Some people today believe that it is acceptable to use physical force to discipline children, other feel it is completely unacceptable. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

Some people today believe that it is acceptable to use physical force to discipline children, other feel it is completely unacceptable.
To what extent do you agree or disagree.

Currently, some parents think that use physical force to educate for offspring is acceptable, and opposite there are also people said it’s unacceptable. I entire disagree with the behavior mentioned above and I believe it’s a bad thing. I certain it will effect of children’s character and cognitive or the actions and cause injury for child in the future.
On the one hand, use physical force to discipline children is a bad thing. It causes serious injury. For example, when the parents use violence or hitting on the body for child, they will bleed, bruises on arms or legs, even more will break legs or arms. It so dangerous.
On the other hand, use physical force to control for child is effect of character and the actions of children. For example, some people use the abusive work or bad work for offspring. It reasons why the child have many thinks so they can feel stress and depression or more serious can lead suicide due to pressure. However, the actions can affect the children’s character, they can learn for them parents many bad languages or many bad things. Moreover, the offspring can be disrespectful for them parents.
In conclusion, in my view, use physical force to control children is unsuitable. It causes effect of the character or cognitive and can cause hurt for child. So, some people must find out teach methods for offspring in the best way, they need distinguish between bad thing and good thing; what to tech for children and what not to teach for them.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"use physical force to educate for offspring" -> "the use of physical force in educating children"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and grammatically incorrect. The revised version corrects the preposition and verb usage, enhancing clarity and formality.
"opposite there are also people said it’s unacceptable" -> "others argue that it is unacceptable"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and informal. The suggested revision corrects the grammar and uses a more formal tone appropriate for academic writing.
"I entire disagree" -> "I entirely disagree"
Explanation: The word "entire" is incorrectly used here. "Entirely" is the correct adverbial form needed to modify "disagree," indicating complete opposition.
"I certain it will effect of children’s character" -> "I am certain that it will affect children’s character"
Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The revision corrects the verb tense and adds clarity to the meaning.
"the actions and cause injury for child" -> "and may cause injury to the child"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revision corrects the preposition and verb agreement, improving readability and formality.
"use physical force to discipline children is a bad thing" -> "the use of physical force to discipline children is detrimental"
Explanation: The original phrase is vague and informal. The suggested revision uses a more precise and academically appropriate term, "detrimental," which enhances the formal tone of the essay.
"It causes serious injury" -> "It can cause serious injury"
Explanation: Adding "can" provides a conditional tone, which is more appropriate in academic writing to indicate potential outcomes rather than absolute certainty.
"when the parents use violence or hitting on the body for child" -> "when parents use violence or physical force on the child"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and grammatically incorrect. The revision corrects the preposition and verb usage, improving clarity and formality.
"It so dangerous" -> "It is so dangerous"
Explanation: The original sentence lacks a verb, which is necessary for grammatical correctness. Adding "is" corrects this error and maintains the formal tone.
"use physical force to control for child" -> "the use of physical force to control children"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revision corrects the preposition and verb agreement, enhancing clarity and formality.
"the actions can affect the children’s character" -> "these actions can affect the children’s character"
Explanation: Adding "these" clarifies the reference to the actions previously discussed, improving the flow and specificity of the sentence.
"they can learn for them parents many bad languages or many bad things" -> "they may learn from their parents many negative behaviors or attitudes"
Explanation: The original phrase is unclear and informal. The revision clarifies the meaning and uses more precise and formal language appropriate for academic writing.
"the offspring can be disrespectful for them parents" -> "the offspring may become disrespectful to their parents"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revision corrects the verb tense and preposition, improving clarity and formality.
"what to tech for children and what not to teach for them" -> "what to teach children and what not to teach them"
Explanation: The original phrase contains a typographical error ("tech" instead of "teach") and awkward phrasing. The revision corrects these issues, enhancing clarity and correctness.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by presenting a clear disagreement with the use of physical force to discipline children. However, it does not fully explore the extent to which the author agrees or disagrees, which is a crucial element of the task. The prompt asks for a discussion of the extent of agreement or disagreement, but the essay primarily states a strong disagreement without elaborating on any nuances or acknowledging opposing views adequately.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the author should explicitly state their position on the spectrum of agreement or disagreement. For example, they could acknowledge that while some may argue for limited physical discipline under specific circumstances, they believe it is never acceptable. Including a discussion of the potential arguments for the opposing view, even if only to refute them, would demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position against the use of physical force, but the clarity is somewhat undermined by awkward phrasing and grammatical errors. Phrases like "I entire disagree" and "I certain it will effect" detract from the overall coherence of the argument. The position is stated but lacks the necessary linguistic precision to convey a strong and consistent stance.
- How to improve: The author should focus on using clear and grammatically correct language to express their position. Practicing sentence structure and vocabulary will help present a more authoritative and coherent argument. Additionally, reiterating the main position in the conclusion can reinforce clarity.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas against physical discipline, such as the potential for physical injury and psychological harm. However, these ideas are not well-developed or supported with sufficient evidence. For instance, while the author mentions serious injuries, they do not provide statistics or studies to substantiate these claims. The examples given are vague and lack depth, which weakens the overall argument.
- How to improve: To improve this aspect, the author should aim to provide more detailed examples and evidence to support their claims. Incorporating research findings or expert opinions on the effects of physical discipline could strengthen the argument. Additionally, expanding on each point with more thorough explanations would enhance the overall quality of the essay.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the negative aspects of using physical force for discipline. However, there are moments where the argument becomes convoluted, such as the mention of "bad languages" and "disrespectful for them parents," which could confuse the reader and detract from the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that each paragraph clearly relates back to the main argument against physical discipline. Using topic sentences to introduce each paragraph and summarizing the main point at the end can help keep the discussion relevant and coherent. Additionally, avoiding vague references and ensuring clarity in language will help maintain topic relevance.

