Some suggest that young people should take a job for a few years between school and university. Discuss what the advantages and disadvantages might be for people who do this. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Some suggest that young people should take a job for a few years between school and university.
Discuss what the advantages and disadvantages might be for people who do this.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

It is believed that young people should take a job for a few years before studying at university. Although this has several benefits, I believe that these positive impacts are overshadowed by many negative influences.
On the one hand, in recent days, many students are unable to plan their future careers and some students who are studying at universities feel that their current field of study is not suitable for them. Therefore, beginning to work before going to university can help them gain industry knowledge and develop their practical skills. For example, due to the fact that my sister wants to learn how to deal with customers and manage time at work, she chose to work at a coffee shop before deciding to become a hotel manager. Besides, they can also develop a sense of personality and independence by earning their own money. This means that they can spend it buying necessary or favorable things without taking money from their parents.
On the other hand, I believe that the disadvantages are more significant than such benefits. If young people choose to work before going to university, it will be difficult for them to adjust back to academic life after a break because they lose motivation and study habits. Then, they not only have many challenges in returning to education but also will delay the start of a professional career and entry to the job market . For example, my brother spent a year working at a textile company before going to college to find the specific direction of the career for himself. This makes him gradually lose to concentrate on lectures and study habits when he returns to school. It means while he was struggling with getting used to studying again, his peers may advance in their careers. In addition to this, many people will give up studying and start to be workers, which will limit your promotion opportunities in the future.
In conclusion, in spite of some positive effects on spending a few years working before studying at universities, I hold the opinion that young people should not interrupt their study to go to work because it can trigger more adverse effects on the success in their life.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"It is believed that" -> "It is commonly believed that"
Explanation: Adding "commonly" enhances the formality and specificity of the statement, indicating a general consensus rather than a personal opinion.
"take a job" -> "secure employment"
Explanation: "Secure employment" is a more formal and precise term than "take a job," which is somewhat informal and vague.
"for a few years" -> "for a limited period"
Explanation: "For a limited period" is more formal and precise than "for a few years," which can be seen as vague and informal.
"in recent days" -> "in recent times"
Explanation: "In recent times" is a more formal expression than "in recent days," which is colloquial and less precise.
"unable to plan" -> "incapable of planning"
Explanation: "Incapable of planning" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "unable to plan," which is somewhat informal.
"feel that their current field of study is not suitable for them" -> "perceive their current field of study as unsuitable"
Explanation: "Perceive their current field of study as unsuitable" is more formal and precise, avoiding the colloquial "feel that."
"gain industry knowledge" -> "acquire industry expertise"
Explanation: "Acquire industry expertise" is a more precise and formal term than "gain industry knowledge," which is somewhat vague.
"develop their practical skills" -> "cultivate their practical skills"
Explanation: "Cultivate" is a more formal verb than "develop," which is commonly used in academic writing to describe the process of improving skills.
"due to the fact that" -> "because"
Explanation: "Because" is a more direct and formal connector than "due to the fact that," which can be seen as redundant and overly formal.
"chose to work at a coffee shop" -> "opted to work at a coffee shop"
Explanation: "Opted" is a more formal verb than "chose," fitting better in an academic context.
"necessary or favorable things" -> "essential or desirable items"
Explanation: "Essential or desirable items" is more formal and precise than "necessary or favorable things," which is less formal and slightly vague.
"will be difficult for them to adjust back" -> "will pose significant challenges for them to readjust"
Explanation: "Pose significant challenges for them to readjust" is more formal and precise, emphasizing the difficulty of the adjustment process.
"lose motivation and study habits" -> "suffer a loss of motivation and academic discipline"
Explanation: "Suffer a loss of motivation and academic discipline" is a more formal and precise way to describe the negative impact on academic performance.
"will delay the start of a professional career and entry to the job market" -> "will delay the commencement of their professional careers and entry into the job market"
Explanation: "Commencement of their professional careers and entry into the job market" is more formal and precise, improving clarity and formality.
"lose to concentrate on lectures and study habits" -> "struggle to refocus on academic studies"
Explanation: "Struggle to refocus on academic studies" is a more formal and precise way to describe the difficulty in adjusting back to academic life.
"give up studying and start to be workers" -> "abandon their studies to become workers"
Explanation: "Abandon their studies to become workers" is more formal and precise, avoiding the awkward construction of "start to be workers."
"limit your promotion opportunities" -> "constrain their career advancement opportunities"
Explanation: "Constrain their career advancement opportunities" is more formal and specific, improving the academic tone of the statement.
"success in their life" -> "success in their lives"
Explanation: "Success in their lives" is grammatically correct and more inclusive, referring to the overall success of the individuals rather than a single instance.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of young people taking a job before university. The advantages are presented in the first body paragraph, where the author discusses gaining industry knowledge and developing practical skills, supported by a relevant personal example. The disadvantages are clearly articulated in the second body paragraph, highlighting issues such as loss of motivation and potential delays in academic and career progression. However, while the advantages are acknowledged, they could be elaborated further to provide a more balanced view.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the author could include additional examples or statistics that illustrate the benefits of working before university. Additionally, discussing a wider range of advantages could provide a more comprehensive answer to the prompt.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The author maintains a clear position that the disadvantages of working before university outweigh the advantages. This stance is consistently reflected throughout the essay, particularly in the concluding statement. However, the transition between discussing advantages and disadvantages could be smoother to reinforce the position more effectively.
