Studies have shown that most criminals have low levels of education. Because of this many believe that the best way to reduce crime is to educate prisoners so they can get a job after being released. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Studies have shown that most criminals have low levels of education. Because of this many believe that the best way to reduce crime is to educate prisoners so they can get a job after being released.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Given that studies have shown that the majority of criminals lack formal education, some argue that educating prisoners to increase their probability of obtaining a job upon release is the most effective solution to reduce crime. From my perspective, I believe that giving prisoners the opportunity to study and get jobs could solve the problem at its root.

First of all, having a job allows people to pay for necessities like food, housing, childcare, and transportation. It is a fact that most criminals commit crimes because they cannot afford to pay their bills, stealing money and cars could solve their problems immediately. But since it is not a steady source of income, it does not entirely satisfy their needs, and they then start committing crimes again and again. Education is the foundation for acquiring knowledge and skills, giving them the opportunity to earn stable wages. Therefore, they fulfill their daily demands and taking care of their families. For instance, a lot of prisoners in Vietnam getting education in jail could get jobs after their release, they do labour jobs in fields, farms, etc., and confirm that education in jail supports them to improve their life conditions.

Second, education has a big impact on raising criminals' consciousness of moral principles and self-worth. Gaining education is not only acquiring knowledge and skills; it is also about moral lessons. Criminal having low levels of education could

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "Given that studies have shown" -> "Research has demonstrated"
   Explanation: "Research has demonstrated" is a more precise and formal way to introduce evidence-based information, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.

2. "the majority of criminals lack formal education" -> "a significant proportion of offenders lack formal education"
   Explanation: "Offenders" is a more precise term than "criminals" in a formal academic context, and "a significant proportion" is a more measured and academic way to describe the extent of the issue.

3. "educating prisoners to increase their probability of obtaining a job" -> "providing prisoners with educational opportunities to enhance their employability"
   Explanation: "Providing prisoners with educational opportunities to enhance their employability" is more specific and formal, focusing on the process and outcome rather than the probability, which is vague and less formal.

4. "giving prisoners the opportunity to study and get jobs" -> "offering prisoners educational opportunities and employment prospects"
   Explanation: "Offering prisoners educational opportunities and employment prospects" is more formal and precise, avoiding the colloquial "get jobs" and aligning better with academic language.

5. "pay for necessities like food, housing, childcare, and transportation" -> "meet basic needs such as food, shelter, childcare, and transportation"
   Explanation: "Meet basic needs" is a more formal and precise way to describe the essential requirements, and "such as" is more appropriate than "like" in formal writing.

6. "stealing money and cars could solve their problems immediately" -> "stealing money and vehicles could temporarily alleviate their financial difficulties"
   Explanation: "Temporarily alleviate their financial difficulties" is more precise and formal, avoiding the simplistic and informal "solve their problems immediately."

7. "it does not entirely satisfy their needs" -> "it does not fully meet their needs"
   Explanation: "Fully meet their needs" is a more formal and precise expression than "entirely satisfy their needs," which is slightly redundant.

8. "taking care of their families" -> "supporting their families"
   Explanation: "Supporting their families" is a more formal and precise term than "taking care of their families," which is somewhat colloquial.

9. "a lot of prisoners in Vietnam getting education in jail" -> "many prisoners in Vietnam receive education within the prison system"
   Explanation: "Many prisoners in Vietnam receive education within the prison system" is more formal and avoids the informal "getting education in jail," which is less precise.

10. "they do labour jobs in fields, farms, etc." -> "they engage in labor roles in fields and farms"
    Explanation: "Engage in labor roles" is more formal and precise than "do labour jobs," and specifying "fields and farms" avoids the informal "etc."

