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some people timk that the increasing use of computers and mobile phone in communication has negative effect on young people’s reading and writing skills. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

some people timk that the increasing use of computers and mobile phone in communication has negative effect on young people's reading and writing skills. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, with the cutting edge technology, it is argued that young people have worse literacy. This author believes that young people deteriorate of literacy due to recreational information on device and use text-based abbreviated languages.

It is vital to understand that teenagers are usually distracted by devices so they could not focus to comprehend the information of texts and use words wisely in writing. In fact, nowadays children are attracted by recreational contents on social platforms. As a result, the concentration of children decrease and they do not spend time on practicing reading and writing. Therefore, the growing use of computers and cellphones could worsen the literal skills.

Furthermore, many youngsters bring text-based abbreviated languages or teen code into formal, which may terribly affect the spelling and writing skills. In reality, teenagers who increase in use of digital devices for communication are familiar with teen code and abbreviations. As a consequence, the juveniles could not expand the lexical resource and improve writing skill. These reason admit heavy dependence on
technological gadgets can deteriorate of reading and writing skills.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "cutting edge technology" -> "advanced technology"
    Explanation: "Cutting edge" is an idiom that may sound informal in an academic context. "Advanced" is a more precise and formal term that fits better in academic writing.

  2. "worse literacy" -> "decline in literacy"
    Explanation: "Worse literacy" is grammatically incorrect and vague. "Decline in literacy" is a more precise and academically appropriate phrase.

  3. "deteriorate of literacy" -> "decline in literacy"
    Explanation: "Deteriorate of" is grammatically incorrect. "Decline in" is the correct phrase to describe a decrease in literacy.

  4. "recreational information on device" -> "recreational content on devices"
    Explanation: "Information" is too broad and vague; "content" is more specific and appropriate for discussing digital media. "Device" should be pluralized to "devices" to match the context.

  5. "use words wisely in writing" -> "utilize language effectively in writing"
    Explanation: "Use words wisely" is somewhat informal and vague. "Utilize language effectively" is more precise and formal, suitable for academic writing.

  6. "recreational contents on social platforms" -> "recreational content on social media platforms"
    Explanation: "Contents" should be singular when referring to a general category, and "social platforms" is too broad; "social media platforms" is more specific and accurate.

  7. "the concentration of children decrease" -> "children’s concentration decreases"
    Explanation: "The concentration of children" is awkward and incorrect. "Children’s concentration decreases" is grammatically correct and clearer.

  8. "the growing use of computers and cellphones could worsen the literal skills" -> "the increasing use of computers and cellphones may impair literacy skills"
    Explanation: "Worse the literal skills" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "Impair literacy skills" is grammatically correct and more precise.

  9. "text-based abbreviated languages or teen code" -> "text-based abbreviations or teen slang"
    Explanation: "Languages" is too broad and formal for this context; "abbreviations" is more specific. "Teen code" is informal and vague; "teen slang" is more appropriate and understood in academic contexts.

  10. "terribly affect" -> "significantly impair"
    Explanation: "Terribly" is an emotional and informal adverb; "significantly" is more neutral and formal.

  11. "increase in use of digital devices for communication" -> "increased use of digital devices for communication"
    Explanation: "Increase in use" is grammatically awkward; "increased use" is more direct and grammatically correct.

  12. "the juveniles could not expand the lexical resource" -> "young people may not expand their lexical repertoire"
    Explanation: "The juveniles" is informal and less precise; "young people" is more appropriate and respectful. "Expand the lexical resource" is awkward; "expand their lexical repertoire" is more natural and academically precise.

  13. "These reason admit heavy dependence on technological gadgets" -> "These reasons indicate a heavy dependence on technological gadgets"
    Explanation: "These reason" is grammatically incorrect; "These reasons" is the correct plural form. "Admit" is incorrect in this context; "indicate" is the correct verb for suggesting a connection.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing the negative effects of technology on young people’s reading and writing skills. However, it does not fully explore the extent to which the author agrees or disagrees with the statement. The introduction states a belief but fails to clearly articulate a position of agreement or disagreement. The body paragraphs present relevant points but do not explicitly connect back to the prompt’s requirement to discuss the extent of agreement or disagreement.
    • How to improve: To improve this aspect, the author should clearly state their position in the introduction and reiterate it throughout the essay. A more explicit discussion of the extent of agreement or disagreement is necessary, perhaps by using phrases like "I strongly agree" or "I partially disagree" and providing a rationale for that stance.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay lacks a clear and consistent position. While it mentions a belief in the negative impact of technology on literacy, it does not maintain this position throughout the essay. The phrasing "this author believes" is somewhat vague and does not convey a strong personal stance. Additionally, the conclusion does not summarize or reinforce the position taken.
    • How to improve: The author should use a more assertive tone when stating their position. Consistently refer back to the stated position in each paragraph and ensure that the conclusion encapsulates the argument made throughout the essay. This will help reinforce the clarity of the position.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents some relevant ideas, such as distractions from devices and the use of abbreviated language. However, these ideas are not well-developed or supported with specific examples or evidence. For instance, the mention of "recreational contents on social platforms" lacks specific examples of how these contents distract from reading and writing practice. The reasoning is often vague, such as stating that "the concentration of children decrease" without elaborating on how this impacts their literacy skills.
    • How to improve: To enhance this area, the author should provide specific examples or statistics to support their claims. Additionally, each point made should be elaborated upon to explain how it directly relates to the impact on reading and writing skills. This could involve discussing specific studies or real-life examples of how technology has affected literacy.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the impact of technology on reading and writing skills. However, there are moments where the focus could be sharper. For example, the phrase "these reason admit heavy dependence on technological gadgets can deteriorate of reading and writing skills" is somewhat convoluted and detracts from the clarity of the argument.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that each sentence directly supports the main argument. Avoiding overly complex sentence structures and ensuring clarity in expression will help keep the essay on topic. Additionally, a clear outline before writing could help in organizing thoughts and maintaining relevance throughout the essay.

