology where appropriate. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "watching sports on TV," consider phrases like "viewing televised sports broadcasts," "television sports consumption," or "indulging in televised sports entertainment."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally struggles with precise vocabulary usage. For example, the mention of "autism syndrome" and "developmental delays" in relation to watching TV could be misleading, as autism is not caused by TV viewing. The essay also uses general terms like "negative effects on health" without specifying these effects in detail.
- How to improve: Aim for more accurate and specific vocabulary. Use terms that precisely convey intended meanings. Instead of generalizing health impacts, specify particular consequences like "sedentary lifestyle-related health issues" or "adverse ocular outcomes such as eye strain."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors and typos, which can detract from overall readability. Instances like "over 60% of students at Hung Vuong High School, Hanoi had autism syndrome" (autism is not caused by TV viewing) and "Quy Nhon University" (misspelled as "Quy Nhon") should be corrected.
- How to improve: Enhance spelling accuracy by proofreading carefully and using tools like spell-check. Pay attention to proper names and technical terms. Additionally, practice spelling commonly used words to avoid errors that may impact clarity.

In summary, while this essay addresses the prompt adequately, there are areas for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By incorporating richer vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and refining spelling, the essay’s overall effectiveness and coherence can be significantly enhanced.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. It employs simple, compound, and complex sentences effectively, providing some variety in sentence length and structure. For instance, simple sentences like "There is a prevailing notion that watching sports on television is a waste of time" are complemented by compound sentences such as "From my perspective, I completely agree with this view on account of the reasoning presented below." Additionally, the use of conditional sentences like "If you watch for a long time, it will affect the child’s psychology" adds complexity to the writing.
- How to improve: To further enhance the essay’s coherence and sophistication, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures, such as subordinate clauses, participial phrases, and parallel structures. This can be achieved by varying the use of conjunctions, employing relative pronouns more frequently, and experimenting with different sentence beginnings. For example, instead of solely relying on "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" for transitions, explore other transitional phrases and conjunctions to introduce contrasting ideas.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation. However, there are a few instances where errors occur. For example, the phrase "If you watch for a long time, it will affect the child’s psychology" lacks parallelism in verb tense ("watch" should be "watched" to maintain consistency). Additionally, there are minor punctuation errors, such as missing commas before introductory phrases ("On the one hand," "On the other hand,") and unnecessary commas in compound predicates ("…watching sports on TV to follow sports events will stay up late, which will make their health increasingly weaker").
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to verb tense consistency and subject-verb agreement throughout the essay. Proofreading for punctuation errors, especially regarding comma usage, can also help enhance clarity and readability. Consider revising sentences for parallelism to ensure uniformity in structure and coherence in meaning. Practicing with grammar exercises and seeking feedback on written work can further refine language skills and reduce errors.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and punctuation, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical accuracy. Incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures and diligently proofreading for grammatical errors can elevate the quality of writing and contribute to a higher band score in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criterion.

Bài sửa mẫu

There is a prevailing notion that watching sports on television is a waste of time. In my opinion, I completely agree with this view for the following reasons.

Firstly, prolonged viewing of sports on TV can disrupt family life and relationships. Nowadays, with the increasing advancement of technology, people are more inclined to watch sports on television rather than engaging in live sports activities as before. Extended viewing can have negative effects on children’s psychology, leading them to communicate less and create distance from their loved ones. For instance, a survey conducted by the Foreign Trade University in 2023 revealed that over 60% of students at Hung Vuong High School, Hanoi, exhibited symptoms of autism spectrum disorder and developmental delays, possibly due to excessive exposure to television programs such as football and high-frequency games during childhood.

Secondly, while engaging in sports activities promotes good health, prolonged sedentary behavior in front of the television has the opposite effect. Notably, slouching in front of the TV can lead to various health issues such as eye strain and obesity. For example, a recent health check-up conducted by Quy Nhon University indicated that over 70% of the students experienced health problems like nearsightedness and obesity as a result of excessive TV watching. Furthermore, individuals who frequently watch sports events on TV tend to maintain late hours, which further deteriorates their health.

In conclusion, I firmly believe that spending a free day watching sports on television is indeed a waste of time, considering its detrimental effects on both personal relationships and health.