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Some people think the manufacturers and shopping malls should sell fewer packaged products while others argue that people have the responsibility to buy products with less packaging. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

Some people think the manufacturers and shopping malls should sell fewer packaged products while others argue that people have the responsibility to buy products with less packaging.
Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

In today’s society, packaging has several detrimental impacts on the environment. Therefore, it is believed that manufacturers and shops should reduce the number of packaged products, whereas some people claim that it is the customers’ responsibility to purchase products with less packaging. This essay will discuss both views with relevant examples and then will state that both sellers and buyers should find ways to diminish packaged products.
On the one hand, there is a belief that fewer packaged goods should be sold. This is because in this way, the products might be cheaper and more eco-friendly. By cutting down on the packaging, customers not only do not have to pay money for it, but they also protect the environment. As the packaging process involved different types of plastic and chemicals that are harmful to the ecosystem, reducing the amount of these detrimental substances can help people protect the environment. Moreover, manufacturers can also raise citizens’ awareness of how packaging can damage the diversity of ecosystems, which brings benefits to both customers and the environment. For instance, in many countries such as Singapore and Indonesia, many shopping centres do not provide customers with free plastic bags anymore, and buyers have to pay extra costs if they want packaging. This activity encourage residents to use more eco-friendly bags so as to save money and protect the environment.
On the other hand, many people believe that people have the responsibility to purchase fewer packaged goods. In some regions, for example, many manufacturers still hold the conventional view that packaging is convenient and economical. As a result, plastic bags are mass-produced by companies and shops, which affects the environment negatively. Therefore, people should be aware of this problems and buy products with less packaging to protect the environment. Personally, I opine that companies and manufacturers should produce goods with less packaging, and clients should also consumed fewer packaged products.
In conclusion, I contend that sellers should not produce packaged goods, and it is advisable for buyers to use fewer products with less packaging in order to protect the environment.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "In today’s society, packaging has several detrimental impacts on the environment. Therefore, it is believed that manufacturers and shops should reduce the number of packaged products, whereas some people claim that it is the customers’ responsibility to purchase products with less packaging."
    -> "In contemporary society, packaging has various adverse impacts on the environment. Consequently, there is a belief that manufacturers and retailers should diminish the quantity of packaged products. Meanwhile, some argue that customers bear the responsibility of choosing products with minimal packaging."
    Explanation: Replacing "today’s society" with "contemporary society" and rephrasing the sentence using more formal language enhances the overall academic tone. Additionally, the replacement of "it is believed" with "there is a belief" adds clarity and formality.

  2. "This essay will discuss both views with relevant examples and then will state that both sellers and buyers should find ways to diminish packaged products."
    -> "This essay will explore both perspectives with pertinent examples and subsequently argue that both sellers and buyers should seek methods to reduce the use of packaging."
    Explanation: The revised sentence maintains a formal tone by replacing "discuss" with "explore" and "will state" with "argue." Additionally, using "reduce the use of packaging" is more precise than "diminish packaged products."

  3. "On the one hand, there is a belief that fewer packaged goods should be sold."
    -> "One perspective suggests that a reduced quantity of packaged goods should be sold."
    Explanation: The phrase "On the one hand" is replaced with a more concise "One perspective suggests," aligning with a formal writing style.

  4. "By cutting down on the packaging, customers not only do not have to pay money for it, but they also protect the environment."
    -> "By reducing packaging, customers not only avoid additional costs but also contribute to environmental preservation."
    Explanation: The use of "cutting down" is replaced with "reducing," and the sentence is rephrased for clarity and conciseness while maintaining a formal tone.

  5. "As the packaging process involved different types of plastic and chemicals that are harmful to the ecosystem, reducing the amount of these detrimental substances can help people protect the environment."
    -> "Given that the packaging process involves various types of plastic and chemicals detrimental to the ecosystem, diminishing the presence of these substances can aid in environmental protection."
    Explanation: The sentence is refined for formality by replacing "As" with "Given that" and restructuring for a smoother flow. Additionally, "reducing the amount of these detrimental substances" is replaced with "diminishing the presence of these substances" for precision.

  6. "Moreover, manufacturers can also raise citizens’ awareness of how packaging can damage the diversity of ecosystems, which brings benefits to both customers and the environment."
    -> "Furthermore, manufacturers can contribute to raising citizens’ awareness of how packaging can adversely impact the diversity of ecosystems, providing benefits to both customers and the environment."
    Explanation: The use of "Moreover" is replaced with "Furthermore" for variety. The sentence is also refined for clarity and formality, and "brings benefits" is replaced with "providing benefits" for a more formal structure.

