Students are becoming more and more reliant on the Internet. While the Internet is convenient, it has many negative effects and its use for educational purposes should be restricted. How far do you agree with this statement?

Students are becoming more and more reliant on the Internet. While the Internet is convenient, it has many negative effects and its use for educational purposes should be restricted.

How far do you agree with this statement?

Some people are of the claim that allowing the internet using that freshman must bear should be implemented by parents and the ministry of education due to its beneficial and convenient. Other, nevertherless claim that the usage of virtual space which is believed to bring lots of drawbacks by many individuals, should be limited. Personally, I partly agree with each suggestion based on some major reasons that are explained in this essay.

On the one hand, there are some persuasive rationales that support the claim that alduts should allow younger individuals to access to the World Wide Web. In some developing nations, the Internet hadn't had an explosion in the past due to its large expense and a low demanding of users. However, in this advanced technological era, the demands of employers for their employees which involved the ability to use these digital revolution's majors such as office technology,etc have increased significantly to have a higher work quality. If the usage of Internet for students is restricted, this would filter out quality jobs and predetermining manual work as their vocation, besides, the ability to maintain social relationship with those who studying and working abroad might be limited due to the lack of effective communication methods and geographical distanced. If students can be allowed to use Internet for educational purposes, it could help to enhance themsevles to development their self, find a better job with high paying, and also strengthen family bonds with whom living overseas.

On the other hand, despite the idealistic nature of allow the use of Internet for undergraduated individuals, it's actual application could bring about many obstacles and challenges. This means that students need to balance their time for studying and using Internet which is often believed as a hard challenge for younger individuals by adults, because of laking their self-control ability. Additionally, the appearance of a large number of untrusted source of information might be seen by some students while they brows the Internet, which often caused the misconceive to their mind and lead to the negatively change in their personality traits. Thus, if the proposal to allow younger individuals to use Internet is implemented, many students may struggle in how to use Internet as a correctly way.