11. "confirm that education in jail supports them to improve their life conditions" -> "demonstrate that education within the prison system enhances their living conditions"
    Explanation: "Demonstrate that education within the prison system enhances their living conditions" is more formal and precise, replacing the less formal "confirm" and "supports them to improve their life conditions."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay begins by acknowledging the connection between education and crime reduction, which is relevant to the prompt. However, it lacks a clear exploration of the extent to which the author agrees or disagrees with the statement. The essay mentions that educating prisoners could "solve the problem at its root," but it does not explicitly state whether the author fully agrees, partially agrees, or disagrees with the notion that education is the best way to reduce crime. This ambiguity weakens the response to the prompt.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the author should clearly articulate their position in the introduction and restate it in the conclusion. They could use phrases like "I fully agree" or "I partially agree" to clarify their stance. Additionally, addressing potential counterarguments or alternative solutions could provide a more nuanced view.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: While the essay expresses a belief in the benefits of education for prisoners, it lacks consistency in maintaining a clear position. The author states that education could solve the problem but does not consistently reinforce this viewpoint throughout the essay. The second paragraph introduces the idea of education impacting moral principles, which, while relevant, diverts from the main argument about job acquisition and its role in crime reduction.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the author should ensure that each paragraph directly supports their main argument. They could start each paragraph with a topic sentence that reflects their stance and then provide supporting details that align with that position.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas about the benefits of education, such as job acquisition and moral development. However, these ideas are not fully developed or supported with sufficient evidence. For instance, the example about prisoners in Vietnam is vague and lacks specific data or studies to substantiate the claim. Additionally, the essay does not explore the broader implications of education on crime reduction or consider other factors that contribute to criminal behavior.
  • How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the author should provide more detailed examples and data to support their claims. They could include statistics on recidivism rates for educated versus uneducated prisoners or discuss successful educational programs in prisons. Expanding on the implications of education on societal issues could also enrich the argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the relationship between education and crime reduction. However, the introduction of moral principles in the second paragraph feels somewhat tangential and may distract from the main argument about job acquisition. This deviation can confuse readers regarding the primary focus of the essay.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that all points made in the essay directly relate to the central argument of education as a means to reduce crime. They could consider organizing their thoughts more clearly, perhaps by outlining their main points before writing, to ensure that each paragraph contributes to the overall argument without introducing unrelated ideas.

