Studying abroad can be an exciting opportunity for many young people, while it may have some advantages, some students prefer to stay home to avoid the difficulties they may have when living in a different culture. What is your opinion?

In today's ever-evolving world, there is an opinion that many young people tend to avoid the difficulties of living in a novel culture albeit the great and exciting opportunities it brings. While acknowledging the potential drawbacks of this phenomenon, I strongly believe that studying abroad can act as a catalyst for students to transcend their borders and widen their horizons.
Granted, one might argue that studying abroad can be overly considered as a negative phenomenon and they would rather choose to stay at home. In fact, studying abroad can be a very challenging journey, not only do students have to adapt to the new language and new environment but also about new cultures and traditions. Besides, these trials can also affect badly to their mental health; as they might have to face various challenges and difficulties all at once, causing turmoilous, languorous, and depression in the aftermath. Take for example, based on a study conducted by Forbes, 70% of students who choose to study abroad in the UK tend to undergo depression and languorous in both the application period as well as after studying in a different culture. As a result, it is reasonable for some students to prefer studying in their nations.
Nevertheless, it is crucial to elucidate the reasons why some individuals consider studying abroad can be a very exhilarating journey. Indeed, students who study abroad have a great opportunity to step out of their comfort zone. By contacting different cultures, international students have a better chance to widen their intellectual horizons when studying in nations where proficient at the major they take as well as these environments can help them to develop their soft skills such as communication, time management, debation, and negotiation to assist in their future. A salient illustration of this point is that students who are successfully admitted by Havard, Upenn, or Yale have a better opportunity to attend courses with proficient professors and high-quality facilities.
All things considered, despite some individuals consider studying abroad as a tedious and languorous journey because they are afraid of the possible difficulties they might face. I strongly believe that the advantages it brings would outweigh the disadvantages by assisting academic environments with intellectuals and developing soft skills for their future.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In today’s ever-evolving world" -> "In the contemporary world"
Explanation: "Contemporary" is a more precise and academically appropriate term than "ever-evolving," which can sound overly dramatic and vague in this context.
"tend to avoid the difficulties" -> "often avoid the challenges"
Explanation: "Often" is more specific and less colloquial than "tend to," and "challenges" is a more formal synonym for "difficulties."
"albeit the great and exciting opportunities it brings" -> "despite the significant opportunities it offers"
Explanation: "Despite" is more formal than "albeit," and "significant" is more precise than "great and exciting," which is overly emotive for academic writing.
"can be overly considered as a negative phenomenon" -> "may be viewed as a negative phenomenon"
Explanation: "May be viewed" is more formal and less absolute than "can be overly considered," which is awkwardly phrased.
"they would rather choose to stay at home" -> "they prefer to remain at home"
Explanation: "Prefer to remain" is more formal and concise than "would rather choose," which is redundant.
"not only do students have to adapt" -> "students must not only adapt"
Explanation: "Must not only" is a more formal way to express necessity and emphasizes the requirement.
"about new cultures and traditions" -> "to new cultures and traditions"
Explanation: "To" is the correct preposition for indicating movement towards something, whereas "about" is incorrect in this context.
"affect badly to their mental health" -> "negatively affect their mental health"
Explanation: "Negatively affect" is a more precise and formal way to describe the impact on mental health.
"turmoilous, languorous, and depression" -> "turmoil, languor, and depression"
Explanation: "Turmoilous" and "languorous" are not standard words; "turmoil" and "languor" are the correct terms.
"70% of students who choose to study abroad in the UK tend to undergo depression and languorous" -> "70% of students studying abroad in the UK often experience depression and languor"
Explanation: "Often experience" is more accurate and formal than "tend to undergo," and "languor" is the correct form.
"it is reasonable for some students to prefer studying in their nations" -> "it is reasonable for some students to prefer studying in their home countries"
Explanation: "Home countries" is a more specific and formal term than "nations."
"consider studying abroad can be a very exhilarating journey" -> "studying abroad can be a highly stimulating experience"
Explanation: "Highly stimulating experience" is more formal and precise than "very exhilarating journey."
"By contacting different cultures" -> "By engaging with different cultures"
Explanation: "Engaging with" is a more precise and formal way to describe interaction with cultures.
"proficient at the major they take" -> "specializing in their chosen major"
Explanation: "Specializing in their chosen major" is more precise and formal than "proficient at the major they take."
"debation" -> "debate"
Explanation: "Debate" is the correct spelling.
"despite some individuals consider" -> "although some individuals consider"
Explanation: "Although" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing than "despite" in this context.
