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Some people want the government to spend money on life on other planets, however, others think it is a waste of public money when the earth has so many problems. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people want the government to spend money on life on other planets, however, others think it is a waste of public money when the earth has so many problems. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

People have different views about allocating governmental funds to habitat exploration on other planets. While there are some strong arguments against it as they contend that the boom of environmental issues. I personally believe that governments should prioritize addressing the pressing issues faced by our own planet before investing in space exploration.

On the one hand, it is understandable why investing in exploring other planets is necessary. One significant reason is that the search for human habitat on other planets can lead to significant scientific breakthroughs. The advancements made in space technology can have far-reaching applications in various fields, such as medicine and communication. Another noteworthy observation is that the pursuit of space exploration can provide valuable insights into the origins of life itself and inspire future generations to pursue careers in science and technology, fostering innovation and progress. For instance, a previous study in 2020 indicated that approximately 30% of students in the USA opted for a major related to science, to trip higher than five years ago, as the priority on cosmology of the government.

On the other hand, I agree with those who argue that the national budget should channel resources into current problems on the Earth. From my point of view, human inequality and environmental degradation are the two prominent issues that deserve long-term attention from policymakers. By tackling resources towards these urgent matters, governments can improve the quality of life for their citizens and contribute to a more sustainable future. The second aspect that should be taken into consideration is addressing problems such as poverty, health care, and literacy. If the government in the underdeveloped nations pour the majority of money to develop economics, update medical, and promote education, citizens in their countries could have more opportunities as well as pursue their desired goal like astronauts in the foreseeable future.

In conclusion, while spending money on exploring other planets has many benefits, I firmly believe the positive aspects are far surpassed by the negative problems. In my opinion, instead of direct funds towards space exploration, the authorities should expand and intensify efforts to curb current problems.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "People have different views about allocating governmental funds to habitat exploration on other planets. While there are some strong arguments against it as they contend that the boom of environmental issues."
    -> "Individuals hold diverse opinions regarding the allocation of government funds for habitat exploration on other planets. Some argue against it, contending that it exacerbates environmental issues."
    Explanation: The suggested changes enhance formality by replacing "people" with "individuals," and "contend" provides a more sophisticated expression than "argue."

  2. "I personally believe that governments should prioritize addressing the pressing issues faced by our own planet before investing in space exploration."
    -> "I am of the opinion that governments should prioritize addressing the urgent issues faced by our planet before allocating resources to space exploration."
    Explanation: The revision maintains a personal stance while improving formality through the use of "I am of the opinion" and employs more precise language with "urgent issues."

  3. "On the one hand, it is understandable why investing in exploring other planets is necessary."
    -> "On one hand, the rationale behind investing in the exploration of other planets is comprehensible."
    Explanation: Removing the redundant "it is" and replacing "why investing" with "the rationale behind investing" improves clarity and formality.

  4. "One significant reason is that the search for human habitat on other planets can lead to significant scientific breakthroughs."
    -> "A compelling reason is that the quest for human habitation on other planets can result in noteworthy scientific breakthroughs."
    Explanation: The modification introduces more precise and advanced vocabulary, such as "compelling" and "noteworthy," to elevate the academic tone.

  5. "Another noteworthy observation is that the pursuit of space exploration can provide valuable insights into the origins of life itself and inspire future generations to pursue careers in science and technology, fostering innovation and progress."
    -> "Additionally, a noteworthy consideration is that the pursuit of space exploration can yield valuable insights into the origins of life, inspiring future generations to pursue careers in science and technology, thereby fostering innovation and progress."
    Explanation: The revised sentence enhances precision and clarity while maintaining a formal tone through improved phrasing.

  6. "For instance, a previous study in 2020 indicated that approximately 30% of students in the USA opted for a major related to science, to trip higher than five years ago, as the priority on cosmology of the government."
    -> "For instance, a study conducted in 2020 revealed that around 30% of students in the USA chose majors related to science, marking a notable increase compared to five years ago, influenced by the government’s emphasis on cosmology."
    Explanation: The suggested changes correct grammar and improve clarity, offering a more accurate representation of the study’s findings.

  7. "On the other hand, I agree with those who argue that the national budget should channel resources into current problems on the Earth."
    -> "Conversely, I align with those who argue that the national budget should allocate resources to address current issues on Earth."
    Explanation: The revision introduces a more formal transition ("Conversely") and replaces the informal "channel" with "allocate," improving the overall academic tone.

