Students can easily access information online, so libraries are no longer necessary. To what extent, do you agree or disagree?

In this day and age, having modern devices, students can easily access information online. Some individuals say that it is unnecessary to have libraries since they can look up any books or documents right at their homes. Others believe that it still plays an important role in our lives. In my opinion, I strongly concede the latter view to be true for some following reasons.
First, libraries provide an opportunity for students to improve their social skills which those who access information online often lack. In other words, being able to share their ideas with others and induce them to follow can develop soft skills like communication which is crucial for future careers. For example, some companies often send their best staff to go overseas to learn new techniques and when they come back, they have to transmit information that they have learnt and convince other clients to do like them. As a consequence, depicting ideas is a normal skill that everyone should have.
Second, sitting for a long period of time in front of computer screens is detrimental to teenagers’ health. They may suffer from health problems such as fatigue or near-sighted. A sedentary lifestyle is one of the causes of obesity and cardiovascular diseases which they can prevent by going out to the library. Although the activity of walking is just for a short distance, they may feel more comfortable than sitting at home and studying online.
In conclusion, libraries bring a wide range of merits to students. As a result, in my point of view, students need to go to the library rather than staying at home with technological devices.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"In this day and age" -> "In the contemporary era"
Explanation: "In this day and age" is a colloquial phrase that is overly simplistic for academic writing. "In the contemporary era" maintains formality while expressing the same idea.
"modern devices" -> "contemporary technology"
Explanation: "Modern devices" is somewhat vague and informal. "Contemporary technology" is a more precise and formal term suitable for academic writing.
"Some individuals say" -> "Some argue"
Explanation: "Some individuals say" is less formal compared to "Some argue." Using "argue" conveys the idea of presenting a reasoned position, which is more appropriate for academic discourse.
"it is unnecessary to have libraries" -> "libraries are deemed unnecessary"
Explanation: "It is unnecessary to have libraries" lacks academic formality. "Libraries are deemed unnecessary" maintains formality and precision.
"look up any books or documents right at their homes" -> "access any books or documents from their homes"
Explanation: "Look up any books or documents right at their homes" is colloquial and lacks precision. "Access any books or documents from their homes" is more formal and precise.
"still plays an important role" -> "continues to play a significant role"
Explanation: "Still plays an important role" is somewhat informal. "Continues to play a significant role" maintains formality and clarity.
"In my opinion, I strongly concede the latter view to be true for some following reasons." -> "I firmly support the latter perspective for several reasons."
Explanation: "In my opinion, I strongly concede the latter view to be true for some following reasons." is verbose and lacks conciseness. "I firmly support the latter perspective for several reasons." is more direct and concise.
"provide an opportunity" -> "offer an opportunity"
Explanation: "Provide an opportunity" is slightly less formal. "Offer an opportunity" maintains formality and clarity.
"which those who access information online often lack" -> "a deficiency often observed among those who access information online"
Explanation: "Which those who access information online often lack" is awkward and lacks precision. "A deficiency often observed among those who access information online" is more formal and clearer.
"soft skills like communication" -> "soft skills such as communication"
Explanation: "Like communication" is less precise compared to "such as communication," which is more appropriate in academic writing for introducing examples.
"which is crucial for future careers" -> "which are crucial for future professional endeavors"
Explanation: "Which is crucial for future careers" lacks precision. "Which are crucial for future professional endeavors" is more specific and formal.
"transmit information" -> "convey information"
Explanation: "Transmit information" is suitable but "convey information" is more formal and precise in academic writing.
"As a consequence" -> "Therefore"
Explanation: "As a consequence" is slightly less formal compared to "Therefore," which is more commonly used in academic writing to denote logical consequence.
"depicting ideas" -> "presenting ideas"
Explanation: "Depicting ideas" is less precise. "Presenting ideas" is a more accurate term in the context of expressing and explaining concepts.
"for a long period of time" -> "for an extended duration"
Explanation: "For a long period of time" is slightly informal. "For an extended duration" maintains formality and clarity.
"detrimental to teenagers’ health" -> "harmful to teenagers’ health"
Explanation: "Detrimental to teenagers’ health" is suitable but "harmful to teenagers’ health" is more direct and formal.
"such as fatigue or near-sighted" -> "such as fatigue or nearsightedness"
Explanation: "Near-sighted" should be "nearsightedness" for correct grammar and formality.
"A sedentary lifestyle is one of the causes of obesity" -> "A sedentary lifestyle contributes to obesity"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and formality.
