Some young people like to copy the behaviour and clothes of famous people today.
Why might this be the case?
What problems can it cause?
In this day and age, it has become increasingly common for young individuals to imitate celebrities’ lifestyles and fashion SENSE taste. The prevalence of social media seems to be the main culprit behind this phenomenon, and it may result in unrealistic standards.
To begin with, social media platforms have given rise to such celebrity culture. More specifically, different forms of media ranging from television to social networking sites like Facebook or Instagram have made it easier for the young to be exposed to their favorite renowned personalities’ lifestyles and fashion choices on a daily basis. This regular exposure could create a desire to mimic those public figures in the hope of achieving the same validation, leaving young individuals to be susceptible to their influences. These influences are so powerful that the practice of celebrity endorsement has become a norm in the advertising and fashion industries. A typical case in point could be Dior and its partnership with the legendary American actor, Johnny Depp. Had it not been for Depp’s presence as an ambassador, Dior Sauvage could not have gained worldwide success among male perfume enthusiasts.
Unfortunately, this celebrity culture can promote an idealized image of beauty. Take South Korean female idols for example. Many of them follow a strict diet in an attempt to to maintain skinny figures, with their body fat percentage equalling 0%. These idols might therefore look lifeless with thin and fragile legs, yet they are still considered the beauty standards for girls. Young females who conform to such standards have a tendency to adopt unhealthy comparisons, forcing themselves to become slim at all costs. This blind imitation accompanied by a lack of proper guidance from professional nutritionists often leads to detrimental health-related problems ranging from eating disorders and malnutrition to decreased muscle strength and lowered immunity.
In conclusion, the young’s obsession with mimicking renowned individuals’ actions and attires can be chiefly attributed to the rising popularity of social media, and this tendency could trigger impractical ideals. It is thus of great importance for young people to take control of their media exposure and develop critical thinking skills to maintain their authenticity and well-being.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
"fashion SENSE taste" -> "fashion sensibilities"
Explanation: The phrase "fashion sensibilities" aligns better with formal language by combining ‘fashion’ with a more formal term (‘sensibilities’), conveying a deeper understanding and perception of fashion.
"To begin with" -> "First and foremost"
Explanation: "First and foremost" is a more formal transition that enhances the academic tone while maintaining the introductory function of the phrase.
"have given rise to such celebrity culture" -> "have contributed to the proliferation of celebrity culture"
Explanation: "Contributed to the proliferation" is a more formal and descriptive phrase that adds depth to the impact of social media on celebrity culture.
"renowned personalities’ lifestyles" -> "esteemed individuals’ lifestyles"
Explanation: "Esteemed individuals" is a more sophisticated alternative to "renowned personalities," elevating the language without altering the meaning.
"regular exposure could create a desire" -> "frequent exposure may incite a desire"
Explanation: "Frequent exposure may incite a desire" maintains a formal tone while expressing the potential influence of regular exposure more precisely.
"susceptible to their influences" -> "vulnerable to their influence"
Explanation: "Vulnerable to their influence" is a more concise and appropriate phrase in academic writing, conveying the impact of celebrity influence on young individuals.
"a norm" -> "standard practice"
Explanation: "Standard practice" is a more formal and precise term compared to "a norm," fitting better in an academic context.
"unrealistic standards" -> "unattainable standards"
Explanation: "Unattainable standards" better captures the idea that the standards set by celebrities might be difficult or impossible for young individuals to achieve, maintaining a formal tone.
"had it not been for Depp’s presence" -> "were it not for Depp’s involvement"
Explanation: "Were it not for Depp’s involvement" maintains formality and clarity while expressing the same idea in a more academic manner.
"with their body fat percentage equalling 0%" -> "resulting in a body fat percentage of 0%"
Explanation: "Resulting in a body fat percentage of 0%" provides a clearer and more direct expression of the idea.
"These idols might therefore look lifeless with thin and fragile legs" -> "Consequently, these idols may appear gaunt, with thin and delicate legs"
Explanation: "Consequently, these idols may appear gaunt" maintains formality and precision in describing the appearance, avoiding the colloquial term "lifeless."
"This blind imitation" -> "Such imitation"
Explanation: "Such imitation" maintains a formal tone and avoids the casual term "blind" while referring to the act of imitating.
"Young females who conform to such standards" -> "Young women who adhere to these standards"
Explanation: "Young women who adhere to these standards" is a more appropriate and formal phrase in academic writing.
"forcing themselves to become slim at all costs" -> "compelling themselves to attain slimness at any expense"
Explanation: "Compelling themselves to attain slimness at any expense" maintains formality and clarifies the intensity of the effort to become slim.
"detrimental health-related problems" -> "adverse health consequences"
Explanation: "Adverse health consequences" is a more formal and concise term that encompasses a range of negative effects on health.
"In conclusion" -> "To conclude"
Explanation: "To conclude" is a more formal and concise phrase to signal the closing remarks of an essay.
"take control of their media exposure" -> "exercise control over their media consumption"
Explanation: "Exercise control over their media consumption" maintains formality and clarity while expressing the idea of managing exposure to media more precisely.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
Quoted text: "In this day and age, it has become increasingly common for young individuals to imitate celebrities’ lifestyles and fashion SENSE taste."
- Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The introduction sets the stage for discussing the influence of celebrities on the young, but it lacks clarity in presenting your position on the issue. It’s crucial to clearly state whether you agree or disagree with the idea of young people imitating celebrities. Consider revising to explicitly express your viewpoint, enhancing the overall coherence of your essay.
- Improved example: "In contemporary society, the emulation of celebrities’ lifestyles and fashion choices has become a prevalent trend among young individuals. While some argue that this practice is harmless, others contend that it can have adverse effects on the youth’s perception of themselves and societal standards."
