Some ppl believe that studying at uni or college is the best route to a successful career, while others think that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinions?

People have different views on university education persuasion. While some people think that working immediately after graduating is a better choice for students, I argue that to achieve career success, studying at university is a superior method.

On the one hand, getting a job straight after school can offer certain benefits for students. Firstly, it is a great way to provide real life experiences which could help young people extend their horizons and get out of their comfort zone. For example, if a student decides to work as a motorbike mechanic, he will have a chance to learn practical skills throughout the process of working with real vehicles. Therefore, his experiences and skills will develop and may become expert in the field. Secondly, financial independence is also an advantage of working right after graduating. When students choose to join the labor market soon, they can earn money earlier than their peers, which could help them achieve their goal such as buying a house or traveling sooner.

On the other hand, I strongly believe that higher education brings a wide range of advantages. Universities often teach deeper and specialized knowledge that are extremely necessary for students' future jobs. In the job market today, employers expect and prioritize candidates who have a good range of knowledge and a college’s degree, therefore, students who pursue academic training will have more opportunities to get a high paid occupation. Moreover, in specific professions such as Law or medicine, a qualification is considered as a basic requirement for workers when seeking for their dream jobs because these fields call for particularly rigorous theoretical and subject-matter expertise.

In conclusion, although joining the workforce directly after school can provide students with practical skills or financial independence, I reaffirm my position that pursuing higher education may offer better benefits.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"People have different views on university education persuasion." -> "Individuals hold diverse perspectives on the value of university education."
Explanation: The term "university education persuasion" is unclear and awkward. "The value of university education" is a more precise and academically appropriate phrase.
"While some people think" -> "While some individuals believe"
Explanation: "Individuals" is more formal than "people," and "believe" is more precise than "think" in academic writing.
"a better choice for students" -> "a more advantageous option for students"
Explanation: "A more advantageous option" is more formal and specific than "a better choice," aligning better with academic style.
"getting a job straight after school" -> "securing employment immediately after graduation"
Explanation: "Securing employment" is more formal and specific than "getting a job," and "immediately after graduation" is more precise than "straight after school."
"a great way to provide real life experiences" -> "an effective means of providing real-life experiences"
Explanation: "An effective means of providing" is more formal and precise than "a great way to provide."
"could help young people extend their horizons" -> "can assist young individuals in broadening their horizons"
Explanation: "Can assist" is more formal than "could help," and "broadening" is a more precise term than "extend."
"get out of their comfort zone" -> "venture beyond their comfort zones"
Explanation: "Venture beyond their comfort zones" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than the idiomatic "get out of their comfort zone."
"he will have a chance to learn" -> "he will have the opportunity to learn"
Explanation: "The opportunity to learn" is more formal and precise than "a chance to learn."
"may become expert in the field" -> "may become an expert in the field"
Explanation: "An expert" is the correct form of the noun, and it is more formal than "expert."
"financial independence is also an advantage" -> "financial independence is another advantage"
Explanation: "Another advantage" is more formal and flows better in academic writing than "also an advantage."
"achieve their goal such as buying a house or traveling sooner" -> "achieve their goals, such as purchasing a house or traveling, sooner"
Explanation: "Achieve their goals" is grammatically correct, and "purchasing" is more formal than "buying."
"Universities often teach deeper and specialized knowledge" -> "Universities frequently impart more in-depth and specialized knowledge"
Explanation: "Impart" is a more formal verb than "teach," and "more in-depth" is a more precise adverbial phrase than "deeper."
"a good range of knowledge" -> "a comprehensive range of knowledge"
Explanation: "Comprehensive" is more precise and formal than "good," which is vague and informal.
"a college’s degree" -> "a college degree"
Explanation: "A college degree" is grammatically correct and more formal than "a college’s degree."
"a qualification is considered as a basic requirement" -> "a qualification is considered a basic requirement"
Explanation: Removing "as" corrects the grammatical structure, making it more formal and correct.
"seeking for their dream jobs" -> "pursuing their dream jobs"
Explanation: "Pursuing" is more formal and appropriate in academic writing than "seeking for."
"may offer better benefits" -> "may provide greater benefits"
Explanation: "Provide greater benefits" is more formal and precise than "offer better benefits."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both views regarding the merits of pursuing higher education versus entering the workforce immediately after school. The first paragraph outlines the advantages of working straight after school, such as gaining real-life experience and achieving financial independence. The second paragraph presents a strong argument in favor of university education, highlighting the depth of knowledge gained and the necessity of qualifications in certain professions. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit acknowledgment of the opposing viewpoint in the conclusion, which currently leans heavily towards the author’s perspective.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the author could incorporate a more balanced discussion in the conclusion by briefly summarizing the key points from both sides before reaffirming their position. This would demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic and ensure that all parts of the question are addressed more thoroughly.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that favors university education as the best route to career success. The author consistently supports this stance with relevant arguments and examples, particularly in the second paragraph where they discuss the importance of specialized knowledge and qualifications in the job market. However, the transition between discussing both views could be smoother, as the shift from one perspective to another feels somewhat abrupt.
