Studies have shown that most criminals have low levels of education. Because of this many believe that the best way to reduce crime is to educate prisoners so they can get a job after being released. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Studies have shown that most criminals have low levels of education. Because of this many believe that the best way to reduce crime is to educate prisoners so they can get a job after being released.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is believed that the best way to reduce crime, is to teach prisoners so they can get a job after being released. In my opinion, I completely agree that people in prison should be educated so they can get a better life after getting free.
On the one hand, giving prisoners education forced them to change, think diffirent, being a new person due to better personality they. Education also allows them to make positively contribute to the society, helping civilian and their country grow in economic, reve tourism and more. On the other hand, talented or gifted Criminal after getting released not only can get a job but also become influential leaders due to their skills and knowledge.
In conclusion, educated prisoners are be able to make advancement of a nation, reduce crime in their country. In my point of view, every prison should apply education to prisoners to give them another chance to change their life.

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Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "It is believed that" -> "It is widely acknowledged that"
   Explanation: "It is widely acknowledged that" is a more formal and precise way to introduce a general opinion or belief in academic writing, enhancing the tone of authority and specificity.

2. "the best way to reduce crime" -> "the most effective method for reducing crime"
   Explanation: "The most effective method for reducing crime" is more specific and formal, emphasizing the efficacy and purpose of the action being discussed.

3. "is to teach prisoners so they can get a job" -> "is to provide prisoners with education to enhance their employability"
   Explanation: "Provide prisoners with education to enhance their employability" is more formal and precise, focusing on the purpose of education in a more academic context.

4. "In my opinion, I completely agree" -> "I strongly concur"
   Explanation: "I strongly concur" is a more concise and formal expression, avoiding the redundancy of "In my opinion, I completely agree."

5. "people in prison should be educated" -> "prisoners should receive education"
   Explanation: "Prisoners should receive education" is more direct and formal, avoiding the less formal "people in prison."

6. "giving prisoners education forced them to change" -> "providing prisoners with education compels them to change"
   Explanation: "Compels them to change" is more precise and formal than "forced them to change," aligning better with academic style.

7. "think diffirent" -> "think differently"
   Explanation: Corrects a spelling error to maintain professionalism and accuracy.

8. "being a new person due to better personality they" -> "transforming into a new individual due to improved personalities"
   Explanation: "Transforming into a new individual due to improved personalities" is more formal and precise, avoiding the awkward phrasing and grammatical errors of the original.

9. "make positively contribute" -> "positively contribute"
   Explanation: Removes the unnecessary "make" to correct the grammatical structure, enhancing clarity and formality.

10. "helping civilian and their country grow in economic, reve tourism and more" -> "aiding civilians and their country in economic growth, tourism development, and other areas"
    Explanation: This revision corrects grammatical errors and clarifies the meaning, using more precise terms like "economic growth" and "tourism development."

11. "talented or gifted Criminal" -> "talented or gifted individuals"
    Explanation: Replacing "Criminal" with "individuals" avoids the negative connotation and maintains a neutral, formal tone.

12. "not only can get a job but also become influential leaders" -> "not only secure employment but also become influential leaders"
    Explanation: "Secure employment" is a more formal and precise term than "get a job," aligning better with academic style.

13. "educated prisoners are be able to make advancement of a nation" -> "educated prisoners can contribute to the advancement of their nation"
    Explanation: "Can contribute to the advancement of their nation" corrects the awkward phrasing and grammatical error, enhancing clarity and formality.

14. "reduce crime in their country" -> "reduce crime rates in their country"
    Explanation: "Reduce crime rates" is a more specific and measurable term, enhancing the academic tone.

