Students should pay the full cost for their own study, because university education benefits individuals rather than society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Students should pay the full cost for their own study, because university education
benefits individuals rather than society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some individuals think that students should pay the full cost of studying by themselves as individuals receive more advantages from university education than society. From a personal perspective, I disagree that students have to pay all of the study costs on their own and the government should assist them by partially supporting tuition fees.

There are numerous reasons why society should pay a part of educational fees. It is evident that after graduating from university, they are the ones who play an important role in developing countries due to their high educational level. Students have to experience the knowledge in their school for 4,5 years or even nearly 10 years with a view to being professional doctors, teachers, and engineers. These people will contribute to the economy, enhance the quality of life, and promote development in order to be equal with other big countries. Furthermore, if students are partially paid, they will be more motivated to give it their all with a purpose that deserves its support.

Another primary reason why students should not solely pay the tuition fees is that not most of people have the ability to pay the full cost. There are some talented people who come from rural areas or impoverished areas and they pass the university’s entrance exam by themselves. If they have to pay the fees on their own, it can lead to stress and perhaps, they can drop out. This will give rise to a lack of employees in the future or even fall behind compared to other countries.

In conclusion, I believe that society should support a part of the educational cost for students because they are valuable resources that contribute to the economy, medical services, and other aspects.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "Some individuals think" -> "Some scholars argue"
   Explanation: Replacing "Some individuals think" with "Some scholars argue" elevates the formality and specificity of the statement, aligning it better with academic discourse by implying a more informed and authoritative perspective.

2. "pay the full cost of studying by themselves" -> "bear the full cost of their education"
   Explanation: "Bear the full cost of their education" is more formal and precise, avoiding the colloquial "pay the full cost of studying by themselves," which is less formal and slightly awkward in this context.

3. "as individuals receive more advantages from university education than society" -> "as they derive greater benefits from university education than society"
   Explanation: "Derive greater benefits" is more precise and formal than "receive more advantages," which is somewhat vague and informal for academic writing.

4. "I disagree that students have to pay all of the study costs on their own" -> "I contend that students should not bear the full cost of their education"
   Explanation: "I contend that students should not bear the full cost of their education" is more assertive and academically appropriate than "I disagree that students have to pay all of the study costs on their own," which is less formal and slightly awkwardly phrased.

5. "the government should assist them by partially supporting tuition fees" -> "the government should support them by partially funding tuition fees"
   Explanation: "Support" and "funding" are more precise and formal terms than "assist" and "supporting," enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.

6. "after graduating from university, they are the ones who play an important role" -> "upon graduation, they assume significant roles"
   Explanation: "Upon graduation, they assume significant roles" is more concise and formal, avoiding the repetitive and informal "they are the ones who play an important role."

7. "with a view to being professional doctors, teachers, and engineers" -> "with the aim of becoming professional doctors, teachers, and engineers"
   Explanation: "With the aim of becoming" is more formal and precise than "with a view to being," which is somewhat colloquial and less direct.

8. "These people will contribute to the economy, enhance the quality of life, and promote development" -> "These individuals will contribute to the economy, improve the quality of life, and foster development"
   Explanation: "Improve the quality of life" and "foster development" are more precise and formal than "enhance the quality of life" and "promote development," aligning better with academic style.

9. "not most of people" -> "not all individuals"
   Explanation: "Not all individuals" is more precise and formal than "not most of people," which is grammatically incorrect and informal.

10. "pass the university’s entrance exam by themselves" -> "pass the university’s entrance examination independently"
    Explanation: "Pass the university’s entrance examination independently" is more formal and precise, replacing the less formal "pass the university’s entrance exam by themselves."

11. "it can lead to stress and perhaps, they can drop out" -> "this could lead to stress, potentially resulting in their withdrawal"
    Explanation: "This could lead to stress, potentially resulting in their withdrawal" is more formal and avoids the colloquial "perhaps, they can drop out," which is less suitable for academic writing.

