Some think that young people should be free to choose any career they like, while other say that they should think more realistically about their future. discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people think that choosing your career according to your interest . However , some others are opposed to this ideas , claming that they should be more realistic and think more about their future . Individually , I `m of the opinion about choosing your career according your interest . This will help people work harder.
On the one hand , it is generally belived that pursuing a career based on personal passion. This is mainly because job santisfaction is crucial career success. When you indivials choose career based on your interest, they are likely to experience higher levls of motivation and commitment . Considers my mother `s friend , who dropped out of college to pursue her interest in business when she 19 years old. And become rich in bussnesswoman. Generally folowingone passion can lead a more satisfyingang fulfilling career path. On the other hand, it is factual that adopta more praymatic approach to career selection . Critics of the passion driven approach highlight that not all financially viable of offer long – term stability. Specially a pragmatic approach recognizes economic factors and the long tern viability of chosen career. In conlusion, while pursuing a career based on personal passion has its advantages , a realistic approach that considers market trends and financial stability better ensures long term career success and security . Therefore, young people should prortize practical considerations when choosing their career , even if it means incorporating their interest in a more balanced manner.
For the reason mentioned about , it seems to be choosing career according to your interst because it will help people working more harder.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"choosing your career according to your interest" -> "selecting a career based on personal interest"
Explanation: "Selecting a career based on personal interest" is more formal and precise, aligning better with academic style by using "selecting" instead of the more casual "choosing" and specifying "personal interest" for clarity and formality.
"some others are opposed to this ideas" -> "others oppose this idea"
Explanation: "Others oppose this idea" corrects the grammatical error and simplifies the phrase, making it more direct and formal.
"claming" -> "claiming"
Explanation: Corrects a spelling error, ensuring the text adheres to standard English spelling rules.
"I `m" -> "I am"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error, maintaining the formal tone of the essay.
"choosing your career according your interest" -> "choosing a career based on your interest"
Explanation: Corrects the grammatical structure to "based on" for proper prepositional use, enhancing the sentence’s grammatical correctness and formality.
"it is generally belived" -> "it is generally believed"
Explanation: Corrects a spelling error, ensuring the text adheres to standard English spelling rules.
"job santisfaction" -> "job satisfaction"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error, ensuring the text is free of spelling mistakes.
"indivials" -> "individuals"
Explanation: Corrects a spelling error, ensuring the text adheres to standard English spelling rules.
"higher levls" -> "higher levels"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error, ensuring the text is free of spelling mistakes.
"my mother `s friend" -> "my mother’s friend"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error, ensuring proper possession and grammatical accuracy.
"become rich in bussnesswoman" -> "became a successful businesswoman"
Explanation: Replaces the informal and incorrect "rich in bussnesswoman" with "became a successful businesswoman," which is grammatically correct and more formal.
"Generally folowingone passion" -> "Following one’s passion"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error and refines the phrase for clarity and formality.
"satisfyingang fulfilling" -> "satisfying and fulfilling"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error and clarifies the meaning by separating the adjectives with "and" for grammatical correctness.
"adopta" -> "adopting"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error, ensuring the text adheres to standard English spelling rules.
"praymatic" -> "pragmatic"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error, ensuring the text is free of spelling mistakes.
"not all financially viable of offer long – term stability" -> "not all financially viable options offer long-term stability"
Explanation: Corrects grammatical structure and clarifies the meaning by specifying "options" and "long-term stability" for precision and formality.
"Specially" -> "Specifically"
Explanation: Corrects a spelling error, ensuring the text adheres to standard English spelling rules.
"In conlusion" -> "In conclusion"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error, ensuring the text adheres to standard English spelling rules.
"prortize" -> "prioritize"
Explanation: Corrects a spelling error, ensuring the text adheres to standard English spelling rules.
"working more harder" -> "working harder"
Explanation: Simplifies and corrects the phrase for grammatical accuracy and formality, removing the redundant "more."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both views regarding career choice; however, it lacks depth in discussing the opposing perspective. The first part discusses the benefits of choosing a career based on personal interest, but the second part is somewhat superficial and does not fully explore the implications of a pragmatic approach. For instance, while it mentions economic factors, it does not provide specific examples or elaborate on how these factors might influence career choices.
- How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the writer should ensure that both sides of the argument are presented with equal depth. This could involve providing more detailed examples of careers that may be pursued realistically, discussing potential consequences of ignoring market trends, or elaborating on how personal interests can align with practical considerations.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer expresses a clear preference for choosing a career based on personal interest, stating, “I’m of the opinion about choosing your career according your interest.” However, the position becomes muddled towards the conclusion, where it suggests that a balance between passion and practicality is necessary. This inconsistency may confuse readers regarding the writer’s true stance.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should explicitly state their opinion in the introduction and consistently refer back to it throughout the essay. A clearer thesis statement could help guide the reader, and the conclusion should reinforce the chosen stance without introducing new ideas.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas, such as job satisfaction and motivation, but these points are not well-developed. For example, the anecdote about the writer’s mother’s friend lacks detail and does not effectively illustrate the argument. Additionally, the essay contains several grammatical errors that detract from the clarity of the ideas presented.
- How to improve: To improve this criterion, the writer should aim to provide more substantial examples and explanations for each point made. This could involve expanding on the anecdote with more context or statistics that support the argument. Furthermore, proofreading for grammar and coherence will enhance the overall clarity of the ideas.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing career choices; however, some sentences veer off into vague statements or unclear expressions, such as "for the reason mentioned about." This can lead to confusion about how these points relate to the main topic of career choice.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each paragraph clearly relates back to the prompt. Using topic sentences that explicitly connect to the main argument can help keep the writing on track. Additionally, avoiding vague phrases and ensuring clarity in expression will help maintain relevance throughout the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the task, improvements in depth, clarity, and coherence are necessary to achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two main body paragraphs discussing opposing views, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively outlines the topic and the writer’s stance. However, the logical flow is occasionally disrupted by unclear transitions between ideas. For example, the transition from discussing the benefits of pursuing passion to the pragmatic approach lacks a smooth connection, making it harder for the reader to follow the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main idea. Additionally, using transitional phrases such as "On the one hand," "Conversely," or "In contrast" can help clarify shifts in perspective and maintain a coherent flow throughout the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas. However, some paragraphs are overly long and contain multiple ideas that could be better organized. For instance, the first body paragraph mixes personal anecdotes with general statements about job satisfaction, which can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea. The writer could split the first body paragraph into two: one focusing on the benefits of pursuing passion and the other on the anecdote about the mother’s friend. This would allow for a clearer exploration of each point and improve readability.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which help to contrast the two views. However, the essay could benefit from a wider variety of cohesive devices. For example, the use of conjunctions and linking words is limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences are weak, leading to abrupt shifts in ideas.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a range of linking words and phrases such as "Furthermore," "Moreover," "In addition," and "As a result." These can help to create smoother transitions between sentences and ideas, enhancing the overall coherence of the essay. Additionally, ensuring that pronouns and references are clear will help maintain cohesion throughout the text.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will enhance clarity and coherence, potentially raising the band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a range of vocabulary, such as "job satisfaction," "motivation," "commitment," and "financial stability." However, the vocabulary is often repetitive and lacks sophistication. For example, the phrase "pursuing a career based on personal passion" is used multiple times, which detracts from the overall lexical variety. Additionally, terms like "bussnesswoman" and "santisfaction" indicate a limited range of vocabulary and a reliance on basic terms.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, the writer should explore synonyms and related terms. Instead of repeating "pursuing a career based on personal passion," alternatives like "following one’s passion" or "choosing a career aligned with personal interests" could be employed. Expanding vocabulary through reading diverse materials and practicing synonyms can help improve this aspect.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "the opinion about choosing your career according your interest," which should be "the opinion that one should choose a career according to their interests." The phrase "adopta more praymatic approach" contains a spelling error and lacks clarity. Furthermore, "not all financially viable of offer long-term stability" is grammatically incorrect and confusing.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on grammatical accuracy and clarity. Revising sentences for grammatical correctness and ensuring that vocabulary fits the context can enhance the overall precision. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking peer feedback can also help identify and correct these issues.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "belived," "santisfaction," "indivials," "bussnesswoman," "folowingone," "adopta," "praymatic," "conlusion," "prortize," and "interst." These errors not only detract from the professionalism of the writing but also hinder comprehension.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular practice, such as writing exercises focused on commonly misspelled words. Utilizing spell-check tools and proofreading the essay multiple times before submission can significantly reduce spelling errors. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of frequently misspelled words and reviewing them can be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic and attempts to use varied vocabulary, improvements in lexical range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. For instance, the majority of sentences are simple or compound, such as "Some people think that choosing your career according to your interest." There are few complex sentences, which would enhance the essay’s sophistication. The use of phrases like "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" indicates an attempt to structure arguments, but the overall variety in sentence types is lacking.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying, "When you individuals choose a career based on your interest," the writer could say, "When individuals choose a career based on their interests, they often find that their motivation increases significantly." Additionally, using varied sentence beginnings and structures can help maintain reader interest and improve overall fluency.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For example, "some others are opposed to this ideas" should be "some others are opposed to this idea," and "claming" should be corrected to "claiming." There are also punctuation errors, such as the incorrect use of commas and spacing, as seen in "However , some others" and "about choosing your career according your interest." Furthermore, there are instances of incorrect verb forms and spelling, such as "belived" (believed), "santisfaction" (satisfaction), "indivials" (individuals), and "bussnesswoman" (businesswoman).
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading their work for common errors, particularly with subject-verb agreement and verb forms. Utilizing grammar-checking tools can also be beneficial. Additionally, practicing punctuation rules, especially regarding comma usage and sentence boundaries, will help improve clarity. Regularly reading well-structured essays can also provide insights into correct grammar and punctuation usage.