Overall, to improve the essay and potentially raise the band score, the author should focus on clearly articulating their position, developing and supporting their ideas with specific examples, and maintaining clarity and relevance throughout the text.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the negative impact of technology on young people’s literacy skills. The introduction outlines the author’s stance, and the subsequent paragraphs provide supporting points. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing distractions caused by devices to the impact of abbreviated language feels abrupt. The ideas are somewhat related but could benefit from clearer connections.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly link ideas between sentences and paragraphs. For example, after discussing distractions, a phrase like "In addition to these distractions, another significant issue arises…" could help create a smoother transition to the next point about abbreviated language.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a positive aspect. However, the paragraphs could be more effectively structured. The first paragraph introduces the argument but lacks a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. The second paragraph, while focused on a specific point, could also benefit from a stronger opening sentence that clearly states the focus of that paragraph.
    • How to improve: Strengthen paragraph structure by ensuring each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. For instance, the first paragraph could start with, "One of the primary ways technology negatively impacts literacy is through the distractions it creates." This would provide a clearer framework for the reader.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "In fact" and "As a result," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some phrases are used repetitively. For example, "As a result" appears in both paragraphs, which can make the writing feel monotonous.
    • How to improve: Diversify the use of cohesive devices by incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, consider using alternatives like "Moreover," "Consequently," or "Additionally" to introduce new points or to show cause and effect. This will enhance the overall flow and make the writing more engaging.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the variety of cohesive devices will enhance coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "cutting edge technology," "recreational information," and "text-based abbreviated languages." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive and lacks variety in expressions. For example, the phrase "young people" is used multiple times without synonyms or alternative phrases, which could enhance the essay’s lexical diversity.
    • How to improve: To improve, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "young people," alternatives like "teenagers," "youth," or "adolescents" could be used. Additionally, the writer could explore more sophisticated vocabulary related to literacy and technology, such as "digital literacy," "communication skills," or "linguistic proficiency."
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that can lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "deteriorate of literacy" is awkward and incorrect; it should be "deterioration of literacy." Similarly, "the concentration of children decrease" should be "decreases" to match the singular subject. The phrase "teen code" is also vague and could be more accurately described as "internet slang" or "texting shorthand."
    • How to improve: The writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. This can be achieved by revising sentences for grammatical correctness and clarity. Additionally, using specific terms relevant to the topic, such as "digital communication" instead of "recreational contents," would enhance precision.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "timk" instead of "think," "deteriorate of literacy" instead of "deterioration of literacy," and "decrease" instead of "decreases." These errors detract from the overall readability and professionalism of the essay.
    • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help identify mistakes. Additionally, practicing commonly misspelled words and familiarizing oneself with the correct spelling of relevant vocabulary can further enhance spelling skills.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates some strengths in vocabulary usage, there are notable weaknesses in range, precision, and spelling that need to be addressed for a higher band score. By expanding vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and improving spelling, the writer can enhance their lexical resource significantly.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited variety of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, lacking complex structures that could enhance the sophistication of the writing. For example, phrases like "it is argued that young people have worse literacy" and "the concentration of children decrease" reflect a basic sentence construction. Additionally, the use of phrases such as "this author believes" and "it is vital to understand" indicates a reliance on formulaic expressions rather than a diverse range of grammatical forms.
    • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For instance, instead of saying "teenagers are usually distracted by devices," the writer could say, "Although teenagers are usually distracted by devices, they can improve their literacy skills if they dedicate time to reading." This not only adds complexity but also improves coherence and cohesion in the argument.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For instance, "deteriorate of literacy" should be "deterioration of literacy," indicating a misuse of the noun form. The phrase "the concentration of children decrease" should be corrected to "the concentration of children decreases" to maintain subject-verb agreement. Additionally, punctuation is often missing or misused, such as in "recreational information on device," which should be "recreational information on devices." The lack of commas in complex sentences also affects readability.
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of noun forms. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly on common errors, can be beneficial. Furthermore, reviewing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, will help clarify the writer’s ideas and improve the overall flow of the essay. Reading well-structured essays can also provide insights into proper grammar and punctuation usage.

In summary, to improve the band score, the writer should focus on diversifying sentence structures and enhancing grammatical accuracy and punctuation. Engaging with a variety of writing exercises and reading extensively can provide the necessary practice and exposure to achieve these improvements.

Bài sửa mẫu

Nowadays, with the advancement of technology, it is argued that young people are experiencing a decline in literacy. This author believes that the deterioration of literacy among young people is largely due to the recreational content available on devices and the use of text-based abbreviations.

It is vital to understand that teenagers are often distracted by their devices, which prevents them from focusing on comprehending the information in texts and utilizing language effectively in writing. In fact, children today are increasingly drawn to recreational content on social media platforms. As a result, their concentration decreases, and they do not dedicate enough time to practicing reading and writing. Therefore, the growing use of computers and cellphones may impair literacy skills.

Furthermore, many youngsters incorporate text-based abbreviations or teen slang into formal writing, which can significantly impair their spelling and writing abilities. In reality, teenagers who frequently use digital devices for communication become accustomed to these informal codes and abbreviations. Consequently, young people may not expand their lexical repertoire or improve their writing skills. These reasons indicate a heavy dependence on technological gadgets can lead to a decline in reading and writing skills.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

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