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some people think watching TV is bad children in every way. Others think TV has positive effects on children, as they develop to grow up. Discuss both of view and give your opinion.

some people think watching TV is bad children in every way. Others think TV has positive effects on children, as they develop to grow up. Discuss both of view and give your opinion.

Given the context of the fast growth of technology, television has been more ubiquitous among people, especially among children or teenagers. Some individuals opine that this trend negatively impacts children while I still hold the view that this could beneficially affect a child’s development.
Primarily, children could be disadvantageously impacted by watching television. The crucial cause of this viewpoint is the content of what offsprings have accessed. If parents let their child watch video on TV or other devices such as mobile phones and laptops by themself, they would watch some terrible content, for instance, violence clips and offensive videos. It could be explained by the fact that there are various videos serving almost ages from baby to elderly on the Internet, and tools which have been used to divide these content into each suitable age group are not completed. Additionally, there are several offspring who tend to be addicted to watching TV. This brings to shortcomings related to children’s growth, and in particular their health. Spending hours in front of TV results in a sedentary lifestyle within eyes’ problems such as myopia and being overweight. According to some surveys about this habit of childs, the number of children or teenagers who have a sedentary lifestyle and have been overweight due to spending most of their time on watching videos are increasing in the world.
By contrast, I still indorse that watching television has many favorable aspects. Besides negative contents on the TV, there are several beneficial videos produced to serve children such as learning alphabets or numbers videos, some clips schooling how to solve danger situations. These videos will boost children’s logical thinking and educate them with many necessary society skills. In addition, children also can discover the world through short videos on platforms such as Youtube about nature, the oceans or learning how to play an instrument. This leads to improving their self-guided learning skills and selecting suitable material. To exemplify, many children living in countries where English is not their mother tongue often share that they study on the Internet within cartoon videos in English without going to any educational centers.
So I might argue that watching TV brings its own advantages and stumbling blocks. It seems to me that parents should supervise the contents which their offspring access and it is also necessary for the government to improve technology that can divide videos fitting with each age group.
To conclude, there are divergent opinions regarding the influence of watching TV, however I still agree with those who think that this has many benefits.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Given the context of the fast growth of technology" -> "Given the rapid advancement of technology"
    Explanation: Replacing "fast growth" with "rapid advancement" adds a more formal and precise tone to the introduction.

  2. "television has been more ubiquitous among people" -> "television has become increasingly ubiquitous"
    Explanation: The use of "more" is vague and informal; replacing it with "increasingly" enhances the precision and formality of the statement.

  3. "Some individuals opine that" -> "Some individuals contend that"
    Explanation: Replacing "opine" with "contend" provides a more formal synonym, aligning with academic style.

  4. "this could beneficially affect a child’s development" -> "this could positively influence a child’s development"
    Explanation: Substituting "beneficially affect" with "positively influence" maintains a formal tone while expressing the idea more precisely.

  5. "Primarily, children could be disadvantageously impacted" -> "Primarily, children could be adversely affected"
    Explanation: Replacing "disadvantageously impacted" with "adversely affected" maintains formality and provides a more accurate expression.

  6. "what offsprings have accessed" -> "what offspring have accessed"
    Explanation: "Offspring" is a plural noun, so it should be used in its plural form, "offspring."

  7. "watch video on TV or other devices such as mobile phones and laptops by themself" -> "watch videos on TV or other devices such as mobile phones and laptops independently"
    Explanation: Correcting the plural form to "videos" and replacing "by themself" with "independently" improves both accuracy and formality.

  8. "some terrible content, for instance, violence clips and offensive videos" -> "some objectionable content, such as violent clips and offensive videos"
    Explanation: Substituting "terrible" with "objectionable" and rephrasing the list with "such as" enhances the formality of the sentence.

  9. "tools which have been used to divide these content into each suitable age group" -> "tools used to categorize this content into appropriate age groups"
    Explanation: Simplifying the sentence and eliminating unnecessary words while maintaining clarity.

  10. "there are several offspring who tend to be addicted to watching TV" -> "there are several children who tend to be addicted to watching TV"
    Explanation: "Offspring" is a more formal term, but in this context, "children" is more appropriate for clarity and simplicity.

  11. "This brings to shortcomings related to children’s growth" -> "This leads to shortcomings in children’s growth"
    Explanation: Replacing "brings to" with "leads to" improves the flow and formality of the sentence.

