fbpx

Some people think the government should spend more money on public services rather than waste money on arts (ie. music and painting ). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think the government should spend more money on public services rather than waste money on arts (ie. music and painting ). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There has been a heated debate on whether the public purse spending on what field can obtain the most dividends. Some state that this enormous budget should be dedicated to public services rather than less essential matters such as arts and music. My point of view on this topic is that both play a vital role in the country’s prosperity and cannot be overshadowed by the other.

On the one hand, it is irrefutable that governments play a determined role in allocating money to services that directly cater for the masses. This claim is justifiable because the state budget is intrinsically derived from tax revenue paid by residents themselves. Furthermore, starvation and illiteracy are rampant in many parts of the world, which is probably a result of governmental indifference and corruption. The repercussions could weaken the relationships between communities and authorities, and therefore disunity within a country seems to be inevitable. All of these reasons might potentially hamper a nation from achieving a well-developed society.

On the other hand, diverting a part of the government’s funding to artistic fields such as music and painting does invigorate the economy of a country. This is because if a country focuses solely on handling internal problems without taking notice of other aspects, the chances are that they might lose lucrative opportunities gained from a large influx of foreign visitors. This would be a step back in comparison to other economic powerhouses, especially given the inexorable competitiveness of globalization. Not to mention, there is a likelihood that cultural values might become almost useless because there is no driving force behind preserving and maintaining them unless they create financial benefits or are widely recognized by the public. These are the testaments to the answer to what would happen in case the government overlooked artistic creation.

In conclusion, there is no denying that human demand should take precedence above all; however, I believe that it is imprudent for authorities to downplay the magnitude of art forms in a way that creates a community of well-being.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "There has been a heated debate on whether the public purse spending on what field can obtain the most dividends." -> "There has been a heated debate on which area of public expenditure can yield the greatest dividends."
    Explanation: The original sentence is somewhat convoluted and informal. The suggested revision provides a more concise and academically appropriate expression of the debate topic.

  2. "Some state that this enormous budget should be dedicated to public services rather than less essential matters such as arts and music." -> "Some argue that this substantial budget should prioritize public services over less essential areas, such as arts and music."
    Explanation: The revised sentence maintains clarity while using more precise and formal language. It replaces the colloquial "enormous" with "substantial" and restructures the sentence for improved academic tone.

  3. "My point of view on this topic is that both play a vital role in the country’s prosperity and cannot be overshadowed by the other." -> "My perspective on this matter is that both contribute significantly to the nation’s prosperity and should not be marginalized in favor of the other."
    Explanation: The suggested changes enhance the formality of the expression, replacing "point of view" with "perspective" and using more sophisticated language to convey the idea of equal importance.

  4. "On the one hand, it is irrefutable that governments play a determined role in allocating money to services that directly cater for the masses." -> "On one hand, it is undeniable that governments play a crucial role in allocating funds to services that directly serve the general population."
    Explanation: The term "irrefutable" is replaced with "undeniable" for a more formal tone, and the phrase "determined role" is substituted with "crucial role" for precision and academic appropriateness.

  5. "This claim is justifiable because the state budget is intrinsically derived from tax revenue paid by residents themselves." -> "This assertion is justifiable as the state budget is inherently derived from the tax revenue contributed by residents."
    Explanation: The term "claim" is replaced with "assertion" for a more formal tone, and the sentence is rephrased for clarity and conciseness.

  6. "Furthermore, starvation and illiteracy are rampant in many parts of the world, which is probably a result of governmental indifference and corruption." -> "Moreover, widespread starvation and illiteracy prevail in many parts of the world, likely stemming from governmental indifference and corruption."
    Explanation: The suggested changes enhance formality by replacing "rampant" with "prevail" and provide a more precise expression of causation.

  7. "All of these reasons might potentially hamper a nation from achieving a well-developed society." -> "These factors have the potential to impede a nation’s progress toward attaining a well-developed society."
    Explanation: The revision simplifies the sentence structure while maintaining a formal tone, replacing "reasons might potentially hamper" with "factors have the potential to impede."