"they can prevent by going out to the library" -> "they can mitigate by visiting the library"
Explanation: "Prevent" may be too strong a word in this context. "Mitigate" is more appropriate and formal.
"Although the activity of walking is just for a short distance" -> "Although the act of walking may cover short distances"
Explanation: Restructuring for clarity and formality.
"In conclusion" -> "To conclude"
Explanation: "In conclusion" is slightly less formal compared to "To conclude," which is commonly used in academic writing.
"merits" -> "benefits"
Explanation: "Merits" is appropriate but "benefits" is more commonly used in academic writing and is more formal.
"As a result" -> "Therefore"
Explanation: "As a result" is slightly less formal compared to "Therefore," which is more commonly used in academic writing to denote logical consequence.
"in my point of view" -> "in my opinion"
Explanation: "In my point of view" is somewhat informal. "In my opinion" is the standard phrase used in academic writing.
"rather than staying at home with technological devices" -> "rather than remaining at home with technological devices"
Explanation: "Staying at home" is slightly informal. "Remaining at home" is more formal and precise.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses the prompt by presenting arguments both in favor of and against the necessity of libraries in the digital age. It discusses the role of libraries in social skill development and health benefits, aligning with the given prompt.
- How to improve: While the essay does address both perspectives, it could strengthen its argument by providing more depth and specificity in addressing each viewpoint. Providing additional examples or counterarguments would enrich the analysis and demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the issue.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, arguing in favor of the importance of libraries despite the availability of online information. The stance is evident from the thesis statement to the conclusion.
- How to improve: To further enhance clarity, the essay could reinforce its position by consistently tying each argument back to the overarching thesis statement. This would strengthen the coherence and persuasiveness of the essay’s argumentation.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports its ideas with relevant examples and explanations. Each argument is elaborated upon, such as discussing the role of libraries in social skill development and the health benefits of physical activity.
- How to improve: To further strengthen the essay, it could benefit from providing additional evidence or research to support its claims. Incorporating statistics, studies, or expert opinions would add credibility and depth to the arguments presented.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic, focusing on the relevance of libraries despite online information accessibility. However, there are slight deviations, such as discussing the health benefits of physical activity, which could be more directly tied to the central argument.
- How to improve: To improve focus, the essay should ensure that all points discussed directly contribute to the central argument regarding the necessity of libraries in the digital age. Providing more direct connections between each supporting point and the main thesis would enhance coherence and relevance.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt and effectively presents arguments in support of the continued importance of libraries. By addressing the outlined areas for improvement, the essay could enhance its clarity, depth, and relevance, potentially achieving an even higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally logical organization, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing different aspects of the topic, and a conclusion summarizing the main points. Each paragraph focuses on a specific reason supporting the argument that libraries are still necessary despite online access to information.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider ensuring a smoother transition between paragraphs. Each paragraph could explicitly connect to the main thesis statement and the overall argument. Additionally, providing a more structured outline within paragraphs, such as topic sentences and supporting details, would further strengthen coherence.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively, with distinct sections for the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument and presents relevant supporting details.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph maintains a clear focus on a single idea or argument. Additionally, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to enhance readability and engagement. Providing transitions between paragraphs would also improve the overall flow of ideas.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases like "first" and "second," to guide the reader through the argument. However, there is room for improvement in the diversity and sophistication of cohesive devices used.
- How to improve: To enhance cohesion, consider incorporating a wider range of cohesive devices, including pronouns, conjunctions, and adverbs. These devices can help establish connections between sentences and paragraphs, creating a more seamless flow of ideas. Additionally, pay attention to coherence at the sentence level by using parallel structures and maintaining consistent grammatical patterns.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion, refining the logical organization, paragraph structure, and use of cohesive devices would further elevate the clarity and effectiveness of the argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