15. "In my point of view" -> "In my view"
    Explanation: "In my view" is a more concise and formal expression, suitable for academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by stating a clear agreement with the idea that educating prisoners can reduce crime. However, it lacks depth in exploring the extent of this agreement. The argument is not fully developed; while the writer mentions the benefits of education, such as personal change and economic contributions, these points are not thoroughly explained or supported with examples. The essay does not adequately discuss any counterarguments or alternative perspectives, which is essential for a balanced response.
  • How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the writer should explicitly outline the extent of their agreement by discussing both the advantages and potential limitations of educating prisoners. Including specific examples or statistics about successful rehabilitation programs could strengthen the argument and demonstrate a deeper engagement with the topic.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay begins with a clear position in favor of educating prisoners, but this position becomes muddled in the body paragraphs. For instance, the phrase "talented or gifted Criminal" introduces ambiguity regarding the writer’s stance, as it implies that some criminals may not benefit from education. This inconsistency can confuse the reader about the writer’s overall viewpoint.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should consistently reinforce their agreement with the prompt throughout the essay. They could achieve this by using clear transitional phrases and reiterating their main argument in each paragraph. Additionally, avoiding ambiguous terms and ensuring that all statements align with the central thesis will help clarify their position.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are somewhat vague and lack sufficient development. For example, the assertion that education allows prisoners to "positively contribute to society" is not backed by specific examples or explanations. The mention of "revenue tourism" is unclear and seems out of context, detracting from the overall argument.
  • How to improve: To effectively present and support ideas, the writer should elaborate on each point with specific examples, data, or anecdotes that illustrate the benefits of education for prisoners. They could discuss successful rehabilitation programs from various countries or provide statistics on recidivism rates among educated versus uneducated prisoners. This would not only strengthen the argument but also engage the reader more effectively.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the education of prisoners as a means to reduce crime. However, there are moments where the relevance of certain statements is questionable, such as the mention of "influential leaders" without a clear connection to the main argument. This can distract from the primary focus of the essay.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly supports the thesis. They could create an outline before writing to organize their thoughts and ensure that each paragraph contributes to the overall argument. Additionally, avoiding unrelated ideas will help keep the essay concise and on topic.

Overall, to improve the essay and potentially raise the band score, the writer should focus on developing their arguments more thoroughly, maintaining a consistent position, providing specific examples to support their claims, and ensuring that all content is relevant to the prompt.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear opinion on the topic, stating that educating prisoners can reduce crime. However, the organization of ideas lacks clarity and logical progression. For example, the transition from the introduction to the body paragraphs is abrupt, and the points made within each paragraph do not follow a coherent structure. The first body paragraph attempts to discuss the benefits of education for prisoners but mixes ideas about personal transformation and societal contributions without clear delineation. The second body paragraph introduces a new idea about gifted criminals becoming leaders, which feels disconnected from the previous point about education.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should clearly outline the main points before writing the essay. Each paragraph should focus on a single idea, introduced with a clear topic sentence. For instance, the first paragraph could focus solely on how education helps prisoners reintegrate into society, while the second could discuss the broader societal benefits of reducing crime through education. Using linking phrases such as "firstly," "in addition," and "finally" can also help guide the reader through the argument.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but their effectiveness is undermined by the lack of clear topic sentences and supporting details. The first paragraph attempts to argue the benefits of education but does so in a convoluted manner, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. The second paragraph introduces a new concept without a clear connection to the previous one, which disrupts the flow of ideas.
  • How to improve: Each paragraph should begin with a strong topic sentence that clearly states the main idea. Following this, the writer should provide supporting details and examples that reinforce the topic. For example, in the first paragraph, the writer could elaborate on how education provides skills that enhance employability, using specific examples or statistics to support the claim. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next will help maintain coherence.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "on the one hand" and "on the other hand," but these are limited and not always used effectively. The phrases do not sufficiently clarify the relationships between ideas, and there are instances where the connections between sentences are weak. For example, the phrase "due to better personality they" is awkward and unclear, making it difficult to understand the intended meaning.
  • How to improve: To improve the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases to clarify relationships between ideas. For instance, using "furthermore," "however," and "as a result" can help to connect thoughts more clearly. Additionally, the writer should ensure that pronouns and references are clear to avoid ambiguity. For example, instead of saying "they" in "due to better personality they," the writer could specify "prisoners" to avoid confusion.

