Spending time online has affected the communication skills of young people both positively and negatively. Discuss the effects of increased online activity on communications skills.
Spending time online has affected the communication skills of young people both positively and negatively. Discuss the effects of increased online activity on communications skills.
These days, the advent of virtual technology has made a considerable influence in the interactions of young individuals, some of them gain benefits from it while others might be affected negatively . This essay will discuss both merits and demerits of this tendency
On one hand, there is no doubt that the shift create rapid communication which is beneficial in executing various tasks . Specifically, students can message with their teachers to ask about problems or call to have an efficient teamwork experience in interactive games, colleagues can notify each other effortlessly during urgent situations. For instance, Messenger and Discord are two of the popular social for young generation and Outlook for companies.Moreover, everyone may have the opportunities to get to know with individuals around the world, even from remote rural areas, thereby studying their countries and cultures.
On the other hand, immersing in social media may result in detrimental consequences. Individuals who text too frequently can feel shy and less active when talking, especially during presentation. Therefore, not only do confidence shortage affect school grades, but also create a less appealing first impression for anyone applying for jobs. Apart from lack of confidence, use of grammar and vocabulary in real-life communicating might be a concerning issue for teenagers. When texting with each other, many people develop their own abbreviations, indicating different meaning for conveying message faster. Gradually, they get used to and use them with adolescents, causing misunderstandings.
In conclusion, virtual activities have both advantages and disadvantages. Benefits include instant, straightforward contacting method and a chance to connect with worldwide people while drawbacks consist of confidence shortage and language misusing.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"These days" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal and precise temporal indicator suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "These days." -
"made a considerable influence" -> "exerted a significant influence"
Explanation: "Exerted a significant influence" is more precise and academically appropriate than "made a considerable influence," which is awkwardly phrased. -
"some of them gain benefits from it while others might be affected negatively" -> "some individuals benefit from it, while others may be negatively impacted"
Explanation: "Individuals" is more formal than "them," and "may be negatively impacted" is a more precise and formal way to express potential negative effects. -
"the shift create rapid communication" -> "this shift facilitates rapid communication"
Explanation: "Facilitates" is the correct verb to use in this context, indicating the enabling or making easier of communication, whereas "create" is incorrect as it implies the creation of something new. -
"message with their teachers" -> "communicate with their teachers"
Explanation: "Communicate" is a more formal and precise term than "message," which is often used in a more casual context. -
"call to have an efficient teamwork experience" -> "engage in efficient teamwork"
Explanation: "Engage in" is a more formal and precise way to describe participating in activities, replacing the less formal "call to have." -
"notify each other effortlessly" -> "communicate effortlessly"
Explanation: "Communicate" is a more general and formal term than "notify," which is often used in a more specific context. -
"social for young generation" -> "social platforms for the younger generation"
Explanation: "Platforms" is the correct term for digital services, and "the younger generation" is more formal than "young generation." -
"get to know with individuals" -> "interact with individuals"
Explanation: "Interact" is a more precise and formal verb than "get to know," which is somewhat informal and vague. -
"immersing in social media" -> "immersing in social media"
Explanation: "Immersing" should be "immersion" to correctly use the noun form, which refers to the state of being fully engaged. -
"text too frequently" -> "text excessively"
Explanation: "Excessively" is a more formal and precise adverb than "too frequently," which is somewhat colloquial. -
"confidence shortage" -> "confidence deficits"
Explanation: "Confidence deficits" is a more formal and precise term than "confidence shortage," which is not commonly used in academic writing. -
"use of grammar and vocabulary in real-life communicating" -> "use of grammar and vocabulary in real-life communication"
Explanation: "Communication" should be singular to match the singular subject "use." -
"develop their own abbreviations" -> "develop their own abbreviations"
Explanation: No change needed, as the phrase is correct and formal. -
"indicating different meaning for conveying message faster" -> "indicating different meanings for faster communication"
Explanation: "Meanings" should be plural to match the context, and "for faster communication" is more precise than "for conveying message faster." -
"language misusing" -> "language misuse"
Explanation: "Misuse" should be used as a noun to refer to the act of improper use, rather than the gerund "misusing."