- How to improve: To improve clarity and consistency, the author could use transitional phrases to better connect the discussion of both viewpoints. For instance, phrases like "Conversely" or "On the other hand" can help signal shifts in perspective, making it easier for the reader to follow the argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports ideas well, particularly in the discussion of the advantages of higher education. The author provides specific examples, such as the necessity of qualifications in fields like Law and Medicine, which effectively supports their argument. However, the examples for the benefits of immediate employment could be more detailed, as they currently lack depth and specific instances that illustrate the points made.
- How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, the author should aim to provide more concrete examples and elaboration for the benefits of working straight after school. For instance, including statistics on employment rates for those with and without degrees or personal anecdotes could strengthen the argument and make it more relatable.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, discussing both sides of the argument without deviating from the prompt. The author successfully ties their points back to the central question of whether university education or immediate employment is the better route to career success. However, there are minor instances of vague language, such as "great way to provide real life experiences," which could be more precise.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and clarity, the author should strive for more precise language and avoid generalizations. Instead of vague phrases, using specific terms related to the skills and experiences gained from immediate employment would enhance the overall quality of the essay and keep it tightly aligned with the prompt.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and effectively communicates the author’s position. With slight improvements in balance, clarity, and depth of examples, it could reach an even higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with distinct sections for both viewpoints followed by the author’s opinion. The introduction effectively sets up the discussion, and the body paragraphs are logically organized, with each presenting a specific argument. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the benefits of entering the workforce immediately, while the second body paragraph focuses on the advantages of higher education. This logical progression helps the reader follow the argument easily.
- How to improve: To enhance the logical flow, the writer could consider using more explicit transition phrases between points. For example, phrases like "In addition to this," or "Conversely," could help clarify the relationship between ideas and improve the overall coherence of the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is crucial for clarity. Each paragraph has a clear main idea, and the supporting details are relevant and well-developed. However, the conclusion could be more robust; it briefly summarizes the arguments but lacks a strong reiteration of the author’s stance.
- How to improve: Strengthening the conclusion by summarizing the key points more emphatically and restating the author’s opinion with greater conviction would enhance the paragraph’s effectiveness. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence can further improve clarity.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "Moreover," which help to guide the reader through the arguments. However, there is a reliance on a limited range of cohesive devices, which can make the writing feel somewhat repetitive.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer could incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, using alternatives like "Additionally," "On the contrary," or "As a result" can enhance the richness of the text. Moreover, varying sentence structures can also contribute to a more engaging reading experience.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, with clear organization and effective use of paragraphs. By incorporating more varied cohesive devices and enhancing the conclusion, the writer can further elevate the quality of their writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms like "financial independence," "real life experiences," and "specialized knowledge." These phrases effectively convey the writer’s arguments and enhance the overall clarity of the essay. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the repeated use of "students" and "working" could be replaced with synonyms or paraphrased to avoid redundancy.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, consider using synonyms or related terms. For instance, instead of repeating "students," you might use "learners," "graduates," or "young adults." Additionally, varying the verbs used to describe actions (e.g., "engage in work" instead of "working") can enrich the vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are a few instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "achieve career success" is somewhat vague; it could be more specific about what aspects of success are being referred to. Additionally, the term "expert" in "may become expert in the field" should be modified to "an expert" for grammatical accuracy.
- How to improve: To improve precision, focus on clarifying your ideas with more specific vocabulary. Instead of "career success," consider specifying what kind of success (e.g., "financial stability" or "professional recognition"). Furthermore, ensure grammatical accuracy in phrases to enhance clarity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling accuracy, with only minor errors. For instance, "persuasion" in the first sentence should be "pursuit," which indicates a misunderstanding of the intended meaning. Such errors can detract from the overall impression of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, it is beneficial to proofread the essay carefully. Consider using spelling and grammar checking tools or apps that can help identify mistakes. Additionally, practicing commonly misspelled words and their correct forms can be beneficial.

