Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Some people argue that it is essential to primarily concentrate on one specific major at university. Meanwhile, others suggest that there should be a combination of diverse subjects besides main one. In this essay, both of these view will be discussed and I believe that additional knowledge would be the way to support the degree of university students.
On the one hand, putting all effort on one specialization can bring both positive and negative sides. Spending all time and attention helps students research and practice thoroughly about knowledge of their specialized subject without being disturbed by irrelevant information. As a result, they could quickly become professional and knowledgeable which benefit a lot their future occupation. However, in this currently competitive market, employers require the workforce to have different background knowledge. For example, if your major is English Faculty, possessing excellent English skill is not adequate, it is advisable that you should have other understandings about computer, business or commerce, which can support your upcoming job. If you are not able to obtain those basic knowledge, you would more inferior than well-equipped individuals.
On the other hand, studying diverse subjects along with the major one bring huge benefits. Firstly, the combination of different subjects help college students could feel more enthusiastic to education. During lessons, individuals easily get the sense of fatigue and overwhelming when paying to one subject all the time. Therefore, it is crucial to have flexible schedule for various fields and broaden the territory of knowledge for students. Secondly, providing divergent knowledge benefits students a variety of job opportunities. When joining in working environment, individuals with abundant comprehension can take charge of different positions which relates to their specialization at university. Since they can have more chances for higher promotion and accumulate experiences for themselves.
In conclusion, although concentrating on studying for a qualification support students achieve firm knowledge, having different subjects along with main one plays an important role in forming a flexible and knowledgeable citizen and lessening the boredom in education. Students should be encouraged in attaching different fields but still mainly focusing on their major.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"Some people argue" -> "Some scholars contend"
Explanation: Replacing "Some people argue" with "Some scholars contend" elevates the formality and specificity of the statement, aligning better with academic discourse. -
"primarily concentrate on" -> "primarily focus on"
Explanation: "Focus on" is more precise and commonly used in academic contexts than "concentrate on," which can be seen as slightly less formal. -
"Meanwhile, others suggest" -> "Conversely, others propose"
Explanation: "Conversely" is a more formal transitional phrase than "meanwhile," and "propose" is more specific than "suggest" in academic writing. -
"both of these view" -> "both of these views"
Explanation: Correcting the grammatical error from "view" to "views" ensures the sentence is grammatically correct and maintains the formal tone. -
"additional knowledge would be the way to support" -> "additional knowledge would be the key to enhancing"
Explanation: "The key to enhancing" is a more precise and formal expression than "the way to support," which is vague and less formal. -
"putting all effort on one specialization" -> "devoting all effort to one specialization"
Explanation: "Devoting" is a more formal verb than "putting," and "to" is the correct preposition for the phrase "devoting all effort." -
"Spending all time and attention helps" -> "Devoting all time and attention facilitates"
Explanation: "Facilitates" is a more formal and precise verb than "helps," and it better fits the academic style. -
"research and practice thoroughly about knowledge" -> "conduct thorough research and practice in their specialized field"
Explanation: "Conduct thorough research and practice in their specialized field" is more precise and academically appropriate than "research and practice thoroughly about knowledge." -
"being disturbed by irrelevant information" -> "being distracted by irrelevant information"
Explanation: "Distracted" is more specific and appropriate in this context than "disturbed," which can imply emotional or physical disturbance. -
"which benefit a lot their future occupation" -> "which significantly benefits their future careers"
Explanation: "Significantly benefits" is grammatically correct and more formal than "benefit a lot," and "careers" is a more precise term than "occupation." -
"currently competitive market" -> "currently competitive job market"
Explanation: Adding "job" clarifies the context and enhances specificity. -
"possessing excellent English skill" -> "possessing excellent English skills"
Explanation: "Skills" is the correct plural form when referring to multiple abilities or competencies. -
"it is advisable that you should have other understandings about" -> "it is advisable to have a broader understanding of"
Explanation: "To have a broader understanding of" is more formal and grammatically correct than "you should have other understandings about." -
"you would more inferior than well-equipped individuals" -> "you would be less competitive than well-equipped individuals"
Explanation: "Less competitive" is a more precise and formal way to express disadvantage in a competitive context than "more inferior." -
"bring huge benefits" -> "yield significant benefits"
Explanation: "Yield significant benefits" is more formal and precise than "bring huge benefits." -
"help college students could feel more enthusiastic to education" -> "help college students feel more enthusiastic about their education"
Explanation: "Feel more enthusiastic about their education" corrects the grammatical error and clarifies the subject of enthusiasm. -
"paying to one subject all the time" -> "devoting themselves to one subject exclusively"
Explanation: "Devoting themselves to one subject exclusively" is more formal and precise than "paying to one subject all the time." -
"flexible schedule for various fields" -> "flexible schedule across various disciplines"
Explanation: "Across various disciplines" is more specific and academically appropriate than "for various fields." -
"broaden the territory of knowledge" -> "expand their knowledge base"