12. "give rise to a lack of employees in the future or even fall behind compared to other countries" -> "result in a shortage of future employees or potentially lag behind other nations"
    Explanation: "Result in a shortage of future employees or potentially lag behind other nations" is more formal and precise, replacing the less formal "give rise to a lack of employees in the future or even fall behind compared to other countries."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by presenting a clear disagreement with the notion that students should bear the full cost of their education. The author argues that university education benefits society as a whole, which aligns with the prompt’s requirement to discuss the extent of agreement or disagreement. The reasons provided, such as the role of educated individuals in societal development and the financial challenges faced by some students, are relevant and well-articulated. However, the essay could have explicitly acknowledged the opposing viewpoint to enhance the depth of the argument.
  • How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the essay could include a brief acknowledgment of the argument that students should pay their own costs, followed by a rebuttal. This would demonstrate a more balanced view and strengthen the overall response.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The author’s position is clear from the outset, stating disagreement with the idea that students should pay all costs. Throughout the essay, this stance is consistently maintained, with supporting arguments that reinforce the position. The use of phrases like "I disagree" and "I believe" helps to solidify the author’s viewpoint. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit reiteration of this position in the conclusion to reinforce the argument.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the author should restate their main argument in the conclusion more emphatically. Additionally, using transitional phrases that link back to the main argument throughout the essay can help to keep the reader focused on the author’s stance.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several well-developed ideas, such as the societal benefits of educated individuals and the financial challenges faced by students. Each point is supported with relevant examples, such as the potential contributions of graduates to the economy and the risks of dropping out due to financial stress. However, some ideas could be further extended with more specific examples or data to enhance their impact.
  • How to improve: To effectively present, elaborate, and substantiate ideas, the author could include statistics or real-world examples that illustrate the benefits of education to society. Additionally, discussing potential counterarguments in more detail would provide a more rounded perspective and strengthen the overall argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay remains largely focused on the topic, discussing the implications of educational costs on both individuals and society. The points made are relevant to the prompt, and the author does not deviate from the main argument. However, there are moments where the language could be clearer, particularly in the explanation of how society benefits from educated individuals.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the author should ensure that each point directly ties back to the central argument regarding the costs of education. Avoiding vague phrases and ensuring clarity in the explanation of how education benefits society will help keep the essay tightly aligned with the prompt.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-reasoned argument. With some enhancements in acknowledging counterarguments, reinforcing the position, and providing more specific examples, the essay could achieve an even higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument against the notion that students should bear the full cost of their education. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion by stating the writer’s position. Each paragraph logically follows the previous one, with the first body paragraph discussing the societal benefits of educated individuals, while the second addresses the financial struggles of students. However, the transition between points could be smoother; for instance, the link between the societal benefits and the need for financial support could be more explicitly stated.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas. For example, after discussing the societal benefits in the first paragraph, a sentence like "This societal benefit underscores the importance of financial support for students" could bridge the two paragraphs more effectively.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is well-structured with clear paragraphs, each focusing on a distinct point. The introduction and conclusion are appropriately separated from the body paragraphs. However, the body paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences that encapsulate the main idea of each paragraph. The second paragraph, for instance, could start with a sentence that directly states the financial challenges faced by students, which would provide a clearer roadmap for the reader.
  • How to improve: Strengthen topic sentences to ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear statement of its main idea. For example, rephrase the beginning of the second body paragraph to something like, "Another significant reason for government support is the financial burden that tuition fees impose on many students."