In conclusion, although there are mixed opinions on whether adults should be responsible for allows their child to use Internet for various reasons, I think that parents and the ministry of education should implemented this matter on a case-by-case basis to help students grow in a healthy environment.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Some people are of the claim that" -> "Some people claim that"
Explanation: The phrase "are of the claim that" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. Simplifying it to "claim that" improves the sentence structure and clarity.
"allowing the internet using that freshman must bear" -> "allowing freshmen to use the internet"
Explanation: The original phrase is unclear and grammatically incorrect. The suggested revision clarifies the meaning and corrects the grammatical structure.
"due to its beneficial and convenient" -> "due to its benefits and convenience"
Explanation: "Beneficial and convenient" is a vague and informal expression. Using "benefits and convenience" provides a more precise and formal alternative.
"Other, nevertherless claim" -> "Others, nonetheless, claim"
Explanation: "Other, nevertherless" is a typographical error and grammatically incorrect. The correction "Others, nonetheless, claim" corrects the typo and improves the flow.
"the usage of virtual space" -> "the use of virtual space"
Explanation: "Usage" is less commonly used in this context; "use" is more appropriate and natural in academic writing.
"which is believed to bring lots of drawbacks" -> "which is believed to have numerous drawbacks"
Explanation: "Lots of" is informal and vague; "numerous" is more precise and formal.
"alduts" -> "adults"
Explanation: This is a typographical error. Correcting it to "adults" ensures accuracy.
"access to the World Wide Web" -> "access to the internet"
Explanation: "World Wide Web" is a less common term in modern academic writing; "internet" is more widely accepted and understood.
"the demands of employers for their employees which involved" -> "the demands of employers for their employees, which involve"
Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect. Adding a comma and changing "involved" to "involve" corrects the grammar and improves readability.
"digital revolution’s majors" -> "digital revolution’s major"
Explanation: "Majors" is incorrectly used here; "major" is the correct term for referring to a significant aspect or field of study.
"filter out quality jobs" -> "eliminate quality job opportunities"
Explanation: "Filter out" is an idiom that is too informal for academic writing. "Eliminate quality job opportunities" is more precise and formal.
"predetermining manual work as their vocation" -> "predetermining manual labor as their occupation"
Explanation: "Predetermining manual work" is awkward and unclear. "Predetermining manual labor as their occupation" is clearer and more formal.
"enhance themsevles to development their self" -> "enhance themselves to develop themselves"
Explanation: "Themsevles" is a typographical error and grammatically incorrect. Correcting it to "themselves" and rephrasing to "develop themselves" improves clarity and correctness.
"find a better job with high paying" -> "secure better-paying jobs"
Explanation: "Find a better job with high paying" is awkward and informal. "Secure better-paying jobs" is more formal and grammatically correct.
"laking their self-control ability" -> "lacking self-control"
Explanation: "Laking" is a typographical error. Correcting it to "lacking" and removing "their self-control ability" simplifies the phrase for clarity and formality.
"misconceive to their mind" -> "misconceptions in their minds"
Explanation: "Misconceive to their mind" is grammatically incorrect. "Misconceptions in their minds" corrects the grammar and clarifies the meaning.
"correctly way" -> "correct manner"
Explanation: "Correctly way" is grammatically incorrect. "Correct manner" is the correct phrase for describing proper behavior or action.
"implemented this matter on a case-by-case basis" -> "address this issue on a case-by-case basis"
Explanation: "Implemented this matter" is awkward and unclear. "Address this issue" is more precise and appropriate for the context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by acknowledging both sides of the argument regarding the use of the Internet for educational purposes. The writer states a personal agreement with both perspectives, indicating a nuanced understanding of the issue. However, the response could be clearer in delineating the extent of agreement with the statement, as it does not explicitly state how far the writer agrees or disagree. The mention of both benefits and drawbacks is present, but the argument could be more focused on the implications of restricting Internet use.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should clearly articulate their position on the statement and provide a more definitive stance on how far they agree or disagree. This could involve explicitly stating whether they believe restrictions should be implemented, under what circumstances, and why.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that is somewhat clear but lacks consistency. The writer states they "partly agree" but does not provide a strong, cohesive argument that supports this stance throughout the essay. The introduction suggests a balanced view, but the body paragraphs do not consistently reinforce this position, leading to some ambiguity about the writer’s true stance.
- How to improve: The writer should maintain a clear position throughout the essay by using topic sentences that reflect their stance in each paragraph. Additionally, reiterating their main argument in the conclusion can help reinforce their position and provide clarity.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the benefits and drawbacks of Internet use for students. However, the support for these ideas is sometimes vague or underdeveloped. For instance, the claim about the necessity of Internet skills for job opportunities is mentioned but not elaborated upon with specific examples or data. Similarly, the discussion of the negative effects lacks concrete illustrations or studies that could strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and evidence to support their claims. This could include statistics about job market demands, studies on Internet use among students, or specific examples of how unrestricted Internet access has positively or negatively impacted students’ education.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the Internet’s role in education and its potential drawbacks. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, such as the mention of "strengthening family bonds," which, while relevant, could be more directly tied to the main argument about educational use. Additionally, some sentences are convoluted and may confuse the reader, detracting from the overall coherence of the argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the prompt. They should also strive for clarity in their sentences, avoiding overly complex structures that may lead to misunderstandings. Simplifying language and ensuring that each point clearly ties back to the main argument will help keep the essay on topic.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view, improvements in clarity of position, development of ideas, and focus on the prompt will enhance the overall effectiveness of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction outlines the conflicting views regarding internet use, and the body paragraphs provide arguments for both sides. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from the first body paragraph discussing the benefits of internet access to the second paragraph addressing its drawbacks feels abrupt. The ideas within each paragraph are somewhat jumbled, particularly in the first body paragraph, where the discussion of job quality and social relationships is not clearly connected.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, ensure that each point within a paragraph is closely related and flows logically from one to the next. Using linking phrases such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Conversely" can help guide the reader through your arguments.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with a clear separation between the introduction, body, and conclusion. However, the body paragraphs could be more distinct in their focus. The first body paragraph attempts to cover multiple points (job quality, social relationships, and personal development) without sufficient elaboration on each. The second body paragraph, while focused on challenges, also lacks depth in its analysis.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph has a single clear focus. For example, dedicate one paragraph to discussing the benefits of internet use for education and another to the potential drawbacks. This will allow for more in-depth exploration of each point and improve clarity.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which effectively signal contrasting viewpoints. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances of awkward phrasing that disrupt the flow, such as "the usage of Internet for students is restricted, this would filter out quality jobs." The connection between ideas can sometimes be unclear, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases throughout the essay. For example, use "Moreover," "Consequently," or "As a result" to connect ideas more fluidly. Additionally, ensure that sentences are structured clearly to avoid confusion. Revising sentences for clarity and coherence will enhance the overall readability of the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents arguments for both sides, improvements in logical organization, focused paragraphing, and the use of cohesive devices will enhance coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "beneficial," "drawbacks," "advanced technological era," and "self-control ability." However, there are instances of repetitive phrasing, such as "allowing the internet" and "usage of Internet," which detracts from the overall lexical variety. Additionally, some phrases, like "the demands of employers for their employees," could be expressed more succinctly.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should explore synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "Internet," alternatives like "online resources" or "digital platforms" could be employed. Expanding the vocabulary related to the topic, such as using "digital literacy" or "information overload," would also enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "the claim that allowing the internet using that freshman must bear" and "the usage of virtual space." These phrases are awkward and unclear, leading to confusion about the intended meaning. The phrase "the demands of employers for their employees which involved the ability to use these digital revolution’s majors" is also convoluted and lacks clarity.
- How to improve: The writer should focus on clarity and precision in vocabulary choice. For instance, instead of "the claim that allowing the internet using that freshman must bear," a clearer construction could be "the argument that parents and educators should regulate students’ internet usage." Simplifying complex phrases and ensuring that vocabulary accurately conveys the intended meaning will enhance the overall effectiveness of the writing.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "nevertherless" (nevertheless), "alduts" (adults), "themselves" (themselves), "undergraduated" (undergraduate), and "misconceive" (misconception). These errors can distract the reader and undermine the writer’s credibility.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy after completing the essay. Reading the essay aloud can help catch errors, as can using spell-check tools. Additionally, practicing commonly misspelled words and maintaining a personal list of challenging vocabulary can aid in reducing spelling mistakes in future writings.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future IELTS assessments.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates somevariety in sentence structures, but it largely relies on simple and compound sentences. For example, phrases like "Some people are of the claim that allowing the internet using that freshman must bear should be implemented" show an attempt at complexity but are awkwardly constructed. The use of phrases such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" indicates an understanding of discourse markers, but the overall complexity of the sentences is limited. Additionally, there are instances of run-on sentences, such as "If the usage of Internet for students is restricted, this would filter out quality jobs and predetermining manual work as their vocation," which could be broken down for clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences with dependent clauses. For instance, instead of saying "the demands of employers for their employees which involved the ability to use these digital revolution’s majors," try restructuring it to "the demands of employers for their employees, which involve the ability to use major digital technologies, have significantly increased." Practicing varied sentence beginnings and using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences will also enrich the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For example, "nevertherless" should be "nevertheless," and "alduts" should be "adults." Additionally, phrases like "the usage of virtual space which is believed to bring lots of drawbacks by many individuals" lack necessary commas for clarity. The phrase "besides, the ability to maintain social relationship" should be "social relationships." There are also instances of incorrect verb forms, such as "the Internet hadn’t had an explosion," which should be "the Internet had not experienced an explosion." Overall, the essay struggles with subject-verb agreement and article usage.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay for common errors, focusing on spelling, subject-verb agreement, and correct article usage. Practicing grammar exercises that target these areas can also be beneficial. Additionally, reading more academic essays can help in understanding proper punctuation and sentence structure. Using tools like grammar checkers may assist in identifying and correcting errors before finalizing the essay.