  7. "For instance, in many countries such as Singapore and Indonesia, many shopping centres do not provide customers with free plastic bags anymore, and buyers have to pay extra costs if they want packaging. This activity encourage residents to use more eco-friendly bags so as to save money and protect the environment."
    -> "For instance, in numerous countries, including Singapore and Indonesia, several shopping centers no longer offer free plastic bags. Buyers incur additional charges if they opt for packaging. This initiative encourages residents to adopt more eco-friendly bags, thereby promoting both cost savings and environmental conservation."
    Explanation: The revised passage improves formality by using "including" instead of "such as" and employs more precise and formal language throughout, such as replacing "This activity" with "This initiative" and restructuring sentences for clarity.

  8. "On the other hand, many people believe that people have the responsibility to purchase fewer packaged goods."
    -> "Conversely, there is a prevailing belief that individuals bear the responsibility to reduce their consumption of packaged goods."
    Explanation: The phrase "On the other hand" is replaced with "Conversely," and the sentence is rephrased for formality and clarity.

  9. "In some regions, for example, many manufacturers still hold the conventional view that packaging is convenient and economical."
    -> "In certain regions, numerous manufacturers maintain the traditional perspective that packaging is convenient and economical."
    Explanation: The sentence is refined for formality and clarity, replacing "for example" with "In certain regions" and using "numerous" for emphasis.

  10. "Therefore, people should be aware of this problems and buy products with less packaging to protect the environment."
    -> "Hence, individuals should be cognizant of these issues and opt for products with minimal packaging to contribute to environmental protection."
    Explanation: The phrase "this problems" is corrected to "these issues," and the sentence is rephrased for clarity and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both views as required by the prompt. The first paragraph introduces the topic and the two opposing views, and the subsequent paragraphs discuss each view in detail. The author’s own opinion is also clearly stated in the conclusion. Relevant examples are provided to support the points made.
    • How to improve: While the essay is comprehensive, consider providing a more explicit statement about your own opinion in the introduction to enhance clarity and directness.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout. The stance that both manufacturers and buyers should find ways to reduce packaged products is consistent and evident in the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph contributes to reinforcing this position.
    • How to improve: No improvement needed in this regard. The clarity and consistency of the position are strong.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas clearly, develops them logically, and supports them with relevant examples. For instance, the explanation of why fewer packaged goods should be sold is well-elaborated, supported by examples from Singapore and Indonesia. The paragraph discussing the responsibility of buyers also provides a clear rationale with supporting examples.
    • How to improve: To further enhance the essay, consider providing a bit more depth in the exploration of counterarguments. This can add richness to the discussion and showcase a nuanced understanding of the topic.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, discussing the views on packaged products and the responsibility of manufacturers and buyers. There are no significant deviations, and the examples provided are relevant to the points being made.
    • How to improve: No specific improvement needed. However, it could be beneficial to briefly address potential counterarguments in order to strengthen the overall argumentative structure.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt, effectively addresses all checklist items, and maintains a coherent and well-supported argument. To enhance the essay further, consider providing a more explicit statement of your own opinion in the introduction and adding a bit more depth to the exploration of counterarguments. Overall, an excellent response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally organizes information logically. It begins with a clear introduction that outlines the two opposing views. Each viewpoint is discussed in separate paragraphs, contributing to a clear structure. However, there is room for improvement in transitioning between ideas within paragraphs. Some sentences lack clear connections to the previous ones, affecting the overall coherence.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, focus on creating smooth transitions between sentences and ideas. Ensure that each paragraph builds on the preceding one, providing a cohesive flow throughout the essay. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader through the essay more seamlessly.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively to present distinct ideas. Each paragraph discusses a specific aspect related to the views on packaging, contributing to a clear and organized structure. However, some paragraphs are overly lengthy, potentially causing reader fatigue. Shorter paragraphs could enhance readability and make the essay more engaging.
    • How to improve: Aim for a balance between paragraph length and content. Break longer paragraphs into smaller, focused ones to maintain reader interest. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and topic sentence, facilitating a smoother reading experience.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses a variety of cohesive devices, such as transition words (e.g., "on the one hand," "on the other hand," "in conclusion"), pronouns ("this activity," "these detrimental substances"), and conjunctions ("therefore," "moreover"). However, the frequency and diversity of these devices could be increased for a more sophisticated and cohesive presentation.
    • How to improve: Introduce a broader range of cohesive devices to strengthen the essay’s coherence. Incorporate additional transition words, synonyms, and parallel structures to create a more seamless connection between ideas. Be mindful of repetitive language and explore different ways to express concepts, enhancing the overall cohesion of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderately wide range of vocabulary. There is a variety of words used to convey ideas, and some less common vocabulary is present, such as "detrimental," "eco-friendly," and "conventional view." However, there is room for improvement, and certain terms are repeated, like "packaging" and "environment."
    • How to improve: To enhance the score, try incorporating more diverse synonyms for frequently used words. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "packaging," consider alternatives like "wrapping," "encasing," or "containerization." Additionally, explore more advanced vocabulary related to environmental issues, such as "sustainability," "ecological impact," or "biodiversity preservation."
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with precision, but there are instances where clarity could be improved. For example, the phrase "This activity encourages residents to use more eco-friendly bags" could be more specific about the "activity."
    • How to improve: To enhance precision, provide explicit details or examples. In the mentioned sentence, specify the activities that encourage residents, such as awareness campaigns, incentives, or policy changes. This will add depth and clarity to your expression.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: Overall, the spelling is accurate, but there are a few minor errors, such as "less" instead of "fewer" in the phrase "consumed fewer packaged products."
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to subtle differences in word usage, such as "less" and "fewer." In this context, "fewer" is more appropriate because it refers to countable items (products). Always proofread to catch and correct such minor spelling errors.

