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Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some higher education students argue that they should be given the opportunity to pursue a wide range of academic fields in their program, while others believe that it is more appropriate for those to specialize solely in a major area. In this essay, justifications for both schools of thought will be discussed, and I personally believe that the choice of educational approach should depend on students' career aspirations after graduation.
There are several reasons why some students are willing to diversify their curriculum. The first reason is that exposure to various subjects enhances undergraduates' understanding of different aspects of life. For instance, a business student delving into psychology might develop a deeper insight into consumer behavior, fostering a more comprehensive approach to marketing strategies. Another point to discuss is that when university students study a diversity of subjects, this could help facilitate their future career preparation. This is due to the fact that recruiters nowadays usually favor job applicants who are able to deal with various problems over those who only have knowledge of a particular field.
On the other hand, it appears to be more appropriate and practical for several professions to focus on a specialization. Firstly, educating a lawyer or a medical practitioner may require a significant investment of time and money. Therefore, it is better to allocate all of their resources to acquire in-depth knowledge of expertise. For instance, a prospective surgeon must dedicate extensive time to master surgical techniques, leaving little room for unrelated subjects. Secondly, by specializing early and immersing themselves in clinical rotations, students could gained a profound understanding of their chosen field, ultimately excelling in their future career.
In conclusion, while the question of whether tertiary education should provide a variety of subjects is controversial, I believe that students should consider their future career path before choosing a suitable university program aligned with their career goals and the demands of their chosen professions.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "some higher education students" -> "certain higher education students"
    Explanation: Replacing "some" with "certain" adds a level of specificity and formality, contributing to a more academic tone.

  2. "wide range of academic fields" -> "a broad spectrum of academic disciplines"
    Explanation: "Wide range" is replaced with "broad spectrum" for a more sophisticated expression, and "academic fields" is replaced with "academic disciplines" to enhance formality.

  3. "I personally believe" -> "I contend"
    Explanation: Substituting "I personally believe" with "I contend" introduces a more formal and assertive tone to the statement.

  4. "diversify their curriculum" -> "diversify their course of study"
    Explanation: Changing "curriculum" to "course of study" maintains clarity while adopting a more formal term in an academic context.

  5. "undergraduates’ understanding" -> "undergraduates’ comprehension"
    Explanation: Replacing "understanding" with "comprehension" elevates the vocabulary and aligns with a more formal tone.

  6. "For instance" -> "As an illustration"
    Explanation: "For instance" is replaced with "As an illustration" for a more formal transition between ideas.

  7. "Another point to discuss is that" -> "Another aspect to consider is"
    Explanation: The phrase "Another point to discuss is that" is substituted with "Another aspect to consider is" for a more formal and precise expression.

  8. "university students" -> "students in higher education"
    Explanation: The term "university students" is replaced with "students in higher education" to introduce a more formal and inclusive description.

  9. "this could help facilitate" -> "this could facilitate"
    Explanation: The phrase "help facilitate" is simplified to "facilitate" for conciseness and to maintain a formal tone.

  10. "recruiters nowadays" -> "contemporary recruiters"
    Explanation: Substituting "recruiters nowadays" with "contemporary recruiters" adds a touch of formality and specificity to the expression.

  11. "it appears to be" -> "it seems to be"
    Explanation: Replacing "it appears to be" with "it seems to be" provides a slightly more formal expression while maintaining the intended meaning.

  12. "a significant investment of time and money" -> "a substantial investment of time and financial resources"
    Explanation: "Significant" is replaced with "substantial," and "money" is expanded to "financial resources" for a more precise and formal description.

  13. "it is better to allocate" -> "it is advisable to allocate"
    Explanation: The phrase "it is better to allocate" is replaced with "it is advisable to allocate" for a more formal and nuanced suggestion.

  14. "dedicate extensive time" -> "commit a substantial amount of time"
    Explanation: Substituting "dedicate extensive time" with "commit a substantial amount of time" enhances the formality and precision of the statement.

  15. "students could gained" -> "students could gain"
    Explanation: Correcting the verb form from "gained" to "gain" to maintain grammatical accuracy.

