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Some people think that zoos are all cruel and should be closed down. Othershowever believe that zoos can be useful in protecting wild animals. Discuss both opinionsand give your own opinion.

Some people think that zoos are all cruel and should be closed down. Others
however believe that zoos can be useful in protecting wild animals. Discuss both opinions
and give your own opinion.

The 21st century has witnessed an unprecedented public concern over the value of opening zoos to the public, rising the question of whether it is human’s unconsciousness to take wild animals out of their natural habitat or keeping them in zoos is a viable solution to protect them. This essay will elaborate on both sides of the issue and provide a personal perspective.
On the one hand, it would be short-sighted to overlook the significance of maintaining zoos or natural reserves in ensuring the survival of wild animals. This is concretely justifiable in cases of specific kinds of faunas who only survive in negligible numbers. Due to the dramatically increasing amount of industrialization and organization led by humans, it has been asserted by a number of environmentalists that the natural habitats of wild animals are severely deteriorated; therefore, it is human’s responsibility to create an artificial environment for animals in which they are provided with sufficient food and the certainty of not being wiped out by larger predators. The perfect example could be seen in Pandas, the symbolic representation of Chinese people’s beliefs, now being nurtured in zoos around this country with a mission of sustaining their livelihoods, given that most pandas now can be confronted with a fatal lack of bamboos-their major source of food due to the destruction of forests for cultivation if they continue to live in such natural environment.
On the other hand, it is my conviction that compared to the alleged benefits that zoos bring to the survival of wild animals, the high-intensity training environment that they have to face in such a venue mearly for human’s recreation can be much adverse to their health and reproduction. Firstly, being diverged from the natural habitats may deterioratingly influence their possibility of finding their desired mates, sinnce zoos are not likely to keep both male and female animals in the same cages, especially with endangered animals that do not survive in large number in nature. Secondly, constant exposure to training facilities to provide visitors with fulfilling moments potentially detrimentally affect both the physical and mental well-being of wild animals, leading to their reluctance to food regardless of whether they are redundant and nutritious or not. Therefore, allowing wild animals to live in their natural habitats without human beings’ disturbance can be a more optimal choice in favor of their survival.
To conclude, even though protecting wild animals in artificial environment can be effective with alarmingly endangered animals, natural environments tend to be their flawless feeding grounds and provide them with proper driving conditions. Taking the points above into consideration, it is advisable for humans to place more importance on preserving the ecological balance, and the artificial protecting methods should only be adopted in necessary circumstances.


 

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. “rising the question” -> “raising the question”
    Explanation: The phrase “raising the question” is a more formal and widely accepted expression, aligning better with academic style.
  2. “it is human’s unconsciousness” -> “it is human unconsciousness”
    Explanation: The possessive form “human’s” is unnecessary here. The revised version maintains clarity while removing unnecessary possessive structure.
  3. “concretely justifiable” -> “undeniably justifiable”
    Explanation: “Undeniably justifiable” conveys a stronger sense of justification, enhancing the formality of the expression.
  4. “faunas

 

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

  1. Quoted text: “The 21st century has witnessed an unprecedented public concern over the value of opening zoos to the public, rising the question of whether it is human’s unconsciousness to take wild animals out of their natural habitat or keeping them in zoos is a viable solution to protect them.”
    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction sets the stage for the essay topic but lacks clarity in presenting your own position on the issue. It’s crucial to explicitly state your viewpoint in the introduction. For instance, you could say, “In this essay, I will explore both perspectives on the role of zoos in protecting wild animals and argue in favor of…”
    • Improved example: “The 21st century has witnessed an unprecedented public concern over the value of opening zoos to the public, raising the question of whether it is human’s unconsciousness to take wild animals out of their natural habitat or keeping them in zoos is a viable solution to protect them. In this essay, I will explore both perspectives on the role of zoos in protecting wild animals and argue in favor of…”
  2. Quoted text: “On the one hand, it would be short-sighted to overlook the significance of maintaining zoos or natural reserves in ensuring the survival of wild animals. This is concretely justifiable in cases of specific kinds of faunas who only survive in negligible numbers. Due to the dramatically increasing amount of industrialization and organization led by humans, it has been asserted by a number of environmentalists that the natural habitats of wild animals are severely deteriorated; therefore, it is human’s responsibility to create an artificial environment for animals in which they are provided with sufficient food and the certainty of not being wiped out by larger predators.”
    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: Your argument supporting the value of zoos is well-developed and includes relevant examples. However, it would be more effective if you connect these examples directly to the survival of specific endangered species. For instance, you could elaborate on a particular species that has thrived in a zoo environment, highlighting the positive impact on its population.
    • Improved example: “On the one hand, it would be short-sighted to overlook the significance of maintaining zoos or natural reserves in ensuring the survival of wild animals. This is concretely justifiable in cases of specific kinds of faunas who only survive in negligible numbers. For instance, the successful breeding programs for endangered species like the panda in zoos have played a crucial role in preventing their extinction.”
  3. Quoted text: “On the other hand, it is my conviction that compared to the alleged benefits that zoos bring to the survival of wild animals, the high-intensity training environment that they have to face in such a venue mearly for human’s recreation can be much adverse to their health and reproduction.”
    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: Your argument against zoos is articulated well. However, it would be more impactful if you provided specific examples of the negative effects of the high-intensity training environment on the health and reproduction of wild animals. This would strengthen your position and make your essay more persuasive.
    • Improved example: “On the other hand, it is my conviction that compared to the alleged benefits that zoos bring to the survival of wild animals, the high-intensity training environment, exemplified by constant exposure to loud noises and crowds, can be much adverse to their health and reproduction. For instance, studies have shown that such conditions can lead to increased stress levels, affecting their ability to mate and reproduce.”

