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Some people think the manufacturers or shopping malls should sell less packaged products and others argue that people have the responsibility to buy products with less packaging. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people think the manufacturers or shopping malls should sell less packaged products and others argue that people have the responsibility to buy products with less packaging. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

The 21st century has witnessed unprecedented growing consumer concerns about environmental problems, creating a debate on whether it is the product providers' responsibility to manufacture less packaged goods or that consumers should be held accountable for the global issues by refraining from buying packaged products. This essay will elaborate on both sides of the issue together with providing personal perspective.
On the one hand, being the sole providers of consumer products, by constricting the amount of packageed goods manufactured or sold, goods manufacturers and retail stores can significantly contribute to the process of maintaining a sustainable environment. This is attributed to to their monopoly in producing and distributing goods of all kinds, including packaged ones; thereby, leading consumers to a more environmentally responsible shopping habits. For instance, if customers with a demands for kitchenwares and accessories with layers of packaging yet these are unavailable at the stores they get in, there's a likelihood that they will be deterred from buying such environmentally unfriendly products and switch to other sustainable ones. However, it should be noted that packaging products remain an indispensable parts of human lives in this day and and age, particularly in terms of essential goods such as foods and drinks to ensure their quality and the consumer's safety. Therefore, restricting the amount of them is likely to be unattainable in the near future.
On the other hand, I am completely convinced by the notion that individuals duty in buying less packaging products should be placed more significance on, attributed to its practicality and visible benefits in mitigating the detrimental impacts of humans' shopping habit. Firstly, the varied demands of consumers is synonymous with the diverse customized shopping choices, which is hardly satisfied by markets with limited number of packaging-free products; hence, leading an environmentally responsible life by initiatively purchasing the last packaging goods is optimal in this case. Furthermore, actively shifting some using plastic-covered goods to those without environmentally-unfriendly materials means that individuals are taking a step forward in protecting the environment, traced that they have had more conscious ideologies regarding global environmental problems such as soil and air pollution and the greenhouse gases, which are derived from the burning or burrying process of the packages.
To conclude, even though a combination of efforts from both manufacturers and consumers is ideal for reducing the amount of waste released into the environment, the latterr are seemingly a more significant contributor to this process, since restricting the packaging products is far from being practical in light of humans highly demands for a essential goods with packaging an irreplaceable factor.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "growing consumer concerns" -> "heightened consumer concerns"
    Explanation: Replacing "growing" with "heightened" adds a more sophisticated tone to describe the increase in consumer concerns.

  2. "whether it is the product providers’ responsibility" -> "whether manufacturers bear the responsibility"
    Explanation: The suggested alternative replaces the informal "product providers" with the more formal "manufacturers" and rephrases to enhance clarity.

  3. "manufacture less packaged goods" -> "produce fewer goods with excessive packaging"
    Explanation: The substitution of "less packaged goods" with "fewer goods with excessive packaging" maintains formality while specifying the type of goods involved.

  4. "or that consumers should be held accountable" -> "or if consumers should shoulder accountability"
    Explanation: The alternative phrase "shoulder accountability" is a more formal way to express the idea of consumers being responsible.

  5. "debate on whether" -> "debate regarding whether"
    Explanation: Replacing "on whether" with "regarding whether" is more precise and aligns better with academic style.

  6. "elaborate on both sides of the issue" -> "examine both perspectives"
    Explanation: The suggested alternative provides a more direct and formal way to express the intention of discussing both sides of the issue.

  7. "by constricting the amount" -> "by limiting the quantity"
    Explanation: "Constricting" is replaced with "limiting" for a more formal expression, maintaining the intended meaning.

  8. "packageed goods" -> "packaged goods"
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling error by removing the extra ‘e’ in "packageed" to "packaged."

  9. "goods manufacturers" -> "manufacturers of goods"
    Explanation: Reordering the words for a more conventional and formal structure.

  10. "thereby, leading consumers" -> "thus, guiding consumers"
    Explanation: Substituting "thereby, leading" with "thus, guiding" for a smoother transition and more formal tone.

  11. "with demands for kitchenwares" -> "seeking kitchenware"
    Explanation: Replacing "with demands for" with "seeking" simplifies the expression without losing meaning.

  12. "environmentally responsible shopping habits" -> "environmentally conscious shopping habits"
    Explanation: Substituting "responsible" with "conscious" for a more nuanced and formal description of shopping habits.

  13. "yet these are unavailable at the stores they get in" -> "if these are unavailable at the stores they visit"
    Explanation: The suggested change improves the clarity and formality of the sentence.

