study freedom or just study the useful subjects in the university

In lower grades, students are required to study all subjects whatever they like it or not. So when going to university, the freedom to choose subjects as they like has a very positive impact on the quality of students’ learning
One of the main benefits of choosing subjects is that it will greatly motivate they and students will be more enthusiastic about their course. For example, like me, the person who love natural subjects. I can study many lessons in the week or do a lot of homework about those subjects. On the contrary, if the teacher force me to study geography or IT, I will feel sleepy because I don’t understand anything.
Another vital advantage is that it will help students to exploit their’s talent that thedid’t expect. Such as in the past I was very afraid of standing in front of a crownd so I never dared to express my opinion. When I’m going to high shool, I must to give a presentation in front of everyone. That’s why I realized my ability to present and persuade people is very good, which is something I never thought about.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"whatever they like it or not" -> "regardless of their preferences"
Explanation: The phrase "whatever they like it or not" is informal and grammatically incorrect. "Regardless of their preferences" is more formal and grammatically correct, fitting the academic style better.
"So when going to university" -> "Upon entering university"
Explanation: "So when going to university" is informal and lacks precision. "Upon entering university" is more formal and clearly indicates the transition from high school to university life.
"the freedom to choose subjects as they like" -> "the freedom to select subjects of their choice"
Explanation: "as they like" is informal and vague. "Of their choice" is more precise and formal, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"it will greatly motivate they" -> "it will significantly motivate them"
Explanation: "they" is incorrect in this context as it is a plural pronoun used incorrectly as a singular. "Them" is the correct pronoun to use with the singular verb "motivate." Additionally, "greatly" can be replaced with "significantly" for a more formal tone.
"the person who love natural subjects" -> "the individual who loves natural sciences"
Explanation: "the person who love" is grammatically incorrect and informal. "The individual who loves" corrects the grammatical error and uses a more formal term, "natural sciences," which is academically precise.
"I can study many lessons in the week or do a lot of homework about those subjects" -> "I can attend numerous classes each week or complete extensive homework assignments in these subjects"
Explanation: "study many lessons in the week" is informal and vague. "Attend numerous classes each week" is more precise and formal. Similarly, "do a lot of homework about those subjects" is informal; "complete extensive homework assignments in these subjects" is more formal and specific.
"the teacher force me" -> "the teacher forces me"
Explanation: "force" should be in the singular form "forces" to agree with the singular subject "teacher," and "me" should be used instead of "I" for subject-verb agreement in this context.
"I will feel sleepy because I don’t understand anything" -> "I will feel lethargic because I lack comprehension"
Explanation: "feel sleepy" is informal and vague. "Feel lethargic" is more precise and formal. "I don’t understand anything" is also informal; "I lack comprehension" is more academically appropriate.
"it will help students to exploit their’s talent" -> "it will enable students to exploit their talents"
Explanation: "their’s" is a possessive form that is grammatically incorrect. "Their talents" is the correct possessive form and is more formal and appropriate for academic writing.
"thedid’t expect" -> "they did not expect"
Explanation: "thedid’t" is a typographical error. Correcting it to "they did not" fixes the typo and maintains the formal tone.
"crownd" -> "crowd"
Explanation: "crownd" is a typographical error. "Crowd" is the correct spelling and is necessary for maintaining the integrity of the text.
"must to give a presentation" -> "must give a presentation"
Explanation: "must to" is grammatically incorrect. "Must give" is the correct form, aligning with the formal tone of academic writing.
"high shool" -> "high school"
Explanation: "high shool" is a typographical error. "High school" is the correct spelling and is necessary for maintaining the integrity of the text.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt regarding the benefits of studying subjects of interest versus useful subjects. However, it does not fully explore the implications of the debate, particularly the potential advantages of studying useful subjects. The focus is primarily on the benefits of freedom in subject selection, neglecting to consider the value of studying subjects that may not be personally appealing but are deemed useful for future careers or societal needs.
- How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the essay should include a discussion on the importance of studying useful subjects, perhaps by acknowledging that while personal interest is crucial, there are also practical considerations that can influence a student’s choice. Including a balanced view would enhance the depth of the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position advocating for the freedom to choose subjects based on personal interest. However, the position is not consistently reinforced throughout the essay. For instance, the transition from discussing motivation to personal anecdotes lacks a clear connection to the overarching argument about the benefits of subject choice.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should ensure that each paragraph ties back to the main argument. Using topic sentences that explicitly relate to the thesis can help guide the reader and reinforce the central stance throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas, such as motivation and personal talent discovery, but these ideas are not fully developed or supported with sufficient detail. For example, the anecdote about overcoming fear in high school is relevant but lacks elaboration on how this experience relates to the broader argument about subject choice.
- How to improve: To effectively present and support ideas, the writer should provide more detailed examples and explanations. Each point made should be followed by further elaboration, perhaps by discussing how personal interest in a subject can lead to better academic performance or career success. Including statistical data or research findings could also strengthen the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the benefits of choosing subjects based on personal interest. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly when discussing personal experiences that do not directly relate to the argument about subject choice.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should ensure that all examples and anecdotes directly support the main argument. It may be helpful to outline the essay before writing to ensure that each point made is relevant to the thesis and contributes to the overall discussion.