"tedious and languorous journey" -> "arduous and challenging journey"
Explanation: "Arduous and challenging" are more precise and formal terms than "tedious and languorous."
"because they are afraid of the possible difficulties they might face" -> "because they fear the potential challenges they may encounter"
Explanation: "Fear the potential challenges they may encounter" is more formal and precise than "are afraid of the possible difficulties they might face."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both sides of the argument regarding studying abroad versus staying home, which is a key requirement of the prompt. The writer acknowledges the potential drawbacks of studying abroad, such as mental health challenges and cultural adaptation, while also presenting the advantages, including personal growth and academic opportunities. However, the discussion of the opposing viewpoint is somewhat limited and lacks depth. For instance, while the essay mentions the challenges faced by students, it does not explore the reasons behind their preferences for staying home in detail.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should delve deeper into the reasons why some students prefer to stay home, providing specific examples or statistics to support this viewpoint. This could involve discussing factors such as financial constraints, family obligations, or the comfort of familiar surroundings.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer presents a clear position in favor of studying abroad, stating that it can be a catalyst for personal and academic growth. However, there are moments where the phrasing could be more assertive, particularly in the conclusion, where the language becomes slightly convoluted. The phrase "despite some individuals consider studying abroad as a tedious and languorous journey" could be clearer and more direct.
- How to improve: To maintain a strong and consistent position, the writer should use more definitive language throughout the essay. Additionally, reinforcing the main argument in the conclusion with a concise summary of the key benefits of studying abroad would strengthen the overall position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to the benefits of studying abroad, such as cultural exposure and skill development. However, some points lack sufficient elaboration. For example, while the essay mentions the development of soft skills, it does not provide specific examples of how these skills are cultivated in an international setting. The use of a statistic from Forbes adds credibility, but the connection to the overall argument could be clearer.
- How to improve: To improve the support for ideas, the writer should expand on key points with specific examples or anecdotes that illustrate the benefits of studying abroad. For instance, discussing how a particular experience abroad led to the development of communication skills would provide a more compelling argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the pros and cons of studying abroad. However, there are instances where the focus shifts slightly, particularly in the discussion of mental health challenges. While relevant, this point could be more tightly connected to the overall argument about the advantages of studying abroad.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each paragraph directly ties back to the central argument. When discussing challenges, it would be beneficial to immediately follow up with how overcoming these challenges can lead to personal growth, thereby reinforcing the main thesis.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the prompt and presents a clear opinion, there are areas for improvement in depth of argumentation, clarity of position, and support for ideas. By addressing these aspects, the writer can enhance their overall effectiveness and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument in favor of studying abroad, with a logical progression from acknowledging the challenges to highlighting the benefits. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and the body paragraphs each tackle distinct aspects of the argument. However, the transition between the acknowledgment of challenges and the benefits could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing mental health issues to the opportunities of studying abroad feels abrupt and could benefit from a clearer transitional phrase or sentence.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the challenges to the benefits. For example, after discussing the drawbacks, a sentence like, "Despite these challenges, the potential benefits of studying abroad are significant," could help create a more cohesive transition.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The first paragraph introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, the second discusses the challenges, and the third elaborates on the benefits. However, the second paragraph could be split into two to better separate the discussion of challenges and the evidence provided (the Forbes study). This would allow for a clearer focus on each point.