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as "furthermore," "another primary reason," and "in conclusion," which help to guide the reader through the argument. However, there are instances where the use of cohesive devices could be more varied. For example, the phrase "students should not solely pay" could be rephrased to include alternatives like "it is not solely the responsibility of students to bear the costs."
  • How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. Consider using alternatives like "in addition," "consequently," or "on the other hand" to connect ideas more fluidly. Additionally, varying sentence structures can enhance cohesion; for instance, instead of repeating "students" at the beginning of sentences, use synonyms or rephrase to maintain engagement.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, focusing on smoother transitions, clearer topic sentences, and a broader range of cohesive devices will further elevate the quality of the writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with terms such as "advantages," "educational fees," "developing countries," and "impoverished areas." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "pay the full cost" and "support them by partially supporting tuition fees." This limits the lexical variety and richness of the essay.
  • How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, the writer could incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "support," alternatives like "assist," "subsidize," or "fund" could be employed. Additionally, using phrases like "financial burden" instead of "cost" could add depth to the vocabulary.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: While the essay includes some precise vocabulary, there are instances of imprecision. For example, the phrase "play an important role in developing countries" could be more specific; it could clarify what role graduates play (e.g., "contributing to economic growth" or "driving innovation"). Additionally, the term "give it their all" is informal and may not fit the academic tone expected in IELTS essays.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using specific terms that accurately convey their ideas. Instead of "give it their all," a more formal expression like "fully commit to their studies" would be more appropriate. Furthermore, elaborating on the contributions of graduates to society would enhance clarity and precision.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, with no glaring errors. However, there are minor issues, such as "4,5 years," which should be written as "4 to 5 years" for clarity and correctness. Additionally, the phrase "not most of people" is awkward and could be rephrased to "most people do not" for better grammatical accuracy.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling and grammatical accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch awkward phrases and ensure clarity. Additionally, practicing writing with attention to common grammatical structures will improve overall accuracy.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling will help elevate the Lexical Resource score. Engaging with a wider variety of vocabulary, ensuring precise word choice, and maintaining grammatical accuracy will contribute to a stronger overall performance in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, phrases like "it is evident that after graduating from university" and "if students are partially paid, they will be more motivated" showcase the use of subordinate clauses effectively. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, such as starting multiple sentences with "students" or "there are," which can limit the overall variety.
  • How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, consider using more varied sentence openings and integrating different types of clauses. For example, instead of starting with "students" repeatedly, you could begin sentences with adverbial phrases (e.g., "In many cases, students…") or use participial phrases (e.g., "Having graduated, students…"). Additionally, incorporating more complex sentences with embedded clauses can add depth and variety.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that affect clarity. For instance, the phrase "not most of people" should be corrected to "most people do not have" for grammatical correctness. Additionally, the use of commas is inconsistent, particularly in complex sentences, which can lead to confusion. For example, "Students have to experience the knowledge in their school for 4,5 years or even nearly 10 years" could benefit from clearer punctuation and phrasing.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. Practicing sentence restructuring can also help clarify meaning. For punctuation, ensure that commas are used correctly to separate clauses, especially in complex sentences. Reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward phrasing and punctuation errors. Consider revising sentences for clarity, such as rephrasing "Students have to experience the knowledge in their school" to "Students must acquire knowledge in school for four to ten years."

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of grammatical range and accuracy, potentially increasing the overall band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals argue that students should bear the full cost of their education, as they derive greater benefits from university education than society. From my perspective, I contend that students should not bear the full cost of their education, and the government should support them by partially funding tuition fees.

There are several reasons why society should cover a portion of educational expenses. It is evident that upon graduation, these individuals assume significant roles in developing countries due to their high educational levels. Students often invest 4 to 5 years, or even nearly a decade, in their studies to become professional doctors, teachers, and engineers. These individuals will contribute to the economy, improve the quality of life, and foster development, helping their countries compete with larger nations. Furthermore, if students are partially funded, they will likely feel more motivated to excel, knowing their efforts are valued and supported.

Another primary reason why students should not solely pay tuition fees is that not all individuals have the financial means to cover the full cost. There are many talented individuals from rural or impoverished areas who manage to pass the university’s entrance examination independently. If they are required to pay the fees on their own, it could lead to significant stress, potentially resulting in their withdrawal from studies. This could result in a shortage of future employees and may cause the country to lag behind other nations.

In conclusion, I believe that society should support a portion of the educational costs for students, as they are valuable resources that contribute significantly to the economy, healthcare, and various other sectors.