Study shows that many criminals have low levels of education. For this reason, some people believe that the best way to reduce crime is to educate people in prison, so that they can get a job when they leave prison. Do you agree or disagree?
Crime has been a topic of debate for recent years. Because some researchs indicate that large number of criminals have poor education, many people believe the most appropiate way to reduce crime is teaching them in prison in order to provide job oppotunities in the future. In my oppinion, this view point is accurate to a certain extend.
On the one hand, low education crime includes a lot of different types of villains, which means the method of prisonal educating might only be appropriate for some of them. Initially, most low education criminals coming from lower social class might usually be guilty of plunder since they have humble financial stage and could not receive enough education to get a job. In fact, teaching them during the prison time could be the highest privilege and potential opportunity for them to get a career in their later life, which corresponds to eliminate the reason behind their crime and reduce the proportion of crime in the society since they might not relapse the deleterious actions twice. Additionally, other villains with the similar light punishment and still have moral or reform mindset should also get education in prison. To be specific, most of these people have not dramatically influenced others lives too much, as they still want a chance to change their lives, they would try their best to use the education they get. Since this type of sentences allow the conviects to get in touch with society as well as provide moral lessons, prisoners could augment the pro-social attitudes and behaviors.
On the other hand, there are multiple reasons explaining why prisonal educating might not be feasible in some situations. To begin with, many lawbreakers have low education due to their cognitive limitations. To be specific, as some criminals who suffer from neurological diseases, they might not have enough physical and mental conditions to absorb vocational training in prison. Therefore, this kind of victims should be judged with other disciplines. For example, in Vietnam, most of neurological criminals are moved to tranquilizer facilities for mental illness treatment before return to the sentences. Moreover, some hardened criminals who act out violently and show no remorse might be unimpacted by moral lessons. Since crimminal thoughts deeply ingrained in their mind, re-educate training might make little difference in their future behaviours and attitudes. As a result, incareeration and death of sentence should be executed to keep them away from law-abioling citizens. These disciplines could also deter prospective criminals from committing crimes, being deterent factor for would-be lawbreakers.
In conclusion, I partly agree with the statement which encourages prisonal education because rehabilitation might be only appropriate for certain types of criminals such as those who have positive attitudes to be re-educated. Consequently, other measures including incareeration and death of sentence should be implemented simultaneously to reduce crime rates for society.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
"researchs" -> "research"
Explanation: "Research" is a mass noun, and in this context, it should be used in its singular form to refer to the collective body of research studies.
"appropiate" -> "appropriate"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling to "appropriate" maintains the formal tone and accuracy of the word.
"view point" -> "viewpoint"
Explanation: "Viewpoint" is a single word when referring to an opinion or perspective, ensuring proper usage and formality.
"low education crime" -> "crimes committed by individuals with limited education"
Explanation: Restructuring the phrase into a more formal and descriptive format maintains clarity while avoiding the use of "low education crime," which is not standard academic terminology.
"prisonal" -> "prison"
Explanation: "Prisonal" is not a standard term; replacing it with "prison" is more appropriate and conventional in academic writing.
"villains" -> "offenders" or "criminals"
Explanation: "Villains" has a slightly informal connotation. Replacing it with "offenders" or "criminals" maintains a formal tone suitable for academic writing.
"plunder" -> "petty theft" or "minor theft"
Explanation: "Plunder" is an archaic term in this context. Using "petty theft" or "minor theft" better describes the type of crime being discussed.
"humble financial stage" -> "limited financial means" or "financial constraints"
Explanation: The phrase "humble financial stage" is unclear and informal. Replacing it with "limited financial means" or "financial constraints" clarifies the idea in a more formal manner.
"prisonal time" -> "time in prison"
Explanation: "Prisonal time" is not a standard phrase. Using "time in prison" is more conventional and formal.
"relapse" -> "repeat"
Explanation: "Relapse" is more commonly used in the context of health-related issues. "Repeat" better suits the idea of committing the same crime again.
"deleterious actions" -> "harmful actions"
Explanation: While "deleterious" is formal, "harmful" is clearer and more widely understood in this context.
