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Some people think the money spent on developing the technology for space exploration is not justified. There are more beneficial ways to spend this money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think the money spent on developing the technology for space exploration is not justified. There are more beneficial ways to spend this money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There are various opinions about the money spent on space research. While some people think that this money is biased for everyone, others believe that there are more useful ways to use it. From my perspective, I firmly agree with the first statement and feel that there are several essential needs to spend money on.

Admittedly, there are advantages to the money allocated to space exploration. Regarding practical applications, the development of space research leads to several devices like GPS systems, satellite communication, and so on, which are immensely useful in modern life. For example, GPS plays an important role in exploring the universe, to discovering new habitable planets. This causes a sense of wonder and achievement, which has a positive impact on psychology, and culture; additionally, it also motivates the next-coming generation to pursue.

On the other hand, I hold the belief that this sum of money is costly and should be invested in poverty. Space experiments cost a large amount of money for the governments. However, there are not any guaranteed outcomes, and the success rate of these experiments is not significantly high. Additionally, there is also damage to the environment when burning fuels for rocket launches. An alarming proportion of people in developing and undeveloped countries are struggling with basic needs every day. As a result, the money used on space research should be funded to poverty alleviation programs, to lift them out of poverty.

In conclusion, space mission has various undeniable benefits, however, the large amount of money invested in this should be used for other urgent concerns.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "biased for everyone" -> "allocated for everyone"
    Explanation: The phrase "biased for everyone" is unclear and does not convey the intended meaning. "Allocated for everyone" more accurately reflects the distribution of money for space research.

  2. "there are several essential needs to spend money on" -> "there are several crucial priorities for expenditure"
    Explanation: The original phrase lacks specificity and formal precision. Replacing it with "there are several crucial priorities for expenditure" introduces a more refined and formal expression of the idea.

  3. "Admittedly, there are advantages to the money allocated to space exploration." -> "Admittedly, there are advantages to the funding allocated for space exploration."
    Explanation: Adding "for space exploration" clarifies the context and specifies that the funding is designated for a particular purpose, aligning with a more formal tone.

  4. "leads to several devices like GPS systems" -> "results in various technologies such as GPS systems"
    Explanation: "Leads to" is somewhat informal; replacing it with "results in" maintains clarity while elevating the formality. Also, specifying "such as GPS systems" provides a more precise example.

  5. "which are immensely useful in modern life" -> "which have proven invaluable in contemporary society"
    Explanation: The phrase "immensely useful in modern life" is more casual. Replacing it with "have proven invaluable in contemporary society" enhances the formality and precision of the expression.

  6. "For example, GPS plays an important role in exploring the universe, to discovering new habitable planets." -> "For example, GPS plays a crucial role in various scientific endeavors, including the discovery of new habitable planets."
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence provides a more academic and precise description of GPS’s role in scientific exploration.

  7. "This causes a sense of wonder and achievement, which has a positive impact on psychology, and culture; additionally, it also motivates the next-coming generation to pursue." -> "This evokes a sense of wonder and accomplishment, with positive ramifications for psychology and culture. Moreover, it serves as motivation for the upcoming generation to pursue scientific endeavors."
    Explanation: The revised version maintains a formal tone and clarifies the relationships between the ideas in a more structured manner.

  8. "On the other hand, I hold the belief that this sum of money is costly" -> "However, I contend that this financial allocation is exorbitant"
    Explanation: The phrase "this sum of money is costly" is imprecise. Replacing it with "this financial allocation is exorbitant" provides a more specific and formal expression of the author’s viewpoint.

  9. "there are not any guaranteed outcomes" -> "there are no assured outcomes"
    Explanation: "Not any" can be simplified to "no," and "assured outcomes" is a more formal term compared to "guaranteed outcomes."

  10. "and the success rate of these experiments is not significantly high." -> "and the success rate of these experiments is not notably high."
    Explanation: Replacing "significantly" with "notably" maintains formality and provides a nuanced adjustment in describing the success rate.

  11. "Additionally, there is also damage to the environment when burning fuels for rocket launches." -> "Furthermore, environmental damage occurs during the burning of fuels for rocket launches."
    Explanation: The revised version streamlines the sentence and uses "furthermore" for a more formal transition. The phrase "damage to the environment" is also specified for clarity.