In summary, while the essay presents a clear disagreement with the use of physical force in disciplining children, it lacks depth in argumentation, clarity in expression, and comprehensive coverage of the prompt. By addressing these areas, the author can significantly improve their Task Response score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear stance against the use of physical force to discipline children, which is a strength. However, the organization of ideas lacks clarity and logical progression. For instance, the introduction states the opposing views but does not clearly outline the main arguments that will be discussed. The body paragraphs attempt to address the negative consequences of physical discipline, but the transition between ideas is abrupt, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. For example, the shift from discussing physical injuries to psychological effects is not well signposted.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, the writer should begin with a clear thesis statement that outlines the main points to be discussed. Each paragraph should start with a topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by supporting details. Additionally, using transitional phrases such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Conversely" can help guide the reader through the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but their structure and effectiveness are inconsistent. The first body paragraph focuses on physical injuries, while the second discusses psychological effects. However, the paragraphs are not clearly delineated, and the ideas within them are not fully developed. For example, the second paragraph introduces several ideas (stress, depression, disrespect) but does not elaborate on them sufficiently, leading to a lack of depth in the argument.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea and develop it thoroughly. The writer could benefit from using a clear structure: start with a topic sentence, provide examples or evidence, and conclude with a sentence that summarizes the paragraph’s main point. This will help create a more cohesive argument and make it easier for the reader to follow.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use cohesive devices, but their application is limited and at times incorrect. For example, phrases like "on the one hand" and "on the other hand" are used, but they are not effectively linked to the arguments presented. Additionally, there are instances of awkward phrasing that disrupt the flow, such as "use physical force to educate for offspring" which could be more clearly stated as "use physical force to discipline children."
- How to improve: To improve the use of cohesive devices, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. This includes using synonyms, pronouns, and conjunctions to avoid repetition and enhance the flow of the essay. Practicing the use of cohesive devices in different contexts can help the writer become more comfortable with their application.

