Some people think the money spent on developing technology for space exploration is not justified. There are more beneficial ways to spend this money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think the money spent on developing technology for space exploration is not justified. There are more beneficial ways to spend this money.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

One school of thought holds that the benefits of developing technology for space investigation are not worth the colossal amount of financial investment that we make. While acknowledging the reasons underpinning this thinking, I would argue that this viewpoint is flawed.

Granted, it is understandable why some people assume that subsidizing the technology development for space discovery is unjustified. The key rationale in favor of this notion is that there are more other urgent public sections that need financial support in comparison with space exploration, which would bring about immediate and practical benefits to citizens. In other words, in lieu of funding space exploration, both private sectors and governments can invest in medicines, public welfare, or poverty and illiteracy eradication in order to raise the living conditions as well as quality of their people. It is also noteworthy that despite the vast amount of financial support for space exploration, the results and merits provided are unclear, while numerous risks still exists . This is evidenced by the fact that there are many billion-dollar satellites sattelites and space shuttles spaceshuttles that have had exploded in space in the space, killing not only every crew member members but also causing economic damage to the national to national budget and investors.
Note: good ideas. Since your vocabulary is already pretty strong, I’d advise you to streamline your verbal expressions where possible.

Notwithstanding the above argument, I contend that funding technology development for space exploration is beneficial and necessary for the growth of humanity. First, developing technology for space discovery may accumulate satellite technology, enabling humanshuman to access numerous advanced utilities. Once a satellite is sent into space into the space, not only can we forecast the weather all around the world but also catastrophes, so that people can foresee foreseen and be well-prepared for any unfortunate circumstances as well as protect our planet and environment. Furthermore, there are numerous cases of societal benefits linked to new knowledge and technology from space exploration. Specifically, Space exploration has contributed to many diverse aspects of everyday life, from solar panels to implantable heart monitors, from cancer therapy to light‐ weight materials, and from water‐purification systems to improved computing systems and even to a global search‐and‐rescue system

In conclusion, there are some cases in which funding technology development of space exploration may either be costly or risky. However, in most situations, I believe that the investment in this sector is more efficient, due to its benefits of satellite technology and knowledge related to a wide range of fields.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"One school of thought holds" -> "A particular perspective contends"
Explanation: "A particular perspective contends" elevates the formality of the sentence, aligning better with academic style.
"colossal amount of financial investment" -> "significant financial investment"
Explanation: "Significant financial investment" maintains the emphasis on the scale of investment while sounding more academically appropriate.
"underpinning this thinking" -> "underlying this viewpoint"
Explanation: "Underlying this viewpoint" is a more precise and formal way to describe the foundation of an opinion.
"some people assume" -> "some individuals argue"
Explanation: Replacing "assume" with "argue" makes the statement more specific to an academic debate context.
"more other urgent public sections" -> "other more pressing public sectors"
Explanation: "Other more pressing public sectors" is clearer and more formal, correcting the awkward original phrasing and emphasizing urgency.
"in lieu of" -> "instead of"
Explanation: Although "in lieu of" is formal, "instead of" is more commonly used in academic writing and maintains clarity.
"raise the living conditions as well as quality of their people" -> "enhance the living standards and quality of life for their citizens"
Explanation: "Enhance the living standards and quality of life for their citizens" is more precise and formal, improving the academic tone.
"numerous risks still exists" -> "numerous risks still exist"
Explanation: Correcting "exists" to "exist" for grammatical accuracy and maintaining formal tone.
"satellites sattelites" -> "satellites"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling error enhances the professionalism of the text.
"space shuttles spaceshuttles" -> "space shuttles"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling and spacing error improves readability and accuracy.
"killing not only every crew member members" -> "resulting in the loss of all crew members"
Explanation: "Resulting in the loss of all crew members" is a more formal and sensitive way to express the outcome of such tragedies.
"to the national to national budget" -> "to the national budget"
Explanation: Removing the repeated phrase corrects the error and improves the sentence’s clarity.
"humanshuman" -> "humans"
Explanation: Correcting the typo maintains professionalism and readability.
"into space into the space" -> "into space"
Explanation: Removing the redundancy clarifies and streamlines the sentence.
"foresee foreseen" -> "anticipate"
Explanation: "Anticipate" is a more appropriate and formal term for predicting future events.
"well-prepared" -> "adequately prepared"
Explanation: "Adequately prepared" is more formal and precise in an academic context.
"Space exploration has contributed" -> "Space exploration contributes"
Explanation: Changing to the present tense "contributes" indicates ongoing relevance and impact, aligning better with academic style.
"light‐ weight materials" -> "lightweight materials"
Explanation: Correcting the spacing error maintains professionalism and readability.
"water‐purification systems to improved computing systems and even to" -> "water purification systems, improved computing systems, and even"
Explanation: Removing the hyphen in "water purification" corrects a typo, and adjusting the list format improves clarity and flow.
"more efficient, due to its benefits of satellite technology and knowledge related to a wide range of fields." -> "more beneficial, given the advantages of satellite technology and the knowledge it brings across various fields."
Explanation: "More beneficial, given the advantages" refines the argument by focusing on the positive outcomes rather than efficiency alone, and "across various fields" broadens the scope in a more formal academic tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both aspects of the prompt by presenting arguments both in favor and against the idea that money spent on developing technology for space exploration is not justified. It acknowledges the opposing viewpoint and provides arguments to counter it.
- How to improve: To further enhance task response, ensure that each aspect of the prompt is thoroughly explored. Provide more specific examples or evidence to support your arguments.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, arguing that funding technology development for space exploration is beneficial despite acknowledging opposing views. The stance is consistent and evident in each paragraph.
- How to improve: To strengthen clarity, ensure that each paragraph directly reinforces the main argument. Use transition phrases to guide the reader through your line of reasoning more effectively.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas and extends them with examples, such as the benefits of satellite technology and societal advancements resulting from space exploration. However, some examples lack depth and could be further developed.
- How to improve: Provide more specific and detailed examples to bolster your arguments. Additionally, ensure that each example directly relates to the main points being made.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic, discussing the justification of spending money on space exploration throughout. However, there are minor instances where the discussion slightly deviates, such as mentioning the risks of space exploration without directly tying them back to the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that all points discussed directly relate to the central argument. Avoid tangents that do not contribute to the overall thesis of the essay.

Overall, while the essay effectively presents arguments for the justification of spending money on space exploration and maintains a clear stance, there is room for improvement in providing more comprehensive responses to the prompt and reinforcing arguments with stronger evidence and examples.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for CoBand Score for CoherenceBand Score for Coherence andBand Score for Coherence and CohBand Score for Coherence and CohesionBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion:Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6