fbpx

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main ones. Others believe that it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main ones. Others believe that it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

People have different views on whether university students should diversify their studies or solely focus on their main subjects. While some may argue the importance of qualification and students should be more dedicated their time to study, I firmly believe that although there are more beneficial when only give all their time into studying , it is better to explore other disciplines to broaden knowledge and skills.

On the one hand, those who support spending all the time to get the qualification have justifiable reasons. Firstly, they argue that once students reach enough in- depth knowledge about a specialization, they all understand their chosen field. When devoting a significant effort to their main subjects, students can grasp the specialized theories more thoroughly. In addition, this knowledge can lead to gain more advanced opportunities in the future career, and will be recognized as an expert in their field. For instance, a language student who solely focuses on mastering the languages may be good at communicating in many kinds of languages.

Although the above- mentioned argument has its merit, in my opinion people who learn more subjects alongside their primary areas of study are more likely to be able to get better. Students will be promoted by a variety of topics, which could expand their mindset and foster intellectual curiosity. It also provides soft skills such as critical thinking, creativity and problem- solving skills, which are highly necessary for today’s society. Furthermore, learning extra supplementary disciplines can give students with well-rounded education that equip them more opportunities, enabling them adapt to further professional situations.

In conclusion, students who are trying to get additional knowledge about different fields, they will have more opportunities in their life instead of only focusing on studying a specific qualification. By advancing their broader understanding, they can receive useful perspectives, enhance skills, and expand their information in many fields


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "People have different views on whether university students should diversify their studies or solely focus on their main subjects." -> "There are varying opinions among university students regarding whether they should diversify their studies or focus exclusively on their primary subjects."
    Explanation: The revised phrase uses more formal language and clarifies the subject of the discussion, making it more precise and appropriate for an academic context.

  2. "I firmly believe that although there are more beneficial when only give all their time into studying" -> "I firmly believe that although there are benefits to dedicating all their time to studying,"
    Explanation: Corrects grammatical errors and clarifies the meaning by replacing "there are more beneficial" with "there are benefits to," which is grammatically correct and more formal.

  3. "it is better to explore other disciplines to broaden knowledge and skills" -> "it is advantageous to explore other disciplines to broaden one’s knowledge and skills"
    Explanation: Replacing "it is better" with "it is advantageous" elevates the formality and specificity of the statement, aligning better with academic style.

  4. "those who support spending all the time to get the qualification" -> "those who advocate for dedicating all their time to acquiring the qualification"
    Explanation: "Advocate for" is more precise and formal than "support," and "acquiring" is more specific than "getting," which enhances the academic tone.

  5. "they all understand their chosen field" -> "they gain a comprehensive understanding of their chosen field"
    Explanation: "Gain a comprehensive understanding" is more precise and academically appropriate than "they all understand," which is vague and informal.

  6. "this knowledge can lead to gain more advanced opportunities" -> "this knowledge can lead to more advanced opportunities"
    Explanation: Removes the unnecessary "to gain," which is redundant in this context, making the sentence more concise and formal.

  7. "will be recognized as an expert in their field" -> "will be recognized as experts in their field"
    Explanation: Changing "an" to "experts" corrects the grammatical number agreement and maintains the plural form to match the context of multiple students.

  8. "a language student who solely focuses on mastering the languages" -> "a language student who focuses exclusively on mastering languages"
    Explanation: "Exclusively" is more formal than "solely," and removing "the" before "languages" corrects the grammatical structure.

  9. "people who learn more subjects alongside their primary areas of study are more likely to be able to get better" -> "individuals who study additional subjects alongside their primary areas of study are more likely to achieve better outcomes"
    Explanation: "Individuals" is more formal than "people," and "achieve better outcomes" is a more precise and formal way to express improvement.

  10. "It also provides soft skills such as critical thinking, creativity and problem- solving skills" -> "It also provides soft skills such as critical thinking, creativity, and problem-solving skills"
    Explanation: Adding a comma after "creativity" corrects the punctuation, and "problem-solving skills" is the correct form without the hyphen.

  11. "give students with well-rounded education that equip them more opportunities" -> "provide students with a well-rounded education that equips them with more opportunities"
    Explanation: "Provide" is more formal than "give," and "equips them with" is grammatically correct and more precise.