"conviects" -> "convicts"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling from "conviects" to "convicts" ensures accuracy and clarity in academic writing.
"tranquilizer facilities" -> "mental health facilities"
Explanation: "Tranquilizer facilities" could be misunderstood; using "mental health facilities" is more precise and understandable.
"incareeration" -> "incarceration"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling to "incarceration" ensures proper usage of the term in a formal context.
"law-abioling" -> "law-abiding"
Explanation: Correcting "law-abioling" to "law-abiding" rectifies the spelling error, providing the appropriate term for individuals who follow the law.
"incareeration and death of sentence" -> "imprisonment and capital punishment"
Explanation: Using "imprisonment" and "capital punishment" offers clearer and more standard terminology for these legal actions.
"inconclusion" -> "In conclusion"
Explanation: Beginning with "In conclusion" instead of "inconclusion" aligns with formal writing conventions.
"prisonal education" -> "educational programs in prisons"
Explanation: "Prisonal education" lacks precision; using "educational programs in prisons" specifies the type of education provided within prisons.
"re-educate training" -> "rehabilitative training"
Explanation: "Re-educate training" is redundant; "rehabilitative training" is a more precise term for the intended meaning.
"incareeration" -> "incarceration"
Explanation: Repeated correction of the spelling to "incarceration" for consistency and accuracy in academic writing.
These adjustments enhance the essay’s formality, precision, and clarity, aligning the language with academic standards while maintaining natural readability.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Quoted text: "Because some researchs indicate that large number of criminals have poor education, many people believe the most appropiate way to reduce crime is teaching them in prison in order to provide job oppotunities in the future."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction lacks clarity in presenting your position on the topic. While you touch upon the idea that educating prisoners could reduce crime, your stance is not explicitly stated. It would enhance your essay if you clearly express whether you agree or disagree with the statement. A revised introduction could be: "Some research suggests a correlation between low education and criminal behavior. This has led to the belief that educating prisoners during their time in jail can reduce crime rates by providing future job opportunities. In this essay, I will discuss the merits of this viewpoint and present my perspective."
- Improved example: "Some research suggests a correlation between low education and criminal behavior. This has led to the belief that educating prisoners during their time in jail can reduce crime rates by providing future job opportunities. In this essay, I will discuss the merits of this viewpoint and present my perspective."
Quoted text: "low education crime includes a lot of different types of villains, which means the method of prisonal educating might only be appropriate for some of them."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The expression "villains" might be considered too informal for an academic essay. It would be advisable to use a more neutral term like "offenders" or "individuals." Additionally, your argument is somewhat unclear, and the idea could be more refined. Specify which types of offenders would benefit most from educational programs in prison. For instance, you could say, "Educational programs may be particularly effective for individuals from lower socio-economic backgrounds, addressing the root causes of crimes such as theft due to financial hardship."
- Improved example: "Low education levels are associated with various types of offenders, suggesting that educational programs in prison might be more suitable for certain individuals. For instance, these programs could be particularly effective for individuals from lower socio-economic backgrounds, addressing the root causes of crimes such as theft due to financial hardship."
Quoted text: "To be specific, most of these people have not dramatically influenced others lives too much, as they still want a chance to change their lives, they would try their best to use the education they get."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: Your argument here lacks specificity and coherence. It would be beneficial to provide concrete examples or scenarios to illustrate your point. For instance, you could offer a hypothetical situation where an offender, through education, transforms their mindset and becomes a productive member of society.
- Improved example: "For instance, consider an individual convicted of a non-violent crime who, despite lacking significant impact on others’ lives, expresses a genuine desire for change. Through education, they can acquire skills that contribute to their rehabilitation, increasing the likelihood of successful reintegration into society."