  8. "On the other hand, diverting a part of the government’s funding to artistic fields such as music and painting does invigorate the economy of a country." -> "Conversely, allocating a portion of government funding to artistic fields, such as music and painting, can invigorate the nation’s economy."
    Explanation: The revision replaces "diverting" with "allocating" for a more precise term and restructures the sentence for improved clarity and formality.

  9. "This is because if a country focuses solely on handling internal problems without taking notice of other aspects, the chances are that they might lose lucrative opportunities gained from a large influx of foreign visitors." -> "This is because if a country exclusively addresses internal issues without considering other aspects, there is a risk of forfeiting lucrative opportunities arising from a substantial influx of foreign visitors."
    Explanation: The suggested changes enhance precision and formality, avoiding the use of "chances are" and providing a more detailed expression of the consequences.

  10. "Not to mention, there is a likelihood that cultural values might become almost useless because there is no driving force behind preserving and maintaining them unless they create financial benefits or are widely recognized by the public." -> "Moreover, there is a risk that cultural values may lose significance without a driving force for preservation, unless they yield financial benefits or gain widespread public recognition."
    Explanation: The revision improves formality by replacing "Not to mention" with "Moreover" and enhances clarity by providing a more detailed expression of the potential consequences.

  11. "These are the testaments to the answer to what would happen in case the government overlooked artistic creation." -> "These serve as testaments to the potential outcomes if the government neglects artistic creation."
    Explanation: The suggested changes provide a more concise and formal expression of the idea, replacing "the answer to what would happen" with "the potential outcomes if."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: "There has been a heated debate on whether the public purse spending on what field can obtain the most dividends. Some state that this enormous budget should be dedicated to public services rather than less essential matters such as arts and music. My point of view on this topic is that both play a vital role in the country’s prosperity and cannot be overshadowed by the other."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: Your introduction does a decent job of presenting the topic and your stance. However, it could be strengthened by providing a clear roadmap of the main points you will discuss in the essay. Consider briefly outlining the reasons supporting your view on the importance of both public services and the arts. This will enhance the overall structure and guide the reader through your argument.
    • Improved example: "In the ongoing debate about public spending priorities, some argue for a focus on essential services, while others advocate for investment in the arts. In this essay, I will present arguments supporting the crucial role of both public services and the arts in a nation’s prosperity. This will include discussions on economic benefits, societal well-being, and the balance needed for comprehensive development."
  2. Quoted text: "On the one hand, it is irrefutable that governments play a determined role in allocating money to services that directly cater for the masses. This claim is justifiable because the state budget is intrinsically derived from tax revenue paid by residents themselves. Furthermore, starvation and illiteracy are rampant in many parts of the world, which is probably a result of governmental indifference and corruption. The repercussions could weaken the relationships between communities and authorities, and therefore disunity within a country seems to be inevitable. All of these reasons might potentially hamper a nation from achieving a well-developed society."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: Your first body paragraph is generally well-developed, addressing the importance of public services. However, the connection between governmental spending and the consequences of indifference and corruption could be clearer. Consider providing specific examples or elaborating on how misallocation of funds directly leads to issues like starvation and illiteracy. This will enhance the persuasiveness of your argument.
    • Improved example: "Governments, funded by the hard-earned taxes of residents, have a crucial role in providing essential services. However, the consequences of misallocation, driven by indifference and corruption, are stark. For instance, when funds intended for education and healthcare are diverted, it directly contributes to rising rates of illiteracy and starvation. This not only undermines societal well-being but also strains the relationship between communities and authorities, fostering disunity within the nation."
  3. Quoted text: "On the other hand, diverting a part of the government’s funding to artistic fields such as music and painting does invigorate the economy of a country. This is because if a country focuses solely on handling internal problems without taking notice of other aspects, the chances are that they might lose lucrative opportunities gained from a large influx of foreign visitors. This would be a step back in comparison to other economic powerhouses, especially given the inexorable competitiveness of globalization. Not to mention, there is a likelihood that cultural values might become almost useless because there is no driving force behind preserving and maintaining them unless they create financial benefits or are widely recognized by the public. These are the testaments to the answer to what would happen in case the government overlooked artistic creation."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: Your second body paragraph effectively discusses the economic benefits of investing in the arts. However, the connection between artistic creation, cultural values, and financial benefits could be clearer. Provide specific examples of how artistic endeavors contribute to economic growth and cultural preservation. This will add depth to your argument and make it more convincing.
    • Improved example: "Investing in artistic fields such as music and painting not only invigorates the economy but also plays a pivotal role in cultural preservation. For instance, countries embracing their unique artistic heritage often attract a large influx of foreign visitors, creating lucrative opportunities for economic growth. Moreover, the recognition and appreciation of cultural values through art contribute to a nation’s identity. Without government support, these cultural treasures may fade into obscurity, potentially leading to a loss of financial benefits and diminishing the rich tapestry of a nation’s heritage."
  4. Quoted text: "In conclusion, there is no denying that human demand should take precedence above all; however, I believe that it is imprudent for authorities to downplay the magnitude of art forms in a way that creates a community of well-being."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: Your conclusion is concise and summarizes your viewpoint effectively. However, it could be strengthened by reiterating the key reasons supporting your stance. Remind the reader of the dual importance of public services and the arts for a well-rounded and prosperous society, reinforcing your main argument.
    • Improved example: "In conclusion, while acknowledging the paramount importance of addressing human needs, it is crucial not to underestimate the significant role of art in fostering a community of well-being. A balanced approach that allocates resources to both public services and artistic endeavors ensures comprehensive development, meeting the diverse needs of society."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay logically organizes information and ideas, presenting a clear progression throughout. Cohesive devices are used appropriately, though there is a slight underuse in some areas. The central topic within each paragraph is clear, contributing to overall coherence. Paragraphing is generally logical, but there could be slight improvements in transitions between paragraphs.

