Some say that young and energetic employees are most valuable for the company, while others argue that older employees who have more experience and knowledge are more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Opinions are divided on whether organizations should recruit younger and invigorated employees or prioritize experienced and knowledgeable senior workers. From my perspective, with the distinct advantages of both young and older employees, the combination of them would be the most effective approach for the company’s thriving growth.
On the one hand, it is indisputable that older employees bring substantial benefits for the company. First and foremost, they possess a wealth of experience and institutional knowledge about industry-specific knowledge, and problem-solving skills gained from years of working in their field. This experience can be invaluable in navigating complex challenges and making informed decisions. Efficiency and productivity, as a result, might be boosted, which then helps avoid costly mistakes and excess processes. Moreover, these experience and expertise of the older staff can be passed on to younger employees to ensure continuity of operations. This intergrated with the quick adaptability and boundless enthusiasm in learning of younger staff, helps to develop the essential skills and capabilities for them, which create a culture of learning and development within the organization.
On the other hand, proponents of increasingly hiring energenic and younger employees highlight several their strengths. The main strength can be seen in their tech-saviness. This is predicated on the assumption that their digital literacy and familiarity with emerging trends give their corporations a competitive edge. For example, younger employees may be more adept at using social media platforms for marketing and customer engagement than older ones. Additionally, young workers own adaptability and creative thinking compared to older workers. Specifically, they not only have a fresh perspective and devise new ideas for the company but also quickly adjust to new work environments, procedures, and tools. For example, during COVID-19 pandemic, younger people who are competent at virtual working environment and digital tools can ensure work progress and the productivity of the company, making the transition to remote work relatively smooth.
In conclusion, while the young generation possesses distinct strengths such as innovation, adaptability, and energy, the older ones can provide experience and guidance. By creating a diverse workforce that includes employees of different ages and backgrounds, organizations will yield the most optimal results for their prosperity.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"invigorated employees" -> "energetic employees"
Explanation: The term "invigorated" is somewhat vague and less commonly used in this context. "Energetic" is more straightforward and universally understood, fitting better in an academic context.
"senior workers" -> "senior employees"
Explanation: "Workers" is a more general term that can encompass various roles, whereas "employees" specifically refers to those employed by a company, which is more precise in this context.
"the combination of them" -> "the integration of both"
Explanation: "The combination of them" is informal and slightly awkward. "The integration of both" is more formal and academically appropriate, emphasizing the blending of different perspectives.
"older employees bring substantial benefits" -> "older employees offer significant advantages"
Explanation: "Bring" is somewhat informal and less specific in this context. "Offer" is more formal and precise, aligning better with academic style.
"industry-specific knowledge" -> "industry-specific expertise"
Explanation: "Knowledge" is a broad term that can encompass various types of information. "Expertise" specifically refers to specialized knowledge gained through experience, which is more precise in this context.
"Efficiency and productivity, as a result, might be boosted" -> "Efficiency and productivity may thereby be enhanced"
Explanation: "Might be boosted" is somewhat informal and less definitive. "May thereby be enhanced" is more formal and assertive, suitable for academic writing.
"intergrated" -> "integrated"
Explanation: This is a spelling error. "Integrated" should be used to describe the blending of different elements.
"energenic" -> "energetic"
Explanation: This is a spelling error. "Energetic" is the correct term to describe having energy or vitality.
"their tech-saviness" -> "their technological expertise"
Explanation: "Tech-saviness" is an informal and colloquial term. "Technological expertise" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing.
"their corporations" -> "their companies"
Explanation: "Corporations" is a less common term in this context, whereas "companies" is more widely used and understood in business discussions.
"young workers own adaptability" -> "young workers possess adaptability"
Explanation: "Own" is incorrect in this context; "possess" is the correct verb to describe having something as a characteristic or attribute.
"quickly adjust to new work environments, procedures, and tools" -> "rapidly adapt to new work environments, procedures, and tools"
Explanation: "Quickly" is somewhat informal; "rapidly" is more formal and suitable for academic writing.
"ensuring work progress and the productivity of the company" -> "ensuring continued work progress and maintaining company productivity"
Explanation: "Ensuring work progress and the productivity of the company" is a bit awkward and unclear. The revised phrase clarifies the meaning and maintains a formal tone.
"yield the most optimal results" -> "achieve the most optimal outcomes"
Explanation: "Yield" is less commonly used in this context; "achieve" is more direct and appropriate for academic writing, and "outcomes" is preferred over "results" in formal business contexts.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument regarding the value of young versus older employees. It discusses the advantages of older employees, such as experience and knowledge, and contrasts this with the strengths of younger employees, including adaptability and technological proficiency. The conclusion synthesizes these viewpoints and presents a balanced perspective that aligns with the prompt’s requirement to discuss both views and provide an opinion.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could incorporate more specific examples or statistics to support the claims made about both age groups. For instance, citing studies that demonstrate the impact of age diversity on company performance could strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that a combination of both young and older employees is the most effective approach for companies. This stance is consistently reflected throughout the essay, particularly in the conclusion, which reiterates the importance of diversity in the workforce.
- How to improve: While the position is clear, the writer could further emphasize their opinion by explicitly stating it in the introduction and conclusion. Phrasing such as "In my opinion" or "I believe" can reinforce the personal stance and help the reader understand the author’s perspective more clearly.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a range of ideas regarding the strengths of both young and older employees. Each point is supported with explanations and examples, such as the mention of younger employees’ tech-savviness and older employees’ experience. However, some ideas could be more thoroughly developed, particularly the benefits of intergenerational collaboration.
- How to improve: To improve the depth of analysis, the writer could elaborate on how older employees can mentor younger ones, providing specific examples of mentorship programs or initiatives that have proven successful in companies. This would not only extend the ideas but also provide a more comprehensive view of the benefits of a diverse workforce.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay stays focused on the topic throughout, discussing the merits of both young and older employees without deviating into unrelated areas. The structure is logical, with clear transitions between points, which helps maintain relevance to the prompt.
- How to improve: While the essay is generally on topic, the writer should ensure that every example directly ties back to the main argument. For instance, while discussing the adaptability of younger employees during the COVID-19 pandemic, it could be beneficial to explicitly connect this adaptability to how it complements the experience of older employees in a crisis situation.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-rounded argument. With some refinements in the areas mentioned, it could achieve an even higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the author’s perspective. Each body paragraph effectively addresses one side of the argument before the conclusion synthesizes the views. However, the transition between the two perspectives could be smoother. For instance, the phrase "On the one hand" is followed by a strong argument for older employees, but the transition to the younger employees’ perspective could benefit from a clearer linking sentence that explicitly contrasts the two views.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly indicate shifts in perspective, such as "Conversely" or "In contrast." Additionally, ensure that each paragraph begins with a topic sentence that clearly states the main idea, which can help guide the reader through the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The first paragraph discusses older employees, while the second focuses on younger employees. However, the conclusion could be more distinct, as it currently blends into the previous paragraphs without a clear separation.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that the conclusion is clearly marked as a separate paragraph. This can be done by starting it on a new line and possibly using a phrase like "In conclusion" to signal its purpose. Additionally, consider breaking down longer paragraphs into smaller ones if they contain multiple ideas, which can enhance readability.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs several cohesive devices, such as "first and foremost," "moreover," and "on the other hand," which help to connect ideas and maintain flow. However, there are instances where the use of cohesive devices could be more varied. For example, the phrase "this experience can be invaluable" could be better linked to the subsequent sentence with a phrase that indicates a consequence or result, such as "As a result" or "Consequently."
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," or "however," to create more nuanced connections between ideas. Additionally, consider using pronouns or synonyms to avoid repetition and enhance cohesion. For example, instead of repeating "younger employees," you could use "they" or "this group" in subsequent references.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately improving clarity and reader engagement.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms such as "institutional knowledge," "problem-solving skills," "adaptability," and "digital literacy." These choices effectively convey the writer’s ideas and contribute to the overall clarity of the argument. However, there are instances where more varied synonyms could enhance the richness of the language. For example, the phrase "young and invigorated employees" could be replaced with "dynamic and youthful employees" to avoid repetition and add depth.
- How to improve: To elevate the vocabulary range, consider incorporating more synonyms and varied expressions throughout the essay. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "younger employees," try alternatives like "junior staff" or "novice workers." Additionally, using idiomatic expressions or collocations related to the workplace could further enrich the vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are some instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "the distinct advantages of both young and older employees" could be more clearly articulated as "the unique strengths of both younger and older employees." Furthermore, the term "tech-saviness" is a misspelling of "tech-savviness," which detracts from the precision of the language.
- How to improve: To improve precision, review vocabulary choices and ensure they accurately reflect the intended meaning. Utilize a thesaurus to find more precise terms when necessary. Additionally, proofreading for spelling errors and ensuring correct word forms will enhance clarity and professionalism.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "intergrated" instead of "integrated" and "energenic" instead of "energetic." These errors can detract from the overall impression of the writing and may lead to misunderstandings.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After writing, take a break and then review the text with fresh eyes. Utilizing spell-check tools can also help identify errors. Additionally, practicing spelling through reading and writing exercises can reinforce correct spelling habits over time.