  14. "unattainable in the near future" -> "impractical in the foreseeable future"
    Explanation: Substituting "unattainable" with "impractical" and adding "foreseeable" enhances formality and precision.

  15. "I am completely convinced by the notion that individuals duty" -> "I firmly endorse the idea that individuals’ responsibility"
    Explanation: Replacing "completely convinced by the notion" with "firmly endorse the idea" and refining "individuals duty" to "individuals’ responsibility" for a more formal expression.

  16. "attributed to its practicality and visible benefits" -> "due to its practicality and discernible benefits"
    Explanation: Substituting "attributed to" with "due to" and replacing "visible" with "discernible" for a more formal and precise description.

  17. "synonymous with the diverse customized shopping choices" -> "aligned with the diverse personalized shopping preferences"
    Explanation: The suggested alternative uses more formal and specific terms to describe shopping choices.

  18. "initiatively purchasing the last packaging goods" -> "proactively purchasing products with minimal packaging"
    Explanation: The substitution improves clarity and formality by replacing "initiatively" with "proactively" and correcting the phrase to "minimal packaging."

  19. "using plastic-covered goods" -> "utilizing plastic-wrapped products"
    Explanation: The alternative phrase "utilizing plastic-wrapped products" is more formal and precise.

  20. "traced that they have had more conscious ideologies" -> "indicating a heightened awareness that stems from conscious ideologies"
    Explanation: The suggested alternative maintains formality while improving clarity and precision in expressing the idea of conscious ideologies.

  21. "since restricting the packaging products" -> "as restricting packaged products"
    Explanation: Replacing "since" with "as" improves the connection between the clauses and enhances formality.

  22. "far from being practical in light of humans highly demands" -> "impractical given the high demand from individuals"
    Explanation: The alternative phrase is more formal and clear, providing a smoother flow in the sentence.

  23. "essential goods with packaging an irreplaceable factor" -> "essential goods where packaging is an irreplaceable element"
    Explanation: Restructuring the phrase for a more formal and grammatically correct expression.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

  1. Quoted text: "On the one hand, being the sole providers of consumer products, by constricting the amount of packageed goods manufactured or sold, goods manufacturers and retail stores can significantly contribute to the process of maintaining a sustainable environment. This is attributed to their monopoly in producing and distributing goods of all kinds, including packaged ones; thereby, leading consumers to a more environmentally responsible shopping habits."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The argument here is somewhat convoluted and lacks clarity. While you discuss the role of manufacturers and retail stores, the sentence structure makes it challenging to follow your reasoning. To enhance clarity, consider breaking down the points into separate sentences and provide more specific examples of how manufacturers and retail stores can contribute to a sustainable environment. For instance, elaborate on specific measures they can take to reduce packaging or promote eco-friendly practices.
    • Improved example: "Manufacturers and retail stores, as key players in the consumer product supply chain, have the potential to contribute significantly to environmental sustainability. By implementing measures such as reducing excessive packaging or promoting eco-friendly alternatives, they can lead consumers towards more environmentally responsible shopping habits."
  2. Quoted text: "However, it should be noted that packaging products remain an indispensable parts of human lives in this day and and age, particularly in terms of essential goods such as foods and drinks to ensure their quality and the consumer’s safety. Therefore, restricting the amount of them is likely to be unattainable in the near future."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: While you acknowledge the importance of packaging for essential goods, the transition between sentences is abrupt, making it somewhat unclear. Consider providing a smoother transition and further developing your point. Additionally, offer more nuanced reasons to support the claim that restricting packaging is unattainable. For example, elaborate on the challenges in finding feasible alternatives or how consumer preferences play a role.
    • Improved example: "However, it should be noted that packaging products, especially for essential items like foods and drinks, play a crucial role in ensuring quality and consumer safety. Given these considerations, limiting the use of packaging presents formidable challenges. This is partly due to the difficulty in finding viable alternatives that guarantee both safety and quality. Moreover, consumer preferences often favor packaged products for convenience and hygiene reasons, making significant reduction challenging in the near future."
  3. Quoted text: "To conclude, even though a combination of efforts from both manufacturers and consumers is ideal for reducing the amount of waste released into the environment, the latterr are seemingly a more significant contributor to this process, since restricting the packaging products is far from being practical in light of humans highly demands for a essential goods with packaging an irreplaceable factor."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The conclusion is generally clear, but there is room for improvement in terms of providing a concise summary of your main points. Consider rephrasing to emphasize the significance of individual efforts and why consumers play a more crucial role. Additionally, ensure that your concluding sentence directly ties back to your stance on the issue.
    • Improved example: "In conclusion, while collaboration between manufacturers and consumers is ideal for waste reduction, individuals bear a more significant responsibility. The impracticality of restricting packaging for essential goods, coupled with the undeniable influence of consumer demands, underscores the pivotal role individuals play in fostering a sustainable environment. Therefore, a concerted effort from consumers is indispensable in curbing the environmental impact of packaging waste."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of ideas with clear progression throughout. The introduction introduces the topic and presents the two views, followed by well-structured body paragraphs discussing each perspective. There is an attempt to use a range of cohesive devices, though there are instances of overuse and awkward phrasing. Paragraphing is generally clear, but there is room for improvement in terms of transitions between ideas.

