Students should be taught academic knowledge so that they can pass exams, and skills such as cooking and dressing should not be taught. To what extent do you agree or disagree

Students should be taught academic knowledge so that they can pass exams, and skills such as cooking and dressing should not be taught.

To what extent do you agree or disagree

First of all, academic knowledge belongs to higher education, which is quite difficult to catch up with, only if the students can spend a particular time studying. This leads to the fact that students will not have many chances to rest and relax anymore, since all the leisure hours they have used are all for studying purposes. Moreover, if pupils are only tutored with specific knowledge like that, they can easily get lost in tasks after, since their brains cannot outweigh the memories they have to remember to study. For example, there was a case that happened in China not a long time ago, students in this country could not deal with the academic knowledge in their schools without any extra classes teaching leisure activities, they decided to get out of the schools and had a job instead.

Secondly, skills such as cooking and dressing seem to have a great value on persons’ emotional feelings. After a long time studying, extra activities about food and clothes can help children to reduce stress, encouraging them in their studying careers. Moreover, students can use those kinds of skills to promote their own personal views, now they can appear as a smart and skillful, handy person. For instance, due to the new innovation of education in Vietnam, students today can join extra classes about art, music and housework skills at school, which provide them some relaxing time after a busy day, and also introduce them to a new skill.

In conclusion, academic knowledge has an important role in students’ studying paths. However, those paths cannot be completed without the support from leisure skills, which help them mostly by providing positive feelings.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"quite difficult to catch up with" -> "challenging to acquire"
Explanation: Replacing "quite difficult to catch up with" with "challenging to acquire" maintains the formality of the language by using a more sophisticated phrase while conveying the level of difficulty in obtaining academic knowledge.
"students will not have many chances to rest and relax anymore" -> "students will have limited opportunities for leisure"
Explanation: Replacing "students will not have many chances to rest and relax anymore" with "students will have limited opportunities for leisure" offers a more formal expression, emphasizing the restriction on relaxation time due to academic commitments.
"leisure hours they have used are all for studying purposes" -> "all their leisure time is devoted to studying"
Explanation: Restructuring "leisure hours they have used are all for studying purposes" into "all their leisure time is devoted to studying" presents a more concise and academically appropriate way to convey the idea that free time is entirely dedicated to studying.
"get lost in tasks after" -> "struggle to manage tasks afterward"
Explanation: Substituting "get lost in tasks after" with "struggle to manage tasks afterward" maintains formality while conveying the difficulty in handling tasks following an overload of information.
"brains cannot outweigh the memories they have to remember to study" -> "cognitive abilities may not cope with the volume of information they need to retain"
Explanation: Replacing "brains cannot outweigh the memories they have to remember to study" with "cognitive abilities may not cope with the volume of information they need to retain" uses more precise and formal language to convey the challenge of processing and retaining extensive information.
"students in this country could not deal with the academic knowledge in their schools" -> "students in this country struggled to cope with the academic curriculum in their schools"
Explanation: Changing "students in this country could not deal with the academic knowledge in their schools" to "students in this country struggled to cope with the academic curriculum in their schools" offers a more nuanced and formal description of the students’ difficulties in handling the academic workload.
"had a job instead" -> "sought employment opportunities"
Explanation: Replacing "had a job instead" with "sought employment opportunities" maintains a formal tone while expressing that students opted for employment over traditional schooling due to academic challenges.
"seem to have a great value on persons’ emotional feelings" -> "appear to significantly impact individuals’ emotional well-being"
Explanation: Changing "seem to have a great value on persons’ emotional feelings" to "appear to significantly impact individuals’ emotional well-being" uses more precise language to convey the influence of cooking and dressing skills on emotions in a formal manner.
"can help children to reduce stress" -> "can assist in alleviating stress among children"
Explanation: Substituting "can help children to reduce stress" with "can assist in alleviating stress among children" employs a more formal and descriptive phrase to communicate the role of certain activities in stress reduction.
"students can use those kinds of skills to promote their own personal views" -> "students can leverage these skills to express their personal perspectives"
Explanation: Replacing "students can use those kinds of skills to promote their own personal views" with "students can leverage these skills to express their personal perspectives" maintains formality while describing the use of skills for personal expression.
"appear as a smart and skillful, handy person" -> "portray themselves as intelligent and adept individuals"
Explanation: Changing "appear as a smart and skillful, handy person" to "portray themselves as intelligent and adept individuals" offers a more formal and clearer description of how these skills influence perception.
"provide them some relaxing time" -> "offer them relaxation opportunities"
Explanation: Altering "provide them some relaxing time" to "offer them relaxation opportunities" maintains formality while expressing the provision of chances for relaxation.
"has an important role in students’ studying paths" -> "plays a significant role in students’ academic journeys"
Explanation: Replacing "has an important role in students’ studying paths" with "plays a significant role in students’ academic journeys" uses more formal language to express the significance of academic knowledge in students’ educational paths.
"those paths cannot be completed" -> "these paths cannot be fully realized"
Explanation: Changing "those paths cannot be completed" to "these paths cannot be fully realized" offers a more nuanced and formal expression, emphasizing that academic paths cannot reach their full potential without support from leisure skills.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Quoted text: "First of all, academic knowledge belongs to higher education, which is quite difficult to catch up with, only if the students can spend a particular time studying. This leads to the fact that students will not have many chances to rest and relax anymore, since all the leisure hours they have used are all for studying purposes."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: Your argument here is somewhat unclear, and the connection between academic knowledge and limited leisure time needs further elaboration. To enhance clarity, consider providing a specific example or anecdote to illustrate the impact of excessive academic focus on students’ leisure hours. Additionally, ensure that your reasoning aligns more directly with the prompt, addressing the balance between academic and non-academic skills.
- Improved example: "Firstly, delving into academic knowledge, particularly at higher education levels, can be demanding, requiring dedicated study time. However, this intense focus on academics may inadvertently rob students of crucial leisure hours. For instance, students might find themselves immersed in rigorous study schedules, leaving little room for relaxation or extracurricular activities."
Quoted text: "Moreover, if pupils are only tutored with specific knowledge like that, they can easily get lost in tasks after, since their brains cannot outweigh the memories they have to remember to study. For example, there was a case that happened in China not a long time ago, students in this country could not deal with the academic knowledge in their schools without any extra classes teaching leisure activities, they decided to get out of the schools and had a job instead."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: Your argument about the potential consequences of solely focusing on academic knowledge is valid, but the example lacks specificity and coherence. Instead of a general case from China, consider providing a more concrete example or personal experience to support your point. Additionally, connect the example more directly to the idea that a lack of balance between academic and leisure skills can lead students to make unconventional choices.
- Improved example: "Furthermore, a singular emphasis on academic knowledge may overwhelm students, hindering their ability to navigate tasks effectively. For instance, I recall a friend who, faced with the intense academic pressure, abandoned traditional schooling in favor of immediate employment. This highlights the detrimental impact of neglecting a holistic approach to education, as it led to a drastic shift in career choices."
Quoted text: "Secondly, skills such as cooking and dressing seem to have a great value on persons’ emotional feelings. After a long time studying, extra activities about food and clothes can help children to reduce stress, encouraging them in their studying careers."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: While your point about the emotional benefits of life skills is valid, the connection between cooking, dressing, and stress reduction could be strengthened. Provide specific examples or scenarios to illustrate how engaging in activities like cooking and dressing can serve as effective stress relievers for students. Additionally, ensure that the reasoning aligns with the idea of balancing academic and non-academic skills.
- Improved example: "Moreover, life skills like cooking and dressing play a pivotal role in nurturing emotional well-being. For instance, after prolonged study sessions, engaging in activities such as preparing a meal or choosing an outfit can serve as therapeutic outlets, alleviating stress and fostering a positive mindset. These skills, often overlooked, contribute significantly to students’ overall well-being, ultimately enhancing their capacity to navigate the challenges of academic life."