- How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, the author could use transitional phrases that explicitly contrast the advantages with the disadvantages. For example, phrases like "While there are benefits, the drawbacks are more pronounced" could help guide the reader through the argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: Ideas are presented clearly, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The use of personal examples adds depth to the discussion. However, some ideas, particularly regarding the disadvantages, could be more thoroughly developed. For instance, the impact of losing study habits could be explored in greater detail, perhaps by discussing specific challenges faced by students returning to academia.
- How to improve: The author should aim to expand on key points by providing more detailed explanations and additional examples. For instance, discussing how the loss of study habits specifically affects academic performance could provide a stronger argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, with each paragraph addressing the prompt directly. There are no significant deviations from the main subject. The examples provided are relevant and support the overall argument. However, some sentences could be more concise to improve clarity and maintain focus.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author could review each sentence for relevance and clarity, ensuring that every point made directly contributes to the argument. Simplifying complex sentences or breaking them into shorter ones could enhance readability and coherence.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. With some refinements in elaboration, transitions, and clarity, it could achieve an even higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs discussing advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, while the body paragraphs are organized to first present the benefits and then the drawbacks of working before university. However, the transition between the two paragraphs could be smoother; the shift from advantages to disadvantages feels somewhat abrupt. For instance, the phrase "On the other hand" is used, but a more explicit link to the previous paragraph could enhance the logical flow.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that not only indicate a shift but also summarize the previous point. For example, before introducing the disadvantages, you could say, "While these benefits are noteworthy, it is essential to consider the potential drawbacks that may arise from such a decision."
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the discussion. The first paragraph addresses the advantages of working before university, while the second discusses the disadvantages. However, the paragraphs could be more clearly delineated in terms of topic sentences. The topic sentences do introduce the main idea of each paragraph, but they could be more assertive in stating the primary argument of each section.
- How to improve: Strengthen the topic sentences to clearly reflect the main point of each paragraph. For example, instead of starting the first body paragraph with "On the one hand," you could start with a more definitive statement like, "One significant advantage of young people working before university is the opportunity to gain practical experience in their chosen field."
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "for example," "besides," and "in addition to this," which help to connect ideas and provide examples. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For instance, the phrase "This means that" is used, but it could be more effectively linked to the previous sentence to clarify the relationship between earning money and developing independence.
- How to improve: Diversify the use of cohesive devices by incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, you could use "Furthermore," "Moreover," or "Consequently" to enhance the flow of ideas. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device clearly reflects the relationship between the ideas being connected, which will improve overall clarity.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion principles, but with some refinements in organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices, it could achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "industry knowledge," "practical skills," "independence," and "motivation." However, the vocabulary tends to be somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "young people" and "before going to university." This limits the overall lexical variety and sophistication expected at higher band scores.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer could incorporate synonyms or related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "young people," alternatives such as "youth," "students," or "teenagers" could be employed. Additionally, using more varied phrases to describe the same concepts, such as "gaining work experience" instead of "taking a job," would enrich the vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay includes some precise vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage that could lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "develop a sense of personality" is awkward and unclear; it would be more effective to say "develop a sense of self" or "enhance their personal development." Additionally, the term "favorable things" is vague and could be replaced with more specific language, such as "desired items" or "personal interests."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that clearly conveys their intended meaning. This can be achieved by revising sentences to clarify the message. For example, instead of saying "this makes him gradually lose to concentrate on lectures," a clearer phrasing would be "this caused him to gradually lose focus on his lectures."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "your promotion opportunities" instead of "their promotion opportunities," and "lose to concentrate" instead of "lose focus." These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help identify errors. Additionally, practicing spelling through exercises or quizzes focused on commonly misspelled words can be beneficial.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling will help elevate the Lexical Resource score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases like "Although this has several benefits, I believe that these positive impacts are overshadowed by many negative influences." This showcases the ability to connect ideas effectively. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the way ideas are introduced and developed, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which could be varied further to enhance the essay’s flow.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider using a mix of introductory phrases, varying the order of clauses, and incorporating more conditional sentences. For example, instead of repeatedly using "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," try alternatives like "Conversely" or "In contrast." Additionally, experimenting with more complex structures, such as relative clauses or participial phrases, can add depth to your writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are several errors that detract from clarity. For example, the phrase "this makes him gradually lose to concentrate on lectures" should be rephrased to "this made it difficult for him to concentrate on lectures." There are also punctuation issues, such as missing commas in complex sentences, which can lead to run-on sentences or confusion. For instance, "which will limit your promotion opportunities in the future" should be "which will limit their promotion opportunities in the future" to maintain consistency in pronoun usage.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of tenses. Regularly practicing sentence rephrasing can help identify awkward constructions. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, especially for complex sentences and lists, will improve clarity. Reading your essay aloud can also help catch errors and improve the overall flow.

