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Some people think we need more computers to increase the quality of education, not more teachers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think we need more computers to increase the quality of education, not more teachers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some individuals endorse the viewpoint that installing more technological amenities such as computers could effectively boost educational outcomes. Others, however, hold the view that providing more teachers is more beneficial to enhance the quality of education. Although both perspectives offer merits, I think that it is better to combine these policies effectively.
On the one hand, providing more computers for educational demands can have several benefits. Thanks to the outstanding development of technology in the contemporary era, computers are now equipped with numerous features such as 3D space simulation and multimedia. This highlights the multifunctionality that only high-tech devices like computers can offer. As a consequence, students exhibit greater concentration and enthusiasm in attending classroom lessons, increasing productivity and creating a more dynamic learning environment. Additionally, this approach allows students to have more choices of study materials and applications than those provided by teachers.
On the other hand, proponents of hiring more teachers argue that the human element is crucial in order to improve the quality of education. Teachers can provide detailed guidance, profound attention, and encouragement to students that computers cannot replicate. For instance, having teachers in the classroom can create a more emotional learning environment by organizing team-based games and quizzes, thereby fostering a closer relationship between teachers and students. Furthermore, learners can develop essential skills like problem-solving and logical thinking, and they can better understand the learning material through direct interaction with teachers.
In conclusion, while installing more computers for educational purposes can certainly play a crucial role in enhancing education quality, I believe that it is better to combine these technological equipment with guidance from teachers. The combination of the multitasking capabilities and vast resources of computers with the detailed guidance and attentive care from teachers is almost the most effective way to boost students' morale and improve their academic performance.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "Some individuals endorse the viewpoint" -> "Some individuals support the perspective"
    Explanation: "Support" is more commonly used in academic contexts to indicate endorsement or advocacy, whereas "endorse" can sometimes imply a more formal or official approval, which may not be suitable here. "Perspective" is also more formal than "viewpoint."

  2. "installing more technological amenities" -> "introducing more technological infrastructure"
    Explanation: "Amenities" typically refers to services or facilities that enhance comfort or convenience, not technology. "Infrastructure" is more precise and appropriate for describing the installation of technology in educational settings.

  3. "boost educational outcomes" -> "enhance educational outcomes"
    Explanation: "Boost" can be seen as slightly informal and less precise in academic writing. "Enhance" is a more formal and commonly used term in educational contexts.

  4. "providing more teachers is more beneficial" -> "hiring additional teachers is more advantageous"
    Explanation: "Providing" is vague and can encompass a broader range of actions. "Hiring" specifically refers to the act of employing teachers, which is more precise. "Advantageous" is also more formal than "beneficial."

  5. "educational demands" -> "educational needs"
    Explanation: "Demands" implies a sense of necessity or urgency, which may not be accurate in this context. "Needs" is a more neutral and appropriate term for describing the requirements of education.

  6. "Thanks to the outstanding development" -> "owing to the significant advancements"
    Explanation: "Thanks to" is informal and conversational; "owing to" is more formal and suitable for academic writing. "Significant advancements" is a more precise term than "outstanding development."

  7. "multifunctionality that only high-tech devices like computers can offer" -> "multifunctionality unique to high-tech devices such as computers"
    Explanation: "Only" can be seen as absolute and slightly informal. "Unique to" is more precise and academically appropriate, emphasizing the exclusivity of the feature.

  8. "students exhibit greater concentration and enthusiasm" -> "students demonstrate increased concentration and enthusiasm"
    Explanation: "Exhibit" is less commonly used in academic writing to describe human behavior, whereas "demonstrate" is more appropriate and formal.

  9. "creating a more dynamic learning environment" -> "fostering a more dynamic learning environment"
    Explanation: "Creating" is straightforward but less formal; "fostering" implies nurturing and development, which is more suitable for educational contexts.