  12. "An alarming proportion of people in developing and undeveloped countries are struggling with basic needs every day." -> "A concerning proportion of individuals in developing and underdeveloped nations contend with basic needs daily."
    Explanation: The phrase "An alarming proportion" is adjusted to "A concerning proportion" for a more formal tone, and "undeveloped" is replaced with "underdeveloped" for accuracy.

  13. "the money used on space research should be funded to poverty alleviation programs" -> "the funds allocated for space research should be redirected to poverty alleviation programs"
    Explanation: The phrase "money used on space research" is replaced with "funds allocated for space research" for precision, and "funded to" is corrected to "redirected to" for a more accurate expression.

  14. "to lift them out of poverty." -> "to alleviate poverty."
    Explanation: The phrase "lift them out of poverty" is replaced with "alleviate poverty" for a more concise and formal conclusion.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

  1. Quoted text: "Admittedly, there are advantages to the money allocated to space exploration. Regarding practical applications, the development of space research leads to several devices like GPS systems, satellite communication, and so on, which are immensely useful in modern life."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The essay introduces some benefits of space exploration, such as the creation of practical devices like GPS and satellite communication. However, it lacks depth in explaining the breadth of these advancements and their direct impact on society or everyday life. To strengthen this argument, elaborate on specific instances where these technologies have revolutionized various industries or improved accessibility for people worldwide. For instance, delve into how GPS systems have transformed navigation for individuals, logistics for businesses, and emergency services, thus demonstrating the tangible advantages brought about by space exploration-derived technologies.
    • Improved example: "Admittedly, space exploration’s funding has led to the creation of revolutionary technologies like GPS systems and satellite communication. These innovations have transcended mere convenience, profoundly impacting our daily lives. For instance, GPS systems have revolutionized navigation, empowering individuals to traverse unfamiliar territories effortlessly, aiding logistics companies in optimizing delivery routes, and ensuring swift emergency responses in critical situations."
  2. Quoted text: "This causes a sense of wonder and achievement, which has a positive impact on psychology, and culture; additionally, it also motivates the next-coming generation to pursue."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The essay mentions the psychological and cultural impact of space exploration but lacks specific examples or detailed explanations to substantiate these claims. To strengthen this argument, offer concrete instances of how space exploration has inspired individuals, cultures, or societal advancements. Discuss notable events or achievements in space exploration that captivated public imagination and inspired technological or cultural shifts. Additionally, consider elaborating on how this motivation translates into tangible pursuits or career choices for the younger generation.
    • Improved example: "The profound impact of space exploration extends beyond technological advancements. Landmark missions like the Apollo moon landing stirred a global sense of wonder and pride, fostering a cultural shift in how humanity perceives its capabilities. Such moments not only elevate national pride but also inspire scientific curiosity and innovation. For instance, the iconic images of astronauts on the moon motivated countless young minds to pursue careers in science and engineering, shaping the next generation of innovators and explorers."
  3. Quoted text: "However, there are not any guaranteed outcomes, and the success rate of these experiments is not significantly high."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: While acknowledging the uncertainty in outcomes and success rates of space missions, this argument lacks context or comparative analysis. To strengthen this point, consider providing examples of unsuccessful space missions or instances where substantial investments didn’t yield anticipated results. Furthermore, juxtapose these uncertainties against the potential impact and cost-effectiveness of directing funds towards poverty alleviation programs. This comparative analysis would bolster the argument regarding the unpredictability of space missions in contrast to the urgency and reliability of poverty alleviation initiatives.
    • Improved example: "The unpredictability surrounding the outcomes of space missions is evident in instances like the failed Mars Climate Orbiter mission in 1999 due to measurement unit discrepancies. Such setbacks highlight the inherent risks and uncertainties in space exploration despite substantial investments. When evaluating these uncertainties against the immediate needs of impoverished communities lacking basic necessities like food and shelter, redirecting funds to poverty alleviation programs emerges as a more certain and impactful solution."

Overall, while the essay acknowledges some benefits of space exploration and highlights the importance of addressing urgent concerns like poverty, it would benefit from deeper explanations, concrete examples, and comparative analysis to strengthen the arguments and enhance the overall clarity and persuasiveness of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a clear organizational structure with a logical progression of ideas throughout the essay. It begins with an introduction that presents contrasting views, providing a clear standpoint on the issue. Each paragraph is focused on a particular aspect, discussing the advantages and drawbacks of space exploration with coherent reasoning and examples. Transitions between ideas are generally clear, aiding the overall coherence. The use of cohesive devices like "admittedly," "on the other hand," and "in conclusion" helps in guiding the reader through the different arguments.