In summary, the essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic but requires clearer articulation of the position, more developed ideas with supporting evidence, and a tighter focus on the main argument to improve the overall Task Response score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument supporting the idea that education can reduce crime. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and the first body paragraph logically follows, discussing the practical benefits of employment post-release. However, the transition between the first and second points could be smoother. The essay begins to address the moral implications of education but does not clearly connect this point back to the main argument about crime reduction. For example, while the first paragraph discusses financial stability, the second shifts to moral consciousness without a clear linking sentence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the ideas. For instance, after discussing the financial benefits of employment, a sentence like "In addition to financial stability, education also plays a crucial role in enhancing moral values" would create a clearer link between the two points.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with a clear introduction and separate body paragraphs for different ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the argument, which is a strength. However, the second body paragraph appears to be incomplete, which disrupts the flow and leaves the reader wanting more information. The lack of a concluding paragraph also detracts from the overall structure, as it does not summarize the main points or restate the thesis.
  • How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph is fully developed and includes a concluding sentence that reinforces the main idea. Additionally, adding a conclusion that summarizes the key arguments and reiterates the thesis would provide closure and strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "first of all" and "second," to signal the progression of ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the phrase "it is a fact that most criminals commit crimes because they cannot afford to pay their bills" could be better integrated with the previous sentence to enhance flow.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "moreover," "in addition," and "consequently." This will help to create smoother transitions between ideas and improve the overall coherence of the essay. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately and enhances the clarity of the argument.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, improvements in logical organization, paragraph development, and the use of cohesive devices could elevate the score for Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "necessities," "stable wages," and "moral principles." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "commit crimes" and "education in jail." The use of synonyms or more varied expressions could enhance the richness of the language. For example, instead of repeatedly using "education," alternatives like "learning" or "training" could be employed to diversify the vocabulary.
  • How to improve: To improve, the writer should actively seek synonyms and related terms to avoid redundancy. Engaging with vocabulary exercises or using a thesaurus can help expand their lexical range. Additionally, practicing writing with prompts that require varied vocabulary can be beneficial.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: While the essay includes some precise vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "stealing money and cars could solve their problems immediately" implies that theft is a viable solution, which may not convey the intended meaning. The term "criminal" is used as a noun, but it could be more effectively used as an adjective (e.g., "individuals with criminal backgrounds") to enhance clarity.
  • How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on the context in which words are used. Reviewing the definitions and connotations of words can help ensure that the chosen vocabulary accurately reflects the intended message. Additionally, incorporating more context-specific phrases can clarify the arguments being made.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "labour jobs" (which is acceptable in British English but may be less common in American English) and "confirm that education in jail supports them to improve their life conditions," where "confirm" could be better replaced with "demonstrate" or "show." These errors, while not frequent, can detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully or use spelling and grammar checking tools. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises and reading more extensively can help reinforce correct spelling habits. Keeping a list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them regularly can also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and employs a fair range of vocabulary, there is room for improvement in terms of variety, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, including complex sentences and a mix of simple and compound sentences. For example, the opening sentence effectively uses a complex structure: "Given that studies have shown that the majority of criminals lack formal education, some argue that educating prisoners to increase their probability of obtaining a job upon release is the most effective solution to reduce crime." This showcases the writer’s ability to convey complex ideas clearly. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence structures, particularly in the second paragraph, where many sentences begin with "It is a fact that…" or "Education is the foundation for…". This repetition can detract from the overall variety of the writing.
  • How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should aim to incorporate more varied sentence openings and types. For instance, instead of starting multiple sentences with "Education is…" or "It is a fact that…", the writer could use introductory phrases or clauses, such as "One significant aspect of education is…" or "Research indicates that…". Additionally, using more conditional sentences or questions could further diversify the writing style.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains good grammatical accuracy, but there are some noticeable errors. For example, in the phrase "stealing money and cars could solve their problems immediately," the use of "could" implies a conditionality that may not be intended. Additionally, the phrase "a lot of prisoners in Vietnam getting education in jail could get jobs after their release" is grammatically awkward; it should be revised to "a lot of prisoners in Vietnam who receive education in jail can find jobs after their release." Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are instances where commas could improve clarity, such as before conjunctions in compound sentences.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of verb tenses. Regular practice with complex sentences can help solidify understanding of conditional structures. Furthermore, reviewing punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas in compound and complex sentences, can enhance clarity. For example, the writer should ensure that clauses are properly separated to avoid run-on sentences and improve readability.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, there are areas for improvement that can elevate the writing to a higher band score. By diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical and punctuation accuracy, the writer can enhance the overall effectiveness of their argument.

Bài sửa mẫu

Given that studies have shown that the majority of criminals lack formal education, some argue that educating prisoners to increase their probability of obtaining a job upon release is the most effective solution to reduce crime. From my perspective, I believe that giving prisoners the opportunity to study and get jobs could solve the problem at its root.

First of all, having a job allows people to pay for necessities like food, housing, childcare, and transportation. It is a fact that most criminals commit crimes because they cannot afford to pay their bills; stealing money and cars could solve their problems immediately. However, since it is not a steady source of income, it does not fully meet their needs, and they then start committing crimes again and again. Education is the foundation for acquiring knowledge and skills, giving them the opportunity to earn stable wages. Therefore, they can fulfill their daily demands and support their families. For instance, many prisoners in Vietnam receive education within the prison system and can get jobs after their release; they engage in labor roles in fields, farms, etc., which demonstrates that education within the prison system enhances their living conditions.

Second, education has a significant impact on raising criminals’ consciousness of moral principles and self-worth. Gaining education is not only about acquiring knowledge and skills; it is also about moral lessons. Criminals with low levels of education could benefit greatly from this transformation.