By addressing these areas of improvement, the essay can achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion, ultimately enhancing the overall quality of the writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences are effectively utilized, such as "This experience can be invaluable in navigating complex challenges and making informed decisions." Additionally, the use of conditional structures is evident in phrases like "if the young generation possesses distinct strengths." However, there are instances of repetitive sentence openings and similar structures, which could limit the overall variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "the older employees" or "younger employees," try using participial phrases or adverbial clauses to vary the flow. For instance, "Having accumulated years of experience, older employees…" or "With their fresh perspectives, younger employees…" can add complexity and interest to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only a few minor errors. For example, the phrase "these experience and expertise" should be corrected to "this experience and expertise" for subject-verb agreement. Additionally, "intergrated" is a spelling error that should be corrected to "integrated." Punctuation is mostly accurate, though there are instances where commas could enhance clarity, such as before "which then helps avoid costly mistakes."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, a thorough proofreading process is essential. Pay particular attention to subject-verb agreement and common spelling errors. Additionally, consider reviewing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in complex sentences. For example, inserting a comma before "which then helps avoid costly mistakes" would clarify the sentence structure. Regular practice with grammar exercises and utilizing tools like grammar checkers can also aid in identifying and correcting errors.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve an even higher level of grammatical range and accuracy, potentially reaching a band score of 9.

