Some people think watching TV is bad for children, while others think that watching TV has more beneficial effects on children. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people argue that watching TV has a negative impact on children. Meanwhile, others claim that it brings many benefits for them. While both viewpoints are valid, I firmly agree with the former.
On the one hand, watching TV is good for children. Firstly, watching programs on TV helps to enrich their knowledge and expand their horizons about the world they are living in. For example, when the children enjoy many programs, such as Discovery Channel, Our Galaxy, etc. they not only learn about wildlife animals but also acquire knowledge about outer space and stars which they never touch before. Furthermore, TV shows provide kids with knowledge from various sector, which leads to the better performance in learning at schools.
On the other hand, I strongly believe that watching TV is bad for children. The first reason is watching TV does harm to children's physical health. Indeed, spending a massive amount of time in front of the screen may lead to a passive lifestyle. They do not do exercise regularly, instead, they only sit and consume meals for a long time. which results in health problems, such as obesity, eye strain, etc. Moreover, TV programs are harmful to mental health. It brings about the lack of communication with people around them. As a result, the children are less connected with others, even their parents. It is more dangerous when they have any challenges in their life, they can not share with anyone, which causes the depression.
In conclusion, although it is true that watching TV is beneficial for kids, I still claim that watching TV is bad for the children because it affects their physical and mental health.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Some people argue" -> "Some individuals contend"
Explanation: "Contend" is a more formal and precise term than "argue," which is often used in academic writing to denote a more structured and evidence-based argumentation.
"watching TV has a negative impact" -> "viewing television has a detrimental effect"
Explanation: "Viewing television" is more formal than "watching TV," and "detrimental effect" is a more precise and academic term than "negative impact," which is somewhat vague.
"brings many benefits" -> "offers numerous advantages"
Explanation: "Offers numerous advantages" is more formal and specific than "brings many benefits," aligning better with academic style by emphasizing the positive outcomes more formally.
"I firmly agree with the former" -> "I strongly support the latter"
Explanation: "I strongly support the latter" is more precise and formal, as "latter" specifically refers to the opposing viewpoint, which is clearer in an academic context.
"watching programs on TV helps to enrich" -> "viewing television programs enhances"
Explanation: "Viewing television programs enhances" is more formal and precise, replacing the less formal "watching programs on TV helps to enrich."
"they never touch before" -> "they have never encountered"
Explanation: "They have never encountered" is more formal and precise than "they never touch before," which is colloquial and imprecise in this context.
"TV shows provide kids with knowledge from various sector" -> "television programs offer children knowledge from various sectors"
Explanation: "Television programs offer children knowledge from various sectors" corrects the grammatical error and uses more formal vocabulary, enhancing the academic tone.
"spending a massive amount of time" -> "expenditure of considerable time"
Explanation: "Expenditure of considerable time" is a more formal expression than "spending a massive amount of time," which is somewhat informal and vague.
"do not do exercise regularly" -> "do not engage in regular exercise"
Explanation: "Do not engage in regular exercise" is grammatically correct and more formal, improving the sentence structure and tone.
"sit and consume meals for a long time" -> "remain seated for extended periods while consuming meals"
Explanation: "Remain seated for extended periods while consuming meals" is more formal and precise, avoiding the colloquial "sit and consume meals for a long time."
"which results in health problems" -> "which may lead to health issues"
Explanation: "May lead to health issues" is more cautious and academically appropriate than "results in health problems," which is somewhat definitive and less formal.
"It brings about the lack of communication" -> "It fosters a lack of communication"
Explanation: "Fosters a lack of communication" is more precise and formal, suggesting a causative relationship between TV viewing and communication deficiency.
"can not share with anyone" -> "cannot share with anyone"
Explanation: "Cannot" is the correct form of "can not" in formal writing, ensuring grammatical accuracy.
"which causes the depression" -> "which may lead to depression"
Explanation: "May lead to depression" is more cautious and academically appropriate than "causes the depression," which is too definitive and lacks the necessary nuance.

