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Some young people like to copy the behaviour and clothes of famous people today. Why might this be the case? What problems can it cause?

Some young people like to copy the behaviour and clothes of famous people today.
Why might this be the case?
What problems can it cause?

It’s increasingly popular among teenagers the trend of imitating TO IMITATE how well-known people behave and dress in modern society. Thanks to the development of social media, this trend COULD BE ASCRIBED TO THE DEVELOPMENT OF SOCIAL MEDIA AND COULD negatively impacts IMPACT the spending decisions and behavior of the young generation.
One of the main explanations for this trend can be due to the prevalence of social media and digital devices. With the advent of the internet AND THE INCREASING POPULARITY OF SOCIAL MEDIA PLATFORMS, adolescents easily get access to a wide range of information about their favorite celebrities, whose choices of clothes and lifestyles they want to follow. In this way, ADDITIONALLY, these idols become ARE role models of success and wealth in life, which translates to their actions and fashion styles appealing to young audiences. Consequently, having the same looks or outfits as famous people can make them feel a great sense of fulfillment and confidence with peers.
Nevertheless, this kind of behavior can result in a variety of potential issues. Firstly, most of the posts and images published by influencers include advertisements, intending to generate as much profit as possible for large companies or brands. That fashion influencers TEND TO appear with trendy outfits altering constantly in ON social networks, WHICH makeS their fans increase wasteful spending to mimic their styles. Another problem is for juveniles, who are frequently overexposeD to some celebrities involved in illegal and scandalous activities. For instance, a number of rappers popular with US youngsters wrote and sang their songs with inappropriate words and encouraged listeners to take drugs or smoke. This, in the long time term, can lead them to serious short-term health risks and potential substance addiction later in life.
In conclusion, it is clear that young adults are easily influenced by the behaviour and style of renowned people because of the popular of social platforms and technology. Those should be educated and guided to avoid negative effects from this phenomenon and get better understanding of how to find a good role model.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "It’s increasingly popular among teenagers the trend of imitating TO IMITATE how well-known people behave and dress in modern society."
    -> "There is a growing trend among teenagers to imitate the behavior and attire of well-known individuals in modern society."
    Explanation: The original sentence lacks clarity and uses informal language. The suggested alternative improves clarity and employs a more formal structure.

  2. "Thanks to the development of social media, this trend COULD BE ASCRIBED TO THE DEVELOPMENT OF SOCIAL MEDIA AND COULD negatively impacts IMPACT the spending decisions and behavior of the young generation."
    -> "Attributable to the rise of social media, this trend negatively impacts the spending decisions and behavior of the younger generation."
    Explanation: The use of "could be ascribed to" is redundant and can be simplified. Also, "impacts" is a more concise and formal alternative to "negatively impacts."

  3. "One of the main explanations for this trend can be due to the prevalence of social media and digital devices."
    -> "The prevalence of social media and digital devices is one of the main explanations for this trend."
    Explanation: The original sentence is awkwardly structured. The suggested alternative reorganizes the sentence for better flow while maintaining formality.

  4. "With the advent of the internet AND THE INCREASING POPULARITY OF SOCIAL MEDIA PLATFORMS, adolescents easily get access to a wide range of information about their favorite celebrities, whose choices of clothes and lifestyles they want to follow."
    -> "With the advent of the internet and the rising popularity of social media platforms, adolescents easily access a wide range of information about their favorite celebrities, whose choices of clothes and lifestyles they wish to emulate."
    Explanation: The original sentence uses unnecessary capitalization and lacks precision. The suggested alternative maintains formality and provides a clearer expression of the idea.

  5. "In this way, ADDITIONALLY, these idols become ARE role models of success and wealth in life, which translates to their actions and fashion styles appealing to young audiences."
    -> "Additionally, these idols serve as role models of success and wealth in life, influencing their actions and fashion styles to appeal to young audiences."
    Explanation: The original sentence is redundant, and the suggested alternative streamlines the expression while maintaining a formal tone.

  6. "Consequently, having the same looks or outfits as famous people can make them feel a great sense of fulfillment and confidence with peers."
    -> "Consequently, emulating the appearance or outfits of famous individuals can instill a sense of fulfillment and confidence among peers."
    Explanation: The suggested alternative uses more precise language and enhances the formal tone of the sentence.

