Some people think young people ahould allow the traditions of their society. Others think that they should be free to behave as individuals. Discuss both two views and give your own opinion

Some individuals are of the opine that following the traditions of younger generations'soviety should be prioritize on the top. While others claim that living freely and hehaving their own way is necessary.
On the one hand, there are some reasons that explain why some people belive that young generations should live in a traditional lifestyle. In the past, our anxients setted up some rules such as girls and woman who wear shorts or croptops, body dress are impolite and this action means that attract attention to the opposite sex, while man who do not have their own house or car, they would be consider as a poor man. Previous generations hold a thought that these rules are true and they difficult to break existing ones. As s result, when they had sons or daughters, they would like to educate their children according to the framework, from that, young generations hard to get out of the limits to pursue new trends of the world.
Opponents of the previous view, on the other hand, think that young people should have a freely life and hahave as individuals. In fact, with the developments of the public, more and more different cultures bagan to appear in each country. Therefore, aome teenagers tend to follow that. If thousand of people do so, it will help to reduce unnecessary burdents in life and also create social circles expanded to an international level because pf universal trwnding between youngters. By contrast, living freely is a double- edged sword. When teenagers become rebellious and exceed the allowed limit, freely do what they like in a negative way as well as affect others, it will create social disorder as well as wosen the national image.
In conclusion, although there are mixed opinions on determining the impact of following the traditions or hahavinf freely as individuals. While traditional lifestyle causes suffocation for young people but this is the best way to maintain peace for country. Although living the way you want make life easier and create multicultural connection thanks to your own personality is also promoted, it is also has potential dangers