Detailed explanation: The essay employs a decent variety of vocabulary that suits the academic context. Terms like "sedentary lifestyle," "cardiovascular diseases," and "detrimental" are correctly used and show a range above basic conversational English. However, the range of vocabulary could be broader, with some words and phrases being repetitive or overly simplistic which impacts the richness of the essay. For instance, the phrase "it is unnecessary to have libraries" could explore more nuanced vocabulary.
How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should integrate synonyms and less common phrases that reflect a deeper understanding of the topic. For example, instead of repeatedly using "important," alternatives like "crucial," "vital," or "significant" could be employed. Reading widely on the topic and using a thesaurus are practical ways to discover and apply a wider range of vocabulary.

Use Vocabulary Precisely:

Detailed explanation: The essay shows a fairly good attempt at using vocabulary precisely, though there are instances where word choices could be more accurate to convey the intended meaning more clearly. Phrases like "I strongly concede the latter view to be true" use "concede" inaccurately, where "support" or "endorse" might be more appropriate. Similarly, "induce them to follow" could be better expressed as "influence them" or "persuade them."
How to improve: To improve precision in vocabulary use, the writer should focus on understanding the exact meanings of words and how they fit into different contexts. Practice exercises that involve matching words to definitions and context usage can help. Additionally, peer feedback or using language editing tools can aid in identifying and correcting imprecise vocabulary.

Use Correct Spelling:

Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good command of spelling, with no significant errors that hinder understanding. Correct spelling of terms such as "technological," "cardiovascular," and "merits" suggests familiarity with academic and formal writing. Nonetheless, minor errors like "near-sighted" should be hyphenated ("nearsighted") according to standard conventions in English.
How to improve: Regular practice and proofreading are essential to maintain and improve spelling accuracy. The writer could benefit from using spell check tools and keeping a personal list of frequently misspelled words. Reading extensively and paying attention to word forms in different texts can also reinforce correct spelling habits.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences, as well as some simple sentences for clarity. For instance, there is a mix of subordinate clauses ("Some individuals say that it is unnecessary to have libraries since they can look up any books or documents right at their homes") and coordinated clauses ("In other words, being able to share their ideas with others and induce them to follow can develop soft skills like communication which is crucial for future careers"). Additionally, the writer employs participial phrases ("Sitting for a long period of time in front of computer screens is detrimental to teenagers’ health") to add depth to the writing.
- How to improve: To further enhance the richness of the essay, consider integrating more varied sentence structures, such as rhetorical questions, parallelism, and inverted sentences. Additionally, experiment with different types of phrases and clauses, like absolute phrases or conditional clauses, to add nuance and sophistication to your writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and punctuation. However, there are a few instances where minor errors occur, such as missing articles ("depicting ideas is a normal skill that everyone should have" could be revised to "depicting ideas is a normal skill that everyone should possess") and slight inconsistencies in parallelism ("Some individuals say that it is unnecessary to have libraries since they can look up any books or documents right at their homes" could be revised to "Some individuals argue that libraries are unnecessary because they can access any books or documents from their homes"). Nonetheless, these errors do not significantly impede comprehension.
- How to improve: To further refine grammatical accuracy, continue practicing proper article usage and strive for consistency in parallel structures throughout the essay. Additionally, consider reviewing comma usage to ensure clarity and coherence in complex sentences, particularly in instances where subordinate clauses are used. Finally, proofread your work meticulously to catch any overlooked errors and refine the overall polish of your writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the contemporary era, with the advent of modern technology, students can easily access information online. Some argue that libraries are deemed unnecessary since individuals can access any books or documents from their homes. However, others believe that libraries continue to play a significant role in our lives. I firmly support the latter perspective for several reasons.

Firstly, libraries offer an opportunity for students to improve their social skills, a deficiency often observed among those who access information online. In other words, being able to share ideas with others and persuade them to follow can develop soft skills such as communication, which are crucial for future professional endeavors. For instance, many companies send their top employees abroad to learn new techniques. When these employees return, they must convey information and persuade other clients to adopt these new practices. Consequently, the ability to present ideas effectively is a valuable skill that everyone should possess.

Secondly, a sedentary lifestyle, which often results from spending long periods of time in front of computer screens, can be harmful to teenagers’ health. They may experience issues such as fatigue or nearsightedness. A sedentary lifestyle also contributes to obesity and cardiovascular diseases, which they can mitigate by visiting the library. Although the act of walking to the library may cover short distances, they may feel more comfortable than sitting at home studying online.

Therefore, libraries play a crucial role in enhancing students’ social skills and promoting a healthier lifestyle. In my opinion, students should utilize libraries rather than remaining at home with technological devices.