Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Some people argue that students in higher education should be given the chance to study a wide range of disciplines in their program, while others believe that it is more appropriate for those to devote all their time and efforts to specialize in their major area. This essay will discuss both sides of the argument, and I personally contend that the system of education students involved would depend on their career options after graduation.
On the one hand, proponents of multidisciplinary study would claim that this system could help undergraduates gain more knowledge on different aspects of life. Consequently, students would have the opportunities to develop a comprehensive thinking and become a more well-rounded person. Another point to discuss is that when university students could learn about diverse subjects, this could help facilitate their future career preparation. This is due to the fact that recruiters nowadays usually favour job applicants whose knowledge can cover a wide range of areas over those who have focused solely on a field.
On the other hand, it seems to be more appropriate and practical for several professions to studying for a qualification rather than other subjects. The reason behind this could be that educating a lawyer or a medical practitioner may take up a considerable amount of time and money, which means that they should allocate all of their resources to acquire in-depth knowledge of their expetise. Furthermore, mastering medical skills or negotiation ability requires years of practicing and learning major courses in their program. Therefore, students who opt for these occupations after graduation should pay all attention to gain a deeper insight into their specialized courses, leaving the minor subjects neglected.
In conclusion, while it is controversial whether tertiary education should provide what types of subjects, I am of the opinion that students should take their future career path into account before choosing a suitable university program.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
"Some people argue" -> "Some individuals contend"
Explanation: Replacing "argue" with "contend" adds formality to the statement and aligns with a more academic tone.
"students in higher education" -> "higher education students"
Explanation: Rearranging the phrase to "higher education students" is a more standard and concise way of expressing the idea.
"chance to study" -> "opportunity to pursue"
Explanation: Substituting "chance to study" with "opportunity to pursue" elevates the language by using a more formal expression.
"devote all their time and efforts to specialize" -> "dedicate their time and efforts to specializing"
Explanation: The change from "devote all their time and efforts to specialize" to "dedicate their time and efforts to specializing" maintains formality while improving the flow of the sentence.
"this essay will discuss" -> "this essay aims to explore"
Explanation: Replacing "will discuss" with "aims to explore" adds a sense of purpose and formality to the sentence.
"I personally contend" -> "I assert"
Explanation: Changing "personally contend" to "assert" streamlines the language, making it more concise and formal.
"Consequently, students would have the opportunities" -> "Consequently, students would have the opportunity"
Explanation: Adjusting "opportunities" to "opportunity" maintains clarity and avoids unnecessary repetition.
"comprehensive thinking" -> "a comprehensive understanding"
Explanation: Substituting "comprehensive thinking" with "a comprehensive understanding" enhances the precision of the expression.
"when university students could learn" -> "when university students have the chance to learn"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity, the change helps maintain the formal tone while expressing the idea more precisely.
"favour job applicants" -> "favor job applicants"
Explanation: Using American English spelling "favor" instead of British English "favour" for consistency in style.
"expetise" -> "expertise"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling error "expetise" to "expertise" for accuracy.
"it seems to be" -> "it appears to be"
Explanation: Replacing "it seems to be" with "it appears to be" adds a touch of formality to the statement.
"studying for a qualification" -> "pursuing a specialization"
Explanation: Changing "studying for a qualification" to "pursuing a specialization" provides a more specific and formal description.
"which means that they should allocate" -> "thus, necessitating the allocation"
Explanation: Substituting "which means that they should allocate" with "thus, necessitating the allocation" enhances the formality and clarity of the sentence.
"majoring courses in their program" -> "major courses in their program"
Explanation: Removing "ing" from "majoring" to correct the phrase to "major courses in their program" for grammatical accuracy.
"pay all attention" -> "devote full attention"
Explanation: Changing "pay all attention" to "devote full attention" improves the formality and precision of the expression.
"subjects, I am of the opinion" -> "subjects. I believe"
Explanation: Separating the clauses with a period and changing "I am of the opinion" to "I believe" enhances the flow and formality of the conclusion.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Task Response: 6
Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both sides of the argument, discussing the benefits of multidisciplinary study and the practicality of focusing on a qualification. Relevant points and examples are presented to support each viewpoint.
- How to improve: While the essay covers both views, it could benefit from a more explicit connection to the writer’s own opinion. Providing a clear thesis statement that summarizes the stance would enhance the overall cohesion of the essay.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer’s personal stance is presented in the introduction and reiterated in the conclusion. However, it could be more pronounced throughout the body paragraphs to enhance clarity.
- How to improve: Strengthen the expression of the writer’s opinion in each body paragraph by linking it explicitly to the discussed points. This will reinforce the consistency of the position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas on both sides of the argument with sufficient elaboration. Examples, such as the preference of recruiters for well-rounded individuals, add depth.
- How to improve: To further enhance the development of ideas, consider providing more specific examples or evidence to support each point. This will add weight to the arguments and make them more convincing.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic, addressing the benefits of multidisciplinary study and the necessity of focusing on a qualification. However, there are moments where the connection to the main argument could be clearer.
- How to improve: Maintain a stronger link between each paragraph and the overall theme. Ensure that every example or point directly contributes to the discussion of whether students should focus on one subject or study various disciplines.
