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Students can easily access information online, so libraries are no longer necessary. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Students can easily access information online, so libraries are no longer necessary. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In the digital entury, Internet is approved to access easily. Some people think libraries can no longer play an essential role. Personally, I totally agree with that libraries will become less popular.

There are two main reasons why libraries cannot destroyed by Internet. Initially, all the book in libraries is claimed that the information pf those books are 100% correct. Before books exist in public, it was experienced a very tight filter by some legitable humans, after that it will enter in libraries, and so all the information in the book is totally correct. Secondly, libraries is one of the most quite area, alot of student tend to go here because of silence. They need quite space to stay focus on work or study, good environment can enhance the quality of project that they working on.

Meanwhile there are two main factors why libraries cannot no longer important. Firstly, the Internet is a place that everyone can write or publish something without restriction, so student cannot identify the accuracy of those information, they may confuse what is the true news or fake information. Secondly, Internet including a range of viruss, it can access to student’s device and may destroy or steal their information, address. They family may be threated by stranger who know they information.

In conclusion, traditional book are the 100% correct information to read and libraries is the ideal place for student. However, there are a lot of endanger stuff can attack student’s laptop and unindefitified news is very harmful for people.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "In the digital entury, Internet is approved to access easily." -> "In the digital era, the Internet is readily accessible."
    Explanation: Replacing "entury" with "era" corrects a typographical error and enhances the formality of the language. Additionally, changing "approved to access easily" to "readily accessible" improves clarity and maintains a more academic tone.

  2. "Some people think libraries can no longer play an essential role. Personally, I totally agree with that libraries will become less popular." -> "Some individuals believe that libraries may no longer play an essential role. Personally, I fully concur that libraries will become less popular."
    Explanation: Replacing "some people think" with "some individuals believe" adds formality, and changing "totally agree with that" to "fully concur" elevates the language to a more academic level.

  3. "There are two main reasons why libraries cannot destroyed by Internet." -> "There are two main reasons why libraries cannot be undermined by the Internet."
    Explanation: Changing "destroyed" to "be undermined" corrects the grammatical error and introduces a more appropriate and formal term.

  4. "Initially, all the book in libraries is claimed that the information pf those books are 100% correct." -> "Initially, all the books in libraries are asserted to contain accurate information."
    Explanation: The correction addresses grammatical errors, replacing "book" with "books," and improves clarity and formality by rephrasing the statement.

  5. "Before books exist in public, it was experienced a very tight filter by some legitable humans, after that it will enter in libraries, and so all the information in the book is totally correct." -> "Before books are made available to the public, they undergo a rigorous vetting process by qualified individuals; afterward, they are placed in libraries, ensuring the accuracy of the information within."
    Explanation: Replacing "filter by some legitable humans" with "vetting process by qualified individuals" enhances clarity and uses more formal terminology.

  6. "Secondly, libraries is one of the most quite area, alot of student tend to go here because of silence." -> "Secondly, libraries are one of the most quiet areas; many students tend to visit because of the quiet atmosphere."
    Explanation: Correcting the verb agreement from "is" to "are," replacing "quite" with "quiet," and changing "alot" to "many" improves grammatical accuracy and formal language use.

  7. "They need quite space to stay focus on work or study, good environment can enhance the quality of project that they working on." -> "They need quiet spaces to stay focused on work or study; a conducive environment can enhance the quality of the projects they are working on."
    Explanation: Correcting "quite space" to "quiet spaces" and rephrasing the sentence for better clarity and formality.

  8. "Meanwhile there are two main factors why libraries cannot no longer important." -> "Meanwhile, there are two main factors why libraries are no longer as important."
    Explanation: Correcting the double negative "cannot no longer" to "are no longer" improves grammatical accuracy and maintains a more formal tone.

  9. "Firstly, the Internet is a place that everyone can write or publish something without restriction, so student cannot identify the accuracy of those information, they may confuse what is the true news or fake information." -> "Firstly, the Internet is a platform where everyone can write or publish content without restriction; thus, students may struggle to discern the accuracy of the information, leading to confusion between true and false news."
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for better flow, changing "something" to "content," and using more precise language improve the overall quality and formality.