The essay effectively uses paragraphing by presenting distinct ideas in each paragraph, contributing to its coherence. Each paragraph maintains a central focus, ensuring clarity of thought within the essay structure.

However, there are moments where the essay could benefit from more varied and sophisticated cohesive devices. While some cohesive devices are used appropriately, there could be a greater range employed to enhance the overall cohesion further.

How to improve:

  1. Enhance the use of a wider variety of cohesive devices beyond the basic transitional phrases. Incorporating connectors such as "moreover," "nevertheless," or "consequently" can elevate the essay’s cohesion.
  2. Ensure consistent and explicit connections between sentences and paragraphs to reinforce the flow of ideas.
  3. Strengthen the overall cohesion by establishing more explicit links between sentences within paragraphs, ensuring a seamless progression of arguments.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good level of coherence and cohesion, refining the use of a broader range of cohesive devices can elevate it to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary, allowing for some flexibility and precision. The writer successfully employs less common lexical items with awareness of style and collocation. The essay presents ideas with clarity, and there is evidence of an attempt to convey meaning with a variety of words. However, occasional errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation slightly affect the overall lexical resource.

The essay effectively uses vocabulary related to space exploration, mentioning "GPS systems," "satellite communication," and "habitability of planets." There is an attempt to express ideas with a mix of common and less common words, contributing to the overall lexical range.

However, some errors, such as "biased for everyone" instead of "beneficial for everyone," and "sum of money is costly" instead of "sum of money is substantial," detract from the precision and accuracy of expression. Despite these minor inaccuracies, the vocabulary usage is generally varied and suitable for the task.

How to Improve:
To improve the Lexical Resource score, the writer should focus on refining word choice and ensuring accurate usage of vocabulary. Thorough proofreading to eliminate minor errors and choosing more precise and contextually appropriate words would enhance the overall lexical quality. Additionally, the writer can explore a wider range of vocabulary to further enrich the essay’s expression.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation, with a variety of sentence structures used throughout. There is evident control over language, and the majority of sentences are error-free. However, there are some instances of minor errors, such as awkward phrasing and word choice. The essay effectively communicates the writer’s ideas, and the errors do not significantly impede comprehension.

How to improve:

  1. Sentence Structure: Continue to diversify sentence structures to enhance fluency. Aim for a more seamless flow between ideas by using a mix of simple and complex sentences.
  2. Word Choice: Pay attention to word choice for greater precision. Some expressions in the essay could be refined to enhance clarity and convey the intended meaning more effectively.
  3. Proofreading: Carefully proofread the essay to catch minor errors and improve overall coherence. This will ensure that the language is consistently clear and concise.

Overall, while the essay is well-written, a few refinements in sentence structure and word choice could elevate it to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

There is considerable debate surrounding the allocation of funds to space exploration. While some argue that this investment benefits everyone, others advocate for more practical applications for the money. I strongly agree with the former perspective and believe there are several crucial needs that warrant this funding.

Undeniably, there are advantages to the financial resources directed toward space exploration. This investment has led to the creation of essential devices like GPS systems and satellite communication, which hold immense practical value in modern life. For instance, GPS technology not only aids in exploring the universe but also contributes to the discovery of potentially habitable planets. Such discoveries evoke a sense of wonder and accomplishment, positively impacting our psychology and culture. Moreover, they serve as motivation for the next generation to pursue scientific endeavors.

However, I am of the opinion that the substantial cost involved in space exploration should be redirected to address issues such as poverty. Government spending on space missions entails considerable financial outlay with no guaranteed outcomes, coupled with a relatively low success rate. Furthermore, the environmental damage caused by rocket launches is a concern. It is alarming that a significant portion of the population in developing and underdeveloped nations struggle to meet their basic needs on a daily basis. Consequently, funds allocated to space research could be more meaningfully utilized in poverty alleviation programs to uplift these communities.

In conclusion, while space missions undeniably offer various benefits, the significant financial investment they require could be channeled towards addressing more immediate and pressing concerns, particularly poverty alleviation programs.

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