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Some individuals are of the opine" -> "Some individuals hold the opinion"
Explanation: "Hold the opinion" is a more direct and academically appropriate phrase than "are of the opine," which is awkward and less commonly used in formal writing.
"following the traditions of younger generations’soviety" -> "adhering to the traditions of younger generations"
Explanation: "Soviety" is likely a typographical error and should be removed. "Adhering to" is a more precise verb choice than "following" in this context, emphasizing the act of sticking to traditions.
"should be prioritize on the top" -> "should be prioritized as the top priority"
Explanation: "Prioritize on the top" is grammatically incorrect. "Prioritized as the top priority" corrects the grammar and enhances clarity.
"hehaving" -> "having"
Explanation: "Hehaving" is a typographical error and should be corrected to "having."
"belive" -> "believe"
Explanation: "Belive" is a spelling error and should be corrected to "believe."
"our anxients" -> "our ancestors"
Explanation: "Anxients" is a misspelling and should be corrected to "ancestors."
"setted up" -> "set"
Explanation: "Setted" is a nonstandard form; "set" is the correct verb form.
"girls and woman who wear shorts or croptops, body dress" -> "girls and women who wear shorts or crop tops, body dresses"
Explanation: "Woman" should be pluralized to "women" for grammatical correctness, and "croptops" is likely a typo and should be corrected to "crop tops."
"man who do not have their own house or car, they would be consider as a poor man" -> "men who do not own their own houses or cars are considered poor"
Explanation: "Man" should be pluralized to "men" for consistency, and "considered as a poor man" is awkwardly phrased; "are considered poor" is more direct and formal.
"they difficult to break existing ones" -> "they find it difficult to break existing norms"
Explanation: "Difficult to break existing ones" is unclear and grammatically awkward. "Find it difficult to break existing norms" clarifies the meaning and improves formality.
"young generations hard to get out of the limits" -> "young generations find it hard to break free from these limits"
Explanation: "Hard to get out of the limits" is informal and vague; "find it hard to break free from these limits" is more precise and formal.
"aome" -> "some"
Explanation: "Aome" is a typographical error and should be corrected to "some."
"bagan" -> "began"
Explanation: "Bagan" is a typographical error and should be corrected to "began."
"burdents" -> "burdens"
Explanation: "Burdents" is a typographical error and should be corrected to "burdens."
"because pf universal trwnding" -> "because of universal trends"
Explanation: "Because pf" is a typographical error and should be corrected to "because of." "Trwnding" is likely a typo and should be corrected to "trends."
"wosen" -> "worse"
Explanation: "Wosen" is a typographical error and should be corrected to "worse."
"hahavinf" -> "having"
Explanation: "Hahavinf" is a typographical error and should be corrected to "having."
"it is also has potential dangers" -> "it also has potential dangers"
Explanation: "It is also has" is grammatically incorrect; "it also has" corrects the verb agreement and maintains the formal tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both views regarding whether young people should adhere to traditions or behave as individuals. However, the discussion lacks depth in exploring the implications of each viewpoint. For instance, while the traditional view is presented, it does not adequately explain the benefits or drawbacks of adhering to traditions. Similarly, the individualistic perspective is mentioned but not fully developed, particularly in terms of its societal impact. The conclusion attempts to summarize both views but does so in a vague manner, lacking a clear synthesis of the arguments presented.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that each viewpoint is elaborated upon with specific examples and reasoning. For instance, discussing how traditions can provide a sense of identity or community could strengthen the traditional perspective. Conversely, elaborating on how individualism can foster innovation or personal freedom would enrich the individualistic viewpoint. Additionally, the conclusion should clearly reflect the discussion and provide a more definitive stance.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a somewhat unclear position. While it acknowledges both sides, the writer’s own opinion is not clearly articulated until the conclusion, which makes it difficult for the reader to follow the author’s stance throughout the essay. Phrases like "this is the best way to maintain peace for the country" are vague and do not convincingly support a clear position.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should explicitly state their opinion in the introduction and reinforce it throughout the essay. Using phrases such as "In my opinion" or "I believe" can help clarify the author’s stance. Additionally, consistently linking back to this opinion in each paragraph would provide coherence and clarity.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are somewhat underdeveloped. For example, the mention of societal rules regarding clothing lacks sufficient context or examples that would help the reader understand the implications of these traditions. The discussion on the benefits of individualism is also superficial, failing to explore how these freedoms can lead to positive societal changes.
- How to improve: To improve this aspect, the writer should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples for each point made. For instance, discussing specific cultural practices that young people might challenge or adapt could illustrate the traditional viewpoint more effectively. Similarly, providing examples of how individualism has led to positive societal changes in various contexts would strengthen the argument for personal freedom.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic but occasionally deviates into vague statements that do not directly support the main argument. For instance, the phrase "living freely is a double-edged sword" introduces a new concept without sufficient exploration, which can confuse the reader about the main focus of the essay.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all statements directly relate to the prompt. Each paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea, followed by supporting details that reinforce this idea. Avoiding vague or unrelated statements will help keep the discussion relevant and coherent.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the prompt, it requires more depth, clarity, and coherence to achieve a higher band score in Task Response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with a distinct introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs is somewhat abrupt, as the connection between the traditional view and the individualistic view is not explicitly stated. The argument about the dangers of living freely is introduced without a strong link to the previous discussion about traditions.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas. For example, after discussing the traditional viewpoint, you could introduce the opposing view with a phrase like, "Conversely, proponents of individual freedom argue that…". This would help to clarify the relationship between the two perspectives.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific viewpoint. However, the paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences that summarize the main idea of each paragraph. For instance, the first body paragraph could start with a sentence that clearly states the argument for maintaining traditions, rather than diving directly into examples.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines its main idea. This will help guide the reader and improve the overall coherence of the essay. Additionally, consider breaking down longer paragraphs into smaller ones if they contain multiple ideas, as this can enhance readability.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "on the one hand" and "on the other hand," which effectively signal the contrasting views. However, there is a limited range of cohesive devices used throughout the essay. For example, the use of conjunctions and linking words is somewhat repetitive, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be made clearer.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "furthermore," "in addition," or "however" to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. Additionally, ensure that pronouns and synonyms are used effectively to avoid repetition and enhance the flow of ideas.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, focusing on improving logical transitions, enhancing paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will elevate the overall coherence and cohesion of the writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, but it lacks variety and sophistication. For instance, terms like "traditions," "young generations," and "freely" are repeated without much variation. Phrases such as "living freely" and "traditional lifestyle" are used, but they could be expressed in more diverse ways to enhance the richness of the language. Additionally, some phrases are awkwardly constructed, such as "following the traditions of younger generations’soviety," which appears to be a typographical error and detracts from clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should explore synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "traditions," they could use "customs," "heritage," or "cultural practices." Engaging with a thesaurus or vocabulary-building exercises could help in this regard.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, "opine" is an awkward choice when "believe" would suffice. The phrase "living freely and hehaving their own way" contains a spelling error and lacks clarity. Additionally, "body dress" is not a commonly used term and could confuse readers. The phrase "difficult to break existing ones" is also vague and could be articulated more clearly.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. They could replace "opine" with "believe" and clarify phrases like "body dress" by using "attire" or "clothing." Regular practice in writing and revising sentences for clarity can help in achieving more precise vocabulary usage.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that affect readability, such as "ahould," "belive," "anxients," "setted," "hahahave," "burdents," "pf," "trwnding," and "youngters." These errors detract from the overall quality of the writing and may confuse readers.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading and utilize spell-check tools. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises and flashcards can reinforce correct spelling of commonly used words. It may also be beneficial to read more extensively, as exposure to correctly spelled words can improve spelling skills over time.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic and attempts to engage with both sides of the argument, there are significant areas for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a limited range of sentence structures, primarily relying on simple and compound sentences. For instance, phrases like "Some individuals are of the opine that following the traditions of younger generations’soviety should be prioritize on the top" and "Opponents of the previous view, on the other hand, think that young people should have a freely life" illustrate a lack of complexity. The use of subordinate clauses is minimal, which restricts the depth of argumentation and analysis.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying "Some individuals are of the opine," they could say, "While some individuals believe that following traditions is essential, others argue for the importance of individual freedom." Practicing the use of relative clauses and conditional sentences can also add sophistication to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its clarity. For example, "younger generations’soviety" should be "younger generations’ society," and "belive" should be "believe." Additionally, phrases like "this action means that attract attention to the opposite sex" are grammatically incorrect and awkwardly phrased. Punctuation errors, such as missing commas and incorrect conjunctions, further complicate the readability of the text.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading their work for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and correct verb forms. Utilizing grammar-checking tools can also help identify mistakes. Additionally, practicing punctuation rules, particularly the use of commas in complex sentences, can enhance clarity. For instance, revising "As s result, when they had sons or daughters, they would like to educate their children according to the framework" to "As a result, when they had sons or daughters, they preferred to educate their children according to this framework" would improve both grammar and clarity.

