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Some people think the government funding should not be used for supporting art and culture, others think supporting cultural activities may be beneficial for the population and the culture. Discuss both views and give your own opinion?

Some people think the government funding should not be used for supporting art and culture, others think supporting cultural activities may be beneficial for the population and the culture. Discuss both views and give your own opinion?

As the impacts of packaging overconsumption become more palpable, environmental protection has become one of humanity’s chief objectives at present time. While some argue that the responsibility belongs to entrepreneurs, others believe that users are accountable for dealing with the unnecessary wrapping. The unique roles that both parties play in this endeavor will be analyzed, and I am convinced that the latter should take the lead in this issue.

On the one hand, cutting down on the amount of plastic and paper wrappers is a massive undertaking that seems impossible without producers and supermarkets intervention. The most compelling reason is that simultaneous commitment among supply chains will inevitably force consumers to opt for a more environmentally-friendly choice. In detail, once the packing service disappears or is charged for an amount of fee, its consumption will be gradually limited. Another explanation lies in the promising marketing influence they will have on the majority . For instance, Amazon brand which has been switching out its packaging has encouraged other outlets to adopt eco-conscious practice

On the other hand, I opine that customers also have to take steps in order to push for a greener future. By leaning towards products with biodegradable or recyclable wrappers, avoiding single-use plastic or discarding them properly after use, buyers can stimulate market demand for eco-friendly packaging alternatives. In addition, supporting companies that prioritize sustainability can embrace the development of those and put a strain on those that do not follow the trend.

In conclusion, reduction in packing is a colossal responsibility that must be borne by both the suppliers and the consumers. However, I believe that informed decisions to bolster eco-friendly products made by buyers will have greater effects on tackling this issue.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "As the impacts of packaging overconsumption become more palpable, environmental protection has become one of humanity’s chief objectives at present time." -> "As the consequences of excessive packaging consumption become more evident, environmental protection has emerged as one of humanity’s primary objectives at present."
    Explanation: Replacing "impacts" with "consequences" and "palpable" with "evident" enhances precision and formality in describing the effects of packaging overconsumption.

  2. "While some argue that the responsibility belongs to entrepreneurs, others believe that users are accountable for dealing with the unnecessary wrapping." -> "While some argue that the responsibility lies with entrepreneurs, others contend that users are accountable for addressing unnecessary packaging."
    Explanation: Substituting "belongs to" with "lies with" and "dealing with" with "addressing" contributes to a more formal and precise expression of the distribution of responsibility.

  3. "The unique roles that both parties play in this endeavor will be analyzed, and I am convinced that the latter should take the lead in this issue." -> "The distinct roles played by both parties in this endeavor will be analyzed, and I am convinced that the consumers should assume a leading role in addressing this issue."
    Explanation: Using "distinct" instead of "unique" and rephrasing "take the lead in this issue" to "assume a leading role in addressing this issue" maintains formality and clarifies the author’s stance.

  4. "cutting down on the amount of plastic and paper wrappers is a massive undertaking that seems impossible without producers and supermarkets intervention." -> "Reducing the use of plastic and paper wrappers is a substantial endeavor that appears challenging without intervention from producers and supermarkets."
    Explanation: Simplifying "cutting down on the amount of" to "reducing the use of," and rearranging the sentence for clarity and formality improves the expression of the idea.

  5. "once the packing service disappears or is charged for an amount of fee, its consumption will be gradually limited." -> "Once the packaging service ceases to exist or incurs a fee, its consumption will gradually diminish."
    Explanation: Substituting "disappears" with "ceases to exist" and refining "charged for an amount of fee" to "incurs a fee" enhances precision and formality.

  6. "Another explanation lies in the promising marketing influence they will have on the majority." -> "Another factor lies in their potential marketing influence on the majority."
    Explanation: Simplifying and rephrasing "lies in the promising marketing influence" to "factor lies in their potential marketing influence" improves clarity and formality.

