Studying abroad is more and more popular. Do you think it is positive or negative development?
Studying abroad is more and more popular. Do you think it is positive or negative development?
Studying abroad can cause students to face significant challenges in adapting to the culture. Language barriers, different education systems, and unfamiliar social norms can make it difficult to integrate into a new society. Homesickness, loneliness and feelings of isolation are common experiences for many students away from home. Perhaps the best example of this would be a study conducted by the British Council found that almost half of international students reported experiencing some form of culture shock during their first year abroad.
Although I mostly support the aforementioned point, to play the devil's advocate, l would entertain a counter-argument. Granted, studying abroad provides a unique opportunity for personal growth. Given that living independently in a foreign country necessitates developing a range of life skills, such as time management, problem-solving, and adaptability. As an example, my friend, who has never cooked before might be forced to learn how to prepare meals in their environment. Such experiences can boost self-confidence and resilience, qualities that are highly valued in both personal and professional life.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"Studying abroad can cause students to face" -> "Studying abroad may lead students to encounter"
Explanation: Replacing "can cause" with "may lead" softens the tone and introduces a more academic nuance, suggesting possibility rather than certainty, which is more appropriate in academic writing. -
"significant challenges in adapting to the culture" -> "substantial challenges in adapting to the cultural environment"
Explanation: "Substantial" is more precise than "significant" in this context, and "cultural environment" is a more formal and encompassing term than "culture," which is more specific. -
"Language barriers, different education systems, and unfamiliar social norms" -> "Language barriers, disparate educational systems, and unfamiliar social norms"
Explanation: "Disparate" is a more precise term than "different" in describing the distinctiveness of the educational systems, and it maintains an academic tone. -
"Homesickness, loneliness and feelings of isolation" -> "Homesickness, loneliness, and feelings of isolation"
Explanation: Removing the comma after "loneliness" corrects the punctuation error and maintains the formal tone. -
"Perhaps the best example of this would be" -> "A notable example of this is"
Explanation: "A notable example of this is" is more direct and formal, avoiding the colloquial tone of "perhaps the best." -
"to play the devil’s advocate" -> "to assume an opposing perspective"
Explanation: "To assume an opposing perspective" is a more formal and academically appropriate way to indicate taking a counter-argumentative stance. -
"l would entertain a counter-argument" -> "I would consider an opposing viewpoint"
Explanation: Correcting the typo "l" to "I" and replacing "entertain" with "consider" refines the language to be more formal and precise. -
"Given that living independently in a foreign country necessitates developing" -> "Given the necessity of developing"
Explanation: Simplifying the phrase to "Given the necessity of developing" streamlines the sentence and enhances clarity, while maintaining formality. -
"Such experiences can boost self-confidence and resilience" -> "Such experiences can enhance self-confidence and resilience"
Explanation: "Enhance" is a more precise and formal verb than "boost," which is somewhat colloquial. -
"qualities that are highly valued in both personal and professional life" -> "qualities highly valued in both personal and professional spheres"
Explanation: Replacing "life" with "spheres" provides a more precise and formal term, aligning better with academic style.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the challenges and benefits of studying abroad. However, it does not explicitly state whether the author believes this trend is positive or negative, which is crucial for fully answering the question. The mention of challenges such as culture shock and homesickness suggests a negative viewpoint, but the lack of a definitive stance leaves the reader unclear about the author’s position.
- How to improve: To improve, the author should clearly state their position in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. A more explicit statement of whether studying abroad is a positive or negative development would help ensure all parts of the question are addressed.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay hints at a supportive view of the challenges faced by students studying abroad, it also introduces a counter-argument without clearly indicating which side is favored. This ambivalence can confuse readers about the author’s true stance. The phrase "I mostly support the aforementioned point" is vague and does not convey a strong position.
- How to improve: The author should adopt a clear position from the beginning and maintain it throughout the essay. Using phrases like "I believe" or "In my opinion" can help clarify the author’s stance. Additionally, the counter-argument should be more clearly framed as a consideration rather than a main point.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some relevant ideas, such as culture shock and personal growth, but they are not fully developed. The example of the friend learning to cook is a good illustration of personal growth, but it lacks depth and connection to the overall argument about studying abroad. The supporting evidence from the British Council study is a strong point, but it could be better integrated into the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the author should expand on each point with more detailed examples and explanations. For instance, elaborating on how overcoming culture shock can lead to personal growth would provide a stronger connection between the challenges and benefits of studying abroad.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the challenges and benefits of studying abroad. However, the lack of a clear position and insufficient development of ideas can lead to a perception of drifting from the main topic. The introduction of the counter-argument feels somewhat disconnected from the overall argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that every paragraph contributes directly to supporting their stated position. Each point made should tie back to the central argument regarding whether studying abroad is a positive or negative development. Additionally, a more structured approach, such as clearly defined paragraphs for challenges and benefits, could help reinforce the topic’s relevance.