  10. "proponents of hiring more teachers argue" -> "advocates for hiring additional teachers contend"
    Explanation: "Proponents" is a bit vague; "advocates" is more specific and formal. "Contend" is also more academic than "argue."

  11. "profound attention" -> "in-depth attention"
    Explanation: "Profound" can be seen as overly dramatic and less precise in this context. "In-depth" is more specific and appropriate for describing the level of attention provided by teachers.

  12. "learners can develop essential skills" -> "students can acquire essential skills"
    Explanation: "Learners" is less specific and slightly informal; "students" is the standard term in academic contexts. "Acquire" is more precise than "develop" in describing the process of gaining skills.

  13. "almost the most effective way" -> "one of the most effective methods"
    Explanation: "Almost the most effective way" is awkward and imprecise. "One of the most effective methods" is clearer and maintains the formal tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both aspects of the prompt: the potential benefits of computers in education and the importance of teachers. It acknowledges the perspectives of both camps and concludes with a balanced viewpoint favoring a combination of both approaches.
    • How to improve: To improve, ensure that each perspective (more computers vs. more teachers) is equally developed with specific examples and perhaps explore counterarguments more thoroughly.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance throughout, arguing for the synergistic use of both computers and teachers to enhance educational quality. The position is evident in the introduction, elaborated in the body paragraphs, and reaffirmed in the conclusion.
    • How to improve: To enhance clarity, consider explicitly stating the essay’s stance at the outset of each body paragraph and reinforcing it with targeted examples.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: Ideas are well-presented and supported with examples. For instance, the benefits of computers are detailed with examples like 3D simulation and multimedia, while the importance of teachers is illustrated through their ability to foster emotional connections and facilitate interactive learning activities.
    • How to improve: To extend ideas further, provide deeper analysis of how these technologies or teaching methods specifically impact educational outcomes or student engagement.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic, discussing the role of computers and teachers in education as prompted. However, there could be a slight improvement in maintaining focus on addressing whether more computers or more teachers are needed, rather than discussing their general benefits.
    • How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph directly ties back to evaluating whether computers or teachers are more essential for enhancing educational quality, minimizing discussions that may slightly deviate from this core evaluation.

In conclusion, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt with a balanced viewpoint and supports its arguments with relevant examples, minor adjustments in structure and depth of analysis could further strengthen its coherence and clarity.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally clear and logical organization. It begins with a clear introduction that introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by balanced paragraphs discussing the advantages of computers and teachers separately. Each viewpoint is clearly delineated, making it easy for the reader to follow the writer’s arguments.
    • How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, consider ensuring that each body paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence that directly relates to the main argument. This would help maintain a cohesive structure throughout the essay, guiding the reader smoothly from one point to the next.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different aspects of the argument. Each paragraph focuses on either the advantages of computers or the benefits of teachers, and the concluding paragraph succinctly summarizes the writer’s viewpoint. Transitions between paragraphs are generally smooth, although some could be strengthened for clearer coherence.
    • How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph maintains a consistent focus on its central idea, avoiding tangential discussions. Additionally, consider using more transitional phrases or linking words to improve the flow between paragraphs and enhance overall coherence.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices such as ‘on the one hand…on the other hand’, ‘however’, ‘in conclusion’, ‘for instance’, and ‘furthermore’. These devices contribute to coherence by signaling shifts between ideas and reinforcing the connections between different parts of the essay.
    • How to improve: While the essay utilizes cohesive devices effectively, further diversifying their use could enhance coherence. Introducing additional devices such as ‘meanwhile’, ‘nevertheless’, or ‘in contrast’ could add nuance to the arguments presented, creating a more sophisticated structure.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, achieving a Band Score of 6. By refining paragraph structure, enhancing the use of clear topic sentences, and diversifying cohesive devices, the essay could potentially achieve an even higher score in future assessments.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably wide range of vocabulary. It includes terms such as "technological amenities," "multifunctionality," "profound attention," "emotional learning environment," and "academic performance." These words contribute to the depth of discussion on the topic.
    • How to improve: To further enhance lexical resource, consider incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary where possible. For instance, replacing common phrases with more nuanced expressions could elevate the overall lexical quality. For example, instead of "more choices of study materials," consider using "an expanded array of educational resources."
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately, though there are instances where greater precision could be beneficial. For example, while discussing the benefits of computers, terms like "multifunctionality" effectively convey the idea but could be strengthened by specifying exactly how computers enhance learning environments.
    • How to improve: Aim to refine vocabulary by selecting terms that precisely match the intended meaning. For instance, instead of "enhancing education quality," consider using "augmenting educational efficacy" to emphasize specific improvements.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: Spelling is mostly accurate throughout the essay, with minimal errors observed (e.g., "multifunctionality" and "proponents"). This level of accuracy meets the expectations for band 6.
    • How to improve: To maintain this level of accuracy, continue practicing proofreading techniques, such as reviewing spelling patterns and utilizing spell-check tools. Consistent attention to detail will help ensure error-free writing.

