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Some say that it would be better if the majority of employees worked from home instead of travelling to a workplace every day. Do you think the advantages of working from home outweigh the disadvantages?

Some say that it would be better if the majority of employees worked from home instead of travelling to a workplace every day.

Do you think the advantages of working from home outweigh the disadvantages?

Some individuals believed that workers should stay at home and work remotely rather going to the office everyday. From my perspective, the advantages of working at home are heavily overshadowed the disadvantages.

On the one hand, working remotely can have lots of demerits. First, working at home do not offers a wide range of office supplies than the office. Most of people do not have monitor, printers or paper shredder like the office and those supplies are important for workers, especially for office staff. Furthermore, working at home do not allow manager to control their staff, which can lead to poor work performance. If workers are work remotely, managers cannot monitor them and if the staff do something wrong, they cannot at there to fix the problems. In addition, teamwork also play a vital role as it allow employees to share ideas and support, which working at home do not allow them.

While working remotely brings various drawbacks, I believe that the benefits are far more significant. This is because it can be convenience for employees as it provide comfort for them. For example, when employees have to work at the office, they have to spent much time on choosing the outfit for the day and also time for moving from home to the workplace. However, if they can work at home, workers do not need to spend much times on those things anymore and can spend more times on working. Moreover, the less people go out for work, the less traffic jam can occur. This is because most of employees all have to go to work in the same time, at rush hours, this is lead to traffic jam. Working at home can reduce this problems and also reduce an amount of emission from vehicles into the environment . As a result, this can also help to protect and avoid air pollution.

To conclude, while working at home restrict workers to access office supplies and can impact on the quality of work. However, it do brings a lot of benefits for worker and I also believed that is will outweigh the disadvantages as it provide them to be more comfortable and have reduce air pollution.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "Some individuals believed" -> "Some individuals believe"
    Explanation: The verb tense should be consistent throughout the essay. Using the present tense "believe" aligns better with the general statement being made, enhancing the formal tone and clarity.

  2. "rather going to the office everyday" -> "rather than going to the office every day"
    Explanation: "Rather going" is grammatically incorrect. The correct phrase should be "rather than," and "everyday" should be "every day" to maintain grammatical accuracy and formality.

  3. "the advantages of working at home are heavily overshadowed the disadvantages" -> "the advantages of working at home are heavily outweighed by the disadvantages"
    Explanation: "Overshadowed" is not the correct term in this context. "Outweighed" is the appropriate verb to use when comparing the relative importance of two things, improving the precision and correctness of the statement.

  4. "working at home do not offers" -> "working at home does not offer"
    Explanation: "Do not offers" is grammatically incorrect. The singular subject "working at home" requires the singular verb "does not offer" for grammatical correctness and clarity.

  5. "Most of people do not have" -> "Most people do not have"
    Explanation: "Most of people" is grammatically incorrect. The phrase should be "Most people" for proper grammatical structure and formality.

  6. "like the office and those supplies are important for workers, especially for office staff" -> "like those found in the office, which are essential for workers, particularly office staff"
    Explanation: The original phrase is awkwardly structured and vague. The revised version clarifies the comparison and emphasizes the importance of the supplies, enhancing the formal tone and precision.

  7. "working at home do not allow manager to control their staff" -> "working at home does not allow managers to control their staff"
    Explanation: "Do not allow manager" is grammatically incorrect. The verb should be singular "does not allow" to agree with the singular subject "manager," and "managers" should be plural to correctly refer to multiple managers.

  8. "If workers are work remotely, managers cannot monitor them and if the staff do something wrong, they cannot at there to fix the problems" -> "If workers work remotely, managers cannot monitor them, and if the staff make a mistake, they cannot be present to address the issues"
    Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revised version corrects these issues and uses more precise language, improving clarity and formality.

  9. "teamwork also play a vital role as it allow employees to share ideas and support" -> "teamwork also plays a vital role as it allows employees to share ideas and provide support"
    Explanation: "Play" should be "plays" to agree with the singular subject "teamwork," and "allow" should be "allows" for grammatical correctness. Additionally, "provide support" is more precise than "support," enhancing the academic tone.

  10. "working at home do not allow them" -> "working at home does not allow them"
    Explanation: Similar to earlier corrections, "do not allow" should be "does not allow" for grammatical agreement with the singular subject "working at home."

  11. "can be convenience for employees" -> "can be convenient for employees"
    Explanation: "Convenience" should be "convenient" to agree with the verb "can be," improving grammatical accuracy and formality.

