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Studying abroad is more and more popular. Do you think it is positive or negative development?

Studying abroad is more and more popular.
Do you think it is positive or negative development?

Studying abroad can cause students to face significant challenges in adapting to the culture. Language barriers, different education systems, and unfamiliar social norms can make it difficult to integrate into a new society. Homesickness, loneliness and feelings of isolation are common experiences for many students away from home. Perhaps the best example of this would be a study conducted by the British Council found that almost half of international students reported experiencing some form of culture shock during their first year abroad.
Although I mostly support the aforementioned point, to play the devil's advocate, l would entertain a counter-argument. Granted, studying abroad provides a unique opportunity for personal growth. Given that living independently in a foreign country necessitates developing a range of life skills, such as time management, problem-solving, and adaptability. As an example, a student who has never cooked before might be forced to learn how to prepare meals at their new place. Such experiences can boost self-confidence and resilience, qualities that are highly valued in both personal and professional life.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "Studying abroad can cause students to face" -> "Studying abroad may lead students to encounter"
    Explanation: The phrase "may lead students to encounter" is more formal and precise, suggesting a potential outcome rather than a direct causation, which is more appropriate for academic writing.

  2. "significant challenges in adapting to the culture" -> "substantial challenges in adapting to the cultural environment"
    Explanation: "Substantial challenges" is more precise and formal than "significant," and "cultural environment" is a more specific term that better captures the context of cultural adaptation.

  3. "Language barriers, different education systems, and unfamiliar social norms" -> "Language barriers, disparate educational systems, and unfamiliar social norms"
    Explanation: "Disparate" is a more precise term than "different" in academic contexts, emphasizing the distinctiveness of the differences.

  4. "Homesickness, loneliness and feelings of isolation" -> "Homesickness, loneliness, and feelings of isolation"
    Explanation: Removing the comma after "loneliness" corrects the punctuation error and maintains the formal tone.

  5. "Perhaps the best example of this would be" -> "A notable example of this is"
    Explanation: "A notable example of this is" is more direct and formal, avoiding the colloquial tone of "perhaps the best."

  6. "to play the devil’s advocate" -> "to consider an opposing viewpoint"
    Explanation: "To consider an opposing viewpoint" is a more formal and academically appropriate way to introduce a counterargument.

  7. "l would entertain a counter-argument" -> "I would consider an opposing viewpoint"
    Explanation: Correcting "l" to "I" fixes a typographical error, and "consider an opposing viewpoint" is more formal and precise.

  8. "Given that living independently in a foreign country necessitates developing" -> "Given the necessity of developing"
    Explanation: "Given the necessity of developing" is more concise and formal, avoiding the redundancy of "living independently in a foreign country necessitates."

  9. "Such experiences can boost self-confidence and resilience" -> "Such experiences can enhance self-confidence and resilience"
    Explanation: "Enhance" is a more precise and formal verb than "boost," fitting better in academic writing.

  10. "qualities that are highly valued in both personal and professional life" -> "qualities highly valued in both personal and professional spheres"
    Explanation: "Spheres" is a more formal term than "life," and the rephrasing avoids the redundancy of "highly valued."

These changes aim to refine the vocabulary and tone of the essay to better align with academic standards, enhancing clarity, precision, and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the challenges and benefits of studying abroad. However, it does not clearly state whether the author believes this trend is positive or negative, which is crucial for fully answering the question. The mention of challenges is more prominent, but the positive aspects are not sufficiently elaborated to balance the argument. The essay lacks a definitive stance on the overall development being discussed.
    • How to improve: To improve, the author should clearly state their position in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. They should also ensure that both sides of the argument are presented in a balanced manner, with a clear indication of which side they ultimately support. This could involve explicitly stating whether they think studying abroad is a positive or negative development and providing a more thorough exploration of the implications of this stance.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: While the essay hints at a position by stating "I mostly support the aforementioned point," it lacks clarity and consistency. The phrase "to play the devil’s advocate" introduces ambiguity, making it unclear whether the author is genuinely advocating for the negative aspects or merely presenting them for discussion. This inconsistency can confuse the reader regarding the author’s true stance.
    • How to improve: The author should avoid ambiguous phrases and instead clearly articulate their position from the beginning. They can use phrases like "I believe" or "In my opinion" to establish their viewpoint. Consistently reinforcing this position throughout the essay will help maintain clarity and coherence.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas related to the challenges of studying abroad, such as culture shock and homesickness, and provides a specific example from a study. However, the support for the positive aspects is less developed. The mention of personal growth and life skills is relevant, but it lacks depth and additional examples or evidence to substantiate these claims.
    • How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, the author should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations for both the positive and negative aspects of studying abroad. For instance, they could elaborate on how specific life skills gained from studying abroad translate into professional advantages. Including statistics, studies, or anecdotal evidence can also strengthen the argument.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the implications of studying abroad. However, the discussion of the counter-argument, while relevant, distracts from the main point of whether studying abroad is a positive or negative development. This diversion can lead to a lack of focus in the overall argument.
    • How to improve: The author should ensure that all parts of the essay directly support their main argument. If presenting a counter-argument, it should be followed by a clear rebuttal that reinforces the author’s position. This will help maintain focus and ensure that every point made contributes to answering the prompt directly.