These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Task Response: 7
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the positive and negative effects of increased online activity on communication skills. The introduction clearly states that the essay will explore both sides, and the body paragraphs provide examples for each. However, the discussion could be more balanced; the positive aspects are elaborated on more than the negative ones, which could lead to an incomplete exploration of the topic.
- How to improve: To improve, ensure that both sides of the argument are given equal weight. This could involve adding more examples or details to the negative aspects of online communication, such as specific scenarios where miscommunication has led to significant issues. Additionally, explicitly linking back to the prompt in each paragraph can help reinforce that all parts of the question are being addressed.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a generally clear position that online communication has both benefits and drawbacks. However, the conclusion could be stronger in reaffirming the overall stance. While the essay presents both sides, it does not clearly indicate which side the author leans towards or if they believe one outweighs the other.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity of position, the conclusion should summarize the main points and explicitly state the author’s overall perspective on the issue. Using phrases like "In my opinion" or "Ultimately, I believe" can help clarify the author’s stance and make it more definitive.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the effects of online communication, such as the ease of connecting with others and the potential for reduced confidence in face-to-face interactions. However, some points lack depth and could benefit from further elaboration. For instance, the mention of "grammar and vocabulary" issues is a valid point but could be supported with specific examples or statistics to strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, consider using more specific examples or case studies that illustrate the points made. Additionally, providing data or research findings can lend credibility to the claims. Each point should be clearly linked back to the main argument to ensure coherence.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the effects of online communication on young people’s communication skills. However, there are moments where the focus could be sharpened, particularly in the second body paragraph, where the discussion of "confidence shortage" could be more directly tied to communication skills rather than general social interactions.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that each point made directly relates back to the impact on communication skills. It may help to outline the main points before writing to ensure that all ideas are relevant to the topic. Additionally, using topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can help clarify the focus of that section.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant points, but it could benefit from a more balanced exploration of both sides, clearer articulation of the author’s position, deeper development of ideas, and tighter focus on the topic throughout.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs discussing positive and negative effects, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion by stating the topic and outlining the focus on both merits and demerits. However, within the body paragraphs, the organization of ideas could be improved. For instance, the first body paragraph lists benefits but could benefit from clearer topic sentences and transitions between points to enhance logical flow. The second body paragraph presents negative effects but lacks a cohesive transition from the first point to the second, which can confuse readers.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences for each paragraph that summarize the main idea. Additionally, employ transitional phrases such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Conversely" to guide the reader through the argument. This will create a smoother flow of ideas and reinforce the connections between points.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs appropriately, separating the discussion of positive and negative effects. Each paragraph contains relevant ideas, but the internal structure could be more refined. For example, the first body paragraph could be divided into two distinct sections: one focusing on communication benefits and the other on the opportunities for cultural exchange. This would allow for a more in-depth exploration of each point.
- How to improve: Consider breaking down longer paragraphs into smaller ones that focus on a single idea. This will not only improve readability but also allow for deeper analysis of each point. Ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that indicates what the paragraph will discuss.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On one hand" and "On the other hand," which effectively signal the transition between contrasting ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and some sentences feel abrupt or disconnected. For instance, the phrase "Moreover" is used, but the connection to the previous sentence could be clearer. Additionally, the use of cohesive devices like "for example" is present, but more variety in their application would enhance the essay’s overall coherence.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Additionally," "Consequently," "In contrast," and "As a result." This will help to clarify relationships between ideas and improve the overall flow of the essay. Furthermore, ensure that each cohesive device used is contextually appropriate and enhances the clarity of the argument.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the variety of cohesive devices will enhance coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary, with terms like "advent of virtual technology," "detrimental consequences," and "interactions of young individuals." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive and lacks sophistication in certain areas. For example, the phrase "young individuals" is used multiple times, and terms like "benefits" and "drawbacks" could be replaced with more varied synonyms such as "advantages," "positives," "disadvantages," or "downsides."