  12. "the number of children or teenagers who have a sedentary lifestyle and have been overweight due to spending most of their time on watching videos are increasing" -> "the number of children or teenagers with a sedentary lifestyle and overweight due to spending most of their time watching videos is increasing"
    Explanation: Correcting subject-verb agreement and improving sentence structure for clarity.

  13. "I still indorse that" -> "I still endorse the view that"
    Explanation: Replacing "indorse" with "endorse" and adding "the view that" for clarity and formality.

  14. "Besides negative contents on the TV" -> "In addition to negative content on TV"
    Explanation: Using "Besides" is more informal; "In addition to" is a suitable alternative for a more formal tone.

  15. "there are several beneficial videos produced to serve children such as learning alphabets or numbers videos" -> "there are several educational videos produced for children, covering subjects such as learning alphabets or numbers"
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and formality.

  16. "short videos on platforms such as Youtube" -> "short videos on platforms such as YouTube"
    Explanation: Correcting the capitalization of "YouTube" for accuracy.

  17. "leads to improving their self-guided learning skills" -> "contributes to the improvement of their self-guided learning skills"
    Explanation: Enhancing the formality and precision of the sentence by using "contributes to" and rephrasing for clarity.

  18. "So I might argue" -> "Therefore, I would argue"
    Explanation: "So" is more informal; "Therefore" is a suitable replacement for a formal tone.

  19. "parents should supervise the contents which their offspring access" -> "parents should supervise the content their children access"
    Explanation: Simplifying the sentence and using "children" instead of "offspring" for clarity and simplicity.

  20. "it is also necessary for the government to improve technology that can divide videos fitting with each age group" -> "it is also necessary for the government to enhance technology that can categorize videos suitable for each age group"
    Explanation: Substituting "improve" with "enhance" and rephrasing for clarity and precision.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all parts of the prompt. It discusses both perspectives – the negative impact of TV on children and the positive effects, while also presenting the writer’s opinion.
    • How to improve: To enhance this aspect further, consider providing more nuanced views within each perspective and ensuring a balanced representation of ideas.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, expressing the belief that TV has many benefits for children despite acknowledging the potential negative impacts.
    • How to improve: To strengthen this, make sure each body paragraph consistently supports and reinforces the chosen stance. Avoid any ambiguity in expressing the opinion.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas adequately, providing examples to support both perspectives. However, some instances lack depth, such as when discussing the negative impact of TV.
    • How to improve: To improve, elaborate more on examples and explanations, providing a deeper analysis of the positive and negative effects. This will strengthen the overall development of ideas.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic, addressing the impact of TV on children as prompted. However, there are moments where the focus could be tighter.
    • How to improve: To enhance focus, avoid general statements and ensure every sentence directly contributes to the discussion of TV’s effects on children. Be mindful of stray points that might distract from the main topic.

Overall Comments:
The essay effectively addresses the prompt, exploring both positive and negative aspects of TV’s impact on children. The writer’s opinion is clear, and there is a good attempt to support ideas with examples. To improve, focus on providing more nuanced perspectives, deepening the analysis of examples, and maintaining a consistently balanced stance throughout. Additionally, ensure each sentence directly contributes to the discussion, avoiding any unnecessary details.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. The introduction provides a clear overview of the topic, presenting both perspectives. Body paragraphs discuss the negative and positive impacts in separate sections, maintaining a coherent flow of ideas. The conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points and reinforces the author’s opinion.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider ensuring a smoother transition between paragraphs. Use linking sentences to guide the reader from one point to the next, creating a more seamless connection between ideas.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph dedicated to a specific aspect of the argument. The introduction and conclusion are appropriately structured. However, some paragraphs could benefit from greater clarity in topic sentences to signal the main idea.
    • How to improve: Strengthen the topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to clearly indicate the focus. This will assist readers in understanding the main point of each section more readily.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as pronouns, conjunctions, and transitional phrases. These contribute to the overall coherence by connecting ideas within sentences and between paragraphs. However, there is room for improvement in the explicit use of cohesive devices to enhance the flow.
    • How to improve: Increase the use of explicit transitional phrases (e.g., "On the contrary," "Furthermore," "To exemplify") to guide readers through the essay. This will help to create a smoother and more organized progression of ideas.

