Some people think the government funding should not be used for supporting art and culture, others think supporting cultural activities may be beneficial for the population and the culture.

Many are in favor of supporting culture and art through government funding as it can be beneficial for the people and the country; while some might argue that such luxury is not suitable considering that there are other critical aspects that have larger effect on the daily life. This essay will aim to discuss both views and explain why it agrees to the former.

It is understandable why some people disagree with this policy as there has been an increase in poverty across the world, especially in developed countries. In the face of the low-income people, cultural activities can be seen as a waste of resources when they are suffering from securing their daily needs. Many Americans have raised this concern when the government keeps increasing its military spending and its expenses in other departments, while neglecting the needs of the working class people.

Despite acknowledging this, preserving art and culture does have advantages that can be beneficial to the country and its citizen. Most notable benefit will be an increase in tourist attractions. A large number of Asian and European cities have experienced an increase in tourism thanks to its traditional architectures, which reflects beautifully its historical art, such as Kyoto of Japan or Venice of Italy. This can result in an economical improvement that can benefit everybody.

In conclusion, although there are other factors that are more crucial than art and cultures, it can be argued that by funding the protection of cultural activities, a nation can improve its income through tourism. This can be advantageous to its citizen and can help provide a solution to the other critical problems.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Many are in favor of supporting" -> "Many advocate for supporting"
Explanation: "Advocate for" is a more precise and formal expression than "are in favor of," which is somewhat colloquial and vague in an academic context.
"as it can be beneficial" -> "as it may be beneficial"
Explanation: "May" is more appropriate than "can" in formal writing as it implies possibility rather than certainty, which is more suitable for academic discussions.
"such luxury is not suitable" -> "such an expenditure is not justified"
Explanation: "Expenditure" is a more precise term than "luxury," which can carry a negative connotation. "Not justified" is also more formal than "not suitable."
"larger effect on the daily life" -> "greater impact on daily life"
Explanation: "Impact" is a more precise term than "effect" in this context, and "daily life" should be hyphenated as "daily-life" to form a compound adjective.
"It agrees to the former" -> "This essay supports the former view"
Explanation: "This essay supports the former view" is clearer and more direct than "It agrees to the former," which is awkward and unclear.
"has been an increase in poverty" -> "there has been an increase in poverty"
Explanation: Adding "there" clarifies the subject of the sentence, making it grammatically correct and more formal.
"especially in developed countries" -> "particularly in developed countries"
Explanation: "Particularly" is more formal and precise than "especially" in academic writing.
"cultural activities can be seen as a waste of resources" -> "cultural activities may be viewed as a misuse of resources"
Explanation: "May be viewed as a misuse of resources" is more formal and precise than "can be seen as a waste of resources."
"Many Americans have raised this concern" -> "Many have expressed this concern"
Explanation: Removing "Americans" avoids a specific reference that may be seen as biased or regional, making the statement more universally applicable and formal.
"its expenses in other departments" -> "its expenditures in other departments"
Explanation: "Expenditures" is the correct term for formal discussions about government spending.
"the needs of the working class people" -> "the needs of working-class individuals"
Explanation: "Working-class individuals" is a more formal and precise term than "the working class people."
"Most notable benefit will be" -> "One significant benefit is"
Explanation: "One significant benefit is" is more direct and formal than "Most notable benefit will be," which is somewhat vague and less formal.
"reflects beautifully its historical art" -> "beautifully reflects its historical art"
Explanation: Reordering the words improves the sentence structure for formal writing, making it clearer and more grammatically correct.
"can be advantageous to its citizen" -> "can be advantageous to its citizens"
Explanation: "Citizens" should be plural to match the subject "a nation."
"can help provide a solution to the other critical problems" -> "can help address other critical issues"
Explanation: "Address" is a more precise and formal verb than "provide a solution to," and "issues" is more commonly used in academic contexts than "problems."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both sides of the argument regarding government funding for art and culture, which is a requirement of the prompt. The author acknowledges the viewpoint against such funding, citing poverty and the need for basic necessities as valid concerns. However, the essay leans towards supporting funding for cultural activities, indicating a clear preference. The discussion of both views is somewhat balanced, but the argument against funding could be elaborated further to enhance understanding of the opposing perspective.