Overall, while the essay presents a clear opinion and attempts to address the topic, improvements in organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use varied vocabulary, such as "discipline," "educate," "cognitive," and "unsuitable." However, the range is limited, and there are instances of repetitive phrasing, such as "use physical force" and "for child." The vocabulary choices are often basic and lack sophistication, which detracts from the overall quality of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more complex expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "use physical force," alternatives like "employ corporal punishment" or "resort to physical discipline" could be utilized. Additionally, using phrases like "negative repercussions" instead of "bad thing" would elevate the language.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "use violence or hitting on the body for child" is awkward and unclear. The term "abusive work" is also vague and does not accurately convey the intended meaning. The phrase "the actions can affect the children’s character" is somewhat ambiguous and could be clearer.
- How to improve: The writer should focus on using vocabulary that clearly conveys the intended meaning. For instance, instead of "abusive work," they could say "abusive language" or "harmful behavior." Additionally, rephrasing "the actions can affect the children’s character" to something like "these actions can negatively influence a child’s development" would enhance clarity and precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "effect" instead of "affect," "entire" instead of "entirely," and "think" instead of "things." These errors undermine the overall readability and professionalism of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular practice, such as using spelling apps or flashcards. Additionally, proofreading the essay before submission can help catch and correct errors. Reading more widely can also enhance spelling skills through exposure to correctly spelled words in context.

Overall, while the essay presents a clear stance on the issue, improving vocabulary range, precision, and spelling will significantly enhance the quality of the writing and potentially raise the band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, lacking the complexity that can enhance clarity and engagement. For example, sentences like "I entire disagree with the behavior mentioned above and I believe it’s a bad thing" and "It causes serious injury" are straightforward but do not exhibit variety in structure. There are attempts at more complex sentences, such as "However, the actions can affect the children’s character, they can learn for them parents many bad languages or many bad things," but these are poorly constructed and lead to confusion.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should practice using complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For instance, instead of saying "I entire disagree," they could say "While I understand some parents may believe in physical discipline, I completely disagree with this approach." Additionally, incorporating a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences can create a more engaging and varied writing style.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors that detract from its overall clarity. For instance, phrases like "use physical force to educate for offspring" should be corrected to "using physical force to educate children." Additionally, the phrase "I certain it will effect of children’s character" should be revised to "I am certain it will affect children’s character." Punctuation errors are also present, such as missing commas and incorrect conjunction usage, which contribute to run-on sentences and fragmented thoughts.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, verb forms, and the correct use of articles. Regular practice with grammar exercises and reviewing common grammatical structures can be beneficial. Furthermore, proofreading the essay for punctuation errors and ensuring that each sentence is complete and clear will significantly improve the overall quality. Utilizing grammar-checking tools may also help identify and correct mistakes before submission.

In summary, to achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on expanding their range of sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy. Engaging in targeted practice and seeking feedback on their writing can lead to significant improvements in these areas.

Bài sửa mẫu

Currently, some parents think that the use of physical force to educate their offspring is acceptable, while others feel it is completely unacceptable. I entirely disagree with the behavior mentioned above, and I believe it is a bad thing. I am certain that it will affect children’s character and cognitive development, and may cause injury to the child in the future.

On the one hand, the use of physical force to discipline children is detrimental. It can cause serious injury. For example, when parents use violence or hit the child, they may cause bleeding, bruises on arms or legs, and in more severe cases, broken legs or arms. It is so dangerous.

On the other hand, the use of physical force to control children affects their character and actions. For example, some people use abusive language or negative words towards their offspring. This is why the child may experience stress and depression, which can even lead to suicide due to pressure. Furthermore, these actions can affect children’s character; they may learn many negative behaviors or attitudes from their parents. Moreover, the offspring may become disrespectful to their parents.

In conclusion, in my view, the use of physical force to control children is unsuitable. It affects their character and cognitive development and can cause harm to the child. Therefore, people must find better teaching methods for their offspring. They need to distinguish between bad things and good things, and understand what to teach children and what not to teach them.