Explanation: "Expand their knowledge base" is a more precise and formal expression than "broaden the territory of knowledge." -
"benefits students a variety of job opportunities" -> "offers students a variety of job opportunities"
Explanation: "Offers" is more grammatically correct and formal than "benefits" in this context. -
"relates to their specialization at university" -> "related to their university specialization"
Explanation: "Related to their university specialization" is grammatically correct and more formal. -
"have more chances for higher promotion" -> "have greater opportunities for career advancement"
Explanation: "Greater opportunities for career advancement" is a more formal and precise phrase than "more chances for higher promotion." -
"lessening the boredom in education" -> "reducing the monotony of education"
Explanation: "Reducing the monotony of education" is a more precise and formal way to describe the elimination of boredom in academic settings.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Task Response: 7
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both views regarding whether university students should focus solely on their major or explore additional subjects. The first paragraph outlines the argument for specializing, mentioning the benefits of deep knowledge in a specific field and the competitive job market’s demands. The second paragraph presents the advantages of studying diverse subjects, emphasizing the enthusiasm for learning and broader job opportunities. However, while both perspectives are discussed, the essay could benefit from a more balanced treatment of each view, as the focus leans slightly more towards the argument for additional subjects.
- How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the writer should ensure that both views are given equal weight in terms of detail and analysis. This could involve providing more specific examples or evidence for the argument supporting specialization, thereby creating a more balanced discussion.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer’s position is stated clearly in the introduction and reiterated in the conclusion, advocating for the importance of additional knowledge alongside a major. However, the essay occasionally wavers in clarity, particularly in the transition between discussing the two views. Phrases such as "putting all effort on one specialization can bring both positive and negative sides" could be clearer in articulating the writer’s stance.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should use explicit language to signal their opinion throughout the essay. For example, phrases like "I believe" or "In my opinion" can be used more frequently to reinforce the writer’s viewpoint. Additionally, clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can help guide the reader’s understanding of the argument being made.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to both views, such as the importance of specialization for job readiness and the benefits of a diverse education. However, some points lack depth and supporting evidence. For instance, the claim that studying diverse subjects can prevent fatigue is mentioned but not elaborated upon with examples or further explanation.
- How to improve: To strengthen the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples for each point made. This could involve discussing specific skills that students might gain from studying additional subjects or citing studies that show the benefits of a well-rounded education. Additionally, using transitional phrases can help connect ideas more smoothly.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the merits of focusing on a major versus exploring additional subjects. However, there are moments where the discussion becomes slightly tangential, such as when discussing the competitive job market without directly linking it back to the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should consistently relate back to the central question of the prompt. Each point made should clearly tie back to how it supports or critiques the views presented. This can be achieved by reiterating the relevance of each argument to the main topic as the essay progresses.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the task and presents a coherent argument. By addressing the suggested areas for improvement, the writer can enhance clarity, balance, and depth, potentially raising the band score in future assessments.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the two perspectives on university education. Each viewpoint is addressed in separate paragraphs, which helps in organizing the information logically. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the advantages of focusing solely on a major, while the second paragraph highlights the benefits of studying diverse subjects. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother; for example, the shift from discussing the benefits of specialization to the advantages of a broader education feels somewhat abrupt.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clearer topic sentences that not only introduce the paragraph’s main idea but also link it back to the previous paragraph. Additionally, incorporating transitional phrases such as "Conversely," or "In contrast," at the beginning of the second body paragraph would help clarify the shift in focus.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph has a distinct focus, contributing to the overall clarity of the argument. However, the second body paragraph is slightly longer and contains multiple ideas that could be better organized. For example, the discussion about enthusiasm in education and job opportunities could be split into two separate paragraphs for greater clarity.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph contains a single main idea supported by relevant examples. Consider breaking down longer paragraphs into smaller ones to maintain focus and avoid overwhelming the reader. Each paragraph should ideally start with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand," "However," and "On the other hand," which help in guiding the reader through the argument. Nevertheless, there is a limited range of cohesive devices employed, and some sentences feel disjointed due to a lack of appropriate linking words. For instance, the phrase "which benefit a lot their future occupation" could be better connected to the previous sentence to enhance coherence.