Bài sửa mẫu

Opinions are divided on whether organizations should recruit young and energetic employees or prioritize experienced and knowledgeable senior workers. From my perspective, with the distinct advantages of both young and older employees, the integration of both would be the most effective approach for a company’s thriving growth.

On the one hand, it is indisputable that older employees offer significant advantages for the company. First and foremost, they possess a wealth of experience and industry-specific expertise, along with problem-solving skills gained from years of working in their field. This experience can be invaluable in navigating complex challenges and making informed decisions. Efficiency and productivity may thereby be enhanced, helping to avoid costly mistakes and unnecessary processes. Moreover, the expertise of older staff can be passed on to younger employees, ensuring continuity of operations. This integration with the quick adaptability and boundless enthusiasm for learning of younger staff helps to develop essential skills and capabilities, fostering a culture of learning and development within the organization.

On the other hand, proponents of increasingly hiring energetic and younger employees highlight several of their strengths. The main advantage can be seen in their technological expertise. This is predicated on the assumption that their digital literacy and familiarity with emerging trends give their companies a competitive edge. For example, younger employees may be more adept at using social media platforms for marketing and customer engagement than their older counterparts. Additionally, young workers possess adaptability and creative thinking compared to older workers. Specifically, they not only bring a fresh perspective and devise innovative ideas for the company but also rapidly adapt to new work environments, procedures, and tools. For instance, during the COVID-19 pandemic, younger individuals who were competent in virtual work environments and digital tools ensured continued work progress and maintained company productivity, making the transition to remote work relatively smooth.

In conclusion, while the younger generation possesses distinct strengths such as innovation, adaptability, and energy, older employees provide invaluable experience and guidance. By creating a diverse workforce that includes employees of different ages and backgrounds, organizations can achieve the most optimal outcomes for their prosperity.