Overall, the essay demonstrates a satisfactory understanding of the task, but improvement in presenting a clear stance in the introduction and providing more specific examples to support arguments would elevate the response.

 

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of information and ideas, with a clear progression throughout. The introduction provides a concise overview of the topic, and each paragraph follows a clear central theme. The essay effectively employs cohesive devices, such as transition phrases, to link ideas and maintain coherence. However, there are instances of overuse of certain words and phrases, which slightly affects the overall cohesion. Paragraphing is generally sufficient and appropriate, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay.

How to improve:
To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider diversifying the use of cohesive devices to avoid repetitive language. Additionally, pay attention to the balance between maintaining a central theme within paragraphs and avoiding overuse of specific terms. Ensure that paragraphing is consistently logical throughout the essay, reinforcing the overall structure.

 

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of vocabulary, employing a range of words and expressions to convey ideas effectively. The use of language is generally accurate, and there is an attempt to incorporate less common lexical items. However, there are occasional errors in word choice, such as “rising the question” instead of “raising the question,” and “diverged” instead of “diverted.” Despite these errors, they do not significantly impede communication. The essay also exhibits awareness of style and collocation, contributing to a relatively smooth flow of ideas.

How to improve:
To enhance the lexical resource and move towards a higher band score, it is recommended to pay closer attention to word choice and avoid minor inaccuracies. Additionally, the essay could benefit from a more consistent and precise use of vocabulary throughout, ensuring that less common lexical items are used accurately. Proofreading for spelling and word formation errors, such as “mearly” instead of “merely,” would further strengthen the lexical quality of the essay. Overall, continued attention to precision and accuracy in vocabulary use will contribute to a more polished and higher-scoring essay.

 

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay showcases a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. There is an attempt to use complex sentence forms, but this is occasionally at the expense of accuracy, resulting in grammatical errors that, while present, do not significantly hinder communication. There are instances of sentence structure complexity, although some sentences might lack clarity due to grammatical inaccuracies.

How to improve:
To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on refining complex sentence structures to ensure accuracy while maintaining clarity. Proofreading for grammar and punctuation errors will help in achieving a more consistent level of accuracy throughout the essay. Additionally, paying attention to sentence structure complexity without compromising clarity will elevate the overall score.

 

Bài sửa mẫu

The 21st century has seen a growing public concern about the practice of keeping zoos open to the public, sparking a debate on whether taking wild animals out of their natural habitat is an act of human thoughtlessness or if housing them in zoos is a viable solution for their protection. This essay will delve into both perspectives and present a personal viewpoint.

On one hand, it would be shortsighted to ignore the importance of maintaining zoos or natural reserves to ensure the survival of certain wild animals. This is particularly justifiable in the case of specific fauna species that exist in small numbers. Due to the rapid increase in human-led industrialization and development, environmentalists argue that the natural habitats of wild animals are severely degraded. Therefore, it becomes human responsibility to create an artificial environment where animals are ensured an adequate food supply and protection from larger predators. A prime example is the giant pandas, symbolic representations of Chinese beliefs, now being cared for in zoos across the country with the mission of sustaining their population. This is crucial given the potential fatal shortage of bamboo, their main food source, due to deforestation for cultivation if they were to continue living in their natural environment.

On the other hand, I am of the opinion that, compared to the alleged benefits zoos bring to the survival of wild animals, the high-intensity training environment they face for human recreation can be detrimental to their health and reproduction. Firstly, being separated from their natural habitats may negatively impact their chances of finding suitable mates, as zoos often do not keep both male and female animals together, especially with endangered species that have low natural populations. Secondly, constant exposure to training facilities, intended to provide visitors with entertaining experiences, can potentially harm the physical and mental well-being of wild animals. This may lead to their aversion to food, regardless of its nutritional value. Therefore, allowing wild animals to live undisturbed in their natural habitats can be a more optimal choice for their survival.

In conclusion, while protecting wild animals in artificial environments can be effective, especially for alarmingly endangered species, natural habitats are their optimal feeding grounds and provide the necessary conditions for their well-being. Considering the points mentioned above, it is advisable for humans to prioritize preserving the ecological balance, resorting to artificial protection methods only when absolutely necessary.

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