In summary, the essay needs to clarify its position, provide more balanced and detailed support for both sides of the argument, and ensure that all content remains relevant to the prompt. Addressing these areas will help improve the overall task response score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the challenges and benefits of studying abroad. The first paragraph effectively outlines the difficulties students face, such as cultural adaptation and emotional struggles. The second paragraph shifts to the positive aspects, discussing personal growth and life skills. However, the transition between these two contrasting viewpoints could be more explicit. For instance, while the phrase "to play the devil’s advocate" indicates a shift, it lacks a smoother transition that connects the two ideas more cohesively.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly indicate a shift in perspective, such as "On the other hand" or "Conversely." Additionally, structuring the essay to clearly delineate the positive and negative aspects in separate paragraphs with clear topic sentences could strengthen the organization.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. The first paragraph discusses challenges, while the second addresses benefits. However, the paragraphs could be more balanced in length and depth. The first paragraph is slightly longer and more detailed, while the second paragraph, although it introduces valuable points, could elaborate further on the benefits of studying abroad.
    • How to improve: Aim for a more balanced approach by expanding the second paragraph to include more examples or elaboration on the benefits. For instance, discussing specific skills gained from studying abroad or providing additional evidence could enhance the depth of the argument. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "although," "granted," and "perhaps." These devices help in linking ideas and presenting contrasting viewpoints. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, which can affect the overall fluidity of the writing. For example, the essay could benefit from more varied connectors to enhance the relationships between sentences and ideas.
    • How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider incorporating a broader range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," "however," and "consequently." This can help to create smoother transitions between ideas and reinforce the connections between arguments. Additionally, using pronouns or synonyms can help avoid repetition and improve cohesion within paragraphs.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, enhancing logical organization, balancing paragraph content, and diversifying cohesive devices will contribute to achieving a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, particularly in discussing the challenges and benefits of studying abroad. Phrases like "culture shock," "language barriers," and "personal growth" effectively convey complex ideas. However, the vocabulary could be further diversified; for example, the term "significant challenges" is somewhat generic and could be replaced with more specific descriptors such as "daunting challenges" or "formidable obstacles."
    • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider incorporating synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeating "students" or "abroad," explore alternatives like "learners," "international students," or "overseas." Additionally, using more academic or nuanced terms can elevate the essay’s sophistication.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary accurately, but there are instances of imprecision. For example, the phrase "to play the devil’s advocate" is used correctly, but the transition could be clearer. The phrase "the aforementioned point" may confuse readers, as it lacks a clear reference to the previous argument.
    • How to improve: To improve precision, ensure that all terms clearly relate to the ideas being expressed. Instead of "the aforementioned point," consider rephrasing to "the challenges outlined earlier." This approach clarifies the reference and strengthens coherence. Additionally, using specific examples or data to support vocabulary choices can enhance precision.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors. Words like "homesickness," "loneliness," and "adaptability" are spelled correctly, demonstrating a solid grasp of English orthography.
    • How to improve: While spelling is strong, it is beneficial to maintain this level of accuracy consistently. To ensure continued success, practice writing exercises that focus on commonly misspelled words and engage in proofreading activities. Additionally, utilizing tools like spell checkers can help catch any inadvertent mistakes before finalizing the essay.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource. Focusing on vocabulary diversity, precision, and maintaining spelling accuracy will contribute to a more polished and effective writing style.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases like "Although I mostly support the aforementioned point, to play the devil’s advocate, I would entertain a counter-argument." This showcases the ability to combine ideas effectively. However, the essay could benefit from more varied sentence beginnings and structures. For example, the sentence "Such experiences can boost self-confidence and resilience, qualities that are highly valued in both personal and professional life" could be restructured to enhance variety.
    • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more compound sentences and varying the placement of clauses. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "Studying abroad," try beginning with phrases like "While studying abroad," or "In addition to the challenges," to create a more dynamic flow. Additionally, using passive voice or conditional structures could further enhance the range.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains good grammatical accuracy, with few errors. However, there are instances where punctuation could be improved, such as in the phrase "a study conducted by the British Council found that almost half of international students reported experiencing some form of culture shock during their first year abroad." A comma after "Council" would clarify the sentence structure. Additionally, the use of "l" instead of "I" in "l would entertain a counter-argument" is a typographical error that detracts from the overall professionalism of the writing.
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay carefully to catch typographical errors. Additionally, practicing punctuation rules, especially around clauses and conjunctions, can help improve clarity. Consider revisiting the rules for using commas in complex sentences and ensuring that all personal pronouns are correctly capitalized.

By focusing on these areas for improvement, the essay can elevate its grammatical range and accuracy, potentially achieving a higher band score in future assessments.

Bài sửa mẫu

Studying abroad may lead students to encounter substantial challenges in adapting to the cultural environment. Language barriers, disparate educational systems, and unfamiliar social norms can make it difficult to integrate into a new society. Homesickness, loneliness, and feelings of isolation are common experiences for many students away from home. A notable example of this is a study conducted by the British Council, which found that almost half of international students reported experiencing some form of culture shock during their first year abroad.

Although I mostly support the aforementioned point, I would consider an opposing viewpoint. Granted, studying abroad provides a unique opportunity for personal growth. Given the necessity of developing a range of life skills, such as time management, problem-solving, and adaptability, living independently in a foreign country can be transformative. For instance, a student who has never cooked before might be compelled to learn how to prepare meals in their new environment. Such experiences can enhance self-confidence and resilience, qualities highly valued in both personal and professional spheres.

In conclusion, while studying abroad presents significant challenges, it also offers invaluable opportunities for growth and development.

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