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both views regarding the impact of television on children. The introduction clearly states the two perspectives, and the body paragraphs provide arguments for both sides. However, while the essay acknowledges the benefits of watching TV, the development of this point is somewhat limited. The examples provided, such as educational programs, are relevant but could be more detailed to strengthen the argument for the positive effects of TV.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should expand on the benefits of watching TV with more specific examples and evidence. For instance, discussing particular educational programs and their impact on children’s learning could provide a stronger counterbalance to the negative aspects presented. Additionally, including statistics or studies that support the benefits of educational TV could further substantiate this viewpoint.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that watching TV is ultimately harmful to children, which is consistently stated in the conclusion. However, the transition between discussing both viewpoints could be smoother. The phrase "I firmly agree with the former" could be misleading as it initially suggests the writer supports the negative view, but the structure of the essay implies a more nuanced discussion.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer should explicitly state their position in the introduction and ensure that it is consistently reinforced throughout the essay. Using phrases like "While I acknowledge the benefits, I believe…" at the beginning of the second paragraph could help clarify the writer’s stance and guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to both the positive and negative impacts of TV on children. However, the support for the negative impacts is more developed than for the positive ones. For example, the discussion on physical health issues is well-articulated, but the benefits section lacks depth and specific examples that could illustrate the positive effects more convincingly.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the writer should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples for each point made. For instance, when discussing the benefits of educational programs, the writer could mention specific shows and their educational content, as well as how they engage children. Additionally, providing counterarguments to the negative points could create a more balanced discussion.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt effectively. However, there are moments where the focus could be sharpened. For example, the discussion about mental health could be more directly tied to the context of TV watching, rather than presenting it as a general statement about children’s social interactions.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the impact of TV on children. This can be achieved by explicitly linking the effects of TV watching to the issues raised, such as stating how excessive TV watching specifically contributes to the lack of communication and subsequent mental health issues. This will help reinforce the relevance of each argument to the central topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the two opposing views on the impact of TV on children. Each viewpoint is explored in separate paragraphs, which helps in maintaining a logical flow. However, the transition between the two sides could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing the benefits of TV to its drawbacks feels abrupt, lacking a transitional phrase that could guide the reader more effectively.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases such as "On the contrary" or "Conversely" when moving from one viewpoint to the other. Additionally, summarizing the key points of each perspective before transitioning to the next could help reinforce the logical flow of the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is essential for clarity. The first paragraph introduces the topic and states the writer’s opinion, while the subsequent paragraphs delve into the arguments for and against watching TV. However, the second paragraph could be further divided to separate the benefits of TV into distinct points, making it easier for the reader to follow.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, consider breaking down the second paragraph into two separate paragraphs: one focusing on the educational benefits of TV and the other on the enrichment of knowledge. This would allow for a more detailed exploration of each point and improve readability.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "On the one hand," and "Moreover," which help to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the transition from discussing physical health issues to mental health issues could benefit from a more explicit linking phrase.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "In addition," "Furthermore," or "Consequently." Additionally, ensure that each sentence logically follows from the previous one, using phrases that clarify the relationship between ideas, such as "This leads to" or "As a result of this."