Overall, the essay effectively organizes information with a logical structure and employs cohesive devices to maintain coherence and cohesion. Strengthening transitions between paragraphs and refining topic sentences will contribute to a more polished and cohesive essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. It incorporates words and phrases that convey the ideas adequately. For example, words like "ubiquitous," "offsprings," "sedentary lifestyle," and "logical thinking" showcase an attempt to diversify vocabulary.

    • How to improve: To enhance the score in this criterion, strive for greater variety in vocabulary. Introduce more sophisticated terms and expressions relevant to the essay’s context. For instance, instead of using "negative contents," consider alternatives like "undesirable material" or "inappropriate content." Additionally, explore synonyms for frequently used words, such as replacing "beneficial" with "advantageous" or "positive."

  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a mix of precise and imprecise vocabulary usage. For instance, the phrase "sedentary lifestyle" is precise, but the term "terrible content" is rather general. There is a tendency to use common phrases that may lack specificity.

    • How to improve: Aim for precision by selecting words that precisely convey the intended meaning. Instead of "terrible content," specify the type of content, such as "inappropriate or violent material." Consider using more vivid adjectives and adverbs to paint a clearer picture. For example, replace "various videos" with "a diverse array of videos" to add nuance to your expression.

  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a fair level of spelling accuracy. While there are no major spelling errors, there are instances of minor mistakes, such as "by themself" instead of "by themselves" and "childs" instead of "children."

    • How to improve: Pay close attention to spelling details. Review and edit your work to catch such errors. Consider using grammar and spell-check tools to identify and correct minor spelling mistakes. Additionally, take the time to proofread your essay before submission to ensure the highest level of accuracy.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of lexical resource, improvement can be achieved by incorporating a wider range of vocabulary, using terms more precisely, and enhancing spelling accuracy through thorough proofreading.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures. Simple and complex sentences are used, but there is room for improvement in showcasing a wider range. For instance, a greater incorporation of compound-complex sentences and varied sentence beginnings could enhance the overall structure.
    • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating compound-complex sentences to express more complex ideas. Additionally, vary sentence beginnings to avoid repetitive structures. For example, instead of frequently starting sentences with "The," experiment with different introductory phrases or clauses.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy with a few notable exceptions. There are instances of subject-verb agreement errors (e.g., "content of what offsprings have accessed") and awkward phrasing that affects clarity. Punctuation is mostly accurate, but there are areas where it could be improved for better readability.
    • How to improve: Carefully proofread the essay to correct subject-verb agreement errors. Ensure that subjects and verbs match in number. Additionally, focus on improving the clarity of sentences by restructuring awkward phrases. Pay close attention to punctuation, particularly commas, to enhance the overall flow and coherence of ideas. Consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar-check tools.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a commendable command of grammar and structure, attention to detail in sentence variety and more meticulous proofreading will contribute to a more polished and sophisticated piece of writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Given the rapid advancement of technology, television has become increasingly prevalent, especially among children and teenagers. Some individuals contend that this could negatively impact children, while I still endorse the view that it could positively influence a child’s development.

Primarily, children could be adversely affected by watching television. The critical issue here is the content that offspring have access to. If parents allow their children to watch videos on TV or other devices such as mobile phones and laptops independently, they might come across objectionable content, such as violent clips and offensive videos. This can be attributed to the wide range of videos available on the Internet, and the tools used to categorize this content into appropriate age groups are not always comprehensive. Additionally, there are several children who tend to be addicted to watching TV. This leads to shortcomings in children’s growth, particularly in terms of health, with an increasing number of children or teenagers adopting a sedentary lifestyle and becoming overweight due to spending most of their time watching videos.

In addition to negative content on TV, there are several educational videos produced for children, covering subjects such as learning alphabets or numbers. Short videos on platforms such as YouTube contribute to the improvement of their self-guided learning skills. Therefore, I would argue that parents should supervise the content their children access. Moreover, it is also necessary for the government to enhance technology that can categorize videos suitable for each age group.

In conclusion, there are divergent opinions regarding the influence of watching TV on children. However, I still endorse the view that it has both advantages and disadvantages. It seems to me that parents should supervise the content to which their offspring have access, and it is also crucial for the government to improve technology that can categorize videos fitting for each age group.

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