  12. "enabling them adapt to further professional situations" -> "enabling them to adapt to further professional situations"
    Explanation: Adding "to" corrects the grammatical structure, making the sentence grammatically correct and more formal.

These changes enhance the academic tone, improve grammatical accuracy, and clarify the meaning of the essay, making it more suitable for an academic context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding whether university students should focus solely on their main subjects or explore additional disciplines. The first paragraph outlines the argument for focusing on a single qualification, emphasizing the depth of knowledge and career opportunities. The second paragraph presents the opposing view, arguing for the benefits of a broader education. However, while both perspectives are discussed, the essay could have provided a more balanced exploration of the arguments, particularly in the conclusion, which leans more towards one side.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that both sides are given equal weight throughout the essay. This could involve elaborating on the counterarguments more thoroughly and integrating examples that illustrate the benefits of both approaches. Additionally, a more nuanced conclusion that acknowledges the merits of both perspectives before stating a personal opinion would strengthen the overall argument.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that favors exploring other subjects alongside the main field of study. However, the phrasing in the introduction ("I firmly believe that although there are more beneficial when only give all their time into studying") is somewhat confusing and detracts from the clarity of the position. The transition between the two views could also be smoother to maintain a consistent stance.
    • How to improve: The writer should refine the introductory statement to clearly articulate their position without ambiguity. Consistent use of transitional phrases can help guide the reader through the argument, reinforcing the writer’s stance while acknowledging the opposing view.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas supporting the benefits of a broader education, such as fostering intellectual curiosity and developing soft skills. However, the support for these ideas is somewhat limited. For instance, while the mention of soft skills is relevant, it could be further elaborated with specific examples or studies that demonstrate their importance in the job market.
    • How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and evidence to support their claims. This could include statistics, quotes from experts, or real-life scenarios that illustrate the advantages of a diversified education. Additionally, ensuring that each idea is fully developed before moving on to the next will enhance the overall coherence of the argument.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the importance of both focusing on a main subject and exploring additional disciplines. However, there are moments where the language becomes slightly convoluted, which could distract from the main points. For example, phrases like "students will be promoted by a variety of topics" could be clearer.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should strive for clarity and precision in language. Simplifying complex sentences and avoiding overly complicated phrasing will help keep the reader engaged and ensure that the main ideas are communicated effectively. Regularly revisiting the essay prompt during the writing process can also help ensure that all points remain relevant to the topic at hand.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. However, the logical progression of ideas could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the benefits of focusing solely on qualifications to the advantages of diversifying studies is somewhat abrupt. The argument for focusing on qualifications is well-articulated, but the counter-argument lacks a smooth transition, which affects the overall coherence.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the two viewpoints. For example, after discussing the benefits of specialization, you could use a phrase like "Conversely, there are compelling reasons to consider a broader educational approach." This would help guide the reader through your argument more smoothly.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. However, the first paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences that directly state the main idea of each paragraph. The second body paragraph, while discussing the benefits of diversifying studies, begins with "Although the above-mentioned argument has its merit," which could be more direct.
    • How to improve: Strengthen the topic sentences to clearly outline the main idea of each paragraph. For example, start the second body paragraph with a clear statement like, "On the other hand, diversifying studies can significantly enhance a student’s educational experience." This would provide a clearer roadmap for the reader.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "In addition," and "Furthermore," which help in linking ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the phrase "which could expand their mindset" lacks a clear antecedent, making it slightly ambiguous.
    • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "Moreover," "In contrast," or "As a result" to create more varied connections between ideas. Additionally, ensure that every pronoun or relative clause has a clear antecedent to avoid ambiguity.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, improving transitions, topic sentences, and the variety of cohesive devices will enhance the overall coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "diversify," "specialization," "intellectual curiosity," and "well-rounded education." However, there are instances of repetition and limited variation in word choice. For example, the phrase "students should diversify their studies" is echoed in different forms throughout the essay, which can detract from the overall richness of the vocabulary.
    • How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, the writer could incorporate synonyms or related terms to avoid repetition. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "students" and "study," alternatives such as "learners," "scholars," or "academic pursuits" could be employed. Additionally, using more varied adjectives and adverbs would enrich the text.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that may lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "they all understand their chosen field" is vague and could be interpreted in multiple ways. Moreover, the expression "gain more advanced opportunities" could be more clearly articulated as "access more advanced career opportunities."
    • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and specificity. Instead of saying "students can grasp the specialized theories more thoroughly," a more precise phrase could be "students can develop a deeper understanding of specialized theories." Encouraging the use of contextually appropriate vocabulary will help convey ideas more effectively.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "beneficial when only give all their time into studying" (should be "beneficial when they only give all their time to studying") and "equip them more opportunities" (should be "equip them with more opportunities"). These errors can distract the reader and undermine the overall professionalism of the writing.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should implement proofreading strategies, such as reading the essay aloud or using spelling and grammar checking tools. Additionally, practicing commonly misspelled words and reviewing the spelling of key vocabulary related to the topic can help improve overall accuracy.