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should actively seek synonyms and phrases that convey similar meanings. Utilizing a thesaurus can help diversify word choice. Additionally, incorporating more academic or formal vocabulary related to the topic, such as "digital communication," "social interaction," or "interpersonal skills," would elevate the essay’s lexical quality.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "create rapid communication" could be better expressed as "facilitate rapid communication." Additionally, "confidence shortage" is an awkward construction; "lack of confidence" would be more appropriate. The term "misusing" in "language misusing" is also incorrect; "misuse of language" would be the correct form.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using established phrases and collocations. Reading more academic texts can help familiarize the writer with precise language usage. Furthermore, revising sentences for clarity and correctness can aid in selecting the most appropriate vocabulary.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "considerable influence" (should be "considerable influence"), "create" (should be "creates"), and "grammar and vocabulary in real-life communicating" (should be "grammar and vocabulary in real-life communication"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully, ideally after a break to approach it with fresh eyes. Utilizing spell-check tools and practicing spelling through writing exercises can also be beneficial. Additionally, maintaining a list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them regularly can help prevent future errors.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable command of vocabulary, there are notable areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By actively expanding their vocabulary, focusing on precise language use, and improving spelling accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of "Individuals who text too frequently can feel shy and less active when talking" showcases a complex structure that effectively conveys a nuanced idea. However, the overall range is limited, with many sentences following a similar pattern, which can make the writing feel repetitive. Additionally, some sentences lack proper conjunctions or transitions, leading to abrupt shifts in ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences and varied sentence beginnings. For instance, starting sentences with adverbial phrases (e.g., "In addition to these benefits,") or using relative clauses (e.g., "which can lead to…") can add depth. Practicing the use of different sentence types and experimenting with varied lengths and structures will also help create a more engaging and sophisticated writing style.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its clarity. For example, "the advent of virtual technology has made a considerable influence in the interactions" should be "on the interactions." Additionally, there are instances of missing articles, such as "the opportunities to get to know with individuals" which should be "the opportunities to get to know individuals." Punctuation errors, such as missing commas before conjunctions in compound sentences, also appear, e.g., "some of them gain benefits from it while others might be affected negatively" should have a comma before "while."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on reviewing basic grammar rules, particularly concerning prepositions, articles, and conjunctions. Reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward phrasing and punctuation errors. Additionally, utilizing grammar-checking tools or engaging in peer review can provide feedback on specific errors. Regular practice with exercises focused on common grammatical issues can also enhance overall accuracy in writing.
Overall, while the essay presents relevant ideas and arguments, addressing the identified weaknesses in grammatical range and accuracy will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.
Bài sửa mẫu
These days, the advent of virtual technology has exerted a significant influence on the interactions of young individuals; some of them benefit from it, while others may be negatively impacted. This essay will discuss both the merits and demerits of this tendency.
On one hand, there is no doubt that the shift facilitates rapid communication, which is beneficial in executing various tasks. Specifically, students can communicate with their teachers to ask about problems or call to have an efficient teamwork experience in interactive games. Colleagues can notify each other effortlessly during urgent situations. For instance, Messenger and Discord are two of the popular social platforms for the younger generation, while Outlook is commonly used in companies. Moreover, everyone may have the opportunity to get to know individuals around the world, even from remote rural areas, thereby studying their countries and cultures.
On the other hand, immersing in social media may result in detrimental consequences. Individuals who text excessively can feel shy and less active when talking, especially during presentations. Therefore, not only do confidence deficits affect school grades, but they also create a less appealing first impression for anyone applying for jobs. Apart from a lack of confidence, the use of grammar and vocabulary in real-life communication might be a concerning issue for teenagers. When texting with each other, many people develop their own abbreviations, indicating different meanings for faster communication. Gradually, they get used to using them with their peers, causing misunderstandings.
In conclusion, virtual activities have both advantages and disadvantages. Benefits include instant, straightforward communication methods and a chance to connect with people worldwide, while drawbacks consist of confidence deficits and language misuse.