- How to improve: To diversify and effectively use cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking phrases and words. For example, use "Furthermore," "Additionally," or "Moreover" to add information, and "Consequently," or "As a result," to indicate cause and effect. This will help create a smoother flow between sentences and ideas, making the essay more cohesive overall.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, there are areas for improvement in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices. By focusing on these aspects, the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay can be significantly enhanced, potentially leading to a higher band score.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "specialization," "enthusiastic," and "divergent knowledge." However, the vocabulary is somewhat limited in variety and sophistication. Phrases such as "putting all effort on one specialization" and "huge benefits" could be enhanced with more precise or varied language. For instance, "dedicating oneself to a singular specialization" or "significant advantages" would elevate the lexical quality.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate more varied and sophisticated vocabulary. This could involve using synonyms or more complex phrases to express similar ideas. Reading academic articles or essays can help expose the writer to a broader range of vocabulary that can be applied in their writing.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: Some vocabulary choices are imprecise or awkward. For example, the phrase "you would more inferior than well-equipped individuals" is grammatically incorrect and awkwardly phrased; it should be "you would be at a disadvantage compared to well-equipped individuals." Additionally, "the combination of different subjects help college students could feel more enthusiastic to education" contains a grammatical error and awkward phrasing, making it unclear.
- How to improve: The writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. This includes ensuring that phrases are grammatically correct and idiomatic. Practicing sentence structure and reviewing grammar rules can help clarify their expression. Furthermore, using a thesaurus to find more precise words can enhance clarity.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling and grammatical errors, such as "which benefit a lot their future occupation" (should be "which benefits them a lot in their future occupations") and "bring huge benefits" (should be "brings huge benefits"). These errors detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, ideally reading it aloud to catch errors. Utilizing spell-check tools and practicing common spelling rules can also be beneficial. Additionally, keeping a list of frequently misspelled words and reviewing them regularly can help improve spelling skills over time.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary, there is significant room for improvement in terms of range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on expanding vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and enhancing spelling through practice and proofreading, the writer can aim for a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of phrases like "putting all effort on one specialization can bring both positive and negative sides" showcases an understanding of more complex structures. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing, such as "which benefit a lot their future occupation," which detracts from clarity. The essay also includes some repetitive structures, particularly in the way arguments are introduced and developed.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For example, instead of repeatedly starting sentences with "On the one hand" or "On the other hand," the writer could use alternatives like "Conversely," or "In contrast," to introduce opposing views. Additionally, integrating more complex sentences with subordinate clauses could enhance the sophistication of the writing. Practicing sentence combining exercises could also help in achieving this variety.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affect clarity. For example, "there should be a combination of diverse subjects besides main one" lacks an article before "main one," which should read "the main one." Additionally, the phrase "you would more inferior than well-equipped individuals" is grammatically incorrect; it should be "you would be more inferior to well-equipped individuals." Punctuation errors, such as missing commas in complex sentences, also hinder readability, as seen in "For example, if your major is English Faculty, possessing excellent English skill is not adequate, it is advisable that you should have other understandings about computer, business or commerce."
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. Regular grammar exercises that target common errors can be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading for punctuation, especially in complex sentences, will help improve clarity. Reading more academic texts can also provide insight into correct grammatical structures and punctuation usage.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents a clear argument, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will help elevate the score further.
Bài sửa mẫu
Some people argue that it is essential to primarily concentrate on one specific major at university. Meanwhile, others suggest that there should be a combination of diverse subjects besides the main one. In this essay, both of these views will be discussed, and I believe that additional knowledge would be the key to enhancing the degree of university students.
On the one hand, putting all effort into one specialization can bring both positive and negative sides. Spending all time and attention helps students conduct thorough research and practice in their specialized subject without being distracted by irrelevant information. As a result, they could quickly become professionals and knowledgeable, which significantly benefits their future occupations. However, in this currently competitive job market, employers require the workforce to have different background knowledge. For example, if your major is in the English Faculty, possessing excellent English skills is not adequate; it is advisable that you should have other understandings about computers, business, or commerce, which can support your upcoming job. If you are not able to obtain that basic knowledge, you would be less competitive than well-equipped individuals.
On the other hand, studying diverse subjects along with the major one brings huge benefits. Firstly, the combination of different subjects helps college students feel more enthusiastic about their education. During lessons, individuals easily get a sense of fatigue and overwhelming when focusing on one subject all the time. Therefore, it is crucial to have a flexible schedule across various disciplines and broaden the territory of knowledge for students. Secondly, providing divergent knowledge offers students a variety of job opportunities. When joining the working environment, individuals with abundant comprehension can take charge of different positions related to their specialization at university. Since they can have more chances for higher promotion and accumulate experiences for themselves.
In conclusion, although concentrating on studying for a qualification supports students in achieving firm knowledge, having different subjects along with the main one plays an important role in forming a flexible and knowledgeable citizen and reducing the monotony of education. Students should be encouraged to explore different fields while still primarily focusing on their major.