By addressing these areas of improvement, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some people claim that allowing freshmen to use the internet should be regulated by parents and the ministry of education due to its benefits and convenience. Others, nonetheless, argue that the use of virtual space, which is believed to have numerous drawbacks, should be limited. Personally, I partly agree with both perspectives for several key reasons that will be discussed in this essay.

On the one hand, thereare compelling reasons to support the claim that adults should allow younger individuals access to the World Wide Web. In some developing nations, the internet had not experienced significant growth in the past due to its high cost and low demand among users. However, in this advanced technological era, the demands of employers for their employees, which involve the ability to use major digital tools such as office technology, have increased significantly to ensure higher work quality. If internet usage for students is restricted, this could eliminate quality job opportunities and predetermine manual labor as their occupation. Additionally, the ability to maintain social relationships with those studying and working abroad might be hindered due to a lack of effective communication methods and geographical distance. If students are allowed to use the internet for educational purposes, it could help them enhance themselves, develop their skills, find better-paying jobs, and strengthen family bonds with those living overseas.

On the other hand, despite the idealistic nature of allowing internet use for undergraduate individuals, its actual application could present many obstacles and challenges. This means that students need to balance their time between studying and using the internet, which is often seen as a significant challenge for younger individuals by adults, due to their tendency to lack self-control. Additionally, the presence of numerous untrusted sources of information may be encountered by some students while they browse the internet, which can lead to misconceptions in their minds and negatively impact their personality traits. Thus, if the proposal to allow younger individuals to use the internet is implemented, many students may struggle to use the internet in a correct manner.

In conclusion, although there are mixed opinions on whether adults should be responsible for allowing their children to use the internet for various reasons, I believe that parents and the ministry of education should address this issue on a case-by-case basis to help students grow in a healthy environment.