By addressing these areas, you can work towards achieving a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is commonly believed that young people should take a job for a few years before studying at university. Although this has several benefits, I believe that these positive impacts are overshadowed by many negative influences.

On the one hand, in recent times, many students are incapable of planning their future careers, and some students who are studying at universities perceive their current field of study as unsuitable for them. Therefore, beginning to work before going to university can help them gain industry knowledge and cultivate their practical skills. For example, because my sister wants to learn how to deal with customers and manage time at work, she opted to work at a coffee shop before deciding to become a hotel manager. Besides, they can also develop a sense of personality and independence by earning their own money. This means that they can spend it on essential or desirable items without taking money from their parents.

On the other hand, I believe that the disadvantages are more significant than such benefits. If young people choose to work before going to university, it will be difficult for them to readjust to academic life after a break because they suffer a loss of motivation and academic discipline. Then, they not only have many challenges in returning to education but also will delay the commencement of their professional careers and entry into the job market. For example, my brother spent a year working at a textile company before going to college to find the specific direction of his career. This made him gradually struggle to refocus on academic studies when he returned to school. It means while he was struggling to get used to studying again, his peers may advance in their careers. In addition to this, many people will abandon their studies to become workers, which will constrain their career advancement opportunities in the future.

In conclusion, in spite of some positive effects of spending a few years working before studying at universities, I hold the opinion that young people should not interrupt their studies to go to work because it can pose significant challenges for them and trigger more adverse effects on their success in life.