  7. "For instance, Amazon brand which has been switching out its packaging has encouraged other outlets to adopt eco-conscious practice." -> "For instance, the Amazon brand, which has been transitioning to eco-friendly packaging, has inspired other retailers to embrace environmentally conscious practices."
    Explanation: Adding "the" before "Amazon brand," changing "switching out" to "transitioning to," and rephrasing "adopt eco-conscious practice" to "embrace environmentally conscious practices" enhances clarity and formality.

  8. "By leaning towards products with biodegradable or recyclable wrappers, avoiding single-use plastic or discarding them properly after use, buyers can stimulate market demand for eco-friendly packaging alternatives." -> "By opting for products with biodegradable or recyclable packaging, refraining from single-use plastic, and properly disposing of items after use, consumers can stimulate market demand for eco-friendly packaging alternatives."
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and precision, replacing "leaning towards" with "opting for," and specifying the actions related to single-use plastic contribute to a more formal and refined expression.

  9. "In addition, supporting companies that prioritize sustainability can embrace the development of those and put a strain on those that do not follow the trend." -> "Additionally, endorsing companies that prioritize sustainability can contribute to the advancement of such practices and exert pressure on those that do not align with this trend."
    Explanation: Substituting "supporting" with "endorsing," refining "embrace the development of those" to "contribute to the advancement of such practices," and replacing "put a strain on" with "exert pressure on" enhances formality and clarity.

  10. "reduction in packing" -> "reduction in packaging"
    Explanation: Correcting "reduction in packing" to "reduction in packaging" ensures the use of the appropriate term.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: "As the impacts of packaging overconsumption become more palpable, environmental protection has become one of humanity’s chief objectives at present time. While some argue that the responsibility belongs to entrepreneurs, others believe that users are accountable for dealing with the unnecessary wrapping. The unique roles that both parties play in this endeavor will be analyzed, and I am convinced that the latter should take the lead in this issue."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The introduction clearly presents the topic but lacks a concise summary of the main points to be discussed. To enhance clarity, consider providing a brief roadmap of the essay’s structure. Additionally, the phrase "I am convinced that the latter should take the lead in this issue" lacks specificity. Specify what "the latter" refers to, making your position unequivocal.
    • Improved example: "In this essay, I will examine the roles of both entrepreneurs and consumers in addressing packaging overconsumption. While some argue entrepreneurs bear the responsibility, others believe users should manage unnecessary wrapping. I assert that consumers should lead efforts in reducing packaging waste."
  2. Quoted text: "On the one hand, cutting down on the amount of plastic and paper wrappers is a massive undertaking that seems impossible without producers and supermarkets intervention. The most compelling reason is that simultaneous commitment among supply chains will inevitably force consumers to opt for a more environmentally-friendly choice. In detail, once the packing service disappears or is charged for an amount of fee, its consumption will be gradually limited. Another explanation lies in the promising marketing influence they will have on the majority . For instance, Amazon brand which has been switching out its packaging has encouraged other outlets to adopt eco-conscious practice."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The analysis is quite clear and well-supported. However, the argument could be strengthened by providing specific examples of other companies, besides Amazon, adopting eco-conscious practices. This would add depth and credibility to your position.
    • Improved example: "For instance, the prominent shift in packaging practices by Amazon has set a noteworthy precedent, compelling other industry players like [specific company names] to follow suit, thereby affirming the substantial influence of such eco-friendly initiatives."
  3. Quoted text: "On the other hand, I opine that customers also have to take steps in order to push for a greener future. By leaning towards products with biodegradable or recyclable wrappers, avoiding single-use plastic or discarding them properly after use, buyers can stimulate market demand for eco-friendly packaging alternatives. In addition, supporting companies that prioritize sustainability can embrace the development of those and put a strain on those that do not follow the trend."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The argument here is well-developed. However, it could benefit from expanding on how supporting sustainable companies puts a strain on those that do not follow the trend. Providing a brief explanation or example would strengthen this point.
    • Improved example: "Furthermore, when consumers actively support companies prioritizing sustainability, they contribute to a market dynamic that puts a strain on competitors unwilling to embrace eco-friendly practices. This economic pressure fosters a gradual shift toward environmentally responsible packaging across industries."

