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Some people want governments to spend money looking for life on other planets. Others, however, think this is a waste of public money when there are so many problems on earth. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people want governments to spend money looking for life on other planets. Others, however, think this is a waste of public money when there are so many problems on earth. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

It is a public debate whether governments are recommended to dedicate a huge amount of money to seeking new life on other planets or rectify certain current phenomena on earth. It seems to me that the national budget should be allocated to deal with the latter situation over the former.

On one hand, it is likely to cost a colossal of monetary funds to explore new asteroids. Specifically, it is of urgency for individuals to destroy the lush greenery land to make room for erecting modern residences so that the novel land could adapt to the high influx of immigrants. Moreover, the possibility for individuals to adapt to a new environment is impossible due to getting acquainted with the familiar conditions. Consequently, they potentially suffer from some unusual diseases without finding suitable medicines to cure them, in some cases, even leading to fatalities.

On the other hand, there are numerous problems happening in our motherland, including illiteracy and extreme pollution, so it is imperative for the governments to mitigate these issues. First and foremost, it is of necessity to invest a lot of money in constructing numerous educational institutions to meet the higher number of students’ demands, diminishing today’s illiterate rate, especially in rural areas, where comprehensive education is hard to access. Second, the organization of educational initiatives such as extracurricular activities are frequently encouraged to raise people’s awareness about the paramount importance of clean environmental conservation. By doing so, they have a tendency to lean towards commuting by either public transport or carpools over private vehicles with the view to reducing significantly exhaust fumes discharged into our atmosphere.

In conclusion, the allocation of national funds to either looking for life in new lands or dealing with current dilemmas exerts a public controversy. Albeit to this, I am of the opinion that governments should invest monetary funds to ameliorate people’s lives on their own planet.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "It is a public debate whether governments are recommended to dedicate a huge amount of money to seeking new life on other planets or rectify certain current phenomena on earth." -> "There is a public debate regarding whether governments should allocate a substantial amount of funds to the exploration of new life on other planets or address current issues on Earth."
    Explanation: The revised sentence introduces a more formal structure by replacing "It is a public debate" with "There is a public debate" and provides a clearer expression of the choices governments face.

  2. "It seems to me that the national budget should be allocated to deal with the latter situation over the former." -> "In my view, allocating the national budget to address the latter situation takes precedence over dedicating it to the former."
    Explanation: The suggested alternative maintains a formal tone and replaces the casual "It seems to me" with the more academic "In my view." Additionally, it enhances clarity and formality.

  3. "On one hand, it is likely to cost a colossal of monetary funds to explore new asteroids." -> "On one hand, exploring new asteroids is likely to incur a colossal expenditure of financial resources."
    Explanation: The suggested alternative improves the sentence’s formality by replacing "colossal of monetary funds" with "colossal expenditure of financial resources" for a more precise and academic expression.

  4. "Specifically, it is of urgency for individuals to destroy the lush greenery land to make room for erecting modern residences so that the novel land could adapt to the high influx of immigrants." -> "Specifically, there is an urgency to clear lush greenery land to make space for constructing modern residences, allowing the new land to accommodate the high influx of immigrants."
    Explanation: The revision maintains a formal tone, replaces informal expressions like "it is of urgency for individuals" with "there is an urgency," and provides a clearer structure.

  5. "Moreover, the possibility for individuals to adapt to a new environment is impossible due to getting acquainted with the familiar conditions." -> "Furthermore, the adaptation of individuals to a new environment becomes challenging due to their familiarity with existing conditions."
    Explanation: The alternative enhances formality by replacing the informal "impossible due to getting acquainted" with the more precise and formal "challenging due to their familiarity."

  6. "Consequently, they potentially suffer from some unusual diseases without finding suitable medicines to cure them, in some cases, even leading to fatalities." -> "Consequently, they may be vulnerable to uncommon diseases for which suitable medications are not readily available, potentially resulting in fatalities in some cases."
    Explanation: The suggested alternative employs more formal language, replaces "some unusual diseases" with "uncommon diseases," and improves precision and clarity.

  7. "On the other hand, there are numerous problems happening in our motherland, including illiteracy and extreme pollution, so it is imperative for the governments to mitigate these issues." -> "On the other hand, our homeland faces numerous challenges, such as illiteracy and severe pollution, making it imperative for governments to address these issues."
    Explanation: The alternative maintains a formal tone, replaces the colloquial "problems happening" with "challenges," and enhances overall clarity.