  7. "Nevertheless, this kind of behavior can result in a variety of potential issues."
    -> "However, such behavior can lead to various issues."
    Explanation: The suggested alternative simplifies the sentence without sacrificing formality and maintains a more concise expression.

  8. "That fashion influencers TEND TO appear with trendy outfits altering constantly in ON social networks, WHICH makeS their fans increase wasteful spending to mimic their styles."
    -> "Fashion influencers often showcase constantly changing trendy outfits on social networks, leading their fans to engage in wasteful spending to mimic their styles."
    Explanation: The original sentence has grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. The suggested alternative corrects these issues for a more polished expression.

  9. "Another problem is for juveniles, who are frequently overexposeD to some celebrities involved in illegal and scandalous activities."
    -> "Another issue arises for juveniles, who are frequently exposed to celebrities engaged in illegal and scandalous activities."
    Explanation: The suggested alternative corrects the verb tense and improves the flow of the sentence while maintaining formality.

  10. "For instance, a number of rappers popular with US youngsters wrote and sang their songs with inappropriate words and encouraged listeners to take drugs or smoke."
    -> "For instance, some popular US rap artists have composed and performed songs containing inappropriate language, encouraging listeners to engage in drug use or smoking."
    Explanation: The suggested alternative enhances precision and formality, providing a more detailed description of the situation.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

  1. "One of the main explanations for this trend can be due to the prevalence of social media and digital devices. With the advent of the internet AND THE INCREASING POPULARITY OF SOCIAL MEDIA PLATFORMS, adolescents easily get access to a wide range of information about their favorite celebrities, whose choices of clothes and lifestyles they want to follow. In this way, ADDITIONALLY, these idols become ARE role models of success and wealth in life, which translates to their actions and fashion styles appealing to young audiences."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The explanation lacks depth and elaboration. While it touches upon the influence of social media and celebrities, it doesn’t thoroughly explore how these platforms specifically influence the behavior and clothing choices of young people. To enhance this section, delve deeper into the mechanisms through which social media shapes perceptions of success, providing concrete examples or personal experiences to substantiate the argument.
    • Improved Example: "The pervasive presence of social media platforms and digital technology significantly shapes the aspirations and perceptions of today’s adolescents. For instance, platforms like Instagram and TikTok offer a constant stream of content showcasing celebrities in glamorous lifestyles, portraying them as epitomes of success and affluence. This constant exposure creates an aspirational pull among the youth, leading them to emulate the dressing styles and behaviors of these idols. My own observation of friends who avidly follow these celebrities demonstrates how their fashion choices and lifestyle habits are directly influenced by the content they consume on these platforms."
  2. "That fashion influencers TEND TO appear with trendy outfits altering constantly in ON social networks, WHICH makeS their fans increase wasteful spending to mimic their styles. Another problem is for juveniles, who are frequently overexposeD to some celebrities involved in illegal and scandalous activities."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: While the essay acknowledges the issue of wasteful spending due to influencers and exposure to inappropriate content, the ideas lack clarity and explicit development. Expand on the consequences of constantly changing fashion trends and how this contributes to excessive spending. Additionally, provide specific instances or anecdotes that highlight the negative impact of exposure to inappropriate content on the behavior of young people.
    • Improved Example: "Fashion influencers, perpetuating a culture of ever-changing trends showcased on social media, inadvertently foster a consumerist mindset among their followers. The constant display of new outfits and products by these influencers creates a ‘buy now’ culture, compelling young individuals to spend excessively in pursuit of staying ‘in vogue.’ Anecdotes from my own circle where friends splurged on clothing to mirror their favorite influencers’ styles substantiate this trend. Furthermore, the essay could benefit from citing instances where exposure to scandalous behavior or illegal activities of celebrities has directly influenced the behavior or decision-making of adolescents, contributing to a clearer illustration of the problem."

Overall, the essay addresses the prompt by acknowledging the influence of social media and celebrities on young people’s behavior and fashion choices. However, it lacks depth in explaining the mechanisms behind these influences and could significantly benefit from providing more concrete examples or personal experiences to support its points. Additionally, expanding on the consequences of these influences would strengthen the overall argumentation.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of ideas, maintaining a clear progression throughout. It effectively addresses the reasons behind young people imitating famous individuals and highlights the potential problems arising from this behavior. The essay opens with a clear introduction outlining the trend, its causes, and impact, followed by well-structured body paragraphs that discuss the influence of social media on youth behavior and the negative consequences of blindly imitating celebrities. Each paragraph presents a central idea coherently, contributing to the overall discussion.