  10. "Secondly, Internet including a range of viruss, it can access to student’s device and may destroy or steal their information, address." -> "Secondly, the Internet, including a range of viruses, can infiltrate students’ devices and may compromise or steal their information, including addresses."
    Explanation: Correcting the plural form of "viruss" to "viruses" and improving the sentence structure for clarity and formality.

  11. "They family may be threated by stranger who know they information." -> "Their family may be threatened by strangers who have access to their information."
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling error "threated" to "threatened" and using the plural form "strangers" improves accuracy and formality.

  12. "In conclusion, traditional book are the 100% correct information to read and libraries is the ideal place for student." -> "In conclusion, traditional books provide 100% correct information to read, and libraries are the ideal places for students."
    Explanation: Correcting the subject-verb agreement by changing "book are" to "books provide" and rephrasing for better clarity and formality.

  13. "However, there are a lot of endanger stuff can attack student’s laptop and unindefitified news is very harmful for people." -> "However, there are many threats that can compromise students’ laptops, and unidentified news is very harmful to people."
    Explanation: Replacing "endanger stuff" with "threats that can compromise," and correcting "unindefitified" to "unidentified" improves the precision and formality of the language.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay does address all parts of the question, acknowledging the role of libraries in the digital age and expressing a clear agreement with the idea that libraries will become less popular. However, the explanation lacks depth and could benefit from more specific examples or details to support the argument.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, consider providing more concrete examples or illustrations that illustrate why libraries may become less popular in the digital age. Additionally, ensure that the points made directly relate to the extent to which libraries are necessary due to the easy access to information online.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout by expressing a strong agreement with the idea that libraries will become less popular. However, the expression of this position could be more nuanced, and the introduction and conclusion could be strengthened to better frame and summarize the stance.
    • How to improve: Work on refining the introduction and conclusion to clearly state the position on libraries in the digital age. Additionally, consider addressing potential counterarguments or opposing viewpoints to provide a more balanced and comprehensive view.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks development and support. The reasons provided are somewhat vague and lack specific examples or evidence to substantiate the claims. Developing each point further would strengthen the overall argument.
    • How to improve: Add specific examples, data, or anecdotes to support each reason presented. Provide more elaboration on how the internet can be unreliable and risky, and how libraries offer a reliable and quiet environment. This will enhance the depth and persuasiveness of the argument.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the role of libraries in the digital age. However, there are instances of unclear expression and grammar issues that may temporarily distract from the main theme.
    • How to improve: Pay careful attention to grammar and sentence structure to ensure clarity. Review the essay to eliminate any ambiguities or distracting language that may detract from the primary focus on libraries and online information access.

In conclusion, while the essay presents a clear position and attempts to address the prompt, it would benefit from more detailed explanations, stronger development of ideas, and improved clarity in expression. Adding specific examples and addressing potential counterarguments will contribute to a more compelling and comprehensive response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 4

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits some logical organization, but there are noticeable issues with coherence. The introduction lacks clarity and conciseness, making it challenging for the reader to grasp the main point. The body paragraphs discuss reasons for and against the importance of libraries, but the transition between these ideas is abrupt, affecting the overall flow of the essay.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider a clearer introduction that succinctly states your position on the topic. Additionally, work on smoother transitions between paragraphs. Each paragraph should build on the previous one, creating a seamless progression of ideas.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but their structure and effectiveness can be improved. Paragraphs should focus on a single main idea, and there should be a clear transition between them. In this essay, some paragraphs contain multiple ideas, leading to confusion.
    • How to improve: Refine paragraph structure by ensuring each one addresses a specific point or argument. Use topic sentences to introduce the main idea of each paragraph, and maintain a clear flow between paragraphs to guide the reader through your argument more effectively.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use cohesive devices, but there is limited variety and effectiveness. There is a lack of cohesive devices within and between sentences, resulting in a disjointed feel. Examples and transitions are needed to strengthen the connectivity of ideas.
    • How to improve: Incorporate a diverse range of cohesive devices such as pronouns, conjunctions, and transitional phrases to establish better connections between sentences and ideas. This will help the reader follow the logical progression of your argument more easily.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates some coherence and cohesion, improvements are necessary for a more polished and effective response. Focus on enhancing the clarity of your introduction, refining paragraph structure, and incorporating a wider variety of cohesive devices to create a smoother and more cohesive essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 4