By addressing these areas, the writer can significantly enhance their grammatical range and accuracy, potentially raising their band score in future essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals hold the opinion that adhering to the traditions of younger generations’ society should be prioritized as the top priority. While others claim that living freely and behaving in their own way is necessary.

On the one hand, there are several reasons that explain why some people believe that young generations should live a traditional lifestyle. In the past, our ancestors set rules such as that girls and women who wear shorts or crop tops, or body dresses, are considered impolite, as this behavior is seen as attracting attention from the opposite sex. Similarly, men who do not own their own houses or cars are often regarded as poor. Previous generations held the belief that these rules are true, and they find it difficult to break existing norms. As a result, when they had sons or daughters, they wanted to educate their children according to this framework. Consequently, young generations find it hard to break free from these limits to pursue new trends in the world.

Opponents of this view, on the other hand, think that young people should have the freedom to live their lives and behave as individuals. In fact, with the development of society, more and more diverse cultures began to emerge in each country. Therefore, some teenagers tend to embrace these influences. If thousands of people do so, it will help reduce unnecessary burdens in life and create social circles that expand to an international level because of universal trends among youngsters. However, living freely can also be a double-edged sword. When teenagers become rebellious and exceed acceptable limits, their actions can negatively affect others, leading to social disorder and potentially worsening the national image.

In conclusion, although there are mixed opinions on the impact of following traditions versus behaving freely as individuals, it is clear that a traditional lifestyle can cause suffocation for young people. However, it is also the best way to maintain peace within a country. While living the way you want can make life easier and foster multicultural connections through personal expression, it also has potential dangers.