Overall, while the essay presents a clear argument, significant improvements in grammatical range and accuracy are needed to achieve a higher band score. Focusing on sentence variety and grammatical correctness will enhance the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some people think that choosing a career based on personal interest is essential. However, others oppose this idea, claiming that young people should adopt a more pragmatic approach and think realistically about their future. Personally, I am of the opinion that selecting a career based on your interest is beneficial, as it encourages individuals to work harder.

On the one hand, it is generally believed that pursuing a career driven by personal passion is crucial for career success. This is mainly because job satisfaction plays a significant role in achieving success. When individuals choose a career based on their interests, they are likely to experience higher levels of motivation and commitment. For instance, my mother’s friend dropped out of college to follow her passion for business when she was 19 years old and eventually became a successful businesswoman. Generally, following one’s passion can lead to a more satisfying and fulfilling career path.

On the other hand, it is factual that adopting a more pragmatic approach to career selection is important. Critics of the passion-driven approach highlight that not all financially viable options offer long-term stability. Specifically, a pragmatic approach recognizes economic factors and the long-term viability of a chosen career.

In conclusion, while pursuing a career based on personal passion has its advantages, a realistic approach that considers market trends and financial stability better ensures long-term career success and security. Therefore, young people should prioritize practical considerations when choosing their careers, even if it means incorporating their interests in a more balanced manner.

For the reasons mentioned above, it seems more advantageous to choose a career based on your interests, as it will help individuals work harder.