In conclusion, while the essay displays a commendable level of vocabulary usage, incorporating a more extensive range of words, refining precision in expression, and maintaining meticulous spelling accuracy will contribute to an even stronger lexical resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a satisfactory range of sentence structures. It effectively employs complex sentences, such as the one discussing the environmental benefits of reducing packaging. However, there is room for improvement in the variety of sentence structures, particularly in the initial part of the essay, where simpler sentences dominate.
    • How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures, such as compound and complex sentences, throughout the essay. For instance, in the introduction, you can vary the sentence lengths and structures to create a more engaging and sophisticated opening.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation. However, there are instances of grammatical errors, such as in the sentence "This essay will discuss both views with relevant examples and then will state that both sellers and buyers should find ways to diminish packaged products." The use of "then will state" is redundant, and the sentence structure could be refined for clarity.
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, carefully review sentences for unnecessary redundancies and ensure that each sentence conveys its message clearly and concisely. In this specific case, rephrase the sentence for better flow, such as "This essay will discuss both views and argue that both sellers and buyers should find ways to reduce packaged products."

In summary, while the essay exhibits a commendable grasp of grammar and a range of structures, it can benefit from a more diverse array of sentence structures for added sophistication. Additionally, careful proofreading can help eliminate minor grammatical errors, contributing to an even more polished and effective essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

In today’s society, packaging has several detrimental impacts on the environment. Therefore, there is a belief that manufacturers and shops should reduce the number of packaged products. Meanwhile, some argue that it is the customers’ responsibility to purchase products with less packaging. This essay will discuss both views with relevant examples and then state that both sellers and buyers should find ways to diminish packaged products.

On one hand, there is a belief that fewer packaged goods should be sold. This is because, in this way, products might be cheaper and more eco-friendly. By cutting down on packaging, customers not only avoid additional costs but also contribute to environmental preservation. As the packaging process involves different types of plastic and harmful chemicals, reducing the amount of these substances can help protect the environment. Moreover, manufacturers can raise citizens’ awareness of how packaging can damage the diversity of ecosystems, benefiting both customers and the environment. For instance, in many countries such as Singapore and Indonesia, several shopping centers no longer provide customers with free plastic bags. Buyers incur additional charges if they opt for packaging. This initiative encourages residents to use more eco-friendly bags, promoting both cost savings and environmental conservation.

On the other hand, many people believe that individuals have the responsibility to purchase fewer packaged goods. In some regions, for example, many manufacturers still hold the conventional view that packaging is convenient and economical. As a result, plastic bags are mass-produced by companies and shops, negatively affecting the environment. Therefore, people should be aware of these problems and buy products with less packaging to protect the environment. Personally, I opine that companies and manufacturers should produce goods with less packaging, and clients should also consume fewer packaged products.

In conclusion, I contend that sellers should not produce packaged goods, and it is advisable for buyers to use fewer products with less packaging to protect the environment.

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