Some universities offer online courses as an alternative to classes delivered on campus. Do you think this is a positive or negative development
Online applications and electronic platforms for connection and communication are no longer strange. Accordingly, more and more universities are using it as an alternative to face-to-face teaching, to me it is a beneficial development and the following article will give reasons as well as reinforce the evidence. specific examples.
First and foremost, the most significant reason is that online teaching is very convenient and does not depend on distance or space. You only need an electronic device and the internet to be able to study at home, for example during a pandemic. Covid-19 is almost quarantined around the world and when schools are closed, online teaching has become very popular, millions of students have learned online without having to go to school, it has contributed greatly to the cause of prevention. stop the pandemic from spreading.
Next, we can also mention that online learning helps lectures become more lively, new and attractive with technology that helps teachers interact with many students at the same time. For example, online games or colorful presentations have helped students at universities feel more interested in class. However, we cannot deny that it brings some disadvantages, teachers cannot completely control students because they cannot meet students directly, students will easily play video games and not care about anything. lesson
In summary, online teaching as an option for face-to-face learning brings great benefits, but it cannot be denied the harmful effects it brings if not used properly.
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Errors and Improvements:
"are no longer strange" -> "are no longer unfamiliar"
Explanation: Replacing "strange" with "unfamiliar" aligns better with formal language, conveying the idea that online applications and electronic platforms are now commonplace.
"Accordingly" -> "Consequently"
Explanation: Substituting "Accordingly" with "Consequently" adds a higher level of formality, enhancing the transition between the introduction and the main points of the essay.
"to me it is" -> "I consider it"
Explanation: Changing "to me it is" to "I consider it" provides a more formal expression of the writer’s opinion, contributing to the academic tone of the essay.
"and the following article will give reasons as well as reinforce the evidence. specific examples." -> "and the subsequent sections will present reasons along with supporting evidence, including specific examples."
Explanation: The suggested replacement improves clarity and formality by specifying that the article will provide reasons, evidence, and examples in the subsequent sections.
"First and foremost" -> "Primarily"
Explanation: Replacing "First and foremost" with "Primarily" maintains the emphasis on the most significant reason while using a more formal transition phrase.
"very convenient" -> "highly convenient"
Explanation: Substituting "very" with "highly" elevates the level of intensity, making the statement more formal and precise.
"it is a beneficial development" -> "it represents a beneficial advancement"
Explanation: Changing "it is a beneficial development" to "it represents a beneficial advancement" adds sophistication to the language without sacrificing clarity.
"reinforce the evidence" -> "substantiate the argument"
Explanation: Replacing "reinforce the evidence" with "substantiate the argument" introduces a more academic and precise term, enhancing the strength of the writing.
"specific examples" -> "illustrative instances"
Explanation: Substituting "specific examples" with "illustrative instances" maintains clarity while employing a more formal and academic term.
"Next" -> "Furthermore"
Explanation: Replacing "Next" with "Furthermore" improves the flow and formality of the essay, providing a smooth transition to the next point.
"lectures become more lively" -> "lectures become more dynamic"
Explanation: Changing "lively" to "dynamic" maintains the positive connotation while using a more sophisticated term.
"new and attractive" -> "innovative and appealing"
Explanation: Substituting "new and attractive" with "innovative and appealing" conveys a similar idea with more precise and formal language.
"For example" -> "For instance"
Explanation: Replacing "For example" with "For instance" is a subtle change that adds a touch of formality to the writing.
"cannot completely control students" -> "cannot exert complete control over students"
Explanation: Changing "cannot completely control students" to "cannot exert complete control over students" introduces a more formal and precise expression.
"they cannot meet students directly" -> "they cannot interact with students in person"
Explanation: Substituting "meet" with "interact with in person" adds clarity and formality to the statement.
"In summary" -> "In conclusion"
Explanation: Replacing "In summary" with "In conclusion" is a more formal way to signal the end of the essay.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Task Response: 8 – UNDER WORD
Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay provides a generally satisfactory response to all parts of the prompt. It discusses the positive aspects of online teaching, highlighting convenience during a pandemic and the use of technology to enhance learning. However, the explanation lacks depth, and some ideas are presented vaguely.
- How to improve: To enhance task response, the writer should delve deeper into the advantages and disadvantages, providing specific examples and avoiding vague statements. Additionally, explicitly addressing both the positive and negative aspects of online learning would improve comprehensiveness.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a reasonably clear position, favoring online teaching as a beneficial development. However, the stance could be more strongly emphasized, and there are instances where the writer introduces contrasting views without clear resolution.
- How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, the writer should explicitly state their opinion in the introduction and conclusion. Additionally, addressing counterarguments with a more decisive stance would enhance consistency.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas adequately but lacks sufficient development. While the mention of convenience and technology is made, there is limited elaboration and support through examples.
- How to improve: To improve idea presentation, the writer should provide specific examples, details, and evidence to substantiate each point. This could involve incorporating real-world examples, statistics, or personal experiences to add depth and credibility to the arguments.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic, discussing the positive and negative aspects of online teaching. However, there is a brief deviation when mentioning the pandemic, which, while related, could be more seamlessly integrated into the overall argument.
- How to improve: To enhance focus, the writer should integrate the pandemic discussion more smoothly into the essay, ensuring that every point directly contributes to the central argument. This can be achieved by providing a clear transition and explicitly connecting the pandemic to the benefits of online teaching.
Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt, it would benefit from a more thorough exploration of ideas, stronger position framing, and improved integration of supporting details.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a logical organization of information by presenting clear reasons supporting the idea that online teaching is a beneficial development. The introduction introduces the topic and sets the tone for the essay, while subsequent paragraphs develop the argument coherently. However, there is room for improvement in the use of transitions between ideas. For instance, the transition from the first paragraph to the second could be smoother to enhance the overall flow.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases between paragraphs to create a seamless flow. For example, phrases like "Furthermore," or "Additionally," can help guide the reader through the progression of ideas.
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. However, there is an opportunity to improve the structure of the second paragraph. The shift from discussing the advantages to mentioning disadvantages is abrupt, affecting the paragraph’s overall effectiveness.
- How to improve: To enhance paragraph structure, consider introducing a clear topic sentence at the beginning of the second paragraph that signals the shift to discussing potential drawbacks. This will improve the overall organization and make it easier for the reader to follow the argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as transitional words like "First and foremost" and "Next." However, there is room for improvement in the variety and frequency of cohesive devices. Additionally, the essay could benefit from more explicit use of pronouns and reference words to link ideas within sentences and paragraphs.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of transition words and phrases. Additionally, use pronouns more consistently to refer back to previously mentioned concepts, providing a smoother connection between ideas. For example, instead of repeating "online teaching," use pronouns like "it" to maintain clarity without redundancy.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, incorporating these suggested improvements will further enhance the logical flow and structure, contributing to an even more cohesive and well-organized essay.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, incorporating both general and some topic-specific words. However, there is room for improvement as certain terms are repeated, and a more diverse vocabulary could enhance the overall quality of expression. For instance, the frequent use of "online teaching" could be varied to include terms such as "virtual instruction," "digital education," or "e-learning."
- How to improve: To widen your vocabulary, consider exploring synonyms and alternative expressions for key terms. Introduce more variety in your word choices to convey nuanced meanings. For instance, instead of consistently using "online teaching," experiment with phrases like "web-based instruction" or "remote learning" where appropriate.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally lacks precision in vocabulary use. For instance, the phrase "Covid-19 is almost quarantined around the world" may be misleading as it is the virus that spread globally, not the quarantine. To improve precision, strive for accuracy in word selection and avoid vague or misleading phrases.
- How to improve: Pay close attention to the specific meanings of the words you use. In this case, a more accurate expression would be "Covid-19 has led to widespread quarantines around the world." Be meticulous in choosing words that precisely convey your intended meaning, and consider consulting a thesaurus for alternative options.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors that impact overall readability. For example, "reinforce the evidence" should be "reinforce the arguments," and "lesson" is misspelled as "lession." These errors detract from the professionalism of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, proofread your work carefully. Utilize spelling and grammar tools available in word processors, and consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing online platforms for additional review. Building a habit of double-checking your writing will help eliminate common spelling mistakes and contribute to a polished final product.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a moderate range of sentence structures. It employs simple and compound sentences, but there is room for improvement in terms of complexity. For instance, the majority of sentences are relatively short and straightforward, lacking more intricate structures such as complex or compound-complex sentences. The use of varied sentence structures can enhance the overall flow and sophistication of the essay.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating complex sentences with subordinate clauses to provide more nuanced explanations. Additionally, experiment with compound-complex sentences to convey relationships between ideas more effectively. Varying sentence lengths and structures will contribute to a more engaging and sophisticated writing style.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of grammatical accuracy, with a few noticeable errors. For instance, in the sentence "Covid-19 is almost quarantined around the world," the term "quarantined" is used incorrectly; it would be more appropriate to say "Covid-19 has led to quarantines around the world." Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as missing commas before introductory phrases.
- How to improve: Pay careful attention to verb usage and choose appropriate tenses to convey precise meaning. Review sentence structures to ensure proper placement of commas and other punctuation marks. Proofread the essay systematically, focusing on common grammatical errors. Utilizing grammar-check tools can also be beneficial to catch overlooked mistakes.
Bài sửa mẫu
Online applications and electronic platforms for connection and communication are no longer unfamiliar. Consequently, more and more universities are considering it as an alternative to traditional face-to-face teaching. I consider it a beneficial development, and the subsequent sections will present reasons along with supporting evidence, including specific examples.
Primarily, the most significant advantage is the highly convenient nature of online teaching. It does not depend on physical distance or space; all that is required is an electronic device and internet connectivity to engage in learning from the comfort of one’s home. This was especially evident during the Covid-19 pandemic, where schools globally were closed. Online teaching became highly convenient, allowing millions of students to continue their education without the need to attend physical classrooms, contributing significantly to pandemic prevention efforts.
Furthermore, online learning brings an innovative and appealing dimension to lectures. Technology facilitates dynamic interactions between teachers and numerous students simultaneously. For instance, the use of online games or colorful presentations has made university classes more interesting. However, it’s important to acknowledge that there are disadvantages as well. Teachers cannot exert complete control over students since they cannot interact with them in person, leading to potential distractions such as students playing video games during lessons.
In conclusion, online teaching represents a beneficial advancement as an alternative to face-to-face learning. While it offers great advantages, it is crucial to be aware of the potential drawbacks, particularly in terms of maintaining discipline and focus in a virtual learning environment. Therefore, careful implementation and monitoring are essential to ensure the optimal use of online education.