How to improve:

  1. Cohesive Devices: While the essay attempts to use cohesive devices, there are instances of overuse and awkward phrasing. Strive for a more natural flow by using cohesive devices more judiciously and ensuring they enhance, rather than distract from, the overall coherence.

  2. Transitions: Improve the transitions between paragraphs to create a smoother flow of ideas. This can be achieved by using clear topic sentences and ensuring a logical progression of thoughts.

  3. Proofreading: Address grammatical issues, such as the use of "last packaging goods" instead of "less packaging goods" and the repetition of phrases like "environmentally unfriendly." Proofread the essay carefully to eliminate such errors and enhance overall coherence.

By refining these aspects, the essay can further enhance its coherence and cohesion, potentially reaching a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, allowing for flexibility and precision in expression. There is an attempt to use less common vocabulary with some awareness of style and collocation. However, occasional errors in word choice and spelling are present, and the essay falls short of achieving a Band 8 due to these inaccuracies. The use of vocabulary contributes to a generally clear and coherent message, but there is room for improvement in lexical accuracy.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, focus on refining word choice and collocation. Pay attention to spelling and word formation to minimize occasional errors. Additionally, strive for a more consistent application of less common vocabulary to elevate the essay’s overall lexical sophistication. Proofreading can help identify and correct any lingering inaccuracies.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation throughout. It uses a variety of complex structures, such as compound and complex sentences, contributing to a clear and coherent expression of ideas. There are occasional errors, but they do not significantly hinder communication. For example, there are minor typos like "packageed" instead of "packaged" and some awkward phrasing, such as "leading consumers to a more environmentally responsible shopping habits." Additionally, there are instances of word repetition, such as "environmentally responsible," which slightly affects lexical resource.

How to improve:

  1. Careful proofreading to eliminate minor typos and improve overall sentence structure.
  2. Enhance lexical diversity by avoiding repeated phrases and exploring synonyms.
  3. Ensure precision in expression to eliminate potential ambiguity in certain statements.

Overall, the essay effectively addresses the prompt, maintains a coherent structure, and exhibits a good range of sentence structures with minor room for improvement in grammar and vocabulary usage.

Bài sửa mẫu

The concerns regarding environmental issues have notably risen in the 21st century, sparking a debate on whether manufacturers and shopping malls should sell fewer packaged products or if consumers ought to take responsibility by choosing products with reduced packaging. This essay will discuss both perspectives and present my personal opinion.

On one hand, manufacturers and retail outlets, being the primary suppliers of consumer goods, hold a pivotal role in reducing environmental impact by limiting the production and sale of packaged items. This can lead consumers toward more environmentally-conscious shopping habits. For instance, if customers seek kitchenware with excessive packaging, their unavailability in stores might dissuade them from purchasing such environmentally harmful products, encouraging a shift towards more sustainable options. However, it’s crucial to note that packaging remains vital, especially for essential items like food and drinks, ensuring quality and safety. Thus, complete restriction of packaging seems unfeasible in the foreseeable future.

On the other hand, I firmly support the idea that individuals bear responsibility in purchasing products with less packaging due to its practicality and tangible benefits in curbing the adverse effects of consumer habits. The diverse preferences of consumers often demand a variety of customized choices, which limited packaging-free markets may not fulfill. Therefore, making a conscious effort to choose products with minimal packaging is crucial for leading an environmentally responsible lifestyle. Additionally, actively transitioning from plastic-covered goods to environmentally-friendly alternatives signifies a proactive step in environmental protection, indicating an awareness of global environmental issues such as soil and air pollution caused by packaging disposal methods.

In conclusion, while collaborative efforts from both manufacturers and consumers are essential in reducing environmental waste, consumers appear to play a more significant role in this process. Restricting packaging is challenging given the high demand for essential goods where packaging remains integral. Thus, consumers’ conscious choices regarding packaging reduction seem to have a greater impact on mitigating environmental damage.

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