  8. "First and foremost, it is of necessity to invest a lot of money in constructing numerous educational institutions to meet the higher number of students’ demands, diminishing today’s illiterate rate, especially in rural areas, where comprehensive education is hard to access." -> "First and foremost, it is essential to invest significant funds in constructing numerous educational institutions to meet the growing demand from students, thereby reducing the current illiteracy rate, especially in rural areas where access to comprehensive education is challenging."
    Explanation: The revised version maintains formality, replaces "it is of necessity" with "it is essential," and provides a more detailed and precise expression of the ideas.

  9. "Second, the organization of educational initiatives such as extracurricular activities are frequently encouraged to raise people’s awareness about the paramount importance of clean environmental conservation." -> "Second, the implementation of educational initiatives, such as extracurricular activities, is often promoted to enhance public awareness of the paramount importance of environmental conservation."
    Explanation: The suggested alternative corrects subject-verb agreement by changing "are" to "is" and improves the overall formality and precision of the sentence.

  10. "By doing so, they have a tendency to lean towards commuting by either public transport or carpools over private vehicles with the view to reducing significantly exhaust fumes discharged into our atmosphere." -> "In doing so, individuals tend to favor commuting via public transport or carpools over private vehicles, aiming to significantly reduce the emission of exhaust fumes into the atmosphere."
    Explanation: The revision enhances formality, replaces colloquial expressions like "lean towards commuting" with "favor commuting," and provides a more concise and clear expression of the intended meaning.

  11. "Albeit to this, I am of the opinion that governments should invest monetary funds to ameliorate people’s lives on their own planet." -> "Despite this, I hold the opinion that governments should allocate financial resources to improve the lives of people on their own planet."
    Explanation: The suggested alternative replaces the informal "Albeit to this" with the more formal "Despite this" and improves overall clarity and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both sides of the argument, discussing the idea of spending money on exploring other planets and the opposing view that it’s a waste of resources given the problems on Earth. The mention of exploring new asteroids is relevant, but the connection to seeking life is a bit unclear.
    • How to improve: To enhance clarity, explicitly connect the discussion of exploring new asteroids to the broader theme of seeking life on other planets. Ensure that each point aligns with the prompt and contributes to a comprehensive discussion.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance that the national budget should be prioritized for addressing current issues on Earth rather than seeking life on other planets. The position is consistently expressed throughout the essay.
    • How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, consider explicitly stating the author’s opinion in the introduction and reiterating it in the conclusion. This can help anchor the reader to the central argument.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are generally clear, but some arguments lack depth and thorough development. For instance, the discussion on destroying greenery for modern residences needs more elaboration, and the link between extracurricular activities and reducing pollution could be further expanded.
    • How to improve: Provide more detailed examples and explanations for each supporting point. Develop arguments with additional evidence or real-world scenarios to enhance the depth and persuasiveness of the essay.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic but tends to deviate slightly, particularly in the discussion of exploring new asteroids and the potential consequences for immigrants. These points, while interesting, could be more directly linked to the overarching theme of seeking life on other planets.
    • How to improve: Focus on maintaining a direct connection between every point made and the prompt. Ensure that each deviation serves to strengthen the central argument rather than introducing tangential ideas.