Overall, the essay demonstrates a reasonable understanding of the topic, but improvements in thesis clarity, language formality, and specific examples to support your points would enhance the overall effectiveness of your argument.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
The essay demonstrates overall coherence and cohesion but has some issues in organization and cohesion within sentences. The essay maintains a general logical progression, and there is a clear central topic within each paragraph. However, there are instances of faulty or mechanical cohesion within and between sentences, affecting the overall flow of ideas. The use of cohesive devices is effective to some extent, but there are instances of inaccuracies and repetition. Paragraphing is used, but not always logically.
How to improve:
- Sentence Cohesion: Ensure that cohesive devices are used more precisely and accurately. Review sentences for clarity and logical connections between ideas.
- Avoid Repetition: Pay attention to the use of repetitive phrases or expressions. Vary your language to enhance coherence.
- Logical Paragraphing: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear focus and follows a logical order. Make sure the progression of ideas is evident within and between paragraphs.
- Grammar and Clarity: Review the essay for grammatical accuracy and clarity. Some sentences may require rephrasing for better cohesion.
Overall, the essay has potential for improvement, especially in refining the use of cohesive devices and enhancing the logical flow of ideas within and between sentences.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, allowing for some flexibility and precision. The writer employs less common lexical items with awareness of style and collocation. While occasional errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation are present, they do not significantly impede communication. The essay effectively conveys the writer’s viewpoint on the role of education in reducing crime.
How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource and move towards a higher band score, focus on refining the use of less common vocabulary, paying attention to accuracy in word choice and collocation. Additionally, meticulous proofreading can help eliminate occasional errors in spelling and word formation. Strive for more consistency in maintaining a sophisticated control of lexical features throughout the essay.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
The essay demonstrates a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones, showcasing a reasonable level of grammatical range. However, there are notable grammatical errors throughout the essay, such as issues with subject-verb agreement, word choice, and article use. Despite these errors, the overall control of grammar and punctuation is good enough to maintain clarity, and the essay effectively communicates the ideas.
How to improve:
Grammar Accuracy: Pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement, word choice, and article use. Proofread the essay to catch and correct these errors.
Sentence Structure: Continue to incorporate a variety of sentence structures, but ensure that each sentence is grammatically correct. This will enhance both complexity and accuracy.
Vocabulary Precision: Work on using more precise and appropriate vocabulary. This will contribute to a more refined expression of ideas.
Proofreading: Develop a habit of proofreading your essays to identify and rectify grammatical errors before submission.
Overall, the essay has a solid foundation but needs refinement in grammatical accuracy to achieve a higher band score.
Bài sửa mẫu
Crime has become a prominent subject of discussion in recent years. Studies indicating a significant link between low education and criminal activity have led many to advocate for educating individuals in prison as a means to offer job opportunities upon release. In my view, this perspective holds merit, albeit with certain limitations.
On one hand, it’s important to recognize that not all criminals with low education levels would benefit equally from educational programs within prisons. Primarily, individuals from disadvantaged backgrounds often resort to crime due to financial struggles and lack of educational opportunities. For them, receiving education during incarceration could serve as a valuable chance to secure future employment, potentially addressing the root causes of their criminal actions and reducing the overall crime rate. Furthermore, offenders who show remorse and express a desire to reform should also be eligible for educational initiatives in prison. This approach not only facilitates their integration back into society but also fosters a more positive outlook and behavior among inmates.
Conversely, there are instances where prison education might not be feasible or effective. For instance, some offenders have cognitive limitations, such as neurological disorders, which hinder their ability to benefit from vocational training during their sentence. In these cases, alternative measures, like specialized facilities providing mental health treatment, could be more appropriate. Additionally, individuals displaying extreme violence and a lack of remorse may remain unaffected by moral teachings or educational programs. For such hardened criminals, stricter forms of punishment, such as long-term incarceration or life sentences, might be necessary to safeguard society and deter potential offenders.
To conclude, I partially agree with the notion of providing educational opportunities in prisons, as it can be instrumental in the rehabilitation of certain types of offenders, particularly those displaying a willingness to reform. However, it’s essential to complement such initiatives with other measures, such as tailored interventions for those with cognitive limitations, and stricter sentences for irredeemable offenders. This multifaceted approach holds promise in reducing crime rates and ensuring a safer society for all.