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 4

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary. There is a repetitive use of certain words and phrases throughout the essay, and the vocabulary employed lacks variety. For instance, the essay relies heavily on the term "Internet" without exploring synonyms or alternative expressions. Additionally, there is a lack of sophisticated vocabulary to convey ideas more precisely.
    • How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "Internet," explore alternatives like "digital realm," "online sphere," or "cyber world." Additionally, aim to introduce more advanced vocabulary to convey ideas with nuance and precision.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The precision of vocabulary usage is inconsistent. There are instances where the intended meaning may be unclear due to imprecise word choices or misuse of terms. For instance, the phrase "experienced a very tight filter by some legitable humans" is unclear, and "quite area" should be "quiet area." Such imprecisions can hinder effective communication.
    • How to improve: Focus on using words that accurately convey your intended meaning. Review sentences for potential ambiguity or unclear phrasing. In the mentioned example, consider rephrasing to something like "underwent rigorous scrutiny by credible individuals." Additionally, proofread for errors such as "quite" instead of "quiet."
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is an area that requires improvement. Several spelling errors are present in the essay, such as "entury" instead of "century," "legitable" instead of "legitimate," and "alot" instead of "a lot." These errors impact the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
    • How to improve: Develop a habit of proofreading your work to catch spelling errors. Additionally, consider using spell-check tools or seeking feedback from peers to identify and correct spelling mistakes. Enhancing spelling accuracy contributes significantly to the overall quality of your writing.

In summary, while the essay presents a coherent argument, there is room for improvement in lexical resource. Diversifying vocabulary, ensuring precision in word choices, and addressing spelling errors will contribute to a more polished and effective piece of writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 4

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 4

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay lacks a variety of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple, and there is limited use of complex or compound-complex sentences. This simplicity affects the overall flow and sophistication of the essay.
    • How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range, try incorporating complex sentence structures, such as using subordinate clauses, varying sentence lengths, and experimenting with different sentence types. For example, consider integrating conditional sentences, relative clauses, or inverted structures to add complexity and depth to your writing.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains numerous grammatical errors and punctuation mistakes. For instance, the phrase "digital entury" should be corrected to "digital century." Additionally, there are issues with subject-verb agreement ("Internet is approved" should be "Internet is available"), word usage ("experienced a very tight filter" might be better as "undergone a rigorous filtering process"), and punctuation errors (e.g., missing commas, incorrect capitalization).
    • How to improve: To address these issues, proofread your essay carefully, paying attention to grammatical accuracy, subject-verb agreement, and proper word usage. Consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar-check tools to identify and correct errors. Brush up on punctuation rules, especially regarding commas, and strive for a more precise and polished expression of ideas.

In summary, while the essay presents a clear stance on the prompt, there is significant room for improvement in both grammatical range and accuracy. Focusing on sentence structure variety, addressing grammatical errors, and refining punctuation usage will contribute to a more effective and cohesive essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the digital age, the Internet is readily accessible. Some individuals believe that libraries may no longer play an essential role. Personally, I fully concur that libraries will become less popular.

There are two main reasons why libraries cannot be undermined by the Internet. Initially, all the books in libraries are asserted to contain accurate information. Before books are made available to the public, they undergo a rigorous vetting process by qualified individuals; afterward, they are placed in libraries, ensuring the accuracy of the information within.

Secondly, libraries are one of the most quiet areas; many students tend to visit because of the quiet atmosphere. They need quiet spaces to stay focused on work or study; a conducive environment can enhance the quality of the projects they are working on.

Meanwhile, there are two main factors why libraries are no longer as important. Firstly, the Internet is a platform where everyone can write or publish content without restriction; thus, students may struggle to discern the accuracy of the information, leading to confusion between true and false news. Secondly, the Internet, including a range of viruses, can infiltrate students’ devices and may compromise or steal their information, including addresses. Their family may be threatened by strangers who have access to their information.

In conclusion, traditional books provide 100% correct information to read, and libraries are the ideal places for students. However, there are many threats that can compromise students’ laptops, and unidentified news is very harmful to people.

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