Some people thinks that strict punishment for driving offences are the they to reducing traffic accidents. Others, however, believe that other measures would be more effective in improving road safety. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people thinks that strict punishment for driving offences are the they to reducing traffic accidents. Others, however, believe that other measures would be more effective in improving road safety. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

People have differing views with regard to the question of how to make our roads safer. In my view, both punishments and a range of other measures can can be used together to promote better driving habits.
On the one hand, strict punishments can certainly help to encourage people to drive more safety. Penalties for dangerous drivers can act as a deterrent, meaning that people avoid repeating the same offence. There are various types of driving penalty, such as small fines, license suspension, driver awareness courses, and even prison sentences. The aim of these punishments is to show dangerous drivers that their actions have negative consequences. As a result, we would hope that drivers become more disciplined and alert, and that they follow the rules more carefully.
On the other hand, I believe that safe driving can be promoted in several different ways that do not punish drivers. Firstly, it is vitally important to educate people properly before they start to drive, and this could be done in schools or even as part of an extended or more difficult driving test. Secondly, more attention could be paid to safe road design. For example, signs can be used to warn people, speed bumps and road bends can be added to calm traffic, and speed cameras can help to deter people from driving too quickly. Finally, governments or local councils could reduce road accidents by investing in better public transport, which would mean that fewer people would need to travel by car.
In conclusion, while punishments can help to prevent bad driving, I believe that other road safety measures should be introduced.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "can can be used together" -> "can be used together"
    Explanation: The repetition of "can" is redundant and sounds informal. Removing the extra "can" improves the sentence’s conciseness and formality.

  2. "encourage people to drive more safety" -> "encourage people to drive more safely"
    Explanation: "Safely" is the correct adverb form here. Using the appropriate adverb maintains grammatical accuracy and formality.

  3. "Penalties for dangerous drivers can act as a deterrent" -> "Penalties for dangerous drivers can serve as a deterrent"
    Explanation: Replacing "act as" with "serve as" provides a more formal and precise expression without altering the meaning.

  4. "driver awareness courses" -> "driver education courses"
    Explanation: "Driver education courses" is a more formal term that accurately describes the purpose of the courses, aligning better with academic style.

  5. "disciplined and alert" -> "disciplined and vigilant"
    Explanation: Substituting "alert" with "vigilant" enhances the vocabulary without sacrificing clarity, contributing to a more formal tone.

  6. "that do not punish drivers" -> "that do not penalize drivers"
    Explanation: Using "penalize" instead of "punish" is a more formal choice in an academic context, maintaining a professional tone.

  7. "it is vitally important" -> "it is crucial"
    Explanation: Replacing "vitally important" with "crucial" adds emphasis and elevates the formality of the statement.

  8. "extended or more difficult driving test" -> "comprehensive or more challenging driving test"
    Explanation: "Comprehensive" and "challenging" are more precise and formal terms, conveying a nuanced meaning without sacrificing clarity.

  9. "speed bumps and road bends" -> "speed bumps and curves"
    Explanation: Using "curves" instead of "road bends" is a more concise and formal term, maintaining clarity and professionalism.

  10. "which would mean that fewer people would need to travel by car" -> "resulting in fewer people needing to travel by car"
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence provides a more formal expression without losing the intended meaning.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both sides of the prompt. It discusses the role of strict punishments in promoting safer driving and presents alternative measures, including education, road design, and public transport, supporting both perspectives.
    • How to improve: To further enhance this aspect, consider providing a more nuanced exploration of the opposing views. Dive into specific examples and implications of each approach, demonstrating a deeper understanding of the complexities involved.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position, asserting that both punishments and other safety measures should be employed. This stance is consistently upheld throughout the essay.
    • How to improve: While the position is clear, ensure that the reasoning and support for the chosen stance are robust. Strengthen the essay by providing more detailed examples and evidence to bolster the argument.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas coherently, discussing the role of punishments and proposing alternative measures. However, some ideas lack development, such as the mention of "driver awareness courses" without further elaboration.
    • How to improve: Extend the discussion by providing specific examples and elaborating on each proposed measure. For instance, expand on the types of driver awareness courses and how they contribute to safer driving.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing both perspectives and providing relevant arguments. However, there is a slight deviation when the essay briefly mentions the importance of educating people before they start to drive.
    • How to improve: While education is a valid point, ensure that such deviations are connected seamlessly to the main argument. Elaborate on how education contributes to road safety without diverting too far from the primary focus.