  8. "By tackling resources towards these urgent matters, governments can improve the quality of life for their citizens and contribute to a more sustainable future."
    -> "By directing resources towards these urgent matters, governments can enhance the quality of life for their citizens and contribute to a more sustainable future."
    Explanation: The change from "tackling" to "directing" enhances precision and maintains a formal tone, contributing to better academic style.

  9. "If the government in the underdeveloped nations pour the majority of money to develop economics, update medical, and promote education, citizens in their countries could have more opportunities as well as pursue their desired goal like astronauts in the foreseeable future."
    -> "If governments in underdeveloped nations allocate the majority of funds to economic development, healthcare updates, and education promotion, citizens in these countries could have more opportunities to pursue their desired goals, akin to aspiring astronauts in the foreseeable future."
    Explanation: The suggested changes improve grammar, precision, and overall formality, providing a more polished and academically appropriate expression.

  10. "In my opinion, instead of direct funds towards space exploration, the authorities should expand and intensify efforts to curb current problems."
    -> "In my view, rather than allocating funds to space exploration, authorities should expand and intensify efforts to address current issues."
    Explanation: The revision maintains a personal perspective while using more formal language, replacing "direct funds" with "allocating funds," and improving overall clarity and tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument, acknowledging the perspective of those in favor of space exploration and those opposing it. It recognizes the argument against space exploration, citing environmental issues on Earth as a primary concern. However, the analysis could be more detailed by providing specific examples or elaborating on the environmental problems mentioned. For instance, mentioning climate change or pollution would strengthen the response.
    • How to improve: To enhance completeness, the essay could include specific examples related to environmental issues on Earth, offering a more comprehensive discussion of the challenges faced by the planet.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent stance throughout, clearly expressing the opinion that governments should prioritize addressing Earth’s problems before investing in space exploration. This position is evident in the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
    • How to improve: To further strengthen clarity, consider explicitly stating the main opinion in the introduction and reiterating it in the conclusion for emphasis. This ensures that the reader easily identifies the writer’s position.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas reasonably well, providing arguments both for and against space exploration. The discussion of the benefits of space exploration, such as scientific breakthroughs and inspiration for future generations, is adequately developed. However, the counterarguments related to addressing current problems on Earth could be more detailed and supported with specific examples.
    • How to improve: To enhance development, elaborate on the consequences of neglecting Earth’s problems and provide concrete examples of how addressing issues like human inequality and environmental degradation can lead to a more sustainable future.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the allocation of government funds between space exploration and addressing Earth’s problems. However, some parts could be more focused, such as the introduction, where the mention of environmental issues is somewhat vague.
    • How to improve: To improve focus, the introduction can be more specific about the environmental issues on Earth that are competing for attention with space exploration. This ensures a clear connection to the prompt.

In conclusion, while the essay effectively discusses the pros and cons of allocating funds to space exploration, it can be improved by providing more specific examples, explicitly stating the main opinion, offering detailed counterarguments, and ensuring a more focused introduction.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally logical organization. The introduction clearly presents the two opposing views, followed by well-developed body paragraphs discussing the benefits of space exploration and the importance of addressing Earth’s problems. The conclusion succinctly restates the opinion. However, there is room for improvement in the transition between the body paragraphs, especially from the first to the second. The connection could be strengthened to enhance the overall flow.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases or sentences between paragraphs. For instance, you can explicitly connect the ideas in the first and second body paragraphs, reinforcing the overall coherence of the essay.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: Paragraphs are generally well-structured, each focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The introduction and conclusion are appropriately concise. However, the first body paragraph could benefit from clearer organization, particularly in the initial sentence. It might be more effective to directly state the opposing view before delving into the supportive arguments for space exploration.
    • How to improve: Ensure that the topic sentence of each paragraph clearly introduces the main idea. In the first body paragraph, consider stating the opposing view more explicitly at the outset to provide a smoother transition from the introduction.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively utilizes cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases (e.g., "On the one hand," "On the other hand," "In conclusion"). These devices contribute to the overall coherence of the essay. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the types of cohesive devices used, such as employing synonyms or parallel structures for variety.
    • How to improve: While maintaining the current effective use of transition words, consider incorporating a variety of cohesive devices. This could include synonyms for key terms, parallel sentence structures, or consistent referencing of ideas throughout the essay. Diversifying cohesive devices adds richness to the language and strengthens the overall cohesion.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong coherence and cohesion, with specific areas identified for improvement. Strengthening the connection between paragraphs and varying cohesive devices will contribute to a more polished and cohesive presentation.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. While some variety is present, there is room for improvement in terms of using more sophisticated and nuanced vocabulary to express ideas. For instance, phrases like "boom of environmental issues" and "human habitat on other planets" could be refined for greater precision.
    • How to improve: To enhance the vocabulary range, the writer can incorporate more academic and domain-specific terminology related to space exploration and environmental concerns. Substituting generic terms with precise vocabulary would elevate the essay’s lexical richness.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The usage of vocabulary is generally accurate, but there are instances where imprecise language affects clarity. For example, the phrase "the priority on cosmology of the government" could be clarified for better precision.
    • How to improve: To achieve more precise vocabulary usage, focus on selecting words and phrases that convey intended meanings clearly. Instead of using ambiguous terms, opt for more specific language that directly addresses the concepts being discussed. Proofreading and refining word choices during the revision process can significantly enhance precision.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: Overall, spelling accuracy is satisfactory; however, there are some minor issues, such as "trip" instead of "tipped" and "economics" instead of "economy." These do not significantly impede comprehension but should be addressed for a polished presentation.
    • How to improve: A careful proofreading of the essay can help identify and rectify spelling errors. Additionally, utilizing spelling and grammar tools available in word processing software can serve as a proactive measure to enhance accuracy. Developing a habit of revising written work with a focus on spelling can contribute to improved overall language proficiency.