Overall, while the essay effectively discusses both views and maintains a clear stance, it would benefit from stronger connections between points and more in-depth development of ideas. The clarity of the author’s position can be enhanced through explicit statements in the introduction and conclusion. Additionally, ensuring that every point directly contributes to the main theme will strengthen the essay’s overall coherence and relevance.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. The introduction clearly presents the topic and the writer’s stance. The body paragraphs follow a coherent structure, discussing both sides of the argument. The conclusion summarizes the main points effectively. However, there is room for improvement in the logical flow within paragraphs. For instance, the transition between the points related to exploring new asteroids and addressing problems on Earth could be smoother.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, work on creating seamless transitions between ideas within paragraphs. Use topic sentences to guide the reader through the main points, ensuring a clear and interconnected flow of ideas.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs, but the structure and effectiveness vary. The introduction and conclusion are well-organized, but some body paragraphs contain multiple ideas, affecting clarity. For instance, the second paragraph combines points related to exploring new asteroids and the challenges of adapting to a new environment. Breaking down such paragraphs into smaller, focused ones would improve the overall structure.
    • How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph revolves around a single main idea, making the essay more reader-friendly. Use topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to introduce the main point and support it with relevant details.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a range of cohesive devices, such as linking words (e.g., "on one hand," "on the other hand," "in conclusion"). However, the use of cohesive devices could be more varied and sophisticated. Additionally, there are instances where the relationship between ideas is assumed rather than explicitly stated, impacting clarity.
    • How to improve: Expand the repertoire of cohesive devices, including a mix of conjunctions, transitions, and pronouns, to create smoother connections between sentences and ideas. Clearly articulate relationships between points to enhance coherence and ensure the reader can follow the essay’s progression.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates an overall coherence and cohesion sufficient for a band score of 6, there is room for improvement in terms of paragraph structure, logical flow within paragraphs, and the diversification of cohesive devices. Attention to these aspects will contribute to a more polished and effective essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. While there is an attempt to use varied words, there is room for improvement in showcasing a broader and more sophisticated vocabulary. For instance, there is a reliance on repetitive terms such as "monetary funds," and some expressions lack diversity.
    • How to improve: To enhance the lexical range, consider incorporating synonyms and more nuanced vocabulary. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "monetary funds," you could use alternatives like "financial resources," "budget allocation," or "economic resources" where appropriate.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The usage of vocabulary is generally accurate, but there are instances where the precision could be improved. For example, in the sentence, "individuals to destroy the lush greenery land," the phrase "lush greenery land" is imprecise and could be clarified. Additionally, there are areas where more precise terms could be employed.
    • How to improve: Focus on refining the choice of words for better precision. Instead of "lush greenery land," consider specifying the type of land or vegetation. Also, be mindful of context-specific terminology to convey ideas more precisely.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The spelling is generally accurate throughout the essay, with minimal errors. However, there is a misspelling in the phrase "illiterate rate" where "illiteracy rate" would be the correct usage.
    • How to improve: Carefully proofread your work to catch minor spelling errors. Additionally, consider using spelling and grammar-check tools to ensure thorough accuracy. In the case of "illiterate rate," use "illiteracy rate" for precise and correct terminology.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates competency in lexical resource, there is room for improvement in diversifying vocabulary, refining precision, and ensuring consistent spelling accuracy. Make a conscious effort to incorporate a wider array of words, choose terms with greater precision, and meticulously proofread to enhance the overall lexical quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a moderate range of sentence structures. Simple and complex sentences are used, but there is room for improvement in terms of sentence variety. For example, there is a tendency to start sentences with the subject ("On one hand," "On the other hand," "In conclusion,") which, while grammatically correct, could benefit from variation.
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical range, consider incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures. Experiment with different sentence beginnings, such as introductory phrases or clauses. Introduce conditional sentences, rhetorical questions, or parallel structures to add depth and complexity to your writing.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy, but there are instances where errors affect clarity. For example, "it is likely to cost a colossal of monetary funds" could be improved to "it is likely to incur colossal monetary costs." Additionally, there are issues with subject-verb agreement, such as "the novel land could adapt," where "land" should be plural to match "could adapt."
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement and choose precise and clear expressions. Proofread your work for grammatical accuracy, particularly in complex sentences. Consider seeking feedback from peers or using grammar-check tools to catch and correct errors. Also, be mindful of punctuation use, ensuring proper placement and usage to enhance readability.

Overall, your essay demonstrates a solid command of grammar and structure, but there’s room for refinement. Strive for a more diverse range of sentence structures and be meticulous in maintaining grammatical accuracy for a more polished and sophisticated expression.

Bài sửa mẫu

There is an ongoing public debate about whether governments should allocate a substantial amount of funds to the exploration of new life on other planets or address current issues on Earth. In my view, allocating the national budget to address the latter situation takes precedence over dedicating it to the former.

On one hand, exploring new asteroids is likely to incur a colossal expenditure of financial resources. Specifically, there is an urgency to clear lush greenery land to make space for constructing modern residences, allowing the new land to accommodate the high influx of immigrants. Furthermore, the adaptation of individuals to a new environment becomes challenging due to their familiarity with existing conditions. Consequently, they may be vulnerable to uncommon diseases for which suitable medications are not readily available, potentially resulting in fatalities in some cases.

On the other hand, our homeland faces numerous challenges, such as illiteracy and severe pollution, making it imperative for governments to address these issues. First and foremost, it is essential to invest significant funds in constructing numerous educational institutions to meet the growing demand from students, thereby reducing the current illiteracy rate, especially in rural areas where access to comprehensive education is challenging. Second, the implementation of educational initiatives, such as extracurricular activities, is often promoted to enhance public awareness of the paramount importance of environmental conservation. In doing so, individuals tend to favor commuting via public transport or carpools over private vehicles, aiming to significantly reduce the emission of exhaust fumes into the atmosphere.

Despite this, I hold the opinion that governments should allocate financial resources to improve the lives of people on their own planet.

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