- How to improve: To more comprehensively address all elements of the question, the essay could include more detailed examples and arguments from the opposing viewpoint. For instance, discussing specific examples of how funding for art has been perceived as wasteful in certain contexts could strengthen the counterargument. Additionally, providing a more thorough exploration of the benefits of cultural funding, such as its impact on community identity and social cohesion, would enhance the overall discussion.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position in favor of government funding for art and culture, particularly in the conclusion. However, the transition between discussing both viewpoints and the author’s stance could be clearer. The phrase "this essay will aim to discuss both views and explain why it agrees to the former" is somewhat vague and could be misinterpreted as a lack of commitment to the author’s position.
- How to improve: To maintain a clearer and more consistent position throughout the essay, the author should explicitly state their stance in the introduction and reinforce it in each body paragraph. Using phrases such as "This essay argues that…" or "It is essential to recognize that…" can help clarify the author’s position. Additionally, summarizing the main argument in the conclusion with a strong statement can reinforce the clarity of the stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the economic benefits of tourism related to cultural funding. However, some ideas are not fully developed or supported with sufficient evidence. For example, while the mention of cities like Kyoto and Venice is relevant, the essay does not delve into specific statistics or studies that illustrate the economic impact of tourism on these cities due to cultural preservation.
- How to improve: To effectively present, elaborate, and substantiate ideas, the author should aim to include more detailed examples and data. For instance, citing specific studies that show the correlation between cultural investment and tourism revenue would strengthen the argument. Additionally, exploring the social and educational benefits of art and culture could provide a more rounded perspective.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the implications of government funding for art and culture. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, particularly when discussing military spending and the needs of the working class. While these points are relevant, they could distract from the main argument regarding cultural funding.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance to the topic, the author should ensure that all points made directly relate back to the central question of government funding for art and culture. It may be helpful to limit discussions of unrelated issues and instead tie back to how these factors influence public perception of cultural funding. Using topic sentences that clearly relate to the main argument can help keep the essay on track.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively outlines the two opposing views and indicates the writer’s stance. The body paragraphs are organized to first present the counter-argument regarding the prioritization of funding and then shift to the benefits of supporting art and culture, which helps in maintaining a logical flow. However, the transition between the counter-argument and the main argument could be smoother to enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To improve logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly relate to the thesis statement. Additionally, integrating transitional phrases such as "On the other hand," or "Conversely," at the beginning of the second body paragraph would help signal the shift in focus and improve the overall flow of ideas.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The first body paragraph discusses the counter-argument, while the second focuses on the benefits of funding art and culture. However, the conclusion could be more distinct and should summarize the key points more effectively, reinforcing the main argument.
- How to improve: To enhance paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that the conclusion succinctly reiterates the main points discussed in the body. Consider adding a brief summary of the key arguments made in each paragraph in the conclusion to reinforce the overall message of the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "despite acknowledging this" and "this can result in," which help link ideas within and between sentences. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between ideas could be made clearer.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," "however," and "for instance." This will not only enhance the flow of the essay but also improve the clarity of the relationships between ideas. Additionally, consider using pronouns and synonyms to avoid repetition and create smoother transitions between sentences.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately enhancing the overall quality of the writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "government funding," "cultural activities," "tourist attractions," and "economical improvement." However, the vocabulary used is somewhat limited in variety and sophistication. For instance, phrases like "critical aspects" and "working class people" are somewhat generic and could be replaced with more nuanced language. The use of "luxury" to describe art and culture is also a bit simplistic and could be expanded to convey a deeper understanding of the topic.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, the writer should consider incorporating more varied synonyms and expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "beneficial," alternatives like "advantageous," "favorable," or "constructive" could be employed. Additionally, exploring more sophisticated terms related to culture and economics, such as "cultural heritage," "artistic expression," or "economic vitality," would elevate the essay’s lexical resource.