Overall, the essay adequately addresses the task, with a well-structured argument and relevant examples. Enhancing the specificity of certain points and providing additional examples will further strengthen your essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of information and ideas, with clear progression throughout. It effectively uses a range of cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases, to connect sentences and paragraphs. The central topic within each paragraph is presented clearly. The essay balances perspectives on the roles of producers and consumers in addressing packaging overconsumption, providing examples and reasoning to support both views. The overall structure is coherent, allowing for a smooth flow of ideas.

How to improve:
While the essay generally achieves coherence and cohesion, there is room for improvement in the use of cohesive devices. Ensure that these devices are applied consistently and appropriately. Some sentences could benefit from clearer connections between ideas. Additionally, consider refining paragraphing to enhance logical organization further. Aim for a more nuanced exploration of counterarguments and potential rebuttals to strengthen the overall argumentative structure.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay showcases a reasonably good range of vocabulary, incorporating terms related to environmental concerns and sustainable practices. There’s evidence of attempts to use less common vocabulary ("opt for," "biodegradable," "discarding properly," "stimulate market demand," etc.). While there’s some awareness of style and collocation, occasional errors in word choice and collocation are present ("the promising marketing influence they will have," "the majority," etc.). Overall, the vocabulary allows for flexibility and precision in expressing ideas relevant to the prompt.

How to improve: To enhance lexical resource further, focus on refining the use of collocations and ensuring more accurate word choices. Pay attention to sentence structures to improve the fluency and precision of conveying ideas. Additionally, aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary that aligns more precisely with the context and topic of environmental sustainability and packaging reduction.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good range of structures with a variety of complex sentences used effectively throughout the response. There is an attempt to use a mix of sentence structures, incorporating both simple and complex forms to present ideas. The essay showcases control over grammar and punctuation for the most part, producing frequent error-free sentences. However, there are occasional errors and inaccuracies that slightly impact the overall impression.

The essay effectively discusses both perspectives and provides clear arguments supporting each viewpoint. It maintains coherence and clarity in presenting ideas and arguments. There’s an adequate use of vocabulary and language to articulate the writer’s stance on the issue.

While the essay displays a commendable range of structures and complex sentences, occasional errors in grammar and punctuation prevent it from achieving a higher band score.

How to improve:
To improve the essay’s grammatical range and accuracy for a higher score, focus on revising and editing to minimize occasional errors. Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, sentence structures, and punctuation. Consider utilizing a more diverse range of complex structures while ensuring accuracy and precision in language use. Additionally, thorough proofreading and revision can further enhance the clarity and precision of the ideas presented.

Bài sửa mẫu

As the consequences of excessive packaging become more evident, environmental protection stands out as a primary concern for humanity today. Some argue that the onus lies with business owners, while others contend that consumers should address unnecessary packaging. This essay will examine both perspectives, and I firmly believe that consumers should play a leading role in this matter.

On one hand, reducing the use of plastic and paper wrappers is a formidable task that appears challenging without intervention from producers and supermarkets. A compelling reason is that a simultaneous commitment across supply chains will naturally steer consumers towards more environmentally friendly choices. Specifically, if packaging services are either eliminated or incurring a fee, their usage will gradually decline. Another factor is the influential marketing effect they have on the majority. For example, Amazon’s adoption of eco-friendly practices in packaging has prompted other retailers to follow suit.

On the other hand, I believe that consumers must also contribute to fostering a greener future. By choosing products with biodegradable or recyclable packaging, avoiding single-use plastics, and responsibly disposing of them after use, buyers can stimulate the market demand for eco-friendly alternatives. Additionally, supporting companies prioritizing sustainability can encourage the development of such products and exert pressure on those not following the trend.

In conclusion, the reduction of packaging is a substantial responsibility that both suppliers and consumers must shoulder. Nevertheless, I am of the opinion that consumers making informed choices to support eco-friendly products will have a more significant impact on addressing this issue.

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