- How to improve: Consider breaking the second paragraph into two distinct paragraphs: one that discusses the challenges of studying abroad and another that presents the evidence from the Forbes study. This would enhance clarity and allow for a more thorough exploration of each point.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "while," "besides," and "nevertheless," which help to connect ideas. However, there is a reliance on a limited range of cohesive devices, and some phrases are used repetitively (e.g., "languorous"). Additionally, the use of cohesive devices could be more varied to improve the overall flow of the essay.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "on the other hand," "furthermore," "in contrast," and "consequently." This will not only enhance the flow of the essay but also demonstrate a greater command of language. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "besides," consider using "in addition" or "furthermore" to introduce additional points.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument. By focusing on improving transitions, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices, the writer can elevate the coherence and cohesion of their essay further.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms like "exhilarating," "transcend," and "catalyst" showcasing a higher level of lexical sophistication. However, there are instances of repetition and limited variation in word choice, particularly with phrases like "new culture" and "languorous," which appear multiple times without sufficient synonyms or alternatives.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer could incorporate synonyms or related phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "new culture," alternatives such as "foreign culture," "different cultural context," or "unfamiliar cultural environment" could be employed. Additionally, diversifying adjectives and verbs throughout the essay would enrich the overall lexical variety.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay includes some precise vocabulary, there are notable instances of imprecise usage. For example, the term "turmoilous" is not standard English; the correct term would be "tumultuous." Additionally, the phrase "affect badly to their mental health" is awkward and could be more clearly expressed as "negatively impact their mental health."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should ensure that they use standard and widely accepted vocabulary. A thorough proofreading process can help identify non-standard terms. Moreover, using phrases like "have a detrimental effect on" instead of "affect badly to" would enhance clarity and precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "languorous" (which is used correctly but may not fit the context) and "Havard" (which should be "Harvard"). These errors can detract from the overall quality of the writing and may confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular practice, such as using spelling apps or tools that provide feedback on written work. Additionally, reading extensively can help reinforce correct spelling and familiarize the writer with proper word forms. Implementing a final proofreading step focused solely on spelling before submission would also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a commendable level of lexical resource with a band score of 7, there are areas for improvement, particularly in expanding vocabulary range, ensuring precise word choice, and enhancing spelling accuracy. By addressing these aspects, the writer can aim for a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and a mix of simple and compound sentences. For instance, the opening sentence effectively uses a complex structure: "there is an opinion that many young people tend to avoid the difficulties of living in a novel culture albeit the great and exciting opportunities it brings." This showcases the writer’s ability to convey nuanced ideas. However, some sentences are overly complex or awkwardly constructed, such as "not only do students have to adapt to the new language and new environment but also about new cultures and traditions," which could be clearer. The use of phrases like "turmoilous, languorous, and depression in the aftermath" also indicates an attempt at sophistication but lacks clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, the writer should aim for clarity and conciseness. Simplifying overly complex sentences and ensuring that each part of a compound structure is parallel can improve readability. For example, instead of "not only do students have to adapt to the new language and new environment but also about new cultures and traditions," the writer could say, "students must adapt to a new language, environment, and culture." Additionally, incorporating more varied sentence beginnings and transitional phrases can create a smoother flow.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall quality. For example, the phrase "studying abroad can be overly considered as a negative phenomenon" is awkwardly phrased; "overly considered" is not a standard collocation. Additionally, the sentence "these trials can also affect badly to their mental health" contains incorrect word order; it should be "affect their mental health badly." Punctuation errors are also present, such as the lack of commas in complex sentences, which can lead to confusion. For instance, "as they might have to face various challenges and difficulties all at once, causing turmoilous, languorous, and depression in the aftermath" could benefit from clearer punctuation to separate ideas.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should review basic grammar rules, particularly concerning sentence structure and word choice. Practicing with grammar exercises focused on common errors can be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading for punctuation errors and ensuring that commas are used correctly in complex sentences will enhance clarity. Reading more academic texts can also help the writer internalize correct grammatical structures and punctuation usage.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear opinion, focusing on refining sentence structure and improving grammatical accuracy will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In today’s ever-evolving world, there is a prevalent opinion that many young people often avoid the challenges of living in a new culture, despite the significant opportunities it offers. While acknowledging the potential drawbacks of this phenomenon, I strongly believe that studying abroad can act as a catalyst for students to transcend their borders and broaden their horizons.

Granted, one might argue that studying abroad may be viewed as a negative phenomenon, leading some students to prefer staying at home. In fact, studying abroad can be a highly stimulating yet challenging journey; not only must students adapt to a new language and environment, but they also have to navigate new cultures and traditions. Moreover, these trials can negatively affect their mental health, as they may face various challenges and difficulties all at once, resulting in turmoil, languor, and depression. For instance, a study conducted by Forbes reveals that 70% of students studying abroad in the UK often experience depression and languor during both the application period and after immersing themselves in a different culture. Consequently, it is reasonable for some students to prefer studying in their home countries.

Nevertheless, it is crucial to elucidate the reasons why some individuals consider studying abroad to be an exhilarating journey. Indeed, students who study abroad have a remarkable opportunity to step out of their comfort zones. By engaging with different cultures, international students can significantly widen their intellectual horizons while studying in countries that excel in their chosen majors. Additionally, these environments can help them develop essential soft skills such as communication, time management, debate, and negotiation, which will assist them in their future careers. A salient illustration of this point is that students who are successfully admitted to prestigious institutions like Harvard, UPenn, or Yale have better opportunities to attend courses with proficient professors and access high-quality facilities.

All things considered, despite some individuals viewing studying abroad as an arduous and challenging journey because they fear the potential challenges they may encounter, I strongly believe that the advantages it brings outweigh the disadvantages. The experience not only enriches academic environments with intellectual diversity but also fosters the development of vital soft skills for their futures.