Overall, the essay demonstrates a good level of coherence and cohesion, but there are opportunities for improvement in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices. By implementing these suggestions, the essay can achieve a higher level of clarity and effectiveness in conveying its arguments.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "negative impact," "enrich their knowledge," and "passive lifestyle." However, there are instances of repetition, such as the frequent use of "watching TV" and "children," which limits the lexical variety. For example, phrases like "TV shows" and "programs" could have been varied further with synonyms or paraphrasing.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider incorporating synonyms and related phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "watching TV," alternatives like "viewing television," "television consumption," or "engaging with TV content" could be employed. Additionally, using more descriptive adjectives or adverbs would enrich the language, such as "educational programs" instead of just "programs."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some precise vocabulary, such as "obesity" and "eye strain," which accurately convey health-related issues. However, there are instances of imprecise usage, particularly in phrases like "which they never touch before." This phrase is awkward and unclear; a more precise expression would be "which they have never encountered before."
- How to improve: Focus on clarity and accuracy in word choice. Review phrases for their appropriateness and clarity. For example, instead of "which they never touch before," consider rephrasing to "which they have not previously explored." This not only improves precision but also enhances the overall readability of the essay.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, but there are notable errors, such as "which leads to the better performance" (should be "better performance") and "the lack of communication with people around them" (should be "a lack of communication"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, it is advisable to proofread the essay carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help identify errors. Additionally, practicing spelling of commonly used academic vocabulary can reinforce correct spelling habits.

In summary, while the essay achieves a band score of 6 for Lexical Resource, there are clear areas for improvement. Expanding vocabulary range, ensuring precise word choice, and enhancing spelling accuracy will contribute to a higher band score in future writing tasks.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of phrases like "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" effectively introduces contrasting viewpoints. Additionally, the sentence "Firstly, watching programs on TV helps to enrich their knowledge and expand their horizons about the world they are living in" showcases a complex structure that combines multiple ideas. However, there is a tendency to rely on similar sentence beginnings, which can make the writing feel repetitive. For example, many sentences start with "watching TV" or "it brings," which limits the overall range.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of structures, consider using more introductory phrases or clauses that do not always start with the subject. For instance, instead of starting with "watching TV," you could rephrase to "By engaging with educational programs, children can…" or "While some argue for its benefits, others highlight the risks associated with excessive screen time." This will help to create a more dynamic flow and keep the reader engaged.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are several noticeable errors that detract from the overall quality. For example, in the sentence "which leads to the better performance in learning at schools," the article "the" is unnecessary and should be omitted. Additionally, the phrase "which they never touch before" is awkwardly constructed; it would be more grammatically correct to say "which they have never encountered before." There are also punctuation issues, such as the lack of a comma before "etc." in "such as Discovery Channel, Our Galaxy, etc." and the incorrect use of a period instead of a comma in "sit and consume meals for a long time. which results in health problems."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay for common errors, particularly in article usage and sentence structure. Additionally, practicing the use of relative clauses and ensuring correct punctuation will enhance clarity. For example, revising sentences to ensure they follow standard grammatical conventions, such as "which can lead to health problems" instead of "which results in health problems," will improve the overall quality. Engaging in grammar exercises focused on common pitfalls can also be beneficial.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents both sides effectively, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical accuracy will elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals contend that watching TV has a detrimental effect on children, while others argue that it offers numerous advantages. While both viewpoints are valid, I strongly support the latter.

On the one hand, viewing television programs enhances children’s knowledge and broadens their understanding of the world around them. For instance, when children watch educational channels like the Discovery Channel or Our Galaxy, they not only learn about wildlife but also gain insights into outer space and celestial bodies that they may not encounter otherwise. Furthermore, television programs provide children with knowledge from various sectors, which can lead to improved performance in their academic pursuits.

On the other hand, I believe that watching TV can have negative consequences for children. The first reason is that viewing television can harm children’s physical health. Indeed, the expenditure of considerable time in front of the screen may contribute to a sedentary lifestyle. Many children do not engage in regular exercise; instead, they remain seated for extended periods while consuming meals, which can result in health issues such as obesity and eye strain. Moreover, TV programs can be detrimental to mental health. They often lead to a lack of communication with those around them, resulting in children becoming less connected with others, including their parents. This disconnection can be particularly dangerous when they face challenges in their lives, as they may feel unable to share their struggles with anyone, potentially leading to depression.

In conclusion, although it is true that watching TV offers some benefits for children, I maintain that it is ultimately harmful due to its negative effects on both their physical and mental health.