Overall Feedback:
The essay is well-structured, addressing the prompt comprehensively and presenting a cohesive argument. To improve, focus on providing more detailed examples, particularly in supporting alternative measures. Additionally, ensure a seamless transition when discussing various aspects of road safety. Consider refining the language for greater precision and clarity. Overall, a strong essay that demonstrates a thoughtful engagement with the topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally organizes information logically, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. However, there is room for improvement in the flow within paragraphs. For instance, the transition between discussing punishments and alternative measures in the second paragraph could be smoother.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure each paragraph has a clear focus and a seamless transition to the next. Use topic sentences to introduce main ideas and connect ideas within and between paragraphs.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively in terms of separation, but the structure within paragraphs could be refined. The second paragraph, for instance, combines arguments for strict punishments without clear subheadings or transitions.
    • How to improve: To enhance paragraphing, consider breaking down complex ideas into smaller, more focused paragraphs. Each paragraph should ideally cover a single main point with a clear topic sentence and supporting details.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses cohesive devices reasonably well, employing linking words like "on the one hand," "on the other hand," and "finally" to connect ideas. However, there is room for improvement in using a broader range of cohesive devices for more variety and clarity.
    • How to improve: Broaden the use of cohesive devices, including synonyms for commonly used linking words and phrases. Additionally, consider using cohesive devices within paragraphs to strengthen the internal structure. For example, employ transitional words to indicate cause-and-effect relationships or contrast within sentences.

In conclusion, the essay demonstrates a good understanding of coherence and cohesion, achieving a band score of 7. To further improve, focus on refining the internal structure of paragraphs, enhancing transitions between ideas, and diversifying the use of cohesive devices.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a moderate range of vocabulary, but there is room for improvement. While it covers the topic adequately, there is a tendency to repeat certain words, such as "driving," "punishments," and "safety." Expanding the vocabulary by incorporating synonyms and varied expressions would enhance the lexical resource.
    • How to improve: To augment the range of vocabulary, consider using synonyms and alternative phrases. For instance, instead of consistently using "driving," explore terms like "vehicle operation" or "road users." Also, replace repetitions of "punishments" with terms like "penalties" or "disciplinary measures." This will contribute to a more diverse and sophisticated lexical selection.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The precision of vocabulary usage in the essay is generally acceptable. However, there are instances where words could be used more accurately. For example, the phrase "driving more safety" is imprecise, and a better choice would be "driving more safely." Paying attention to such details can enhance the overall precision of expression.
    • How to improve: Be meticulous with word usage, ensuring that each term is employed accurately. Review the essay for instances of imprecise language, such as using nouns instead of adverbs. In this case, replace "safety" with "safely" to convey the intended meaning more precisely.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy in the essay is satisfactory; however, there are a few notable errors. For instance, "they" should be "the," and "can can" should be corrected to "can." These minor spelling issues, while not pervasive, can impact the overall professionalism of the writing.
    • How to improve: Proofread the essay carefully to catch and rectify any spelling errors. Utilize spelling and grammar-check tools to assist in identifying and correcting minor mistakes. Additionally, pay attention to common grammatical structures to ensure consistent and accurate word usage throughout the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a competent level of lexical resource, but refining vocabulary range, precision, and addressing minor spelling errors will contribute to a more polished and higher-scoring composition.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of sentence structures, including simple and compound sentences. However, there is room for improvement in sentence variety. The essay tends to rely on basic structures, such as subject-verb-object constructions, which can make the writing sound repetitive.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences, such as compound-complex sentences or sentences with introductory phrases. For instance, instead of consistently using simple sentences, try combining ideas using coordinating or subordinating conjunctions. This will add sophistication to your writing and engage the reader more effectively.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a moderate level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable instances of errors. For example, the phrase "People have differing views with regard to the question" could be improved by using a more concise structure like "People hold different views on how to make roads safer." There are also minor issues with subject-verb agreement and inconsistent verb tenses. Punctuation errors, such as missing commas after introductory phrases, contribute to occasional readability challenges.
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, carefully review subject-verb agreement and maintain consistency in verb tenses throughout the essay. Additionally, pay attention to punctuation, ensuring that commas are appropriately used after introductory phrases and to separate items in a list. Consider seeking feedback from peers or using grammar-checking tools to identify and correct specific issues. Practice will also help in developing a more intuitive sense for grammatical accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

“People hold diverse opinions on how to enhance the safety of our roads. In my perspective, both punishments and a variety of other measures can be used together to encourage better driving habits.

On one hand, strict penalties can play a crucial role in promoting safer driving. Penalties for dangerous drivers can serve as a deterrent, dissuading individuals from repeating the same offense. Various types of driving penalties, such as modest fines, license suspension, driver education courses, and even imprisonment, aim to convey the message that reckless actions lead to adverse consequences. Ideally, these punishments foster disciplined and vigilant driving behavior, prompting individuals to adhere more carefully to traffic regulations.

On the other hand, I contend that promoting safe driving can involve measures that do not penalize drivers. Firstly, it is crucial to provide comprehensive driver education before individuals begin driving. This could be incorporated into school curricula or as part of a more challenging driving test. Secondly, greater attention could be given to safe road design. Implementing warning signs, speed bumps, and curves can contribute to calming traffic, while speed cameras act as deterrents against excessive speeding. Lastly, investments by governments or local councils in improved public transport can reduce road accidents by decreasing the necessity for people to travel by car.

In conclusion, while punishments can deter unsafe driving, I believe that a combination of other road safety measures should also be implemented.”

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