Overall, the essay effectively employs a varied vocabulary with generally precise usage and accurate spelling, aligning with the expectations for a band score of 6 in Lexical Resource. Strengthening the lexical range further and refining precision in vocabulary selection would enhance the essay’s overall coherence and sophistication.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences ("Some individuals endorse the viewpoint that installing more technological amenities such as computers could effectively boost educational outcomes"), compound-complex sentences ("Additionally, this approach allows students to have more choices of study materials and applications than those provided by teachers"), and conditional sentences ("While installing more computers for educational purposes can certainly play a crucial role…"). These structures enhance the readability and coherence of the essay by providing nuanced expressions of ideas.
    • How to improve: To further enhance the effectiveness of sentence structures, consider incorporating rhetorical questions or passive voice constructions where appropriate. This can add further sophistication and depth to the argumentation, especially in discussing complex educational policies.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally high level of grammatical accuracy throughout. Sentences are mostly well-structured with few errors, such as in the phrase "multifunctionality that only high-tech devices like computers can offer" where the singular "device" should be plural to match "devices." Punctuation is generally accurate, though there are occasional instances where commas could be used more effectively for clarity and flow.
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, pay attention to subject-verb agreement and ensure consistent use of singular and plural forms where necessary. Further refinement of comma usage, especially in complex sentences, can clarify relationships between ideas and improve overall coherence. Reviewing these aspects during the proofreading phase will help maintain the high standard of grammatical accuracy displayed in this essay.

Overall, this essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical structures and accuracy, contributing significantly to its overall Band Score of 7. Continued practice in sentence variety and meticulous attention to grammatical details will further elevate the clarity and sophistication of future writing endeavors.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals advocate for the perspective that introducing more technological infrastructure, such as computers, could enhance educational outcomes effectively. Conversely, others argue that hiring additional teachers is more advantageous for meeting educational needs. While both viewpoints have their merits, I believe that combining these approaches effectively offers the most promising path forward.

On one hand, the significant advancements in technology have equipped computers with various features like 3D space simulation and multimedia capabilities. This multifunctionality unique to high-tech devices fosters a dynamic learning environment where students demonstrate increased concentration and enthusiasm during classroom lessons. Moreover, students benefit from a wider array of study materials and applications beyond what teachers can provide.

On the other hand, advocates for hiring additional teachers contend that the human element is indispensable in education. Teachers offer in-depth attention and can provide students with essential skills through direct interaction. For example, they facilitate emotional learning environments through team-based activities, quizzes, and personalized guidance, thereby fostering closer teacher-student relationships.

In conclusion, while installing more computers can enhance educational quality owing to their technological capabilities, I firmly believe that the most effective method lies in combining these resources with the guidance and support provided by teachers. This synthesis leverages the multitasking abilities and extensive resources of computers alongside the personal attention and pedagogical skills of teachers, resulting in improved academic performance and overall student development.

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