Cohesive devices are utilized to connect ideas and maintain coherence, enhancing the flow of the essay. Transition phrases like "Nevertheless," "In this way," and "Another problem is" help link concepts, aiding the logical progression of arguments. The use of cohesive devices, while generally effective, could be slightly refined to avoid minor instances of repetition or mechanical usage.

Paragraphing is generally sufficient and appropriate, effectively separating different aspects of the discussion. However, there are a few instances where paragraphing could be further improved to enhance logical flow, especially towards the end of the essay where the concluding thoughts could be more distinctly presented.

How to improve:

  1. Refine the use of cohesive devices further to avoid occasional repetition or mechanical usage.
  2. Ensure a clearer separation and emphasis on concluding thoughts by structuring the final paragraph more distinctly.
  3. Consider refining paragraph structure and coherence to enhance the logical flow of ideas throughout the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task. There is an attempt to use less common vocabulary, such as "ascribed," "prevalence," and "overexposed," but with some inaccuracy. The essay also contains errors in word formation and spelling, such as "makeS" instead of "makes" and "overexposeD" instead of "overexposed." These errors, however, do not impede overall communication. The essay provides a reasonable level of detail and addresses both the reasons behind the trend of imitating famous people and the potential problems it can cause.

How to improve:
To enhance the lexical resource and move to a higher band score, the writer should focus on using less common vocabulary more accurately and consistently. Additionally, careful proofreading is essential to eliminate spelling and word formation errors, ensuring a smoother and more polished presentation. The essay could benefit from a more nuanced discussion of the negative consequences, providing specific examples and expanding on the potential impact of imitating celebrities on the well-being of young people.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a commendable use of a variety of complex structures, contributing to a Band 7 score. There is an attempt to use a range of sentence forms, and the essay features a mix of simple and complex sentences. While there are occasional errors in grammar and punctuation, they do not significantly impede communication. The writer effectively uses transitions to connect ideas, contributing to coherence. Additionally, the essay shows good control of grammar and punctuation, although a few errors are present.

How to improve:
To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should pay closer attention to verb tenses, ensuring consistency throughout the essay. For example, in the sentence, "Thanks to the development of social media, this trend COULD BE ASCRIBED TO THE DEVELOPMENT OF SOCIAL MEDIA AND COULD negatively impacts IMPACT the spending decisions," the use of "impacts" should be corrected to maintain verb tense consistency. Additionally, a more careful proofreading to eliminate minor errors would further improve the overall accuracy of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The trend among teenagers of imitating the behavior and fashion choices of famous individuals in today’s society is increasingly popular. This trend is largely attributed to the rise of social media, which significantly impacts the spending habits and conduct of the younger generation.

The prevalence of social media and digital devices plays a pivotal role in explaining this phenomenon. With the internet and the growing popularity of social media platforms, adolescents easily access a vast array of information about their favorite celebrities. They aspire to emulate their clothing choices and lifestyles. Consequently, these idols become role models of success and affluence, influencing young audiences to imitate their actions and fashion preferences. Consequently, mirroring the appearance or attire of famous people instills a sense of fulfillment and confidence among young individuals, particularly among their peers.

However, this behavioral pattern can lead to several potential issues. Primarily, most posts and images shared by influencers feature advertisements aimed at maximizing profits for large companies or brands. Fashion influencers frequently showcase trendy outfits on social networks, enticing their followers to engage in excessive spending to replicate these styles. Another concern arises for juveniles who are consistently exposed to certain celebrities involved in illegal or scandalous activities. For instance, some popular US rappers have composed songs with inappropriate lyrics, promoting drug use or smoking. Over time, such exposure can lead to short-term health risks and potential substance addiction among impressionable youths.

In conclusion, it’s evident that young adults are highly influenced by the conduct and style of renowned personalities, largely due to the prevalence of social platforms and technology. To mitigate the negative impact of this phenomenon, it’s essential to educate and guide them, aiding in a better understanding of how to discern and choose a suitable role model.

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