Studying with a group of students in a classroom is more beneficial than learning online at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Studying with a group of students in a classroom is more beneficial than learning online at home.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

It is commonly believed that students studying in groups at school is better than studying through electronic devices when staying at home. In my opinion, I completely agree with this view since directly learning in class can improve many important skills of students.
On the one hand, studying through online platforms can limit the development of children. Although, this type of learning is convenient and accessible, obtaining knowledge through a laptop and phone screen for several hours can result in some health problems like eyes tiredness, headache, and prone to obesity. Another factor that also leads to the reduction in learning quality is the distraction caused by surrounding environments such as video games, and disruption from their family. Studying at home requires the students to have a high responsibility to focus on the online lessons. Finally, the disconnection in the Internet makes studying at home become a big challenge since it takes some time to fix the problems and wastes the time of both students and teachers.
On the other hand, due to some difficulties caused by learning at home, studying in a group at school can resolve all the disadvantages of that type of learning. Firstly, when students are gathered, the teacher can monitor them easily and they know the level of understanding of each student to adjust their teaching methods. Moreover, learning in groups can help students develop a bond between themselves and the teacher by direct interaction during class discussions or activities. The involvement of students in class lessons can enhance some social skills like presentation, team working, and analytical thinking. Secondly, another benefit of group studying is that student can support to each other. If some members are not good at a particular field, they can rearrange the role and support each others by the explaination other team's members.
In conclusion, home studying is just a temporary learning method to utilize in some urgent situations but for long-term study, learning at school provides more opportunities for students to develop themselves in different ways.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "It is commonly believed" -> "It is widely believed"
   Explanation: Replacing "commonly" with "widely" maintains the sense of general acceptance but elevates the vocabulary to a more formal level.

2. "completely agree" -> "strongly agree"
   Explanation: "Completely" might seem slightly informal in an academic context; "strongly" adds emphasis without detracting from formality.

3. "many important skills of students" -> "various crucial skills in students"
   Explanation: "Many important skills" can be refined to "various crucial skills" for a more nuanced and sophisticated expression.

4. "On the one hand" -> "Firstly"
   Explanation: While "On the one hand" isn’t incorrect, using "Firstly" introduces a clearer, more structured transition in an academic context.

5. "limit the development of children" -> "hinder children’s development"
   Explanation: "Limit" can be substituted with "hinder" for a more precise and formal term.

6. "this type of learning is convenient and accessible" -> "this mode of learning offers convenience and accessibility"
   Explanation: Restructuring the sentence enhances formality without altering the intended meaning, and "offers" provides a more formal tone.

7. "obtaining knowledge through a laptop and phone screen" -> "acquiring knowledge via computer screens and mobile devices"
   Explanation: The revised phrase uses more formal terms ("acquiring knowledge" instead of "obtaining knowledge") without changing the core idea.

8. "result in some health problems like eyes tiredness" -> "lead to health issues such as eye strain"
   Explanation: "Result in some health problems like" can be refined to "lead to health issues such as" for a more concise and formal expression.

9. "disruption from their family" -> "interruptions from their family"
   Explanation: "Disruption" can be replaced with "interruptions" for a more formal term.

10. "requires the students to have a high responsibility" -> "demands a high level of responsibility from students"
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for better formality without altering the intended meaning.

11. "disconnection in the Internet" -> "internet disconnections"
    Explanation: "Disconnection in the Internet" can be simplified to "internet disconnections" for a more natural flow.

12. "can resolve all the disadvantages of that type of learning" -> "can mitigate the drawbacks associated with this form of learning"
    Explanation: "Resolve all the disadvantages" can be refined to "mitigate the drawbacks associated with" for a more precise and academic expression.

13. "the level of understanding of each student" -> "each student’s level of comprehension"
    Explanation: Providing a possessive form and using "comprehension" adds formality and clarity to the sentence.

14. "analytical thinking" -> "critical thinking"
    Explanation: "Analytical" can be replaced with "critical" for a more precise and academically recognized term.

15. "rearrange the role" -> "reallocate roles"
    Explanation: "Rearrange the role" can be substituted with "reallocate roles" for a more fitting and formal term.

16. "home studying" -> "studying at home"
    Explanation: To adhere more closely to standard usage, "home studying" can be adjusted to "studying at home."

17. "but for long-term study" -> "however, for long-term academic pursuits"
    Explanation: "But for" can be refined to "however, for" for better flow and formality.

Overall, these changes aim to enhance the essay’s formality and precision without altering the core arguments or ideas presented.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

1. Quoted text: "It is commonly believed that students studying in groups at school is better than studying through electronic devices when staying at home. In my opinion, I completely agree with this view since directly learning in class can improve many important skills of students."

   • Giải thích và Gợi ý cải thiện: Your introduction clearly presents your position, which is good. However, consider adding a brief preview of the main points you will discuss in the body paragraphs. This can provide readers with a roadmap of your essay, enhancing overall coherence.
   • Improved example: "It is widely believed that students benefit more from studying in groups at school than learning through electronic devices at home. In this essay, I will explore the reasons behind this perspective, focusing on the development of crucial skills in a classroom setting."