Overall, while the essay achieves a solid Band 7 for Lexical Resource, focusing on enhancing vocabulary variety, precision, and spelling accuracy will help elevate the score further.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences such as "While some people think that working immediately after graduating is a better choice for students, I argue that to achieve career success, studying at university is a superior method" effectively combines clauses to express nuanced ideas. Additionally, the essay employs a mix of simple and compound sentences, enhancing the overall flow. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the second body paragraph where phrases like "a qualification is considered as a basic requirement" could be varied further to avoid redundancy.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases, use passive voice where appropriate, and experiment with different conjunctions to connect ideas. For example, instead of repeatedly starting sentences with "Moreover," the writer could use alternatives like "In addition," or "Furthermore," to introduce new points. Additionally, integrating more conditional sentences (e.g., "If students choose to pursue higher education, they may find…") could enhance complexity.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors present. For example, the phrase "may become expert in the field" should be corrected to "may become an expert in the field" to ensure proper article usage. Furthermore, punctuation is mostly correct, but there are a few instances where commas could improve clarity, such as before "which could help them achieve their goal such as buying a house or traveling sooner," where a comma after "goal" would enhance readability.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on article usage and ensure that all nouns are properly qualified. Regular practice with grammar exercises focusing on articles and prepositions can be beneficial. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, will help refine the essay’s clarity. Reading more academic texts can also provide insights into correct grammatical structures and punctuation usage.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and presents a clear argument, but by further diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical accuracy, the writer can enhance their writing to achieve an even higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

People have different views on the value of university education. While some people think that working immediately after graduating is a better choice for students, I argue that to achieve career success, studying at university is a superior method.

On the one hand, getting a job straight after school can offer certain benefits for students. Firstly, it is a great way to provide real-life experiences, which could help young people broaden their horizons and venture beyond their comfort zones. For example, if a student decides to work as a motorbike mechanic, he will have the opportunity to learn practical skills throughout the process of working with real vehicles. Therefore, his experiences and skills will develop, and he may become an expert in the field. Secondly, financial independence is also an advantage of working right after graduating. When students choose to join the labor market soon, they can earn money earlier than their peers, which could help them achieve their goals, such as purchasing a house or traveling, sooner.

On the other hand, I strongly believe that higher education brings a wide range of advantages. Universities often impart deeper and specialized knowledge that is extremely necessary for students’ future jobs. In the job market today, employers expect and prioritize candidates who have a comprehensive range of knowledge and a college degree; therefore, students who pursue academic training will have more opportunities to secure high-paid occupations. Moreover, in specific professions such as law or medicine, a qualification is considered a basic requirement for workers when seeking their dream jobs because these fields call for particularly rigorous theoretical and subject-matter expertise.

In conclusion, although joining the workforce directly after school can provide students with practical skills and financial independence, I reaffirm my position that pursuing higher education may offer greater benefits.