How to improve:
To enhance coherence, consider incorporating more cohesive devices, ensuring they are used consistently throughout the essay. Additionally, pay attention to smoother transitions between paragraphs to strengthen the overall flow of ideas. Overall, maintain the balance between focusing on public services and arts to avoid potential shifts in the essay’s coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a reasonably wide range of vocabulary, allowing for flexibility and precision in expression. The writer successfully uses less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation. The vocabulary is generally varied and contributes to the fluency of the essay. There are, however, occasional errors in word choice, such as "irrefutable" which might be slightly overstated in the given context. The use of phrases like "enormous budget" and "vital role" adds sophistication to the language. The essay also shows an attempt to convey ideas with precision, and the writer skillfully uses uncommon lexical items to enhance the overall quality. There are rare errors in spelling and word formation, but they do not significantly impede communication.

How to improve:
To further improve, the writer could focus on refining word choice for absolute accuracy. Avoiding slightly overstated terms, like "irrefutable," and opting for more precise expressions would enhance the lexical resource. Additionally, paying careful attention to spelling and word formation to eliminate the rare errors would elevate the overall quality of the essay. Overall, maintaining the current level of vocabulary diversity while fine-tuning accuracy would contribute to achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable use of a variety of complex structures, contributing to the overall coherence and fluency of the essay. The writer successfully employs a range of sentence forms, including complex structures, to convey ideas effectively. The majority of sentences are error-free, showcasing good control of grammar and punctuation. However, there are a few errors in the text, such as "This claim is justifiable because the state budget is intrinsically derived from tax revenue paid by residents themselves," where the use of "intrinsically" may not be entirely appropriate.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should carefully choose and review the use of vocabulary, ensuring that words are employed in contexts where they precisely fit. Additionally, a thorough proofreading to eliminate minor errors, like the one mentioned above, would further elevate the overall quality of the essay. Striving for even greater precision in language use can push the essay towards a Band 8 score.

Bài sửa mẫu

There has been a significant debate regarding where public funds should be directed for maximum benefit. Some argue that this considerable budget should prioritize public services over less essential areas like arts and music. My stance on this matter is that both contribute significantly to a nation’s prosperity and should not be marginalized in favor of the other.

It is undeniable that governments play a crucial role in allocating funds to services directly benefiting the general population. This is justifiable as the state budget comes from the tax revenue contributed by residents. Additionally, widespread issues like starvation and illiteracy prevail in many parts of the world, likely stemming from governmental indifference and corruption. These factors have the potential to impede a nation’s progress towards a well-developed society.