In summary, to improve the essay and potentially raise the band score, the author should clearly state their position, develop their ideas more thoroughly, and ensure all points are directly relevant to the prompt.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with the challenges of studying abroad before transitioning to the benefits. This logical progression helps the reader follow the argument. However, the shift between the negative aspects and the counter-argument could be more clearly delineated. For instance, the phrase "to play the devil’s advocate" introduces the counter-argument but could benefit from a more explicit transition to signal this change in perspective.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that explicitly state the main idea. For example, after discussing the challenges, a sentence like "Despite these challenges, studying abroad can also offer significant benefits" would provide a smoother transition.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with one focusing on the challenges and another on the benefits. However, the second paragraph could be further developed to maintain balance with the first. The current paragraph on benefits feels somewhat rushed and lacks depth compared to the challenges discussed in the first paragraph.
- How to improve: Aim for a more balanced approach by expanding the second paragraph. Include additional examples or elaboration on the benefits of studying abroad. For instance, discussing how exposure to diverse cultures can enhance global awareness would add depth and support the argument more robustly.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "although," "granted," and "as an example," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where transitions could be smoother. For example, the transition from discussing challenges to benefits could be more fluid, as the current phrasing feels abrupt.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, using "on the other hand" or "in contrast" to introduce the counter-argument would enhance clarity. Additionally, consider using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas, which can help reduce repetition and improve cohesion.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, there are opportunities for improvement in logical organization, paragraph development, and the use of cohesive devices. By addressing these areas, the essay could achieve a higher band score in this criterion.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary. Terms such as "culture shock," "homesickness," "personal growth," and "adaptability" are appropriately used and relevant to the topic. The use of phrases like "play the devil’s advocate" and "unique opportunity" shows an ability to express nuanced ideas. However, there are instances where more varied vocabulary could enhance the essay. For example, instead of repeating "students" and "abroad," synonyms like "learners" or "international locations" could be employed to avoid redundancy.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, consider incorporating synonyms and related terms throughout the essay. For instance, instead of saying "students," you could use "pupils," "scholars," or "individuals." Additionally, exploring more sophisticated adjectives or adverbs would enrich the language, such as replacing "significant challenges" with "considerable obstacles."
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with a good degree of precision. The phrase "different education systems" accurately conveys the idea of varying academic structures. However, there are moments of imprecision, such as "the aforementioned point," which could be clearer if specified. The phrase "my friend, who has never cooked before" could also be more succinctly expressed as "a novice cook."
- How to improve: To improve precision, ensure that all references are clear and specific. Instead of "the aforementioned point," consider rephrasing to directly restate the idea, such as "the challenges of adapting to a new culture." Additionally, strive for clarity in descriptions; for example, instead of "my friend, who has never cooked before," you could say "a friend with no prior cooking experience."
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors. Words such as "adapt," "experience," and "confidence" are spelled correctly, which contributes positively to the overall impression of the writing. However, attention should be paid to the use of contractions and informal language, as seen in "l would entertain," which should be corrected to "I would entertain."
- How to improve: To maintain spelling accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay for minor errors, particularly with contractions and informal expressions. Regular practice with spelling exercises and utilizing tools such as spell checkers can help reinforce correct spelling habits. Additionally, reading extensively can improve familiarity with word forms and their correct spellings.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary, with room for improvement in variety, precision, and minor spelling corrections. Focusing on these areas will help elevate the lexical resource score in future writing tasks.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences such as "Although I mostly support the aforementioned point, to play the devil’s advocate, I would entertain a counter-argument" effectively convey nuanced ideas. Additionally, the use of conditional structures, as seen in "my friend, who has never cooked before might be forced to learn how to prepare meals," showcases the ability to express hypothetical situations. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and a lack of more advanced structures like inversion or varied clause placements.
- How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied sentence openings and using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "studying abroad," try varying the subject or using introductory phrases. Additionally, experimenting with different ways to embed clauses or using participial phrases can add sophistication to the writing.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are some notable errors. For example, the phrase "a study conducted by the British Council found that almost half of international students reported experiencing some form of culture shock during their first year abroad" is missing a comma after "Council," which could enhance clarity. Additionally, the sentence "my friend, who has never cooked before might be forced to learn how to prepare meals in their environment" lacks a comma before "might," which is necessary for proper clause separation. These errors, while minor, can detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to punctuation rules, particularly with commas in complex sentences. Regularly reviewing grammar rules and practicing with exercises focused on punctuation can be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading the essay for common grammatical errors before submission can help catch these mistakes. Consider using tools like grammar checkers or seeking feedback from peers to identify areas needing correction.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining punctuation will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.
Bài sửa mẫu
Studying abroad may lead students to encounter substantial challenges in adapting to the cultural environment. Language barriers, disparate educational systems, and unfamiliar social norms can make it difficult to integrate into a new society. Homesickness, loneliness, and feelings of isolation are common experiences for many students away from home. A notable example of this is a study conducted by the British Council, which found that almost half of international students reported experiencing some form of culture shock during their first year abroad.
Although I mostly support the aforementioned point, I would consider an opposing viewpoint. Granted, studying abroad provides a unique opportunity for personal growth. Given the necessity of developing a range of life skills, such as time management, problem-solving, and adaptability, living independently in a foreign country can be transformative. For instance, my friend, who had never cooked before, was compelled to learn how to prepare meals in their new environment. Such experiences can enhance self-confidence and resilience, qualities highly valued in both personal and professional spheres.
In conclusion, while studying abroad presents significant challenges, it also offers invaluable opportunities for growth and development. Balancing these perspectives is essential in understanding the overall impact of such experiences on students.