In conclusion, the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the prompt and effectively discusses both perspectives. To improve, the writer should explicitly state their position in each body paragraph, provide more specific examples, and ensure a consistent link between examples and the main argument.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a reasonable level of logical organization. It begins with a clear introduction that presents both views and states the writer’s opinion. Each paragraph is dedicated to one viewpoint, which aids clarity. However, there is a slight inconsistency in the second paragraph where it discusses the proponents of multidisciplinary study and then shifts to discussing the appropriateness of specializing in the third paragraph. This could be confusing for the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, maintain a consistent approach in presenting arguments. In this case, either continue discussing proponents of multidisciplinary study in the second paragraph or introduce the opposing viewpoint in that paragraph and provide reasons in the third paragraph. This creates a smoother transition and reinforces the logical structure.
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively for the most part. Each paragraph contains a clear central idea, contributing to the overall coherence. However, the transition between the second and third paragraphs could be smoother, as mentioned earlier. Also, the conclusion is concise but could benefit from summarizing the main points.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear focus on a specific aspect of the argument. Improve the transition between the second and third paragraphs by maintaining a consistent line of thought. In the conclusion, briefly recap the main points from the body paragraphs to reinforce the essay’s coherence.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a range of cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases (e.g., "on the one hand," "on the other hand," "in conclusion"). These devices contribute to the overall coherence and help guide the reader through the essay. However, there is room for improvement in the variety of linking words.
- How to improve: Diversify the use of cohesive devices by incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, consider using synonyms for common transitions to add variety and sophistication. This enhances the overall cohesion of the essay.
In summary, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, earning a band score of 7. To improve, focus on maintaining a consistent organizational structure, refining paragraph transitions, and diversifying the use of cohesive devices for a more polished and sophisticated presentation.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. There is an attempt to use varied expressions and phrases, but some repetition and reliance on common terms can be observed. For instance, the term "multidisciplinary study" is repeated, and there is a tendency to use generic expressions such as "different aspects of life."
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider exploring synonyms and more nuanced language. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "multidisciplinary study," you might use alternatives like "interdisciplinary exploration" or "cross-disciplinary learning." Additionally, delve into more specific terms related to the discussed subjects to avoid generic expressions.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with moderate precision. However, there are instances where word choices could be more precise. For example, the phrase "comprehensive thinking" could be refined to "holistic thinking." On the other hand, there are also instances where the meaning is clear and specific, such as "negotiation ability."
- How to improve: Focus on using more precise and contextually fitting terms. Instead of general terms like "comprehensive thinking," consider using more specific terms that capture the essence of the idea. This will elevate the overall precision of the vocabulary used.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy. However, there are a few instances of minor spelling errors, such as "expetise" instead of "expertise" and "their program" instead of "their expertise." These errors, while infrequent, slightly impact the overall spelling accuracy.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider proofreading the essay carefully, paying particular attention to common words and terms related to the essay topic. Additionally, utilizing spell-check tools can serve as a helpful final step in ensuring precise spelling.
In summary, the essay demonstrates an effective use of vocabulary, achieving a band score of 6 for Lexical Resource. To improve, focus on diversifying vocabulary, using terms more precisely, and ensuring meticulous spelling throughout the essay.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair variety of sentence structures. There is a mix of simple and complex sentences, and some attempts at using complex structures, such as conditional sentences ("while it is controversial whether tertiary education should provide what types of subjects"). However, the essay could benefit from more intricate structures, such as compound-complex sentences and a broader range of transitions to enhance coherence and cohesion.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of sentence structures, consider incorporating compound-complex sentences and utilizing a wider variety of transitions to connect ideas more effectively. For instance, using phrases like "on the contrary" or "consequently" can add sophistication and improve the flow of ideas.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally displays good grammatical accuracy. However, there are some minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing throughout the essay. For example, in the sentence "I personally contend that the system of education students involved would depend on their career options after graduation," the phrase "students involved" is not clearly articulated, leading to a lack of clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, carefully proofread the essay for clarity and coherence. Also, pay attention to subject-verb agreement and sentence structure to ensure that each sentence is grammatically sound. In this instance, rephrasing the sentence for clarity, such as "I personally contend that the choice of an educational system should depend on students’ career options after graduation," would improve accuracy.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammar and a reasonably wide range of structures. However, refining sentence structures and addressing minor grammatical errors would contribute to a more polished and nuanced essay.
Bài sửa mẫu
Some individuals contend that higher education students should have the opportunity to pursue a wide array of subjects within their program, while others believe it is more important for them to dedicate their time and efforts to specializing in their major area. This essay aims to explore both perspectives, and I assert that the choice of educational approach should be guided by the career options students envision post-graduation.
On one hand, proponents of a multidisciplinary approach argue that such a system can help undergraduates gain more knowledge in various aspects of life. Consequently, students would have the opportunity to develop a comprehensive understanding and become more well-rounded individuals. Additionally, when university students have the chance to learn about diverse subjects, it appears to be advantageous for their future career preparation. Recruiters nowadays tend to favor job applicants with a broad knowledge base, covering a range of areas, over those who have focused solely on a particular field.
On the other hand, it seems more appropriate and practical for certain professions to prioritize studying for a qualification rather than diversifying into other subjects. This is especially true for careers like law or medicine, where education demands a significant investment of time and money. Thus, necessitating the allocation of all resources to acquire in-depth knowledge of their expertise. Furthermore, mastering medical skills or negotiation abilities requires years of practice and dedicated learning of major courses in their program. Therefore, students aspiring to these occupations after graduation should devote their full attention to gaining a deeper insight into their specialized courses, leaving the minor subjects somewhat neglected.
In conclusion, while the question of whether tertiary education should provide a variety of subjects is controversial, I believe that students should consider their future career path before choosing a suitable university program. This ensures that they make informed decisions aligned with their career goals and the demands of their chosen professions.