In summary, to improve the essay’s score, the writer should aim to address all parts of the prompt, maintain a consistent position, develop and support ideas more thoroughly, and stay focused on the topic throughout the essay. Additionally, ensuring that the essay meets the word count requirement is crucial for achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument in favor of allowing students to choose their subjects in university, which is a strong point. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from the introduction to the first point could be smoother. The essay jumps from discussing the general benefits of choice to a personal anecdote without a clear connective statement. The second paragraph introduces a new point about exploiting talents but lacks a clear link to the previous point about motivation.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that connect ideas more explicitly. For example, after stating the benefits of motivation, a sentence like "In addition to motivation, choosing subjects also allows students to discover and develop their hidden talents" would create a smoother transition to the next point. Structuring the essay with clear topic sentences for each paragraph can also help guide the reader through the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, which is a positive aspect. However, the effectiveness of these paragraphs could be improved. The first paragraph introduces the main argument but lacks depth and could benefit from more supporting details. The second paragraph, while personal and engaging, feels somewhat disconnected from the overall argument and lacks a clear structure.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should ideally start with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. For instance, the first paragraph could be divided into two: one focusing on motivation and another on talent exploitation. This would allow for a more in-depth exploration of each point. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph contains a concluding sentence that ties back to the main argument, reinforcing the overall coherence of the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "for example" and "on the contrary," which help to clarify relationships between ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some sentences feel abrupt or disjointed. For instance, the phrase "that’s why" is used to connect ideas but could be replaced with more varied transitions to enhance flow.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," "however," and "consequently." This will not only improve the flow of the essay but also demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used appropriately to maintain clarity and coherence, avoiding overuse that might lead to redundancy.

Overall, the essay presents a clear argument with some effective points, but improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will enhance coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, particularly in the context of discussing the benefits of subject choice in university. Phrases like "very positive impact," "greatly motivate," and "exploit their talent" show an attempt to use varied vocabulary. However, the range is somewhat limited, and there are instances of repetition, such as using "study" multiple times without synonyms or varied expressions.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer could incorporate synonyms and related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "study," alternatives like "pursue," "engage in," or "explore" could be utilized. Additionally, expanding the vocabulary around motivation and talent, such as using "inspire," "ignite passion," or "uncover potential," would enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "whatever they like it or not" is awkward and should be "whether they like it or not." The use of "the person who love natural subjects" should be "the person who loves natural subjects." These inaccuracies can confuse the reader and detract from the clarity of the argument.
- How to improve: The writer should focus on ensuring subject-verb agreement and proper phrase construction. Reading sentences aloud can help identify awkward phrases. Additionally, practicing with vocabulary exercises that emphasize context and usage can aid in selecting more precise words.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "thedid’t" (should be "they didn’t"), "crawnd" (should be "crowd"), and "shool" (should be "school"). These errors can disrupt the flow of reading and may lead to misunderstandings.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy, such as reading the essay backward or using spell-check tools. Regular practice with spelling exercises and maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words can also be beneficial. Additionally, writing more frequently and seeking feedback can help reinforce correct spelling habits.

Overall, while the essay shows potential with its ideas and structure, focusing on expanding vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and improving spelling will help elevate the Lexical Resource score in future writings.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, lacking the complexity that can enhance the writing. For example, the sentence "In lower grades, students are required to study all subjects whatever they like it or not" is a straightforward statement but could benefit from more varied structures. Additionally, phrases like "the person who love natural subjects" show a lack of grammatical variation and complexity.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences, such as those that use subordinate clauses or relative clauses. For instance, instead of saying "the person who love natural subjects," the writer could say, "As someone who loves natural subjects, I find that I am more engaged when I can choose my courses." Practicing the use of different sentence types, such as conditional sentences or using introductory phrases, will also help enhance the variety in writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors that impact clarity and coherence. For example, "the freedom to choose subjects as they like has a very positive impact on the quality of students’ learning" could be improved by changing "they" to "them" for grammatical correctness. Additionally, the phrase "thedid’t expect" is a typographical error that should be corrected to "they didn’t expect." Punctuation is also inconsistent, such as the lack of commas in complex sentences, which can lead to run-on sentences and confusion.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, proper use of pronouns, and correcting typographical errors. Regular practice with grammar exercises can help reinforce these concepts. Additionally, proofreading the essay for punctuation errors and ensuring that commas are used correctly in complex sentences will improve overall clarity. Utilizing grammar-checking tools can also provide immediate feedback on errors that need to be addressed.

In summary, to achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on expanding their range of sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy and punctuation. Regular practice, along with careful proofreading, will greatly enhance the quality of their writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In lower grades, students are required to study all subjects, regardless of their preferences. So, upon entering university, the freedom to choose subjects they like has a very positive impact on the quality of students’ learning.

One of the main benefits of choosing subjects is that it will greatly motivate them, and students will be more enthusiastic about their courses. For example, I am an individual who loves natural sciences. I can attend numerous classes each week or complete extensive homework assignments in these subjects. On the contrary, if the teacher forces me to study geography or IT, I will feel lethargic because I lack comprehension.

Another vital advantage is that it will help students to exploit their talents that they did not expect. In the past, I was very afraid of standing in front of a crowd, so I never dared to express my opinion. When I was going to high school, I had to give a presentation in front of everyone. That’s when I realized my ability to present and persuade people is very good, which is something I never thought about.