2. Quoted text: "On the one hand, studying through online platforms can limit the development of children. Although, this type of learning is convenient and accessible, obtaining knowledge through a laptop and phone screen for several hours can result in some health problems like eyes tiredness, headache, and prone to obesity."

   • Giải thích và Gợi ý cải thiện: Your point about the potential health issues related to online learning is valid. However, it would be more impactful if you could provide specific examples or personal experiences to support this claim. For instance, you could share a personal story or observation of how prolonged screen time affected someone’s health.
   • Improved example: "For instance, my younger sibling experienced frequent headaches and eye fatigue after extended periods of online learning, highlighting the tangible health risks associated with excessive screen time during virtual classes."

3. Quoted text: "Studying at home requires the students to have a high responsibility to focus on the online lessons."

   • Giải thích và Gợi ý cải thiện: This point is valid, but it lacks depth. Elaborate on what specific responsibilities students need to shoulder when studying at home. Providing concrete examples or personal anecdotes can make your argument more persuasive.
   • Improved example: "Studying at home demands a high level of responsibility from students, as they must resist the distractions of their home environment. For instance, when I tried learning from home, I found it challenging to maintain focus amidst household noises and tempting diversions."

Overall, while your essay effectively presents the advantages of studying in a group at school, incorporating more specific examples and providing a clearer preview in the introduction can further enhance your Task Response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of information and ideas, providing a clear progression throughout. The introduction sets the stage for the argument, presenting a clear opinion. Each paragraph is well-structured, presenting distinct points and supporting details. The essay effectively uses cohesive devices, contributing to overall coherence. There is a range of cohesive devices, and though there might be occasional underuse or overuse, they do not significantly hinder comprehension. The central topic within each paragraph is evident.

How to improve:
To enhance coherence and cohesion further, consider ensuring a more seamless transition between paragraphs. While cohesive devices are generally well-utilized, strive for a more balanced usage to eliminate any minor instances of under- or overuse. Additionally, pay attention to maintaining a consistent tone throughout the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary with attempts at using less common lexical items. There’s an effort to convey precise meanings, and although there are occasional errors in word choice and collocation, the vocabulary is generally varied enough to allow flexibility and precision. Some less common vocabulary and collocations are used, showing an awareness of style, but occasional errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation slightly affect the overall impression of lexical resource.

How to improve:
To enhance the lexical resource further, focus on refining word choice and collocation. Pay attention to precision in vocabulary usage and aim to reduce the occurrence of errors in spelling and word formation. Additionally, incorporate a wider array of sophisticated vocabulary to enrich the language used in expressing ideas.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and a variety of sentence structures. The writer effectively uses complex structures, such as conditional sentences ("Although, this type of learning is convenient and accessible…") and compound sentences ("Moreover, learning in groups can help students develop a bond between themselves…"). There is a noticeable range of vocabulary, contributing to the overall flexibility of language use. However, there are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that slightly impact clarity and precision. For instance, in the sentence, "If some members are not good at a particular field, they can rearrange the role and support each others by the explanation of other team’s members," there is a lack of agreement in "each others," and the phrase "by the explanation of other team’s members" is somewhat unclear.

How to improve:
To enhance the grammatical accuracy, the writer should pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement and sentence structure. Additionally, there is room for improvement in the precision of expressions. In the mentioned sentence, it would be clearer to say, "If some members are not proficient in a particular subject, they can adjust their roles and support each other through explanations provided by other team members." This revision improves clarity and grammatical accuracy. Overall, maintaining a high level of accuracy while refining sentence structures will contribute to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is widely believed that studying with a group of students in a classroom is more beneficial than learning online at home. In this regard, I strongly agree with this viewpoint as I believe that directly learning in a class setting can enhance various crucial skills in students.

Firstly, while it is true that studying through online platforms offers convenience and accessibility, it can hinder children’s development. Acquiring knowledge via computer screens and mobile devices for extended periods can lead to health issues such as eye strain, headaches, and an increased risk of obesity. Additionally, interruptions from their family and distractions from surrounding environments, such as video games, can negatively impact the quality of learning. Studying at home demands a high level of responsibility from students, and issues like internet disconnections can further pose challenges, wasting valuable time for both students and teachers.

However, for long-term academic pursuits, studying in a group at school can mitigate the drawbacks associated with this form of learning. Firstly, when students are gathered in a classroom, teachers can easily monitor them and assess each student’s level of comprehension, allowing for adjustments in teaching methods. Moreover, learning in groups fosters a bond between students and teachers through direct interaction during class discussions or activities. This involvement enhances social skills such as presentation, teamwork, and critical thinking. Secondly, another benefit of group studying is that students can support each other. If some members struggle in a particular field, they can reallocate roles within the group, providing explanations and support to one another.

In conclusion, while home studying may be a temporary solution for urgent situations, for long-term academic development, learning at school provides more opportunities for students to develop themselves in various ways.