Overall, the essay could benefit from more specific examples and a clearer connection between the presented ideas and the prompt. Ensure that each point directly contributes to addressing the balance between academic knowledge and practical skills.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of ideas with clear progression throughout. There is effective use of cohesive devices, although there is a slight tendency towards overuse in some instances. The central topic within each paragraph is generally clear, contributing to the overall coherence. Paragraphing is used sufficiently and appropriately. However, there is room for improvement in the balance of cohesive devices to avoid occasional overuse.

How to improve:
To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider refining the use of cohesive devices to ensure they are applied judiciously. Aim for a more balanced deployment of these devices to maintain coherence without being overly repetitive. Additionally, ensure that the logical progression of ideas is consistently maintained throughout the essay. Overall, a more nuanced approach to the use of cohesive elements can further elevate the essay’s coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, allowing for flexibility and precision in expression. There is an attempt to use less common lexical items, and some awareness of style and collocation is evident. The essay generally avoids noticeable errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation. However, there are a few instances where the use of vocabulary could be more sophisticated, and minor errors occur.

The essay effectively discusses the importance of both academic knowledge and leisure skills, supporting the argument with examples and reasoning. The vocabulary is varied and contributes to a clear communication of ideas. The use of transitions helps to maintain coherence throughout the essay. Some uncommon lexical items are skillfully employed, but occasional inaccuracies in word choice and collocation slightly impact fluency.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource and move towards a higher band score, the writer could incorporate more sophisticated vocabulary consistently. Paying closer attention to word choice and collocation, particularly in areas where occasional inaccuracies occur, will further refine the essay. Additionally, maintaining a high level of precision in conveying meanings will contribute to a more nuanced use of vocabulary.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of a variety of complex structures. There is a clear attempt to incorporate a range of sentence forms, and the majority of sentences are error-free. The control of grammar and punctuation is generally good, but there are a few errors present. The essay effectively communicates its ideas, with occasional lapses in accuracy.

How to improve: To move towards a higher band score, the writer should aim for greater consistency in grammatical accuracy. While there is a commendable use of complex structures, attention to detail is needed to eliminate the few errors present. Additionally, incorporating more diverse vocabulary and refining sentence structures further could enhance overall fluency.

Bài sửa mẫu

Firstly, academic knowledge is challenging to acquire, requiring dedicated study time. This results in limited opportunities for leisure for students, as all their free hours are devoted to studying. This may lead to difficulties in managing tasks afterward, as cognitive abilities may struggle to cope with the volume of information they need to retain. An illustrative case from China revealed that students in this country struggled to cope with the academic curriculum in their schools without additional classes teaching leisure activities. In response, some students chose to seek employment opportunities to address their need for balance.

Secondly, skills like cooking and dressing, though not traditionally seen as academic, appear to significantly impact individuals’ emotional well-being. Engaging in activities beyond the academic realm can assist in alleviating stress among children and encourage them in their academic pursuits. Furthermore, students can leverage these skills to express their personal perspectives, portraying themselves as intelligent and adept individuals. For example, the innovative education approach in Vietnam includes extra classes about art, music, and housework skills, offering students relaxation opportunities after a busy day and introducing them to new skills.

In conclusion, while academic knowledge plays a significant role in students’ academic journeys, it is crucial to recognize that these paths cannot be fully realized without the inclusion of leisure skills. The integration of such skills not only helps students cope with the demands of academic study but also contributes positively to their overall well-being.