  16. "In conclusion" -> "To conclude"
    Explanation: "In conclusion" is replaced with "To conclude" for a more formal and standard way to signal the end of the essay.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses all parts of the question. It discusses both perspectives (students wanting to learn various subjects vs. focusing on a qualification), and the author provides a clear opinion.
    • How to improve: The essay excels in this aspect. However, to enhance comprehensiveness, consider including more specific examples or scenarios that illustrate the benefits of each approach.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent stance throughout, expressing a belief that the choice of educational approach should depend on students’ career aspirations.
    • How to improve: To further strengthen clarity, ensure that each paragraph directly aligns with and reinforces the chosen position. Clearly signpost the author’s opinion in the introduction and conclusion for emphasis.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports ideas. It provides reasons for both perspectives and supports them with relevant examples.
    • How to improve: While the support is strong, consider incorporating a greater depth of analysis for each example. For instance, elaborate on how diversifying the curriculum enhances understanding and how specialization leads to in-depth expertise.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic but briefly digresses when discussing the investment of time and money for professions like law or medicine.
    • How to improve: To improve focus, ensure that every example directly ties back to the prompt. In the mentioned deviation, connect the discussion back to the importance of specialization for these professions.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt, effectively discussing both perspectives and maintaining a clear stance. To enhance, consider incorporating more specific examples and ensuring every detail aligns directly with the chosen position. Also, strive for a seamless flow between ideas to avoid minor deviations from the main topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of logical organization. The introduction clearly outlines the two perspectives, and the subsequent paragraphs discuss reasons supporting each viewpoint. However, there is room for improvement in the logical flow within paragraphs. For example, the transition between the reasons for diversifying the curriculum and the reasons for specialization could be smoother. Additionally, the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points, contributing to the overall coherence.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining the transitions between paragraphs to create a more seamless flow. Ensure that each paragraph’s content logically builds on the previous one, providing a clearer progression of ideas.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs adequately to separate different ideas. Each paragraph generally focuses on a specific aspect of the argument. However, some paragraphs are longer and could be more effectively structured to improve readability and coherence. The connection between ideas within paragraphs is generally clear, but attention to paragraph structure could enhance overall effectiveness.
    • How to improve: Consider breaking down longer paragraphs into smaller ones, each addressing a single point or idea. This can make the essay more reader-friendly and help maintain a clear structure. Ensure that the topic sentence of each paragraph clearly introduces the main idea, and use supporting sentences to elaborate on that idea.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a satisfactory range of cohesive devices, such as linking words and phrases, to connect ideas within and between sentences. Examples include "while," "for instance," and "on the other hand." However, there’s room for improvement in diversifying the types of cohesive devices used. Additionally, some sentences could benefit from more explicit connections between ideas to enhance coherence.
    • How to improve: Expand the variety of cohesive devices used, incorporating not only linking words but also pronouns and other referencing elements. Ensure that each sentence’s relationship to the preceding one is clear, enhancing the overall flow. Consider using transitions that explicitly show the connection between ideas, making the essay more cohesive.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion, earning a Band Score of 6. Improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the diversity of cohesive devices can elevate the essay to a higher level.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary. For example, terms such as "diversify," "comprehensive approach," and "profound understanding" contribute to the richness of expression. However, there are instances where more specific or nuanced vocabulary could be employed to elevate the quality of expression further.
    • How to improve: To enhance the lexical variety, consider incorporating specialized terminology related to the discussed academic fields. For instance, instead of using generic terms like "diversify," employ subject-specific terms to showcase a deeper understanding of each field. Additionally, aim for more intricate vocabulary in critical sections to add depth to your arguments.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with precision. For instance, the use of "career aspirations" and "consumer behavior" reflects an accurate choice of words. However, there are moments where a more precise selection of terms could heighten the clarity of expression.
    • How to improve: While discussing the advantages of diversifying the curriculum, aim for pinpoint precision in vocabulary to highlight the specific benefits gained. For example, instead of a general mention of "various problems," specify the challenges or issues that a diversified curriculum helps students tackle. This will add specificity and precision to your arguments.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a generally high level of spelling accuracy. However, there are a few instances where minor errors can be identified, such as "gained" instead of "gain" and "facilitate" instead of "facilitating."
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider proofreading your work more diligently, paying attention to commonly misspelled words. Additionally, utilizing spelling and grammar check tools can be beneficial to catch and correct any overlooked errors.

In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates a strong lexical resource, refining the vocabulary for more specificity and precision, along with heightened attention to minor spelling errors, will contribute to further elevating the quality of expression and language use.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of sentence structures. There is evidence of complex sentences, such as "For instance, a business student delving into psychology might develop a deeper insight into consumer behavior, fostering a more comprehensive approach to marketing strategies." However, the essay tends to rely on simple structures in some parts, affecting the overall variety.
    • How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures throughout the essay. For example, experiment with the use of conditional sentences, relative clauses, and varied sentence lengths. This can add sophistication to the writing and engage the reader more effectively.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy, with few noticeable errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward phrasing, such as "when university students study a diversity of subjects, this could help facilitate their future career preparation." Punctuation is mostly accurate, but there are occasional lapses, like missing commas in certain complex sentences.
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to sentence construction to avoid awkward phrasing. In the example given, consider rephrasing for clarity, such as "When university students engage in a diverse range of subjects, it can facilitate their preparation for future careers." Additionally, ensure consistent and correct use of commas in complex sentences to improve overall punctuation accuracy.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and punctuation, but attention to more varied sentence structures and fine-tuning of complex sentence constructions would contribute to further improvement.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some university students contend that they should have the opportunity to explore a broad spectrum of academic disciplines within their program, while others argue that it is more fitting to concentrate solely on their major. In this essay, justifications for both perspectives will be discussed. I contend that the choice of educational approach should depend on students’ career aspirations after graduation.

There are several reasons why certain higher education students are willing to diversify their course of study. The first reason is that exposure to various subjects enhances undergraduates’ comprehension of different aspects of life. As an illustration, a business student exploring psychology might develop a deeper insight into consumer behavior, fostering a more comprehensive approach to marketing strategies. Another aspect to consider is that when students in higher education study a diversity of subjects, this could facilitate their future career preparation. Contemporary recruiters often favor job applicants who can deal with various problems, valuing versatility over specialized knowledge.

On the other hand, it seems to be more appropriate and practical for some professions to focus on specialization. Firstly, certain fields, such as law or medicine, demand a substantial investment of time and financial resources. Therefore, it is advisable to allocate all resources to acquire in-depth knowledge in a specific area. For instance, a prospective surgeon must commit a substantial amount of time to master surgical techniques, leaving little room for unrelated subjects. Secondly, by specializing early and immersing themselves in clinical rotations, students could gain a profound understanding of their chosen field, ultimately excelling in their future career.

To conclude, while the question of whether tertiary education should provide a variety of subjects is controversial, I believe that students should consider their future career path before choosing a suitable university program aligned with their career goals and the demands of their chosen professions.

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