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "larger effect on the daily life" could be more accurately expressed as "greater impact on daily living" or "more significant influence on everyday life." The term "luxury" in the context of government funding for art and culture may also misrepresent the value of cultural investments, which are often essential for societal well-being rather than mere luxuries.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on the context in which they use certain words. It is advisable to choose words that accurately reflect the intended meaning and context. For instance, instead of "waste of resources," a more precise term could be "misallocation of funds," which conveys a clearer critique of funding priorities. Engaging with a thesaurus or vocabulary-building resources could help in selecting more appropriate words.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay shows a good level of spelling accuracy, with no glaring errors present. Words like "government," "poverty," "beneficial," and "economical" are spelled correctly, indicating a solid grasp of basic spelling conventions. However, the term "economical improvement" is slightly awkward; "economic improvement" would be the correct phrase in this context.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should continue to proofread their work carefully. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch any minor errors or awkward phrases. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises or vocabulary quizzes can reinforce correct spelling habits.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a competent use of vocabulary, there is room for improvement in terms of range, precision, and spelling. By expanding vocabulary, refining word choice for accuracy, and maintaining spelling consistency, the writer can enhance their lexical resource score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a competent use of various sentence structures. For instance, the writer employs complex sentences effectively, such as in the opening statement: "Many are in favor of supporting culture and art through government funding as it can be beneficial for the people and the country." This showcases an ability to connect ideas logically. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the use of simple and compound sentences, which can limit the overall variety. The phrase "can be seen as a waste of resources" is also somewhat formulaic and could be expressed in a more varied manner.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should incorporate more varied sentence types, such as conditional sentences ("If the government invests in culture, it may…") or more sophisticated subordinate clauses. Additionally, varying the placement of clauses can create more dynamic sentence flow. Practicing the use of inversion or starting sentences with adverbial phrases could also add complexity.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from clarity. For example, the phrase "larger effect on the daily life" should be "larger effects on daily life," as "effects" should be plural and "the" is unnecessary. Additionally, the sentence "Most notable benefit will be an increase in tourist attractions" lacks an article before "notable," which should read "The most notable benefit will be…" Furthermore, punctuation is mostly correct, but the use of semicolons could be improved; the first sentence could be better served with a conjunction instead of a semicolon.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, particularly with articles and pluralization. Engaging in grammar exercises that emphasize subject-verb agreement and article usage can be beneficial. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of semicolons and commas, will help enhance clarity and flow in writing. Reading more complex texts can also provide insight into correct grammatical structures and punctuation usage.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Many are in favor of supporting culture and art through government funding, as it can be beneficial for the people and the country; while some might argue that such luxury is not suitable considering that there are other critical aspects that have a greater impact on daily life. This essay will aim to discuss both views and explain why it supports the former.

It is understandable why some people disagree with this policy, as there has been an increase in poverty across the world, especially in developed countries. In the face of low-income individuals, cultural activities can be seen as a waste of resources when they are struggling to secure their daily needs. Many Americans have raised this concern when the government keeps increasing its military spending and its expenditures in other departments while neglecting the needs of working-class individuals.

Despite acknowledging this, preserving art and culture does have advantages that can be beneficial to the country and its citizens. One significant benefit will be an increase in tourist attractions. A large number of Asian and European cities have experienced an increase in tourism thanks to their traditional architecture, which beautifully reflects their historical art, such as Kyoto in Japan or Venice in Italy. This can result in an economic improvement that can benefit everybody.

In conclusion, although there are other factors that are more crucial than art and culture, it can be argued that by funding the protection of cultural activities, a nation can improve its income through tourism. This can be advantageous to its citizens and can help address other critical issues.