Conversely, directing a portion of government funding to artistic fields, such as music and painting, can stimulate the nation’s economy. If a country exclusively addresses internal issues without considering other aspects, there’s a risk of missing out on opportunities from a substantial influx of foreign visitors. Moreover, without a focus on preserving cultural values, there’s a risk they might lose significance unless they yield financial benefits or gain widespread public recognition. These instances highlight potential outcomes if the government neglects artistic creation.

In conclusion, while addressing human needs is crucial, I believe it’s unwise for authorities to underestimate the significance of art forms in fostering community well-being. Both public services and artistic endeavors hold substantial value in contributing to a nation’s holistic prosperity.

Bài viết liên quan

Learner

  • 10 bài chấm/ ngày

  • Tốc độ trả bài chậm

  • Có thể không truy cập được ở giờ cao điểm

Plus

199K

119K/th

  • Không giới hạn bài chấm

  • Tốc độ trả bài nhanh hơn

  • Truy cập 24/7

  • Hoàn tiền 30 ngày

    Bạn được đảm bảo trong 30 ngày đầu tiên được phép hoàn tiền bất kỳ lúc nào với bất kỳ lý do nào.

Best for Teacher

Premium

249K

149K/th

  • Gói Plus

  • Hỗ trợ kĩ thuật

  • Xuất file Word/Google Docs kèm comments: Link Demo

    - Bài chấm sẽ dc xuất kèm comments gợi ý vocab
    - File Word có thể dc up lên Google Docs và các comments sẽ dc giữ nguyên
    - Các comments có thể dc chỉnh sửa theo ý muốn của gv
    - File Word cá nhân hóa & White label

  • Hoàn tiền 30 ngày

    Bạn được đảm bảo trong 30 ngày đầu tiên được phép hoàn tiền bất kỳ lúc nào với bất kỳ lý do nào.

VIP

499K

299K/th

Learner

  • 10 bài chấm/ ngày

  • Tốc độ trả bài chậm

  • Có thể không truy cập được ở giờ cao điểm

Plus

199K

159K/th

  • Không giới hạn bài chấm

  • Tốc độ trả bài nhanh hơn

  • Truy cập 24/7

  • Hoàn tiền 30 ngày

    Bạn được đảm bảo trong 30 ngày đầu tiên được phép hoàn tiền bất kỳ lúc nào với bất kỳ lý do nào.

Best for Teacher

Premium

249K

199K/th

  • Gói Plus

  • Hỗ trợ kĩ thuật

  • Xuất file Word/Google Docs kèm comments: Link Demo

    - Bài chấm sẽ dc xuất kèm comments gợi ý vocab
    - File Word có thể dc up lên Google Docs và các comments sẽ dc giữ nguyên
    - Các comments có thể dc chỉnh sửa theo ý muốn của gv
    - File Word cá nhân hóa & White label

  • Hoàn tiền 30 ngày

    Bạn được đảm bảo trong 30 ngày đầu tiên được phép hoàn tiền bất kỳ lúc nào với bất kỳ lý do nào.

VIP

499K

399K/th

Learner

  • 10 bài chấm/ ngày

  • Tốc độ trả bài chậm

  • Có thể không truy cập được ở giờ cao điểm

Plus

199K/th

  • Không giới hạn bài chấm

  • Tốc độ trả bài nhanh hơn

  • Truy cập 24/7

Best for Teacher

Premium

249K/th

  • Gói Plus

  • Hỗ trợ kĩ thuật

  • Xuất file Word/Google Docs kèm comments: Link Demo

    - Bài chấm sẽ dc xuất kèm comments gợi ý vocab
    - File Word có thể dc up lên Google Docs và các comments sẽ dc giữ nguyên
    - Các comments có thể dc chỉnh sửa theo ý muốn của gv
    - File Word cá nhân hóa & White label

VIP

499K/th

  • Everthing in Premium

  • Hand Writing Image Recognition

  • Better Accuracy with GPT-4

  • Early Access to New features

    - Speaking Feedback

  • Customization

    We help with minor customizations to get it working just right.

  • Support Development of New Features

    • Speaking Practice
    • Classroom Management (e.g., Google Class Room)
    • Reading Practice
    • Listening Practice