Overall, while the essay presents a relevant argument, improving the logical organization, paragraph structure, and use of cohesive devices will enhance clarity and coherence, potentially raising the band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable attempt to use a variety of vocabulary, such as "educate," "prisoners," "influential leaders," and "economic." However, the range is somewhat limited, and certain phrases are repeated, which detracts from the overall lexical diversity. For instance, the phrase "better life" appears in the introduction and conclusion, indicating a lack of synonyms or varied expressions.
  • How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more sophisticated phrases. For example, instead of repeating "better life," alternatives like "improved quality of life" or "enhanced living conditions" could be used. Additionally, using terms related to rehabilitation, such as "reintegration" or "reformation," would enrich the vocabulary.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that can lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "think diffirent" is grammatically incorrect and should be "think differently." Additionally, "make positively contribute" is awkward and should be revised to "make a positive contribution." The phrase "talented or gifted Criminal" is also misleading; it would be clearer to refer to "individuals with potential" rather than labeling them as criminals.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys the intended meaning. Reviewing phrases for grammatical correctness and clarity is essential. For instance, replacing "make positively contribute" with "make a positive contribution" would enhance clarity. Furthermore, ensuring that adjectives and nouns agree in number and form will improve overall precision.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "diffirent" (should be "different"), "reve" (should be "revive"), and "be able to make advancement" (should be "be able to make advancements"). These errors can distract the reader and undermine the writer’s credibility.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should adopt a systematic approach to proofreading. This can include reading the essay aloud to catch errors or using spell-check tools. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can help improve overall spelling skills. Regular reading can also expose the writer to correct spelling in context, which can reinforce learning.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of the topic and attempts to use a variety of vocabulary, improvements in lexical range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score. Focusing on these areas will enhance the clarity and effectiveness of the writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of sentence structures; however, the range is limited. For instance, the opening sentence uses a simple structure: "It is believed that the best way to reduce crime, is to teach prisoners so they can get a job after being released." This sentence could be improved by using a more complex structure, such as a conditional or a relative clause. Additionally, phrases like "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" indicate an attempt to structure the argument, but the overall complexity of the sentences remains low.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying "Education also allows them to make positively contribute to the society," you could say, "By providing education, prisoners not only gain the skills necessary for employment but also develop a sense of responsibility towards society." This approach would diversify the grammatical structures used and improve the overall flow of the essay.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its clarity. For example, the phrase "giving prisoners education forced them to change" should be "forces them to change" to maintain subject-verb agreement. Additionally, "think diffirent" should be corrected to "think differently." The use of commas is also inconsistent; for instance, the comma before "is to teach prisoners" is unnecessary and disrupts the flow of the sentence. Furthermore, the phrase "are be able to make advancement of a nation" is grammatically incorrect and should be revised to "are able to make advancements for the nation."
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay carefully for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement, incorrect word forms, and punctuation misuse. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can also help identify mistakes. Additionally, practicing writing complex sentences and varying sentence lengths can enhance grammatical skills. For example, instead of saying "In my point of view," consider using "From my perspective," which is more idiomatic and grammatically correct.

Overall, while the essay presents a clear argument, addressing the weaknesses in grammatical range and accuracy will significantly enhance its quality and coherence.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is widely acknowledged that the best way to reduce crime is to educate prisoners so they can get a job after being released. In my opinion, I completely agree that people in prison should receive education so they can have a better life after gaining their freedom.

On the one hand, providing prisoners with education compels them to change, think differently, and transform into new individuals due to improved personalities. Education also allows them to positively contribute to society, aiding civilians and their country in economic growth, tourism development, and other areas. On the other hand, talented or gifted criminals, after being released, can not only secure employment but also become influential leaders due to their skills and knowledge.

In conclusion, educated prisoners can contribute to the advancement of their nation and reduce crime rates in their country. In my view, every prison should implement education for prisoners to give them another chance to change their lives.