  12. "spent much time on choosing the outfit for the day" -> "spend much time selecting their attire"
    Explanation: "Spent" should be "spend" to match the present tense of the main clause, and "choosing the outfit for the day" is awkwardly phrased; "selecting their attire" is more concise and formal.

  13. "do not need to spend much times on those things anymore" -> "need not spend much time on these matters anymore"
    Explanation: "Do not need to spend much times" is grammatically incorrect. "Need not spend much time" is the correct negation, and "these matters" is more formal than "those things."

  14. "less people go out for work" -> "fewer people go out to work"
    Explanation: "Less" is used incorrectly with "people," which is a countable noun. "Fewer" is the correct comparative form for countable nouns, and "to work" is more formal than "for work."

  15. "less traffic jam can occur" -> "fewer traffic jams occur"
    Explanation: Similar to earlier corrections, "less" is incorrectly used with "traffic jam," which is a countable noun. "Fewer" is the correct comparative form, and "occur" should be used in the present tense for consistency

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of working from home. The author acknowledges the drawbacks, such as limited access to office supplies and challenges in management oversight, before presenting the benefits, including convenience and reduced traffic. However, the discussion of disadvantages is somewhat limited and could be elaborated further to provide a balanced view. The conclusion reiterates the position that advantages outweigh disadvantages but lacks a strong summary of both sides.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay should provide a more detailed examination of the disadvantages, perhaps discussing potential issues like isolation or communication barriers. Additionally, a clearer summary of both advantages and disadvantages in the conclusion would strengthen the overall argument.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that the advantages of working from home outweigh the disadvantages. This stance is maintained throughout the essay, particularly in the second body paragraph where the author emphasizes the benefits. However, the phrase "heavily overshadowed the disadvantages" in the introduction is somewhat awkward and could lead to confusion about the author’s stance.
    • How to improve: To improve clarity, the author should refine the introductory statement to clearly express their position without ambiguity. Consistent use of phrases that reinforce the main argument throughout the essay would also help maintain clarity.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the benefits of working from home, such as convenience and reduced traffic. However, the support for these ideas could be more robust. For example, while the author mentions that working from home saves time on commuting and outfit selection, these points could be expanded with more specific examples or statistics to strengthen the argument. The disadvantages are less well-supported, with only a brief mention of the lack of office supplies and managerial oversight.
    • How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, the author should provide more detailed examples and possibly include counterarguments to strengthen their position. Incorporating data or studies related to remote work could also add credibility to the claims made.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the advantages and disadvantages of working from home. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more focused. For instance, the mention of "air pollution" feels somewhat tangential and could be better integrated into the overall argument about benefits.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that all points made directly relate to the advantages and disadvantages of remote work. It may be beneficial to create a clear outline before writing to ensure that each paragraph adheres to the main topic and contributes to the overall argument.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear position, there are areas for improvement in elaboration, clarity, and focus that could elevate the score further.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both sides of the issue, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the disadvantages to the advantages is somewhat abrupt, and the points made in the disadvantages section could be better linked to the advantages. The essay does attempt to balance the discussion, but the connection between the points could be clearer to enhance overall coherence.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas. Using linking phrases such as "On the contrary" or "In contrast" can help signal shifts in argument. Additionally, the writer could consider using a more structured approach, such as clearly stating the main point of each paragraph at the beginning, which would guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument. However, some paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea being discussed. For example, the first paragraph discussing disadvantages could start with a sentence that clearly states that it will outline the drawbacks of working from home.
    • How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, the writer should ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. This will help readers understand the focus of each paragraph right away. Additionally, the writer should ensure that all sentences within a paragraph are closely related to the topic sentence, which will enhance coherence within paragraphs.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "first," "furthermore," and "however," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and the essay could benefit from more varied use of linking words and phrases. For instance, the use of "this is because" is repetitive and could be replaced with alternatives like "as a result" or "consequently" to enhance variety.
    • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. Practicing the use of synonyms and different expressions for similar ideas can help avoid repetition. Additionally, the writer could work on using cohesive devices to connect ideas within sentences, not just between them, which would enhance the overall flow of the essay.