Quoted text: "Take South Korean female idols for example. Many of them follow a strict diet in an attempt to to maintain skinny figures, with their body fat percentage equalling 0%."
- Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The example provided is pertinent to the discussion of celebrities influencing body image. However, the explanation lacks depth, and the connection to the overall argument could be more explicit. Elaborate on how these unrealistic beauty standards set by celebrities can negatively impact young people, and ensure a clear link back to the problems this emulation can cause.
- Improved example: "For instance, the rigorous diet regimes followed by South Korean female idols to maintain an extremely slim physique contribute to an unrealistic beauty standard. This not only distorts the perception of an ideal body but also imposes harmful expectations on young individuals, fostering a culture of unhealthy comparisons and self-esteem issues."
Quoted text: "It is thus of great importance for young people to take control of their media exposure and develop critical thinking skills to maintain their authenticity and well-being."
- Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: While your conclusion emphasizes the importance of young people taking control of their media exposure, it lacks a specific call to action or a clear tie-back to the problems mentioned earlier. Enhance this section by providing more specific recommendations for individuals to resist the pressures of celebrity emulation, fostering a stronger and actionable conclusion.
- Improved example: "In conclusion, it is imperative for young people to consciously regulate their media consumption, discerning between genuine self-expression and the unrealistic ideals propagated by celebrities. Developing robust critical thinking skills will empower them to resist societal pressures and maintain both authenticity and overall well-being."
Overall, the essay presents a clear position on the topic and supports its ideas with relevant examples. However, refining the introduction, strengthening the example’s explanation, and providing more specific recommendations in the conclusion will enhance the overall coherence and persuasiveness of your argument.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
The essay demonstrates a clear organization of information and ideas throughout each paragraph. The progression is evident, moving from discussing the influence of social media on celebrity culture to the problems arising from the emulation of famous personalities. The use of cohesive devices is mostly effective, aiding in the logical flow of ideas. There’s a clear central topic within each paragraph, maintaining focus and coherence.
How to improve:
To enhance the coherence further, consider strengthening the transitions between ideas. While the essay maintains a logical sequence overall, refining the connections between sentences and paragraphs could elevate the coherence. Additionally, ensuring a consistent and varied use of cohesive devices without any under- or overuse will help solidify the essay’s cohesion at this level.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8
Band Score: 8.0
The essay demonstrates a commendable command of vocabulary, falling within the Band 8 descriptor. The writer employs a broad range of vocabulary with fluency and flexibility, effectively conveying precise meanings. There is skillful use of uncommon lexical items, contributing to the sophistication of the essay. Minor errors in word choice and collocation are present but are infrequent, appearing as ‘slips.’ Spelling and word formation are generally accurate, with only rare errors.
The essay effectively employs vocabulary relevant to the topic, including terms like "celebrity culture," "endorsement," and "idealized image of beauty." The language is precise and contributes to a clear and coherent argument. Additionally, the essay skillfully integrates uncommon lexical items such as "impractical ideals," enhancing the overall quality of expression. The errors in word choice and collocation are minimal and do not impede understanding.
How to improve:
To further enhance the Lexical Resource, the writer can consider incorporating a wider variety of complex sentence structures. Additionally, paying attention to the nuanced use of idiomatic expressions and phrasal verbs could elevate the essay to a higher band. Although the essay is strong, continuous effort to eliminate minor errors will contribute to achieving a flawless command of lexical features.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8
Band Score: 8.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable grasp of grammatical structures, showcasing a wide range with overall flexibility and accuracy. The sentences are well-constructed, conveying ideas clearly and effectively. The use of complex structures is evident throughout, contributing to the overall sophistication of the essay. Most sentences are error-free, with only very occasional slips, which do not significantly impede communication.
How to improve: To enhance grammatical range and accuracy further, consider incorporating a few more advanced sentence structures. While the essay already contains complex sentences, adding a variety of sentence types such as conditional sentences or inverted structures could contribute to an even richer linguistic expression. Additionally, continue to focus on meticulous proofreading to eliminate any remaining minor errors, ensuring an even higher level of grammatical precision.
Bài sửa mẫu
In today’s world, it has become increasingly common for young people to emulate the lifestyles and fashion tastes of famous personalities. The widespread use of social media is the main driver behind this trend, often leading to unrealistic standards.
Primarily, the surge in celebrity culture can be attributed to various forms of media, such as television and social networking sites like Facebook or Instagram. These platforms expose young individuals to the daily lives and fashion choices of their favorite celebrities. This constant exposure can create a desire to imitate these public figures in the hopes of gaining similar validation, making young people vulnerable to their influences. The impact is so significant that celebrity endorsement has become a norm in advertising and fashion industries. For instance, Dior’s collaboration with the renowned American actor, Johnny Depp, played a crucial role in the global success of Dior Sauvage among male perfume enthusiasts.
Regrettably, this celebrity culture can promote an idealized and often unrealistic image of beauty. Take South Korean female idols as an example. Many of them adhere to strict diets to maintain extremely slim figures with a body fat percentage of nearly 0%. Despite appearing thin and fragile, they are considered beauty standards for girls. Young females who aspire to meet such standards often engage in unhealthy comparisons, pushing themselves to become excessively slim. This blind imitation, coupled with a lack of guidance from professional nutritionists, can lead to serious health problems, including eating disorders, malnutrition, decreased muscle strength, and weakened immunity.
In conclusion, the inclination of young people to mimic the actions and attire of celebrities is primarily fueled by the widespread influence of social media. This tendency, however, can result in impractical ideals. Therefore, it is crucial for young individuals to manage their media exposure and develop critical thinking skills to safeguard their authenticity and well-being.