In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates competence in lexical resource, there is room for refinement to achieve a higher band score. Employing a more diverse and precise vocabulary, coupled with meticulous attention to spelling accuracy, will contribute to an overall improvement in the lexical aspects of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a reasonably varied use of sentence structures. There is a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the introductory sentence uses a complex structure ("While there are some strong arguments against it as they contend that the boom of environmental issues") and is followed by a complex sentence in support of space exploration. However, there is room for improvement in sentence diversity, as some structures appear repetitive, and certain ideas could be expressed with greater complexity for a higher band score.
    • How to improve: To enhance your score, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures. For example, experiment with the use of conditional sentences, relative clauses, or inversion to add depth and sophistication to your writing. Vary sentence lengths to maintain reader engagement.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammar and punctuation. However, there are instances of grammatical errors and punctuation issues that slightly impact the overall accuracy. In the sentence "Another noteworthy observation is that the pursuit of space exploration can provide valuable insights into the origins of life itself and inspire future generations to pursue careers in science and technology, fostering innovation and progress," the use of the comma before "fostering" is unnecessary and disrupts the sentence flow.
    • How to improve: Pay careful attention to comma usage. Use commas sparingly and ensure they are placed where necessary to avoid disrupting the natural flow of sentences. Additionally, review the essay for other grammatical nuances, such as subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and article usage. A thorough proofread can help identify and rectify these issues.

Overall, this essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. To improve your score further, focus on incorporating more varied sentence structures and refining grammatical accuracy, paying particular attention to punctuation nuances.

Bài sửa mẫu

People hold varying opinions regarding the allocation of government funds for exploring habitats on other planets. Some argue against it, contending that it exacerbates environmental issues. I am of the opinion that governments should prioritize addressing the urgent issues faced by our planet before allocating resources to space exploration.

On one hand, the rationale behind investing in the exploration of other planets is understandable. A compelling reason is that the quest for human habitation on other planets can result in noteworthy scientific breakthroughs. Additionally, a noteworthy consideration is that the pursuit of space exploration can yield valuable insights into the origins of life, inspiring future generations to pursue careers in science and technology, thereby fostering innovation and progress. For instance, a study conducted in 2020 revealed that around 30% of students in the USA chose majors related to science, marking a notable increase compared to five years ago, influenced by the government’s emphasis on cosmology.

Conversely, I align with those who argue that the national budget should allocate resources to address current issues on Earth. By directing resources towards these urgent matters, governments can enhance the quality of life for their citizens and contribute to a more sustainable future. If governments in underdeveloped nations allocate the majority of funds to economic development, healthcare updates, and education promotion, citizens in these countries could have more opportunities to pursue their desired goals, akin to aspiring astronauts in the foreseeable future.

In my view, rather than allocating funds to space exploration, authorities should expand and intensify efforts to address current issues.

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