By addressing these areas, the writer can improve the coherence and cohesion of the essay, potentially raising the band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but it often relies on basic terms and phrases. For instance, words like "working remotely," "office supplies," and "traffic jam" are used, but they lack variety. The phrase "working at home" is repeated multiple times, which could be improved by incorporating synonyms or alternative expressions such as "telecommuting" or "remote work."
    • How to improve: To enhance lexical range, the writer should aim to incorporate more varied vocabulary throughout the essay. For example, instead of repeatedly using "working at home," alternatives like "working from home," "home-based work," or "remote employment" could be utilized. Additionally, using more sophisticated vocabulary related to the topic, such as "flexibility," "productivity," or "collaboration," would improve the overall quality.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: There are several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage in the essay. For example, the phrase "working at home do not offers" is grammatically incorrect and should be "does not offer." Similarly, "this is lead to traffic jam" should be "this leads to traffic jams." These inaccuracies can confuse the reader and detract from the clarity of the argument.
    • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and ensure that the vocabulary used accurately conveys the intended meaning. It would be beneficial to proofread the essay for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Additionally, using a thesaurus to find more precise synonyms can help clarify the writer’s points.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "everyday" (should be "every day"), "do not offers" (should be "does not offer"), and "this is lead to" (should be "this leads to"). These mistakes indicate a lack of attention to detail and can distract the reader from the content of the essay.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should adopt a systematic approach to proofreading. Reading the essay aloud can help identify errors that may be overlooked when reading silently. Additionally, utilizing spell-check tools or writing software can assist in catching spelling mistakes before submission. Regular practice with spelling exercises or quizzes can also reinforce correct spelling habits.

By addressing these areas of improvement, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future IELTS writing tasks.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, lacking the complexity that can enhance clarity and engagement. For example, sentences like "Some individuals believed that workers should stay at home and work remotely rather going to the office everyday" and "On the one hand, working remotely can have lots of demerits" are straightforward but do not showcase varied grammatical forms. The use of complex sentences is minimal, which restricts the overall sophistication of the writing.
    • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For instance, instead of saying "working at home do not offers a wide range of office supplies than the office," the writer could say, "Although working at home may provide some flexibility, it does not offer the same range of office supplies that are typically available in a workplace." Additionally, using conditional sentences (e.g., "If employees worked from home, they might find it easier to balance their personal and professional lives") can also enhance the variety.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors that impede clarity. For instance, phrases like "do not offers" should be corrected to "do not offer," and "this is lead to traffic jam" should be "this leads to traffic jams." There are also issues with subject-verb agreement, as seen in "teamwork also play a vital role" (should be "teamwork also plays a vital role"). Punctuation errors are present, such as the lack of commas in compound sentences and after introductory phrases, which can confuse readers.
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and ensure that verbs are correctly conjugated according to their subjects. Regular practice with grammar exercises can help reinforce these rules. Additionally, the writer should review punctuation rules, particularly for compound sentences and clauses. Reading the essay aloud can help identify places where pauses are needed, indicating where punctuation should be added. Furthermore, proofreading for common errors before submission can significantly enhance the overall quality of the writing.

In summary, while the essay presents a clear argument, enhancing the variety of sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will help elevate the overall band score. Regular practice and careful proofreading are essential steps toward achieving these improvements.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals believe that workers should stay at home and work remotely rather than going to the office every day. From my perspective, the advantages of working at home are heavily outweighed by the disadvantages.

On the one hand, working remotely can have many demerits. First, working at home does not offer a wide range of office supplies like those found in the office. Most people do not have monitors, printers, or paper shredders like those in the office, and these supplies are important for workers, especially for office staff. Furthermore, working at home does not allow managers to control their staff, which can lead to poor work performance. If workers work remotely, managers cannot monitor them, and if the staff make a mistake, they cannot be present to address the issues. In addition, teamwork also plays a vital role as it allows employees to share ideas and provide support, which working at home does not facilitate.

While working remotely brings various drawbacks, I believe that the benefits are far more significant. This is because it can be convenient for employees as it provides comfort for them. For example, when employees have to work at the office, they have to spend much time selecting their attire for the day and also time commuting from home to the workplace. However, if they can work at home, workers do not need to spend much time on these matters anymore and can spend more time on working. Moreover, as fewer people go out to work, fewer traffic jams occur. This is because most employees all have to go to work at the same time, during rush hours, which leads to traffic jams. Working at home can reduce these problems and also decrease the amount of emissions from vehicles into the environment. As a result, this can also help to protect and reduce air pollution.

To conclude, while working at home restricts workers’ access to office supplies and can impact the quality of work, it does bring a lot of benefits for workers. I also believe that it will outweigh the disadvantages as it provides them with more comfort and helps reduce air pollution.

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