By addressing these areas—expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision in word choice, and improving spelling accuracy—the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases like "While some may argue the importance of qualification and students should be more dedicated their time to study." However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and grammatical errors that affect clarity, such as "there are more beneficial when only give all their time into studying." This suggests a limited command of more sophisticated structures and a tendency to rely on simpler forms.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating more complex and compound sentences. For example, using subordinating conjunctions (e.g., although, because) can help create more nuanced sentences. Additionally, varying sentence beginnings can add interest; instead of starting many sentences with "students," try starting with adverbial phrases or clauses (e.g., "In pursuing a broader education, students…").
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For example, "students should be more dedicated their time to study" lacks the preposition "to," making it grammatically incorrect. Similarly, "it is better to explore other disciplines to broaden knowledge and skills" could be clearer if rephrased. Punctuation errors are also present, such as the inconsistent use of commas and hyphens, particularly in phrases like "above- mentioned" and "soft skills such as critical thinking, creativity and problem- solving skills."
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should review basic grammar rules, particularly concerning subject-verb agreement and the use of prepositions. Regular practice with grammar exercises can help solidify these concepts. For punctuation, the writer should focus on the correct use of commas, especially in lists and before conjunctions. Reading the essay aloud can also help identify awkward phrasing and punctuation errors, allowing for revisions that enhance clarity and coherence.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates some understanding of grammatical structures, there is a need for greater variety and accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can improve their overall score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

People have varying opinions on whether university students should diversify their studies or solely focus on their main subjects. While some argue for the importance of qualifications and believe students should dedicate all their time to studying, I firmly believe that although there are benefits to dedicating all their time to studying, it is advantageous to explore other disciplines to broaden one’s knowledge and skills.

On the one hand, those who advocate for dedicating all their time to acquiring the qualification have justifiable reasons. Firstly, they argue that once students gain in-depth knowledge about a specialization, they develop a comprehensive understanding of their chosen field. By devoting significant effort to their main subjects, students can grasp specialized theories more thoroughly. In addition, this knowledge can lead to more advanced opportunities in their future careers, and they will be recognized as experts in their field. For instance, a language student who focuses exclusively on mastering languages may excel in communicating across various linguistic contexts.

Although the above-mentioned argument has its merits, in my opinion, individuals who study additional subjects alongside their primary areas of study are more likely to achieve better outcomes. Exposure to a variety of topics can expand their mindset and foster intellectual curiosity. It also provides soft skills such as critical thinking, creativity, and problem-solving skills, which are highly necessary in today’s society. Furthermore, learning supplementary disciplines can provide students with a well-rounded education that equips them with more opportunities, enabling them to adapt to diverse professional situations.

In conclusion, students who seek additional knowledge about different fields will have more opportunities in their lives instead of solely focusing on studying for a specific qualification. By advancing their broader understanding, they can gain valuable perspectives, enhance their skills, and expand their knowledge across various domains.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

These days,students attend private “cram schools” for extra coaching to make them study better,so that a lot of parents believe they should just let their child go to “cram school” to learn better.But other people believe that students can learn by their own way so they can also do well in the test.

These days,students attend private “cram schools” for extra coaching to make them study better,so that a lot of parents believe they should just let their…

IELTS Writify

Chấm IELTS Writing Free x GPT

Lưu ý

Sắp bảo trì server

Để đảm bảo tính ổn định của web, web sẽ thực hiện backup dữ liệu hàng ngày từ 3h-3h30 sáng

Rất mong quý thầy cô và học viên thông cảm vì bất tiện này